Читать книгу When I was - Nataniël - Страница 4

When I was 7 years old my father took us to the farm to visit our grandparents for Christmas. Everybody seemed very happy until my grandfather asked me if I wanted to go to the dam.

I told him it would look much nicer if they made all the ducks wear little dresses.

After that my father had to hold my mother back. She just wanted to walk into the water. She said she needed to meet the Lord and ask him some questions.

Two weeks later my mother came to my room and told me although my development was not what they had hoped for, she needed to ask me a favour. She said her sister had a daughter with one really small hand. She said nobody ever thought this girl would find a husband with an income, but now she was getting married and they needed six flower girls. She said it would not be a real wedding without six flower girls. Sometimes when there was alcohol in the family people got married with only one or two, but look at what happened to Bet-Bet Landman. She got married with only five flower girls, then she swallowed the head of a teaspoon on her honeymoon. And all the way to the hospital that thing was blocking her oxygen, now she had to live with constant headaches and two boys who liked classical music.

My mother said sometimes we had to think about the happiness of others. She said we had only five cousins in the family, so her sister had asked if I would be the sixth flower girl. She said it would not be difficult because I did not run around like normal children anyway. She said I had to remember it would just be for the wedding, after that I would have to try and be a boy again.

When my father found out about the plans, he drove the car into the ditch and said nobody was going anywhere. Then Mother told him there were other people on earth as well and phoned the family. On the day of the wedding strangers picked us up and drove us to another town. Mother told me not to talk to anyone and never, ever lift my dress. The dress was peach. There was powder on my face and ribbons on my head.

At the church the five cousins would not even look at me. They just stood in a row and held their flowers. The bride with the small hand told me to walk behind them.

We were ten steps into the church when the fifth cousin turned around and looked at me.

You’re not a real flower girl, she said.

I am, I said, Look.

Then I did what any real girl would do. I pushed her. She fell on top of the fourth niece. The rest went down like dominoes.

I could see the whole church and all the people. And they could see me. In front of me the flower girls were crying, behind me the bride was waiting. But I did not move. I looked at the preacher, then the groom and the best man. And then I saw Bennie Wiege. He was holding a little cushion with two rings. He was eight years old. He looked at me and smiled.

And at that moment we both knew there were things in this world our parents would never have told us. I knew that in less than an hour the dress would be gone and my face would be washed. But I knew there would be trouble. Big trouble that would last for years.