Читать книгу Rodeo Bride - Myrna Mackenzie - Страница 8

MAYBE he should have stayed inside and read all that paperwork that Colleen had for him to pore over, but the enormity of what he was doing had finally hit, and Dillon needed a few minutes to regroup, so he stood on the porch leaning on the crooked railing as he looked out across the land. He’d spent a lifetime learning to control his emotions. Those lessons had served him well in business, and this past year with all that had happened, the merits of guarding his reactions had hit even harder.

But Colleen Applegate’s passionate loyalty to his son had been unexpected. It had caught him off guard, which was most likely why he had made that uncharacteristically impetuous declaration that he wanted her to give him parenting lessons. He was already regretting that decision and yet, she was right. He didn’t know a damn thing about caring for a baby and he wasn’t about to let just anyone take over that task.

He swore beneath his breath. “What a mess.”

The door opened behind him and when he turned to look at Colleen the expression on her face told him that she had, most likely, heard his last comment. Her chin was raised in defiance, and a trace of guilt slipped through Dillon. None of this, after all, was her fault.

“I apologize for the way that sounded.”

All the defiance slipped away from her. “I doubt this was what you had anticipated when you thought about having children.”

“I hadn’t actually thought about it too much.”

She studied him. “You didn’t want a child?”

It hadn’t been that so much. “I felt…unqualified. Still do. But he’s here, and just because I hadn’t anticipated him doesn’t mean I don’t want him. He’s never going to feel as if his birth was a mistake, so don’t even think that I’m heading down that path. I’m taking this job seriously.”

“Job?”

“Dad.”

Colleen gave a curt nod. “Okay, Dad. Let’s get you settled. Then we’ll get right to the father lessons.”

Dillon saw now that she had a bundle of quilts in her arms. He reached out and started to take them from her but she shook her head.

“I can carry a few blankets,” she said.

“I’m sure you can. You run a ranch. You tend to my son. You have employees. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I’m not a guest and I’m sure having me living here is an imposition that wasn’t remotely in your plans for this week. If you won’t let me compensate you for Toby’s care, at least let me pull my weight.” Take back some of the control you’ve lost these past months, he told himself. He’d grown up having no input into his parents’ decision to farm him out to disinterested keepers. As a child, his quest for affection had only resulted in a roller-coaster ride of brief bouts of interest followed by long periods of apathy from both his parents and the people they hired to keep him fed, occupied and out of their way.

So, when he’d grown up, he’d turned to something ever dependable: logic and control. The precise environment of engineering never failed him. The reliability of being able to predict and control outcomes, and the measured skills involved in running a company and commanding troops, had been a perfect fit…until the events of the last year had blindsided him.

That time was over. He was not a man given to highs and lows and he’d made a mistake choosing someone as volatile as Lisa. Somehow, he’d missed who and what she was, just as the soldier walking ahead of him hadn’t seen that land mine that had taken his life and injured Dillon. But, from now on, Dillon was putting the lid back on his emotions and regaining control of his life in even the most basic ways. He tugged on the quilts.

To his surprise, Colleen didn’t let go. “This visit wasn’t in your plans, either, I’m sure. And just so you know, so that there won’t be too many surprises, ranch life’s difficult,” she countered. To her credit, she didn’t glance at his leg, though he knew that was at least part of what she was referring to.

Dillon had a feeling that Colleen was one of those surprises. Was the woman really worrying about the welfare of the man who’d come to take the baby she clearly coveted?

“I’ll let you know if it gets to be too much.”

A small smile lifted her lips. “Somehow I doubt you would admit any such thing. You’re an infuriatingly determined man, Mr. Farraday, but all right.” She turned over the quilts.

He smiled slightly at her tone, but he didn’t apologize. “Just Dillon will do. If you’ll show me where I’m staying while I’m here, I’ll get settled so that we can get right down to that crash course in fatherhood.”

She hesitated. And hesitated some more. “The bunkhouse is occupied.”

“And you don’t feel comfortable having a man in your house,” he remembered.

She looked uneasy. “I know that seems silly when I’m an independent woman who’s been running a ranch for years, but—”

Dillon raised one hand to silence her. “You don’t have to apologize or explain anything to me, Colleen. It doesn’t sound silly. You’re careful. That’s good.” Although he could tell from her expression that her concerns went deeper than simply being careful. Not his business. Nothing he needed to know about.

“Still, you’re here to learn about taking care of Toby. You’ll want to be near when he wakes up in the middle of the night. I have an enclosed back porch, and at this time of year you won’t need heat. You won’t have to worry about anyone intruding on you there. There’s a door separating it from the house and a sleeper sofa that’s…I’m sorry, I can’t lie. It’s almost comfortable.”

Dillon wanted to smile, but she was clearly a bit embarrassed at her refusal to let him all the way inside her house. “I’ve been a soldier, Colleen. I’ve slept in the mud from time to time, and I’m used to less than comfortable circumstances, so I’m sure I’ll be fine sleeping on the porch.”

“Is he really staying?” a voice rang out. Dillon turned to see a big iron-haired woman making her way across the grass toward the house. “Gretchen said you called and told her that he was, but I didn’t believe her. It’s been a long time since we had a fine-looking man visiting the Applegate,” the woman told Dillon.

Dillon glanced from a suddenly pink-faced Colleen to the older woman. Colleen raised her chin and drew herself up.

“Millie, this is Dillon Farraday. He’s—”

“Toby’s father,” the woman said. “Yes, I know.”

“Millie is my right-hand woman,” Colleen explained.

“She means that I cook, I clean, I mend and I take care of Toby when she has other duties to tend to,” the woman said. She shoved out one large hand. “I can handle all the jobs that a man can handle, too, but…I miss having a man about the place. It’s been a long time since I heard a deep voice around here.”

Dillon shook her strong, weathered hand. “I thought Colleen said that she had other workers. Ranch hands. I assumed—”

Colleen sighed. “Millie, go get them. They must be in from their chores by now, anyway.”

Without another word, Millie whipped out a cell phone, punched a few keys and just said, “Yes, now.”

Immediately, Dillon heard female voices in the distance. He looked up to see two twentysomething women exit a building that had to be the bunkhouse. They headed toward the house.

“Wow, Mil, he’s gorgeous. In a kind of rugged way,” Dillon heard coming through the phone before Colleen reached over, plucked the phone from Millie and clicked it shut.

“I could have done that much,” Colleen told her right-hand woman.

Millie shrugged. “Made more sense than running all the way back to the bunkhouse.”

“Dillon might have needed some time to prepare himself,” Colleen said. She stepped in front of him as if to protect him when the duo drew closer. He countered and moved to her side.

“Gretchen and Julie, this is Mr. Farraday,” Colleen said. “He’ll be with us for at least a few days. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t bite, so show him what he needs to know if he asks. All right?”

“Of course. Will he be eating with us?” one of them asked.

“I normally eat in the bunkhouse,” Colleen explained to Dillon. “It’s just easier for Millie if we’re all in one place, and the bunkhouse kitchen is newer and roomier. But for now,” she said, turning toward the women, “I think Dillon might prefer it at the house with Toby. They’re just getting to know each other.”

Disappointment registered on at least one of the faces. Then the girls smiled and waved goodbye as they went back to the bunkhouse.

“I’ll bring the food over soon,” Millie said as she followed the girls.

Silence set in.

“I suppose you’re wondering why I have only women working here.”

He was. “I suppose you have your reasons and that they’re none of my business. If you think I’m going to offer criticism, you’re dead wrong. Some of the best soldiers I ever met were women and there are a number of fine female engineers working for my engineering firm. Besides, even though I don’t know anything about ranching, your ranch looks as if it’s in pretty good shape.” In fact, the ranch looked significantly better than the house. Clearly, she was pumping her profits back into the business.

“Gretchen and Julie are young, they’re strong, they’re knowledgeable and they need this ranch to succeed as much as I do, so they put their all into it,” Colleen said. “This is their home. They belong here.”

And he didn’t, Dillon knew. He and his shiny expensive car didn’t belong here, but this was where he was going to begin again.

“Thank you for letting me stay and I’ll tell the women thank-you when I see them again. I’ve already disrupted their routines by having you switch the meal. We don’t have to do that.”

She studied him carefully with those dark, serious eyes. “No, I think we do. Toby needs to get used to you being the one he focuses on. It will be easier for him if there aren’t too many other distracting faces around at mealtimes. Not that he really eats meals exactly, but I make sure he’s with us at the table. Being together at mealtime is important to a family.”

He wouldn’t know about that. His family had not been anything like a real family. “Is this my first lesson?” he asked with a smile.

He had clearly caught her by surprise with that question, and Colleen’s cheeks pinked up again. Some women looked less attractive when they were flustered, but not this woman. When she took a long, deep breath, drew herself up to her full, impressive height and opened her mouth slightly as if choosing her words carefully, there was something utterly fascinating about her. As if she was concentrating all of her being into choosing those words. A sliver of heat slipped through Dillon…which wouldn’t do at all.

Colleen shook her head, her curls brushing her shoulders. “I’m afraid I get carried away sometimes. The girls—the women, I mean—have been working here a couple of years, and since Julie is only twenty and Gretchen is twenty-three, a full five years younger than me, I guess I’ve gotten too used to doing that prim schoolteacher thing. Bad habit. I didn’t mean to lecture, so no, that wasn’t your first lesson.”

Prim schoolteacher? Dillon couldn’t help thinking that with Colleen’s generous curves, prim was the last word that came to mind.

A strange, small sound suddenly filled the air. Automatically Colleen and Dillon both glanced down at her baby monitor.

It was the first time Dillon had heard his child’s voice. “He’s crying,” Dillon said with wonder.

“Yes. And that’s going to be your first lesson.” Colleen held the door open. “You’re going to hold your son,” she said as Dillon brushed past her. The combination of her low, husky voice and the prospect of finally meeting his child face-to-face nearly made Dillon’s knees buckle.

He’d faced disasters in his life, business barons and scenes in battle he’d prefer to forget. He had been suited to what he’d face in business and in battle. He had been trained and at least partially prepared for them. Nothing, he thought, had prepared him for the responsibility of molding a life that was so young and fragile.

He really was going to be dependent on Colleen, this woman he found far too intriguing. Bad move. He didn’t do intriguing anymore, so somehow he had to learn all she could teach him as quickly as possible. Once he and Toby were on their own, they could sort everything else out and forget that this woman had ever been a part of their lives.

Everything about Dillon was too big, Colleen thought as she led him back to Toby’s room. He was tall, his shoulders were broad, his hands were big with long fingers, his legs were long and wellmuscled. Even with the limp, he seemed powerful and strong and she felt small. She never, ever felt small. That had been her mother, her charming, petite, pretty and utterly helpless mother, who had not passed along her genes to gawky, awkward, big-boned Colleen.

All of her life she’d wanted to be small. And now? Now, with Dillon behind her, dwarfing her, she just felt vulnerable. More awkward and self-conscious than ever. As if she’d just now realized that she was a woman. And all because Dillon, with that warrior’s body of his, was most definitely a man.

“This way,” she said, feeling instantly stupid.

Dillon chuckled, and Colleen felt her neck growing warm. “You’re right. I guess I didn’t need to direct you. You’ve been in here before,” she conceded.

“And then there’s the crying,” he said dryly.

She couldn’t help herself then. She laughed, too. “Your son does have a good set of lungs.”

“Does he…does he cry often?”

She stopped, turned, and nearly ended up right against Dillon. Close, too close to that muscled chest. Colleen tipped her head up. She never tipped her head up to a man. She never got that close. “Babies cry.” Her voice came out in a whisper, slightly harsh. She cleared her throat. “Toby probably cries less than most. He’s a happy baby.”

“I wasn’t criticizing.” Intense blue eyes stared into her own. She struggled for breath. “I just didn’t know. I wouldn’t even know what was normal for a baby. No experience.”

Somehow she managed to nod, her head feeling oddly wobbly on her body. She needed to back away, to quit staring into those mesmerizing eyes. She was making a fool of herself. That was so not acceptable.

Colleen took a step backward away from Dillon. It wasn’t far enough. She still felt locked in that blue gaze.

One more step.

He lowered his gaze slightly, turned down the intensity. “So, he’s happy?”

Ah, back in safe territory. She managed a small smile as she turned back and began moving toward the room again. “Come see. He’s especially cheerful and cuddly when he first wakes up. As long as he wakes up on his own timetable, that is.”

She stepped through the doorway and Dillon came up beside her. Toby was on his stomach, and as soon as he saw Colleen his crying turned to a soulful whimpering. His gaze slipped over to Dillon, and a look of distress came over his face.

Dillon sucked in a visible breath. Colleen felt for him. A man’s first meeting with his child should be a wondrous thing, not a sad one.

“He’s scared of me.”

“He hasn’t seen many men, and you’re a rather large one. You have a deeper voice. You might need to soften it and speak more quietly at first to keep from startling him.”

Toby was visibly upset now.

“I’ve made him cry more. You should pick him up.”

“Ordinarily I would,” she agreed, “but right now we need to soothe him without upsetting him, and if I pick him up and then turn him over to you, he’ll howl for sure.”

“What should I do then? I don’t want to hurt him or scare him more than he is.”

Colleen didn’t really know. She loved babies. She particularly loved this baby. Still, she ran on pure instinct most of the time the same way she did with her horses or other animals. She had always had terrible instincts where men were concerned; awful luck. She’d made very bad decisions or had others’ bad choices thrust on her, but this was one decision she couldn’t afford to muck up. Despite the fact that Dillon was going to take Toby away from her soon, she couldn’t sacrifice the child in a lame attempt to make the man retreat.

“Stay close to me,” she told Dillon. “Toby’s used to me, and he’s…well, he’s very young. Maybe if he associates you with me, an extension of sorts, he’ll accept you more quickly.”

“Will that work?”

“Maybe.”

She heard what sounded like a low curse and looked to her side.

“Sorry,” he said. “I’ll have to train myself not to do that. I’ve been living the life of a soldier too long.”

Colleen nodded. She couldn’t begin to imagine what his life had been like, what kind of hell he had been living in when his leg had been damaged so badly. And she didn’t want to. She was doing all this for Toby, she told herself. Not for Dillon.

But as she moved toward the crib, she slowed enough so that Dillon could stay with her without lurching too much. Reaching the crib, she turned to Dillon. “I’m going to soothe him a bit. Just stay close, speak quietly and don’t make any sudden movements.”

Dillon didn’t answer. His gaze was locked on his child.

She reached down and stroked her thumb across Toby’s cheeks, smoothing away the tears that were rolling down his tiny face. “It’s all right, sweetheart,” she said. “This is your daddy. He just wants to meet you.”

Quietly, quietly, she spoke, she caressed, she slowly felt Toby begin to relax. He stopped crying.

“All right, you touch him now,” she told Dillon. “Gently.”

And suddenly she was very aware of how close she and Dillon were standing. His warmth was up against her. She breathed in, and the scent of his aftershave filled her senses, pungent and male and…her hand trembled slightly.

Dillon reached out and placed his big hand next to hers. Toby was small, and Dillon’s thumb brushed against her fingers.

Colleen felt suddenly dizzy. Every nerve ending in her body snapped to attention. She swallowed.

“I’m going to let go now,” she whispered, turning to her left. She looked up and found her lips only a breath away from Dillon’s.

Don’t feel. Don’t even dare to think of him as anyone who could ever be important to you, she ordered herself. Men had brought her nothing but pain. Her father who had taken risks and had died suddenly, breaking her heart. Her stepfather and stepbrother who had verbally abused and taunted her, making her life a misery. The man who had pretended to love her, but had really loved her land and had left her for a wealthier woman.

She’d been caught by surprise when each of those relationships had bitten her, but with Dillon, she already knew he was too great a risk. Allowing herself to feel anything, even simple lust, was just setting herself up for disaster. She couldn’t face that kind of crippling disappointment again.

Slowly, Colleen forced herself to breathe, to enforce control over her reactions.

She tried a simple, shaky smile.

“I’m ready,” Dillon said.

Colleen blinked, then realized that he was referring to flying solo with Toby.

She lifted her hand off the baby’s warm back. When she glanced down, he was staring at her and Dillon with those big blue solemn eyes. Quietly considering the situation.

The baby shifted his attention to Dillon.

His lower lip quivered. He let out a cry.

“Oh, Toby,” she said, then automatically turned to Dillon to explain that things would get better soon.

But Dillon wasn’t paying attention. He automatically reached down and lifted the little bundle into his arms, curving Toby into his big body.

“I’ve got you, slugger,” he said. “And I won’t ever hurt you. I won’t let you down or leave you. I won’t let anyone harm you. Ever.” His words were a low, quiet whisper. He stared into those blue eyes, cupping the baby close. “You’re mine, Toby,” he said. “We’re father and son. We’re going to be buddies and make our own little world, just you and me.”

On and on he went, that deep, soothing baritone whispering promises, bits of nothing. It didn’t matter, because the baby was reacting to the secure hold Dillon had on him and the hypnotic tone of his voice. Slowly, Toby stilled, quieted.

“Are we good, buddy?” Dillon asked.

As if he understood the question, Toby let out a watery coo.

Dillon looked over the baby’s head straight into Colleen’s eyes. His smile was brilliant, gorgeous and oh so sexy. “You’re one heck of a teacher, Colleen,” he said.

The smile went right through her, and her body reacted as if she were on a thrill ride. Out of control, her heart flipped right up into her throat, sending pleasure through her even though she knew there would eventually be a sudden drop that would bang her about. A man who could so easily produce a reaction like that must have been one heck of a commander, one heck of a CEO, one very talented…

The word lover came to mind, but she blanked it out of her mind. That smile of his, that darn smile…

I am in so much trouble, she thought. On so many levels.