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Chapter Four

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The return journey on the train was even more fraught than the one going to Liverpool. It stopped at every possible unnamed town, and sometimes in between for no apparent reason. No sirens had gone off and the guard hadn’t explained the reason for the hold-ups. He probably didn’t know himself. Lana’s frustration was fuelled by her thoughts, which were spinning out of control. The children needed a headmistress in place of this Mr Benton. Deep down, she knew she was capable of doing the job, though it would be a challenge – a big step up. She wished she could have met Janice Parkes who she’d be sharing the cottage with. That was important. She wouldn’t be able to stand anyone who was morose, or worse, didn’t stop talking. She couldn’t help a wry smile. Mrs Parkes was more than likely a perfectly nice person and she would be worrying herself sick as to who was about to step into what she’d probably considered to be her cottage.

She wondered what Dickie would say if he could see her now. How she missed him. Her eyes stung with unshed tears as she tried to block out the recurring nightmare of the torpedoes that struck his ship, leaving him to drown or be blown up – she’d never know for sure. Even so, it felt too much to bear. Such a wasted life. And all the others, of course. Later she’d learned there were many survivors, and that had made her even more upset. Why couldn’t Dickie have survived?

For the hundredth time she wondered what his last terrified thoughts had been. She gulped. She mustn’t break down in front of the other people in the carriage.

‘Promise me you won’t join up.’ She could hear his voice at their last parting. ‘I couldn’t bear to think of you in any kind of danger. No matter what happens to me, I want to think of you teaching children. That’s where your heart is. And I love you for it.’ He’d looked at her and grinned. ‘Besides, with that red hair of yours and a quick temper to match, I can’t see you toeing the line or taking orders.’ When she’d opened her mouth to protest he’d kissed her lips to hush her. ‘I probably know you better than you know yourself. The kids need someone original like you to give them hope in this crazy world. They are the future now.’

But my heart’s no longer in it, she wanted to scream at him as she sat on the carriage seat squashed between two women in the ATS. Three airmen were standing close by and smoking. Her eyes began to water. That rotten stinking Hitler and his friends caused you to die and I’m going to do everything in my power to help pay them back, so help me God.

The people in the carriage were starting to throw her curious looks. She turned her face away and wiped her eyes with a handkerchief.

When she finally arrived home her mother bustled into the kitchen to heat up her supper. Lana followed her, watching as her mother put the plate over a saucepan of boiling water and a lid over the top.

‘There … that won’t take more than a few minutes to heat through,’ she said, looking round and smiling. ‘Go and keep Dad company. We’ve had ours … and we’re dying to hear about it.’

‘Your mother’s been on tenterhooks all day, wondering how you were getting on,’ her father said.

‘Well, he’s offered me the position,’ Lana said, as her mother put a plate of macaroni cheese in front of her. ‘More money – four pounds a week and all found. Sharing a cottage with another teacher. I didn’t meet her but I met one – the mathematics teacher. She was awfully nice.’

‘What about the man who interviewed you?’ her father said.

‘Mr Shepherd? He was nice too. He doesn’t work there – he’s from the council – but he interviews prospective staff.’

‘Have you decided?’ her mother said, smiling encouragingly.

‘Not really.’

‘What did you tell him?’

‘I said I’d think about it and let him know either way by telephone by the end of the week.’

Her father nodded. ‘Very wise, dear. It’s a big decision. But if you say you’ll take it, your mother and I are right behind you. The change of scenery would do you the world of good and you’d do a marvellous job. Those children would flourish. But only you know what would suit you best.’

‘Thank you both.’ Lana gave them a relieved smile. They were the dearest parents in the world and she wanted them to be proud of her. She shrugged. She didn’t know what she wanted, but she couldn’t bear to be in limbo for much longer.

It was the afternoon. She’d been watching her father attend to several customers who were plainly upset with their meagre rations. The egg delivery that was promised definitely for today hadn’t come in, and one lady had grabbed an orange from the half-dozen in the basket clearly marked ‘For Children Only’, saying she wanted to give it to her daughter who had just had a baby. Dad had explained the oranges weren’t for babies but for children who could peel their own fruit. The lady lost her temper and said it wasn’t fair and she was sick of queuing for what little was left when she finally got to the top of the queue …

And then someone opened the shop door making the bell jangle. A man walked in. He was the same height and build … same chestnut hair … same narrow face. For a fleeting moment, in the dim electric light, she thought Dickie had come back to her. Her heart jumped and she had to put her hands on the edge of the counter to steady herself. But this man didn’t have Dickie’s heart-melting smile. As her pulse slowed, the man gave her a brief nod and put his list on the counter.

But it was too late. That initial reaction jogged her memory of when she’d first met Dickie. She’d come home from teaching for the summer holidays and had just brought her father and Marjorie a cup of tea. She saw the appreciative smile as the man looked at her, then lowered his eyes to her hands, giving a slight nod. It was the summer before war was declared.

‘He came in every day for a week,’ her father told her, smiling. ‘Poor chap. You should see the look of disappointment on his face when he sees you’re not there. He’s been in just now and asked me to give you this note.’

Lana laughed. ‘It’s like something out of a Jane Austen novel,’ she said as she picked up the letter opener her father always had handy in a jam jar on one of the shelves behind her.

Dear Lana, (it’s what your father calls you so I hope you don’t mind)

I keep hoping to see you when I go in the shop, but I’ve now run out of things to buy!

So I prepared this note in case the same thing happened today – and it did. You weren’t anywhere in sight.

I was wondering if you fancy going out somewhere where we can talk. I would like to get to know you better and hope you feel the same. If so, we can go to a little restaurant in York where I know the owner. The food is very good.

What about this Saturday? Say, 7 p.m.?

Do please say you’ll come.

Dickie Knight – maybe your knight in shining armour!

She’d laughed at that and taken a chance, though she’d been wary. She knew nothing about him but her father vouched for him saying he’d been a regular customer for the last three months and was always polite and well spoken. As if that made him a good person. Lana gave a wry smile. But her father prided himself on being a good judge of character.

Six weeks later Dickie told her he had fallen in love with her. Then the following week Hitler invaded Poland, and three days later Britain declared war on Germany. Dickie joined the Merchant Navy the following day.

He loved the sea – she knew that. It was her only major concern. She’d have to be prepared for long absences. But in a way it suited her independent spirit. It was always romantic when he came home on shore leave – as though they were meeting for the first time.

It had taken a year before he’d mentioned marriage.

‘I’ve decided when this blasted war ends I want to settle on shore. I’ve already seen enough sea to last me the rest of my life. And enough terrible things.’

He’d always refused to give her any details.

‘You don’t want to know,’ he’d said, tenderly smoothing the hair away from her forehead and kissing it. ‘But I’ve realised I want to be with you always. Will you marry me, darling Lana? I promise I’ll be a good husband.’

‘You’d damned well better be,’ she laughed. ‘And the answer is yes, I’ll marry you. But only when the war is over.’

‘Why wait? We’re not a couple of kids. I’m thirty-two and you’re twenty-nine.’

‘Don’t remind me,’ she’d said, chuckling. ‘All right, then, we’ll marry the next time you have at least three days’ leave. I’m determined to have a honeymoon, even if it’s only two nights.’

Feeling the tears well at the memory she rushed from the shop, leaving her father to serve the man who’d reminded her so much of Dickie. She had to get away. Dickie was right. She’d be far more use teaching children.

Lana could almost see in her mind’s eye Dickie’s triumphant grin when she telephoned Mr Shepherd to say she’d decided to take the position as temporary headmistress.

‘When can you start?’ he asked immediately.

She thought quickly. It was 29th March. ‘What about the beginning of May? Easter is late this year so I could come after that.’

‘What about the first of April?’ Mr Shepherd didn’t pause.

Lana grinned to herself. ‘And risk being an April Fool?’

This time Mr Shepherd clearly hesitated. Then his voice came over the line. ‘The second, then. Would that be possible? I can’t tell you how desperate we are, and we think you’ll be the perfect choice.’

‘You’re not giving me much notice,’ Lana said, reluctantly. But what notice did she really need? Mrs Brooke, a young widow, had started that morning in the shop and appeared quick to learn and was delightful with the customers. ‘All right,’ she said. ‘The second of April it is.’

His sigh of relief blew down the telephone wire, making her smile. ‘Good. I’ll get the paperwork ready for you to sign when you’re here.’ She could picture him now, relieved the headmistress vacancy was resolved. ‘It will be a three-month probation period to make sure we’re happy on both sides. I’m sure we will be. The salary will be five guineas a week, all found, with most Saturdays and every Sunday off. One week’s holiday pay a year.’

Lana hesitated. She’d have to say something.

‘Five guineas a week sounds wonderful, but you told me at the interview it was four pounds.’

‘My fault. I was looking at the teachers’ salary. You’ll be the headmistress but I appreciate you telling me.’ He paused. ‘Does that sound fair?’

‘Very.’ Strangely she felt a huge relief as though an inner part of her was settled.

‘Any further questions?’

‘Do any of the children board?’

‘No. It’s strictly a day school. But with this war we know that could change at any minute. We have a couple of large upper rooms that could easily be turned into dormitories, should the need arise.’

She could sense that Mr Shepherd wasn’t about to make any idle chat. He’d got the replacement and simply wanted to get on with matters. That suited her very well.

‘Thank you very much, Mr Shepherd,’ Lana finished. ‘You’ve been most kind.’

‘We will look forward to seeing you in four days’ time, then.’

‘Yes, four days’ time,’ she repeated.

Maybe things were finally falling into place.

An Orphan’s Wish: The new, most heartwarming of christmas novels you will read in 2018

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