Читать книгу A Girl Like Me - Ni-Ni Simone - Страница 9

Track 2

“Good morning. Welcome to Hot 102,” the alarm clock radio echoed throughout my room, a signal that I needed to get up and get ready for school. I turned over on my back and stared at the ceiling, where my taped poster of Haneef flapped in the top left corner and sagged in the middle.

“We’re here today,” the radio continued, “with hip-hop sensation Haneef.”

“Wassup?! Everybody!” Haneef said and my heart palpitated.

“So,” the DJ spat, filled with excitement, “today is the last day to win tickets to the Haneef concert! So, if you can sing, give me a ring!”

God must have been trying to tell me something. I reached for the house phone and dialed the radio station—they answered on the first ring.

“Hot 102. Who do we have on the line?”

“Elite!”

“Say hello to Haneef.”

“I can’t,” I said in a pant. “I’m speechless.” I heard Haneef laugh…and oh, he had a beautiful laugh.

“Alright,” the DJ continued. “So you’re calling for the contest?”

“Yes.”

“Can you sing?”

“What?! Boy, don’t play with me,” I said seriously. “Can I sing? I sing all the time. Listen…” and I burst into the best soprano version of “Haaaaa…llelujah! Haaaaa…llelujah! Hallelujah, Hallelujah…Ha-lay-lu-yaaaaaa!”

“Oh…kay…” the DJ said. “I hope that’s not what you’re going to sing for us.”

“Oh, no. My song is ‘When You Touch Me.’ It’s a dedication to Haneef.”

I closed my eyes, opened my mouth, and Heaven sprang from my throat. I was naturally an alto with a sultry voice like Keyshia Cole, but I had a range like Mariah Carey, so there was no mistake that I was straight killin’ this contest! “I’m missing you baby…”

“Lee-Lee!”

Hmph. I kept singing, but I swore I heard my mother calling me by my nickname. I glanced at the clock but knew it wasn’t her, because at that time of the morning she was sleeping off her high from the night before.

“Miss when you touch me…” I continued to sing.

“Lee-Lee!”

My eyes popped wide open. That was my mother.

“Elite Juliana Parker, get yo’ fresh ass off this phone, talkin’ crazy?!”

“Ma, get off the phone! I’m doing this to win tickets for Haneef!”

“Haneef?! Who the hell is Haneef, some li’l hoodlum ass drug dealer? All you can do for Haneef right now is get his chin checked. You up here singing like you hot in the ass about somebody touching you! Keep on singing, and it’s gon’ be me reaching out to touch that ass! If anything, you need to ask Haneef if he got two dollars I can borrow. If not, then get yo’ ass off my line!”

Something told me…I had just died. I hung up the phone, laid back on my bed, and watched my Haneef poster fall straight on my head.

A half hour into gettin’ my misery on, I rose from the floor, showered, and dressed in a pair of fitted Juicy jeans, a V-neck tee, colorful bangles, and matching earrings.

When I walked in the living room, I saw that either my mother had found two dollars to borrow or she’d stolen something to supplement it, because she wasn’t around anymore. Cassie Parker was one hot blazed-up mess.

She raised us from behind the bathroom door most of our lives because that was where she hid to get high, as if we really didn’t know what was going on. And when she got with her new zootedup boyfriend, Gary, they took crack love to the streets. Most of the time she was either in somebody’s hallway, a street corner, or an abandoned building.

I’d never had the type of home where my friends came over and kicked it in my room. As a matter of fact, the only ones who knew the real life I lived were Naja and Jahaad (my boyfriend). Everybody else knew nothing. And I wanted to keep it that way. The last thing I needed was a buncha chicks or the state in my business. I had adjusted to being the “real” mother around this place, and it was cool.

I loved my sisters and brothers, and whatever it took to keep my family together was what I was going to do.

And about my father: the shit was so typical. He just wasn’t around.

Needless to say, I was nothing special. So…it was what it was, and other than having been played (twice) like too sweet Kool-Aid for Haneef tickets, I didn’t complain. What was the use? I’d never known shit to change because I complained. Which was why I kept it movin’ around my house.

I walked over to the pull-out couch, where my brother Ny’eem was asleep, and said, “Get yo’ ass up!”

He sucked his teeth and ruffled the sheets, but did I look fazed? Puleeze!

“And don’t think,” I carried on, “that I don’t know what time you came in here last night. Play with me if you want to, and you’ll be down at the men’s shelter or juvie somewhere.”

“Shut up!” he snapped and stretched. “You always tryna be somebody’s mother.”

“I’m the best mother you got.”

“What?” He stood from the couch and looked down in my face. He was only fifteen, but he towered over me by at least three inches. “Girl, I’m grown.”

Grown? Was this suckah tryna buck? Okay, I saw where this is going. I stood up on a rusted metal chair that had somehow ended up as part of our décor and struck a karate pose, lifting my leg high enough so that if I had wanted to, I could have taken it to his chest.

And he cracked up laughing. He laughed so hard that tears fell from his eyes. “You think I’m funny? Do I look like I’m laughing to you?”

“No, you look like you lost your mind.” And he left me standing there.

“You just get ready for school!” I yelled behind him. “And let me even hear a whisper that you’ve been skipping class again and see what I really do to you.”

Just as I stepped down from the chair, my five-year-old brother, Mica, rushed out of the bathroom with a sheet wrapped around his neck, like he and Superman were boys. “What the hell? Boy, where are your school clothes?”

“I’m not wearing that shit!”

“Hol’ up…hol’ up…don’t you cuss again!” I balled up my fist. Mica was the one I really had to bring it to, ’cause he thought he was tough, but if I looked at him hard and long enough, he’d burst into tears. “Go put on those clothes. As much money as I paid that booster! I work at the mall part-time—”

“Mommy gets a welfare check.”

“And Mommy gettin’ high, too,” Ny’eem snapped as he gathered his clothes for the day.

“Shut up!” I said to Ny’eem. “Now,” I turned my attention back to Mica, “why don’t you want to wear what I laid out for you?”

“Because I want my pants to droop down like Ny’eem’s. You got a belt laid out for me, some hard-bottom shoes, and a turtleneck. I may as well be going to church.”

“I didn’t lay out a turtleneck for you. It’s a Phat Farm shirt. Know what, I don’t have to argue with you.” I stared him down and just like I predicted, he was in tears.

“Everybody treats me like a baby around here!” And he stormed back into the bathroom.

Whatever. I didn’t have time to listen to that, so I returned to my room, where the twins had to be watched closely when they put on their gear. Otherwise, they’d be happy to walk out of the house draped in my bebe, Baby Phat, or any other designer dig I had either worked or gotten a hook up for.

And yes, they looked a hot mess, considering I was five foot five and a size ten, and they were just eight years old. So, I stood guard while they slipped on their jeans, cute li’l Bobby Jack shirts, and some pink and white kicks.

Their hair was shoulder-length and easy to maintain because for ten dollars, every other week the girl across the hall put it in cornrows and beads. An hour after me acting like Jerome the flashlight cop, everybody was ready to roll.

We took one bus but got off at different stops for our respective schools. The twins, Mica, and Nyeem got off at the first stop and mine was last.

As soon as the city bus doors opened and I stepped foot in front of the school, I knew right away that everyone had heard me get played on the radio. Especially since they all looked at me and either smiled too wide or laughed in my face.

But it was all good, ’cause I was too ready to read these ghetto birds like they stole somethin’. Besides, just because I had a jacked-up home life, didn’t mean I wasn’t fly—because I was. Honey colored skin, flat-ironed straight hair that draped past my shoulders, Asian eyes, full lips, thick hips, and a cover girl smile.

Just when my boost mobile vibrated through my purse, I saw Naja run toward me. I twisted my MAC-covered lips and ignored her. Yes, I was still pissed.

I flipped my phone open. “Who dis?”

“Elite?” It was a male voice.

“Yeah.”

“Wassup, girl?”

“Terrance? Boy, didn’t I tell you to lose yourself?!” Terrance was a boy who pushed up on me once at the bus stop. I called myself tryin’ to creep, but every time I turned around he was on my line. Can you say stalker?

“This isn’t Terrance. This is DJ Twan from Hot 102.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Didn’t you call us this morning for the singing contest?”

“Oh, now you got jokes, Terrance? Look, I’m down to my last twenty minutes on my phone, so I don’t have time to waste with you on my line. Now bounce!”

“Elite, this is Haneef. Your friend, Naja, called the station when we announced that despite your mother playing us both out, you won the contest. Front row seats to the concert and a chance to be onstage with me!”

I tapped my foot and looked around at the sea of students going into the school. Then I looked at Naja, who was standing here grinnin’, mushed her dead in the head, and poked my finger in the center of the bubble she was prepared to pop.

“Do I sound impressed? I know you don’t think I’m going to believe that this is Haneef, and you all cared about me so much that you gon’ track me down, for what? Puleeze, this is Terrance. And since you playing so many games, I’ma be sure to tell all your boys on the basketball team that you ain’t never had no booty, punk ass!”

“This is the last time,” a deep male voice said, “before we hang up—”

“Do you—if this is really Haneef, then sing something.”

Suddenly the phone turned into a personal serenade: “If I don’t have you baby, I’ma go crazy…need you in my life.”

It was at that moment I knew it was Haneef. “Jesus!” I screamed, right before I looked at Naja, who was jumping up and down.

“This is Haneef!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

“Yes,” he said. “You won the contest, and your friend Naja is the one to thank! So, do you want the tickets? There’re two of them, so you can bring her with you!”

“Boy,” I said seriously. “Don’t play with me.”

“Come to the station by tomorrow and pick them up,” the DJ said.

Naja and I hugged tightly as we jumped up and down.

“Haneef!” Naja yelled, smushing her cheek against mine and trying to speak into the phone. “My cousin’s baby mother, god sister, aunt’s brother, and li’l sister, Tasia said they know you, and to tell you wassup! I love you, Haneef!”

I shot Naja the eye and mouthed, “You’re going to make them hang up again!”

“Elite!” the DJ seemed to be ignoring Naja. “Tell us the best station in Jersey!”

“Hot 102! Where my baby daddy lives! Holllaaaah!”

Once we were off the line, Naja and I started screaming again. “Okay, okay,” I said. “We need to calm down.”

We took a deep breath, looked around, and every li’l pigeon out there was staring in our direction. It was obvious they were sweatin’ us. Naja and I started smiling in their direction while giving them our famous Miss America waves. I saw just by the green oozing from their hater type glare that they were dying to be fly with us. After the phone call I just had, we were officially groupie royalty.

After a few minutes of pleasing our court, we sauntered into Arts High, side by side, both of us throwing our right shoulders forward and strutting down the hall. There was no mistaking that we had arrived…

“Oh, you just gon’ play me on the radio,” halted me in my spot. I closed my eyes and I knew by the voice it was Jahaad. I was so high off Haneef that I’d almost forgotten this dude existed.

“Get over here!” he said as he turned me around and pulled me toward him. It was written all over his face that he was pissed. He was mean, muggin’ the heck outta me, and the look alone almost made me promise to behave.

Jahaad was the spitting image of Usher: the color of pecan, chestnut brown eyes, five eleven, and athletically built.

He was looking at me with disdain—he was still cute—but obviously pissed. He was dressed like a rock star with slightly baggy jeans, a thin silver link chain hanging from his belt to his back pocket, a black short sleeve Korn tee, and an off-white thermal underneath.

We’d been together since ninth grade but since we’d been in the eleventh grade, I had gotten tired of him. But he had been my first, and I didn’t exactly know what life would have been like without him. He nagged the heck outta me, always accused me of cheating, complained all the time, always had something smart to say, and argued all day if he could have…but other than that…he’d always had a way of being there when I needed him.

I snatched away from him. “What I tell you about pulling on me?!”

“We need to handle this, Elite?” Naja asked, looking Jahaad up and down.

“No, Naja, we’re straight,” I assured her.

“Ai’ight.” She pointed down the hall, where a group of our girls were. “Hollah if you need me.” Naja walked backwards down the hall, eyeing Jahaad the entire way.

“What I tell you about grabbing me?!” I snapped.

“And what I tell you about not listening?! I see I’ve been too nice to you.”

Too nice. I gave him the screw face, and it was obvious by that comment that he’d been listening to some chick. “Ciera been in your face again?” I said more as an accusation than a question.

“Don’t worry about Ciera!” he snapped. “Worry about you. All on the radio, being a groupie ass ho!”

“What? Who you callin’ a ho?” I screeched. I may have been a groupie, but I wasn’t no ho. “You a ho, as a matter of fact. You come from a long line of skeezers!”

“You talkin’ about my mama?”

“Well, I wasn’t gon’ call no name, but if the spandex fits!”

“Are you crazy, talking to me like this?”

“Boy, if you don’t get yo’ wannabe Billy bad ass outta my way…!”

“Are you crazy, playing me for some punk ass cat who wouldn’t even know you if you sat next to him? He must’ve heard you were easy and that’s the real reason why he tracked you down.”

Easy? He called me easy? “If I was easy, I’d be givin’ you some booty, Mr. I-don’t-wear-condoms. Easy? Last I checked, you were ridin’ the pole.”

“And you wonder why other chicks be checkin’ me—because you don’t know how to treat me.”

“So, what you sayin’? You tryna get with one of them? What, Ciera tryna ride yo’ impacted ass sack. I wish you would leave me and try and get with that dog ass chick!”

I was so pissed, I could’ve smacked him upside his head. There had been rumors about this pigeon, Ciera, trying to kick it with Jahaad on the low. And word was that she was checkin’ for him mad hard, and that occasionally—on the D.L.—this fool was trickin’ all his li’l Burger King money on her bama ass.

Needless to say, I had to secure my place, regardless of how I really felt about staying in a relationship with this dude. But the mere thought of this chick being in my man’s face drove me crazy.

So, I had to let her know to stay outta my way before I laid her ass out cold. Point blank, period. It didn’t matter that I didn’t want him anymore. What mattered was that as long as I knew she wanted him, I wasn’t gon’ leave him.

And this wasn’t because I was selfish; I was so not above sharing the wealth. And usually I wasn’t a hater, and uhmmm…maybe, if someone other than my archenemy had come along, then I would’ve put Jahaad on the block. But with Ciera on the loose, it wasn’t gon’ happen.

“Now, I don’t know about anybody else, but Jahaad’s girl,” Jahaad spat while pointing his finger in my face, “don’t be acting like this! Now, unless you want some other chick to take your spot, you’ll get your act together. Feel me?”

“I really don’t appreciate the way you’re talking to me!” I pointed my finger back in his face.

“Well, you should get your act together.”

“So what you sayin’? I ain’t your girl no more?”

“You my girl, but if you keep acting like this…”

“Acting like this, and what? As long as we’ve been together, you don’t think any more of me than to be spittin’ whatever your boys or some bum bitch done told you to say to me?! Yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t need to be your girl.” I turned to storm away but he snatched me back around.

“Don’t be like that, Elite. I’m sorry.” He stroked my cheek. “I know I’m buggin’, but when I think about losing you, I just don’t know what to do. It’s like you think it’s alright to play me or something.”

“You know it wasn’t even like that,” I said, thinking now was really as good a time as ever to dump him. “I was just…just excited.”

“Yeah, over another dude. And you know he doesn’t love you like me. Nobody will ever love you like I do.”

“I know,” I said in my best sorrow-filled voice.

“So then you ain’t going to the concert, right?”

“What?” I quickly snapped. “Boy, don’t play with me.”

Jahaad looked at me as if he could see right through me. “You better not go to that concert! You better not try me.”

“Excuse you?”

“So you gon’ just disrespect me?”

“I’m not disrespecting you! I’m just going to a concert!”

“So what you sayin’, to hell with me?!”

I sighed.

“Oh,” he snapped. He was so mad I swore I saw smoke coming from his nose. “Seems your mind is made up. Ai’ight, deuce-deuce. I’m out, and don’t call me, either!” He pounded two fingers on his chest and walked away. Something he’d never done, despite how many arguments we’d had.

I felt like a mannequin. I swear I couldn’t move from my spot. I couldn’t believe he’d actually left me standing here and had walked off, disappearing like thin vapor into a sea of students.

Suddenly the bell rang and people started rushing past me, saying, “Elite! I heard you on the radio. I can’t believe you really won those tickets!”

A few more said, “Wish I could go.”

“Well, ya can’t!” Naja slipped over to me, grabbed me by the arm, and practically dragged me down the hall to class.