Читать книгу The Twelve Dancing Princesses - Nancy Madore - Страница 8

PRINCESS DEVOTIA PUT DOWN HER BIBLE AND ROSE UP TO GET HER husband more coffee.

“My dear,” said her husband. “I can get it for myself.”

“I know,” she replied. “But I enjoy getting it for you.”

It’s too bad, he thought, that my devoted little wife doesn’t enjoy doing the things I want her to do for me. But alas, she was zealous to please him as it pleased her—not him—to do. He sighed in frustration and she looked at him.

“Are you still hungry?” she asked.

He was not sure how to answer that question. “Yes and no,” he said with meaning. But the doorbell rang before she had time to respond to this.

In truth, Princess Devotia wanted very much to please her husband, and she knew full well what he referred to in his little innuendos. It was just that the things he was always pining for did not always feel appropriate to her. For one thing, his desires were far too concerned with the gratification of the flesh. Surely that had nothing to do with love; for the heady sensations they evoked led to the kind of abandon that felt more like lust and greed. Love, she believed, hadmore to do with self-control and restraint.

The prince returned to his wife with the wizardess in tow, and Princess Devotia eyed her with a mixture of curiosity and distrust. She was wary of thoughts and activities that could undermine the beliefs she had collected since childhood about right and wrong.

Harmonia duly noted the princess’s prim appearance, the bible on the kitchen table and her guarded approach.

The wizardess was a spiritual woman also, but she had learned to rely upon her own inner conscience for guidance, rather than what certain men had set down before she had even been born. However, she had a deep respect for all fellow humans who were aware enough of their spiritual needs to seek guidance, provided they did not follow that guidance too blindly, to the detriment of themselves and others.

More importantly, she could see the glaring discrepancies between the husband and wife as she watched them, and she suspected she knew the reason.

“I could not help noticing that your castle overlooks the ocean,” the wizardess began conversationally. “I would dearly love to have a closer look at the view, if you would be so kind as to escort me,” she said to the princess.

“I would be delighted to,” replied the princess eagerly, for there was nothing she loved better than to be near the ocean, which to her mind was one of God’s most delightful creations.

“Wonderful!” exclaimed Harmonia. “You don’t mind if we leave you here, do you?” she asked the prince, making it clear she did not wish for him to accompany them.

“Of course not,” replied the prince courteously. But he was disappointed.

“Shall we go then?” asked the wizardess, effectively dismissing the prince so that she might speak more candidly with the princess.

The ocean was like a living thing as the women approached it, with full white waves pushing their way onto the shore. The princess’s mood visibly improved as they came closer to the beach. The gulls screamed overhead. The sun was quite bright, but the air was cool.

“How glorious it is,” exclaimed the wizardess.

“It is awe-inspiring,” agreed the princess.

“What did you think of my conclusion regarding you and your sisters’ shoes last night?” the wizardess asked her, believing the princess would respond best to a direct approach.

“I think you may be correct about the ‘discontent’,” she admitted, surprising herself and the wizardess. “But I think my husband may be the discontented one more so than I.”

“You don’t say,” replied the wizardess, shocked by the girl’s honesty even while she admired and appreciated it. “Then perhaps it is his discontent that is causing yours?”

“I think you may be right,” Princess Devotia agreed. “I would be perfectly happy, I think, if only my husband would understand my position and be content, too.”

“I take it there is a difference of opinion over one matter in particular?” encouraged the wizardess.

The princess blushed, but she looked directly into the wizardess’s face. “Yes,” she said. “It is rather delicate.”

“I don’t need details,” Harmonia assured her. “I am more interested in the opinions and beliefs that are guiding your feelings. I think I may understand already, but I would like to be certain.”

The princess paused to think about it. “It seems that I am forever feeling guilty. If I resist the temptations of the flesh I disappoint my husband, but if I give in to my husband I worry that I am being unfaithful to my beliefs. Either way, I end up feeling that I have failed.”

“By ‘give in to,’ are you referring to being intimate with your husband?” asked the wizardess.

“No, not exactly,” replied the princess. It was harder to explain than she had expected it to be. “I know that it is permissible for me to have relations with my husband. That is how children are conceived. But I am uncomfortable with some of the things my husband wishes me to do and the…feelings and images that it causes me to have.”

“These feelings and images make you uncomfortable because they seem…sinful?” inquired the wizardess.

“Yes, exactly,” said the princess. “I know it sounds prudish but it is just how I feel.”

“My dear,” began the wizardess, “there is much in life that is so exhilarating as to appear sinful. That feeling of indulgence bordering on wrongdoing can be found in many things, from a lustful embrace, to a decadent dessert, to a glass of wine, and even to the intoxicating smell of this ocean.” She breathed in deeply as she said this.

“So how does one know for certain when these things become sinful?”

“That is for each individual to decide,” replied the wizardess. “I personally believe sin comes into play when a person hurts themselves or another. In the case of the decadent dessert for example, an overindulgence could mean the violation of one’s body through excess weight that could cause health problems. That would hurt the person indulging and those who love him or her. That, to my mind, is a very great sin.”

“And in the case of the…lustful embrace?” asked the princess.

“It is the same. To be able to give and get pleasure from another person in this way is a very special gift that should be celebrated and honored. To criticize or condemn the gift simply because it is so utterly indulgent and pleasurable is terribly rude and unappreciative. And to deliberately abstain from it or withhold it from one’s partner, without reason, I think, is quite unkind. Who of us has the right to put limits on any of the gifts we share here on earth?”

Princess Devotia was astounded by this speech. She had felt so pious in her struggles against the flesh that she had never even considered the origin of these struggles.

“Do you have a source for guidance, Princess Conscia…that is, do you base your beliefs on one resource in particular?” continued the wizardess.

Princess Devotia provided the details of her faith.

“Very well then,” said the wizardess, pulling a little black book from her bag. “Here is a little devotional, containing many verses from your chosen source of guidance. A word of caution though—beware of being too dependant upon the writings and interpretations of mere men. You cannot be certain that they are all speaking for our creator, and you would not want to follow an imposter.”

“How will I know?”

“Another of our many gifts is logic and a conscience,” replied the wizardess. “It is high time that you take responsibility for yourself, and use these gifts that you have been given.”

The princess stared at the wizardess. She had been taught by her religious teachers to be leery of anyone questioning their teachings and yet, wasn’t it true that she had the ability within her to decipher right from wrong? She knew that her conscience was indeed willing and able. Yet, wasn’t it her conscience that was most troubled when she succumbed to certain sensual pleasures with her husband? Or was it just an idea that had been put into her head?

“Walk me back, won’t you?” Harmonia said with a final look at the captivating ocean. The roar of the waves filled her with hope. So far, her day had indeed been exhilarating. She was doing what she loved to do, and doing it well. It filled her life with meaning to be so engaged. Furthermore, she enjoyed the challenges the princesses presented for her. Each of them held great promise of something wonderful in the palm of their hands that, with a little guidance, could easily bring them success in their endeavors and lead them to happiness.

When the wizardess had left her, Princess Devotia opened the little devotional booklet and began to read. It opened with a verse that read; “There is no fear in love, but perfect love throws fear outside, because fear exercises a restraint. Indeed, he that is under fear has not been made perfect in love.”

Princess Devotia read the verse several times over, pondering. Was it possible that fear was behind the guilt and shame, and not wrongdoing? She continued to read another quote from the little devotional. “And rejoice with the wife of your youth, a lovable hind and a charming mountain goat. Let her breasts intoxicate you at all times. With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly.”

Well! That certainly echoed her husband’s opinions. This was advice from a prophet…why? She rushed to find that same verse in her own personal translation in order to discover its context. She located it easily enough and read the material that was put forth before and after the amazing little verse. Throughout the material there was much discussion of avoiding the sin of adultery. This she had never even considered; that in giving her husband pleasure, or “ecstasy” as the verse put it, she could actually help prevent sin, not to mention the horrible pain it would cause them both should temptation arise.

The princess was stunned. But why then did the most religious and pious always give this type of pleasure such a negative intonation? Well, as the wizardess had correctly said, the princess had a functioning mind of her own, and from this day forward she vowed to use it. With a renewed desire to seek out and find the truth, Princess Devotia continued to read, coming upon another interesting verse that read, “Let the husband render to his wife her due; but let the wife also do likewise to her husband. The wife does not exercise authority over her own body, but her husband does; likewise, also, the husband does not exercise authority over his own body, but his wife does.”

Princess Devotia contemplated this. It seemed to indicate that her husband had every right to do all of the things he wished to do with her. The thought of this gave her a little thrill. The thrill was immediately followed by a twinge of guilt. But this time she contemplated the guilty feeling instead of allowing it to automatically control her thoughts. She asked herself why a sensual thrill should bring about an automatic feeling of guilt. Was it conscience or habit that was the cause? She had been thinking about pleasing her husband when the thrill came over her, and there was certainly nothing sinful in that. Was it the thrill itself then that felt sinful? Was she afraid of pleasure?

Princess Devotia continued to read and think and examine her feelings in this way, until her mind could absorb no more. But she was quite recovered by the time her husband came home that evening, and willing to open her mind to him, as well as her feelings. She was prepared to accept the gifts her creator had seen fit to bestow upon her and, in fact, to embrace them without fear. With her usual zeal, she approached the marital bed with the objective to not only accept these gifts, but to enjoy them with an eagerness that would actually bring glory to the giver.

When she joined her husband in their bedroom that evening, she was groomed and dressed for his pleasure. That it titillated and excited her beyond her wildest imaginings to present herself to him this way, she refused to feel penitent for. Taking pleasure in giving surely did not make the giving less meaningful. In fact, she suspected her husband would also find joy in knowing that she, too, was getting pleasure; for hadn’t he been struggling to get her to accept that pleasure since the very first night of their marriage?

The prince immediately noticed his wife’s revealing attire with a little start of surprise. She approached him with anticipation; for once excited by the prospect of giving him the “ecstasy” described in the verses she had read earlier that day. She almost felt that in serving her husband she would be serving their creator.

Lowering her filmy gown timidly, Princess Devotia exposed her upper body to her husband’s gaze, recalling with a little tremble the advice she had read that said, “Let her own breasts intoxicate you at all times.” Yes, she thought, let them intoxicate him to the fullest!

The prince gasped when he saw her. His eyes drank in the sight that to him was beauty itself. He could not stop his fingers from reaching out to touch the full richness that she presented to him. At his touch she did not shrink away, but actually seemed to move toward him, reveling in the exquisite feel of his hands as they caressed her breasts so lovingly. He could not account for this change in her demeanor, but he would not question it, either. He lowered his mouth to taste of her flesh, and suckled eagerly at the tip of her breast, causing a ripple of pleasure to shoot through her and sending a surge of moisture between her legs in preparation for her body to receive him. And she could not help but reflect upon how faultlessly perfect it all was!

But her husband was in no hurry to take her. Whatever the cause of this little godsend, he intended to enjoy it to the fullest extent that his wife would allow. He continued to suckle one and then the other of her breasts, pushing her nightgown farther down with his hands, until it fell silently to the floor at her feet.

As her husband was savoring his exploration of her body, the words Princess Devotia read earlier that day rang in her ears— “Likewise, also, the husband does not exercise authority over his own body, but his wife does.” It was the same for her then, she realized. Just as she was surrendering her body over to him, he was obliged to do the same for her. Her hands began to trace over his sinewy muscles, delighting in the male strength of him. Her curious touches quickly led her to the object of her interest, and she grabbed hold of it; for it was standing proud and eager, pointing out at her from between her husband’s legs. The prince jumped at her touch, but he did not interfere with her hands as they continued to explore and touch. He seemed to possess the same desire as her, to own and be owned by the other. She imagined their creator watching as she stroked him, and suddenly it occurred to her that He would be pleased.

There was one thing in particular that her husband had always wished she would do, but without ever giving it much consideration she had dismissed it as too indulgent and therefore immoral. Now she could not recall why she had felt that way. What particular teaching or verse had validated that opinion? She did not know. All she knew for certain was that it was a way to give her husband pleasure, and wasn’t it within her rights to do whatever she wished with his body, short of hurting him?

She had been kissing the warm flesh over his chest and stomach and so she simply moved her kisses lower, until she spread her lips over his hard shaft and took him all the way into her mouth. This simple act of putting her mouth on him sent thrills of pleasure through her. Her husband responded also, nearly jumping out of his skin as she engulfed him in her mouth, and gasping loudly with his obvious pleasure. How lovely it must feel, she mused, for him to respond so. She licked and sucked his fleshy appendage with vigor, and every little moan of delight that escaped his lips made her quiver with satisfaction. She felt that by loving her husband so fully and fearlessly, surely she was embracing all that was right and good. The old guilt was nearly completely gone; replaced with a new fervor to “do onto others as you would have done onto you.” He had fulfilled her expectations of a husband in every way she had allowed; shouldn’t she, too, do the same?

Princess Devotia’s husband seemed to be thinking the same thing at that moment, because he stopped her suddenly to pick her up in his arms and place her lovingly on their bed. He kissed her hard on the mouth, passionately, and then asked her in a hoarse whisper, “May I, too, my love, partake of your banquet?”

“Indeed,” she replied, delighting in the knowledge that he wanted to please her, too. “I am yours to do with as you wish.”

His eyes widened and his head shook in amazement as he heard this, but he did not linger long in confusion. He lay beside her, facing in the opposite direction, so that both could enjoy the other at leisure and however they wished. He explored her with his fingers and tongue, using the little noises of pleasure that escaped her lips with the trembling responses of her body, to determine what she liked best. In short time he learned a great many of her secrets.

The princess, too, was quickly discovering the best ways to give pleasure to her husband, using her lips and tongue and hands. Suddenly it had all become clear, and his body no longer seemed illicit or depraved. On the contrary, it was as if he was an extension of herself, and she remembered vaguely an admonishment she had heard in their marital vows that “the two shall become one.” In accepting her husband and pleasing him, she was accepting the handiwork of her creator and pleasing him. In giving her husband more than the minimum service, more in fact than what was expected of her; she felt that she was honoring life. She delighted in this service and performed it to the best of her abilities.

On the other hand, the princess also assigned to her husband all rights to her body, splaying herself wide open for him to do with her as he wished, hiding nothing, and withholding nothing, and thereby allowing him to give her the pleasure he, too, had been instructed by their creator to give. If there had been shame in their marital bed before, it now occurred to her that it was the shame that she herself had brought in through the sin of self-righteousness, pride and apathy. She had been following the advice of charlatans, who had the impertinence to speak for their own creator.

Indeed, if any spirit had looked down at them in that moment, they truly would have appeared to be one flesh; for their embrace was absolute in its love and benevolence and passion, and they had reached that stage of ecstasy that visits the body and mind directly before the thrill of release and its subsequent exhilaration.

But the prince stopped abruptly, desiring all of a sudden to hold his wife within his bosom and taste her sweet moans when she reached the height of her passion. The princess acquiesced to the adjustment quickly, clutching her husband to her so earnestly that she practically absorbed him into her flesh. She perceived im mediately that her munificence with him had already paid back dividends, not only in her own heightened pleasure, or even the pleasure one gets from truly pleasing another, but, rather, the completely unforeseen bonus of having strengthened the bond that she had previously shared with her husband, and even creating a new, more genuine intimacy between them. Until that very moment, she had not even realized how desperately she had needed the intimacy.

All of these ruminations were rather fleeting and faint, like little epiphanies that hover unseen behind one’s consciousness, but have much impact on their behavior.

Meanwhile, with her body, the princess focused all her effort and energy on pleasing her husband and accepting the pleasure he offered. She was determined that they should find the ecstasy that was described in the verses she had read—the ecstasy that their creator had made available to them if only they would take advantage of it.

Without guilt, shame, pride, fear or any of the other negative emotions that had been preventing her from fulfilling her obligations as a wife and, indeed, as a human, she was able to not only accept the pleasure, but seek it openly. She moved her hips, and used her hands and anything else she could think of that might please her or her husband—they were both truly one and the same in her mind while thus joined.