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The rule of the road is a simple one, though it is often forgotten or neglected—“Keep to the right.”

“The rule of the road.”

Easy enough for women, it is complicated in the case of men by the necessity of always remaining on the kerb side of any lady they may be accompanying. Should the lady keep to the right in meeting or in passing other persons, her escort may either keep by her or go out in the road. He will be able to judge for himself which course will be advisable.

A man’s duty is always to his lady.

His first duty is always to his companion, but that need not make him wanting in courtesy to other women. If remaining by the side of his companion should involve any inconvenience to the ladies of the other party, then he must give up his position, and go out into the roadway to let the latter pass. Should these be men, no consideration is necessary. He keeps close by his lady’s side.

“In crowded streets.”

In crowded streets he may often have to fall behind, but he should never allow any one to interpose between her and him. Should the pressure from the crowd become extreme, his duty is to protect her from it as much as possible, but never by putting his arm round her waist. A hand on either side the lady’s shoulders is usually sufficient.

Salutations.

In meeting acquaintances a nod is sufficient for a male friend, unless his age or position is such as to render it advisable to raise the hat. Should a lady be with the acquaintance, any man meeting them must raise his hat. So must the individual walking with the lady. The etiquette of bowing is a simple one.

The right of acknowledgment rests with the lady.

Male acquaintances always wait for acknowledgement on the part of female, as well as from those men who are their superiors in age or position. But this does not mean that they are shyly to look away from them and to ignore them. On the contrary, they must show clearly by their manner that they are on the look-out for some sign of recognition and are ready to reply to it.

On waiting for acknowledgment.

Shyness often interferes with this and makes a young man look away, and this is occasionally misconstrued as indifference and resented as such. The calm, quiet, collected expression of face that suits the occasion is not achieved at once. Sometimes the over-anxiety to make a good impression defeats itself, producing a blushing eagerness better suited to a girlish than a manly countenance. This, however, is a youthful fault that is not without its ingratiating side, though young men view it in themselves and in each other with unbounded scorn.

On self-contempt.

This sentiment of self-contempt is a frequent one in young people of both sexes. Their valuation of themselves varies as much as the barometer, and is as much affected by outward causes. After a “snub,” real or fancied, it goes down to zero, but as a rule it speedily recovers itself, and in most young men enjoys an agreeable thermometer of 85° or so in the shade!

The well-mannered man never puts out his hand in greeting until a lady extends hers.

Offering the hand.

This is a test of good breeding that is constantly applied. To those uninitiated in the ways of society, it would naturally appear the right thing to give as cordial a greeting as possible. Therefore the hand is held out, even on introduction to a perfect stranger. This is wrong. The first move in the direction of cordiality must come from the lady, the whole code of behaviour being based on the assumption that she is the social superior. The same holds good with elders and men of higher rank. When a man is introduced to these he raises his hat and bows, though slightly. It is only to kings and princes that a low bow is made, or to those whose character and eminent position render an introduction to them a very high honour.

Introducing men to men.

In introducing two men to each other the name of the inferior is mentioned first. By the inferior I mean the younger, the less important, or of lower rank. Suppose one of the two to be a familiar friend, and another a comparatively new acquaintance, then formality requires that the familiar friend shall be introduced to the other, being named first. The reason for this is that one naturally stands more on ceremony with the man one knows least. There may be counteracting circumstances, however, which would tend to reverse this order of things, but as a general rule, the social rank of both being equal, the above holds good.

Introducing men to ladies.

Never introduce a lady to a gentleman; but always the gentleman to the lady. That is, mention the man’s name first, addressing yourself to the woman—thus: “Allow me to introduce my friend Mr. Smith, Miss Jones.” And follow this up immediately by saying, “Miss Jones,” addressing Mr. Smith as you do so. It is a grave solecism to begin by introducing the lady. Tyros very naturally conclude that the lady’s name should be first mentioned; but on thinking it over they will soon perceive that to do so would infer that she is the lesser consideration of the two.

“Woman’s social superiority.”

It must always be borne in mind that the assumption of woman’s social superiority lies at the root of these rules of conduct.

It is bad manners to introduce people without permission.

On permission to introduce.

Nor must this permission be asked in the hearing of the second party. If Mr. A. wishes to know Miss B., the lady’s leave must be obtained before he can be presented to her. The only exception to this rule is at a dance or ball, where introductions need not be regarded as leading to acquaintanceship. They are only for the dance, and may be ignored next day.

On recognition after a dance.

Here, again, it is the lady’s privilege to ignore her partner, if she choose. But if she should bow to him he must raise his hat, whether he desires to follow up the acquaintanceship or not. Objections more frequently arise on the woman’s side; but should a man prefer to drop the matter he can manage to convey in his manner a disinclination to do so, and yet behave with perfect politeness. A man I knew was once introduced at a ball to a girl, with whom he had danced two or three times. Before he met her again he heard that she had been actively concerned in circulating a slander about another girl whom circumstances had misrepresented. I happened to see the next meeting between the two.

Engineering an awkward point.

The girl bowed, smiled, and showed some sign of an intention to stop and talk. The man raised his hat, looked extremely solemn and unsociable, and passed on. It was enough. The girl understood that he did not wish to resume the ball-room acquaintanceship, and very probably guessed why. He did it beautifully.

The hat and the promenade.

Before leaving the subject of the promenade, I must clearly explain that the hat must be raised even in saluting a very familiar friend, if (a) that friend is accompanied by a lady, and (b) when one is oneself accompanied by a lady, even if she be only a mother or sister. It is one of the signs of caste that a man is equally polite to his relatives as he is to the relatives of others.

One’s duty to one’s own relatives.

We all know what to think of a man who omits small social duties where his wife is concerned. Even when he proves by paying them duly to other women that he is aware of what he ought to do, he is at once set down as ill-bred—a “cad,” in fact.

A case in point.

I once saw a Lord Mayor of London enter his carriage before his wife, who scrambled in after him as though well accustomed to do so. One does not expect the refinement of good manners from civic dignitaries, as a rule, but this little action told the spectators more about the man than they would ever have found out in the newspapers. They at once perceived that he was unversed in the ways of good society.

But some one may suggest that this may have been on some state occasion, when his mayoral dignity obliged him to precede his wife.

The lady first under every circumstance.

No. It was after a wedding. And besides, can any one fancy the Prince of Wales in any circumstances entering his carriage without having previously handed in the Princess, should she be his companion?

When accompanied by dogs.

If accompanied by a dog, or dogs, their owner must hold himself responsible for their good behaviour. If his pets trespass in any way he must apologise for them, and do his best to repair any damage they have done. Should one of his dogs jump on a lady and make her gown muddy, he must offer his services and endeavour to get rid of the traces of the accident, if the lady wishes. Should she show a disinclination to accept his aid, he must at once withdraw, raising his hat as he does so. Should his dog attack another dog he must immediately call him off, administer correction, and apologise to the owner of the dog assaulted. I saw a young man once, in these circumstances, beat the other dog, after his own had jumped on it and bitten its ear! He was dressed like a gentleman, but his behaviour gave a truer indication of him than did his garments.

On whistling and singing.

Whistling and singing are incompatible with the conduct of a gentleman in the street, though this by no means applies to a quiet country road, where ceremonious bearing is not required.

Carriage of the hands.

Nor is it permitted to wear the hands in the pockets when walking in the Park, or the streets of a town or city. This is probably one of the reasons that the cane or stick is still carried, though the original cause, that of self-defence in an age that was destitute of law and order, fortunately exists no longer. There are men who would not know what to do with their hands if they had not a cane or umbrella.

A word to parents.

This is partly the fault of those who have charge of boys when they are growing and who allow them to lounge about in slovenly attitudes with their hands for ever in their pockets. Then when they begin to enter society they are quite at a loss.

And schoolmasters.

At schools where boys are regularly drilled the whole effect of the drilling is done away with by the way in which the boys are allowed to sit and stand in the most remarkable attitudes of slouching awkwardness. It is only when they are at drill or out walking with the masters that any notice is taken of their carriage. And yet it is an important point with regard to health that the shoulders should be held well back, the chest forward, and the head up.

On rendering slight services.

Should a man be so fortunate as to be of some service to any lady in the street, such as picking up a parcel or sunshade she may have dropped, or helping her out of any small difficulty, he must raise his hat and withdraw at once. Such trifling acts as these do not by any means constitute an acquaintanceship, and to remain by her side when the incident is over would look like presuming on what he had done, as though it gave him a right to her continued acknowledgments. This would be ungentlemanly.

At the same time, these occurrences are sometimes deliberately planned by girls and women with a direct view to scraping acquaintance with young men.

On girls making advances.

It is scarcely necessary to say that girls who stoop to this kind of manœuvring are hardly ever gentlewomen. Members of good families have been known to do such things in the wild exuberance of youth and high spirits, but they cannot hope to retain the respect of those who know them when they deliberately lower themselves in such ways as these.

The risk to one’s good name.

Picking up promiscuous male acquaintances is a practice fraught with danger. It cannot be denied that girls of the lower middle classes are often prone to it; and there are thousands of young men who have no feminine belongings in the great towns and cities where they live, and who are found responsive to this indiscriminating mode of making acquaintances.

The method can produce little good.

But they must often hesitate before choosing as wife a girl who shows so little discretion as to walk and talk with young men of whom she knows nothing beyond what they choose to tell her.

Seaside “Flirtations.”

The seaside season is prolific in these chance acquaintanceships—“flirtations,” as they may perhaps be called. Bicycling is well known to favour them. But as they are far removed from the practices of the class of society to which belong those gentlemen of whom this little book treats, they may be dismissed with a few words of advice. Should any young man become acquainted with a girl in this manner, let him show his innate chivalry by treating her in every way as he would wish his own sister to be treated in similar circumstances.

Should the man become attached.

If he becomes attached to her, let him first find out all about her that he possibly can, and should what he hears be encouraging, then let him ask her to introduce him to her family as a suitor for her hand. Should the girl fall in love with him, let him protect her against herself like a preux chevalier, like an honourable and high-minded English gentleman.