Читать книгу Summer Beach Reads - Natalie Anderson - Страница 20
ОглавлениеTOO few hours later Ellie woke. Blinking to banish the sleepy feeling, she frowned at the dull grey light. ‘We’ve really fogged up the window.’
Ruben leaned across her to examine the glass. ‘No, the fog is outside.’
‘Really?’ She sat up and swiped a finger across it. The grey remained. Clouds had descended, encompassing their tower. They couldn’t see a thing.
‘We can’t fly out in this.’ He sighed sleepily.
‘But we can’t stay here another night.’ Panic threatened to drown her relaxed state as consciousness brought thought with it. One night she could manage. More was a definite no.
‘We don’t have a choice,’ he replied. ‘It’s not safe to leave here until the fog lifts.’
Not safe physically perhaps, but this was her heart on the line. She’d let him in and more intimate time together would have her in trouble. She’d always known that. ‘But—’
‘Stop looking so worried.’ He laughed roughly. ‘We can’t anyway. We’re all out of condoms.’
‘You’re kidding.’ Her jaw dropped.
He shook his head. ‘It was only a three pack.’
How stupid had she been not to have any on her? How stupid had he been not to buy in bulk? And had they really only had sex the three times? It felt like so much more. Mind you, there’d been other kinds of orgasms too.
‘It’s probably a good thing.’ She closed her eyes and shook her head. ‘This was enough.’ Both her body and her heart were worn out. Now that fog just had to burn off super quick so she could keep as whole as possible and not leave that vital beating part of herself behind with him.
She felt him fall back on the pillows beside her. ‘You’re right.’
‘I’m sorry?’ She laughed, working up some humour to cover the sudden sense of devastation. She was learning tricks off him. ‘Can you repeat that, please?’
‘You’re right,’ he mumble grumbled.
‘A little louder.’
He pulled the pillow out from under his head and threw it at her.
‘Wow, a man who can admit when someone else—a woman—is right,’ she teased, determined to jolly away the disappointment when she’d realised he couldn’t come inside her again. And that for him this one night had truly been enough. ‘Why haven’t you been snapped up already?’
‘Because I turn into a werewolf at full moon,’ he teased back, reminding her of her old joke back that first morning after.
‘Even more reason for you to have the ball and chain already. Women love a man in touch with his animal side,’ she purred.
His brows lifted. ‘You do like some animal in your man, don’t you?’
She licked her lips and tipped her head back to utter a little howl.
He reached a long arm out and twisted his fingers into her hair. ‘I like your hair like this. Neither straight or curly, but it definitely has this little kink.’
There was a time when Ellie would have ensured that every time she saw him next, her hair would be just so. She’d straightened it to a crisp for one boyfriend, curled it tight for another—always aiming to please. To do whatever to make a guy like her and keep liking her. Old habits died hard. But she wasn’t going to do that for Ruben—it had never been that way between them and she wasn’t going to slide backwards now. No, after last night she needed to make more than sure she stayed on top of her vulnerable trying-too-hard tendencies.
Despite only having a couple of hours’ sleep in the early hours of the morning, she couldn’t seem to get back to sleep now. Nor could Ruben. By unvoiced agreement they dressed and went downstairs, sat on the rug in front of the little log burner.
‘We only have muesli bars left.’ Ruben rummaged in the tin, pulling out packs of bars and bottled water. ‘Sorry I don’t have anything else.’
‘I like muesli bars.’
‘I don’t even have a deck of cards,’ he added ruefully.
‘That’s probably a good thing, I only know how to play poker.’ Ellie glanced up and caught the look in his eye. Yeah, time to move the conversation along. ‘I’ve got some news actually.’
Ruben took a bite out of his bar and chewed thoughtfully, taking satisfaction in the way her smile was bubbling out of her. That was his doing and it made him feel good.
‘I’m up for a tourism award. Only a very minor one of course. Rookie Guide of the Year—can you believe that?’ She bounced on her knees. ‘I’ve only been there a couple of months but I’ve been nominated! I’m so thrilled.’
So that was why she was glowing? It wasn’t because she was still bathed in post-sex bliss? He felt stupidly deflated. ‘That’s awesome.’ He nodded. ‘When did you find out?’
‘A few days ago,’ she said.
A few days? But they talked on the phone every night. ‘How come you didn’t tell me already?’ It niggled that she’d kept something so special a secret.
‘I wanted to tell you in person.’ She smiled, her pleasure iridescent. ‘I wanted to see your reaction.’
‘Oh.’ He felt a bit better. ‘Well, that’s really cool. Good for you.’
‘I’ve finally found what I’m meant to do.’ She grinned and bit into her bar. ‘It’s the best job in the world.’
Impulse hit Ruben hard—he wanted to see if she won that award. He wanted to be there to give her a hug if she didn’t. Okay, maybe he wanted to give her more than a hug. ‘When do you find out if you’ve won?’
‘There’s a function—dinner and the awards and stuff—at the end of the week.’
‘Do you get to take a date?’
She paused. ‘I’m not sure.’
‘If you do, will you take me?’
‘You want to go?’ She looked surprised and suddenly elated. The sun pierced through the clouds the same moment her smile exploded.
‘Of course, that’s what friends do.’ He tried to get a grip. That was what this was about. Being a friend and supporter, right?
‘Friends,’ she echoed.
‘We are still friends, right?’ He blinked as the bright sunshine hurt his sleep-deprived eyes.
‘Of course.’ Her smile didn’t dim.
Ruben was relieved the sun soon burned off the fog because he needed a little thinking space to assess quite where he was at. Satisfied, yes—but for how long? It was what she’d insisted on—one night—and then back to normal. But he really didn’t feel quite right.
He flew them down to the airport—had booked her flight back to Wellington. He planned to stay at the lodge a couple of days and catch his breath. But when he said goodbye to her at the departures gate it was with a way-too-friendly, utterly breathless kiss. She melted into his arms and he unashamedly hauled her closer, revelling in her surrender. Maybe they’d take this one hook-up at a time. They could stay friends on the phone and lovers on the nights their schedules melded. No problem at all. And maybe their clashing out of town calendars could be just the thing to stop this affair from ending too soon.
* * *
Three days later Ellie was all but skipping around the office. She was supposed to be working on the plan for her next tour, but distraction in the form of random Ruben thoughts kept hitting her.
‘You really can’t concentrate, can you?’ Bridie teased.
Fortunately her boss thought her dithering was about the awards tomorrow night, not the excitement of seeing Ruben again.
It was silly—he was coming tomorrow just as a friend. But she knew what might happen—he’d said it was enough, but that kiss goodbye at the airport? Oh, she wanted more of that. She could control this added dimension to their friendship. Of course she could. Friends with benefits wasn’t just a Hollywood set-up, maybe it could really work. Okay, so the realist in her sensed impending heartache, but there was that irrepressible flicker of hope—surely he wouldn’t have offered to come with her if he didn’t care even just a little, right?
Maybe, just maybe that wall of his was coming down—one brick at a time. They’d grown closer over the last few weeks—not physically but in all those phone calls. And then the physical had happened—and transported her to a whole other level. She’d never felt closer to anyone than she had with him in that hut. She’d never felt closer to heaven.
* * *
Ruben was staring at his calendar and planning future trips to Wellington for more nights with Ellie when his phone rang. It was a blocked number—and the call played to his innate ambition.
Anthony Mackenzie—of the Australian department store dynasty—was in the country with his sister. ‘We’d love to have a meeting with you. We’ve heard you excel at discreet luxury.’
‘Are you looking to stay at one of my venues?’
‘We want you to come to Australia and build us some.’
Ruben paused for a ‘wow’ moment. Overseas expansion wasn’t in his current plan but he’d be a fool not to make the connection. ‘When did you want to meet?’
Ruben—still looking at his schedule—frowned as Anthony named the next day. It shouldn’t matter—the meeting was in the afternoon, Ellie’s gig was in the evening. So long as he made the flight he’d be there. And if he missed the plane, he could charter his own. It wasn’t going to be one of those clash of timing things at all. Fate wouldn’t be so inconvenient. It was completely manageable.
The instant he hung up from Anthony, Ruben phoned Ellie. The opportunity made excitement burn all over and he wanted to share the buzz.
‘Are you getting excited?’ he teased her first when he heard an ultra-chirpy hello.
‘No. I’m just going to relax and enjoy it. It’s not about winning.’
Ruben smirked. It was always about winning. ‘I’ve got a meeting in the afternoon.’ Yeah, he was looking forward to the whole damn day.
‘So you’re not coming.’ Not missing a beat, she leapt to the wrong conclusion. ‘That’s fine. I don’t expect you to be there, I know you’re really busy. If you can’t make it that’s cool.’
Something else burned in Ruben now. He paused, registering how effortless her shift to ‘I don’t mind’ was. Had she expected him not to show? It had happened to her before, hadn’t it? Her determined cheeriness to cover up any wound was too practised. Her parents probably. But Ruben didn’t like that she trusted him so little.
‘Of course I’m coming,’ he said more sharply than he intended. ‘I’ll be flying in after. It’s a short flight, you know. I’ll be there.’
‘You don’t have to—’
‘I want to, Ellie.’ He sighed. ‘Trust me.’
There was a moment of silence. ‘Okay.’ And then she finally asked, ‘What’s the meeting about?’
But the excitement of telling her about the connection faded in the insecurity that whispered along the cellular network. ‘Possibility of taking on a deal in Australia. New boutique hotels. Right from design stage.’
‘Wow, that’s big,’ she said. ‘That’s really big.’
‘It could be amazing.’
‘Sure,’ she agreed. ‘But once you’ve nailed that, will it be enough?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Once you’ve conquered Australia, what’s next?’
‘Indonesia maybe?’ He ignored her underlying criticism and played up. ‘Or Fiji?’
‘Of course.’ She sighed. ‘You’re going to end up with a massive chain.’
‘No need to sound critical, you know I love a challenge.’ And what would be so wrong with a massive challenge?
A small silence. ‘Well, I hope the meeting goes really well. It sounds like it could be a great opportunity. And you’re incredible at making the most of every opportunity that comes your way.’
He swallowed back the defence gagging in his throat. There was no point in fighting with her over the phone. Was she distancing—shoring up her defences in case he let her down?
Her determination not to care worried him. He didn’t want to worry. He didn’t want to have to mind how she might be feeling.
‘So what are you planning to wear tomorrow?’ He tried to tease them both out of it. ‘The black slip dress would be good, with the sequined sandals.’ He dreamed about that outfit all the time.
‘You sound like my gay best friend, you know that?’ she teased back.
He forced a chuckle but couldn’t quite mask the bitter kernel burrowing deeper inside his chest. ‘Isn’t that what you wanted?’
* * *
Less than twenty-four hours later he shook hands with Anthony and Annabel Mackenzie—twin offspring of one of the wealthiest families in Australia. He was the playboy head of the department store conglomerate. She the former solo-sailing superstar. She was petite, beautiful and strong. He was tall and even stronger. Formidable competition, fantastic allies. Practically royalty. Ruben liked being his own boss, but he wasn’t stupid. He’d forge a business alliance with the best of them. But only the best.
‘Thanks for taking time out to meet us.’ Anthony smiled.
‘Pleasure,’ Ruben replied. ‘Thanks for the invitation.’
‘We’ve been watching what you’ve been doing for a while,’ Anthony said. ‘We have some clients in common.’
Conversation quickly turned serious. They wanted him in on a consortium they were putting together to construct a couple of elite boutique lodges in Australia. Ruben would oversee it. But he wanted to know why they wanted him.
Annabel answered briskly. ‘You’re as driven as I am.’
‘For different reasons.’ They couldn’t have more different backgrounds.
A smile showed her acknowledgement of that. ‘You have the kind of focus that ensures success.’
He nodded slowly. Focus was everything. ‘And you insist on success.’
‘Absolutely.’
Yeah, this woman was driven. So was her steely-eyed brother. Ruben understood, he had that insatiable pit in his belly—the fire that needed constant fuel. They might have wildly different histories, but that commonality was there. And this would be some job. It wouldn’t be days away, it would be months. It would be hours and hours of work. The kind of challenge Ruben relished.
‘I’d need total control,’ he said.
Anthony sat back and smiled. ‘Naturally you would.’
As they talked Ruben glanced at Annabel. She was a woman well used to getting what she wanted, a beautiful, fit woman. A woman who had a lot in common with him. She had that ruthless, business-first ambition. Was the kind of person who’d made sacrifices—because no one could have it all. Especially those who dreamed big.
‘I have the connections,’ Anthony was saying. ‘You design it.’
‘We want your vision.’
But Ruben was struggling to concentrate and he’d never had trouble concentrating before. His work was everything to him. It had to be—for so long it had been all he’d had. No family, no friends, only wood and nails and garden had been the constants for him. He’d put his all into it and he’d reaped the benefits. As a kid it had been hard cultivating the ‘I don’t give a damn what you think’ mentality, but now that attitude was second nature. It had seen him take massive risks that had paid off.
But Ellie’s question circled—when would it be enough? Would it ever be enough? Or would the edge of dissatisfaction always be there?
He couldn’t afford to care what Ellie thought. It limited him. He’d start to need approval and he’d needed approval from no one for decades. But he wanted to know what she thought of this. Her doubts made him doubt himself.
He agreed to research the idea and get back to them. Engrossed in thought, he took a taxi from their hotel for the airport. The Mackenzie siblings waved him off and for the first time Ruben felt his isolation keenly.
How could he feel lonely now?
He knew why and, damn it, he couldn’t afford to be thinking about Ellie all the time. Couldn’t afford to miss her. Couldn’t afford to need to talk to her. She took up all his spare brain space. Plus the space he didn’t have spare.
He didn’t do relationships—not beyond superficial friendly or useful for business. None that required emotional investment. His business was his life. That was how he liked it and that was what made him happy. Thinking of her all the time was not making him happy.
He faced facts—it had to be over. He needed to cut her from his life so he could concentrate on what was most important to him. He’d tell her tonight, after the awards.
On a quiet Sunday morning, it could be only a twenty-minute drive to get to the airport, but in traffic like this it might be a good fifty minutes or more. His muscles clenched at the thought of seeing her again and having to say goodbye. He thought back on that conversation so late those few nights ago. The one that had turned him incandescent with rage and forced him into breaking the friendship boundary. His jaw clamped tighter but it was no use. He was powerless to resist, unable to block the constant dreams of her.
Starvation hadn’t killed the sexual attraction. Nor had that night of indulgence. He thought of her more and more. Every phone call he heard the sultry in her voice.
Seeing her would only worsen it. So what was the point of tormenting himself even more? The sooner she was expunged, the better. And wouldn’t seeing her once more only tempt him back into trouble?
The best idea would be for him to go to Australia as soon as possible and focus on that. Because what did she get from him really? He couldn’t believe she really needed his friendship. She had plenty of other friends and she was already expecting him to let her down. Her reaction when he told her about the meeting had shown that. And even if, for just a second, he let himself dream of being with her, he knew he couldn’t ask it of her. She loved her job. She was damn good at it. And it was completely incompatible with his. She didn’t need him distracting her or holding her back. She’d been in it only a few months and she was up for an award already. It was her calling. What she was best at, and what she adored. She was becoming as bad a workaholic as he was.
He frowned at that. She was tired with all these back to back tours. She needed a rest. In his most private dream he’d take her back to the hut and pin her there until she’d caught up on all the sleep she needed. He groaned at the agony. Because it wasn’t really sleep he was dreaming of.
And then he thought back to that call—the ‘it’s okay to meet someone else’ call. Wasn’t her staying ‘friends’ with him limiting her chances of meeting other people? Couldn’t there be some guy she’d meet who’d be so much better for her? Some other tour guide or someone who had more to offer her. It would happen soon enough. There’d be some charmer on her tour who’d tempt her. Who’d treat her the way she ought to be treated.
He didn’t want to be on the end of the phone when she told him about her new lover. Never.
He’d hurt Sarah with his unavailability. His ‘lack of support’ as she’d put it. Emotional—not financial, of course. He didn’t want to hurt Ellie. Not any more than he had to. There was no future for their friendship. It couldn’t ever work. It wasn’t working now. And he couldn’t bear the thought of feeling hurt himself. The sooner it was over, the better for the both of them.
He leaned forward in the seat and called to the driver. ‘Actually, I’ve changed my mind. Turn back to the city, please.’ He’d check into a hotel and get to work researching the Australians’ proposal. That was his future.
He fished out his phone. He didn’t want to speak to her. Not with this ache in his upper chest as if he were coming down with some infection—he didn’t want her to hear him sounding husky. He’d text her. He stared sightlessly at the screen, deciding how to word it. Best to end it in a way that would be complete for her. To do what she expected in her heart. He paused, motionless.
He wasn’t looking out of the window. He never saw the car at the intersection—the one not slowing down for the light as it should. He never heard the noise. Because at that moment, the only thing he could see was her sparkling eyes.
* * *
Ellie didn’t wear the black slip dress. She went all out and bought a new one—that she couldn’t really afford and that she’d probably wear only the once because it was too luxe for everyday life. French navy in colour, clingy—she felt a million dollars wearing it. Not to mention sensual, with cool silk skimming over her skin. Not that she was thinking sex either.
She did her make-up, blow-dried her hair, slipped her feet into the kind of shoes she could only bear to wear for minutes rather than hours—the sparkly, insane stiletto sort, with heels so high she’d be practically en pointe. But it would be fine—dinner was a sit-down affair, she’d taxi there. And Ruben would still be taller than her but she might be able to brush her lips over his with a mere tilt of her chin.
Of course, she took her imagination in a firm grip, she’d be brushing her lips across his cheek, not his mouth. They were friends. And she was not, not, not counting the hours until she saw him again. Absolutely did not know exactly how many seconds it had been since she last saw him.
‘Oh, wow, you look amazing.’ Bridie smiled at her when Ellie made it to the bar.
The venue for the awards was a couple of doors along. Ruben was coming straight from the airport. A hot flare of desire burst inside her at the mere thought of seeing him. She shivered, telling her skipping heart to calm down.
‘You need another drink?’ she asked Bridie, needing to move to work off some of her nervous energy.
She went to the bar, checked her phone while waiting to be served. No message. She was still giving herself a mental lecture even after the bartender had poured the drinks and she was carrying them back to the group. There could be traffic delays, flight delays, all kinds of reasons why he wasn’t there yet. Twenty minutes later she bit the bullet and sent him a text.
Just 2 let u know we’ve gone into the convention centre for the awards. Yr name is on the door so u can get in, but let me know when u get here & I’ll meet u.
She sat at the table. Silly to be nervous. Her hands cold and clammy, her heart skipping beats uncomfortably. Restless. Time played with her mind—two minutes felt like twenty. A permanent state of waiting was a horrible way to live.
And then time sped up. The awards were all on and she wanted the clock hands to slow again. It wasn’t as if she could ask them to delay the announcements. It was okay. She had Bridie on one side of her. An empty seat on the other but, hey, that didn’t really matter—not when there were canapés to die for and an endless amount of wine. And a bunch of flirty tourism types who truly knew how to party.
‘Do you think he’s going to make it?’ Bridie asked.
Ellie smiled with a careless shrug and was so glad she’d played down her relationship with Ruben. A friend, she’d defined him herself, right? She checked her phone again. Still no message. He didn’t even have the decency to reply to her text?
‘I don’t know that he is.’ She turned away so Bridie couldn’t see her screen and lied to cover the fact she’d been stood up. ‘Oh, no, his flight’s been delayed.’
But she’d used her phone to check the airport website only ten minutes before—all flights were on schedule and operating normally. If he’d got the flight he’d be here already. And if he hadn’t got the flight, why hadn’t he contacted her to let her know?
Goosebumps feathered over her skin.
She knew why he hadn’t contacted her. Because he didn’t want to be there. If he’d really wanted to be there, he’d be there. It was like all those unfulfilled promises of her parents. One or other would promise to be there—a sports day, a special assembly—but more often than not they’d forget, too swept up in their own affairs, careers or better offers. Once or twice one or other had arrived just at the end—having missed her event. Never on time. Never truly there just for her. Something or someone else always came first.
And so it was with Ruben. For him work came first. It always would. And that was okay if she could put up with it. But she didn’t want to put up with it. She didn’t want to be second best. Just for once she wanted to be put first in someone’s life. But that someone wasn’t going to be Ruben.
That secret, hidden dream shattered.
What an absolute fool she’d been. He’d utterly played her with his acquiescence to her friendship request, with his phone calls and supposed sharing. He’d only been after the one thing—and he’d got it that night up in the mountain. There hadn’t been any kind of amazing more-than-physical connection for him, there’d just been sex.
How naïve to think he’d show up tonight. How naïve to think a friendship could work. How point-blank stupid of her to have said yes to any damn benefits.
And how it hurt. It hurt worse than any of those damn sports days or disappointments from her parents. She’d given her heart and got nothing back. But she was determined to hide it—even from herself. She was damn well determined to have a good night out.
When it came to announcing the winner of the category she was nominated in, someone else’s name was called. Someone else went up and collected their award. Ellie smiled lots and clapped loudly. Then she sipped some of that wine, ate another canapé and conversed enthusiastically with all those around her.
She should have been an actress—she could mask misery so easily.
But she went out with her colleagues, determined to find comfort in company. She’d hang with her true friends. And Ruben wasn’t one of them.
