Читать книгу Being Hal Ashby - Nick Dawson - Страница 9

Enter Hal

I was born in Ogden, Utah. Never a Mormon. Hated school. The last of four children. Mom and Dad divorced when I was five or six. Dad killed himself when I was twelve. I struggled toward growing up, like most others, totally confused.

—Hal Ashby

Hal Ashby's paternal grandfather, Thomas Ashby, came to America in 1870. Just twenty-one when he left his hometown of Leicester, England, he crossed the Atlantic with his eighteen-year-old fiancée, Rachael Hill. After training as a shoemaker in Lynne, Massachusetts, then the American center of quality shoemaking, he moved west in pursuit of new opportunities. He ended up in Utah, and, after unsuccessfully joining a boot and shoemaking cooperative, he settled in Ogden, where he started his own business.

Sixty miles north of Salt Lake City, Ogden was a growing town rich in potential for entrepreneurs because it was the “Junction City” of the Union and Central Pacific railway. The population was doubling every ten years, and Thomas Ashby benefited hugely from an ever-growing number of customers: by the early 1880s, he was employing eleven men and had moved to a specially constructed building with a factory in the rear and a shop in the front. His family was growing too: by 1885, Rachael had given birth to seven children (only five survived). The following year, however, she died, and Thomas married Emily Coleman, the sixteen-year-old daughter of James Coleman, one of his shoemakers. A year later, Emily bore him a son, James Thomas Ashby, but Thomas's fortunes after this did not look up.

His decision to bring his brother John into the firm and significantly expand the business coincided with a major downturn in the American economy that culminated in the Panic of 1893. Having had huge success as a maker of high-quality shoes and boots, he discovered to his great cost that luxury products were the last thing people bought when times got tough. Massively overstocked, and crippled by enormous debts, Thomas was forced to sell off $20,000 worth of goods for almost nothing. He ultimately lost his business as well as his wife, who married another man, Herbert Peterson. As the century drew to a close, Thomas left Ogden and moved to Salt Lake City.

In early 1901, the “Salt Lake News” section of the Ogden Standard announced: “Thomas Ashby was yesterday examined by County Physician Mayo and Dr. H. A. Anderson touching his sanity. He was found to be insane and committed to the asylum. Ashby is 53 years of age and his mental derangement was brought about by business difficulties and domestic affliction.”¹ Four years later, he died in Provo, Utah, aged only fifty-five.

Raised by his mother and stepfather, Thomas's son James Ashby never really knew his father. Though the overwhelming majority of people in Ogden (and Utah as a whole) were Mormon, Herbert Peterson was a Gentile, and James grew up only nominally a member of the church. A highly sociable youth, he attended more to fraternize than because of any religious fervor but was grateful he did when he met and fell for a pretty young Ogden girl, Eileen Hetzler, at a church social function. Eileen was intelligent, strong willed, and aspirational, and in the handsome and charismatic James she saw someone with similar drive and potential. Like James, Eileen had grown up in an unconventional family setup: she was the daughter of the polygamist Ogden dentist Dr. Luther Hetzler and one of his two wives, Martha Ann Hadfield. Dr. Hetzler had died when Eileen was only three, and Martha had remarried another fervent Mormon, David Steele, subsequently showing her daughter little affection at all. Eileen was, in fact, much closer to her “Aunt Cate”—Dr. Hetzler's other widow, Catherine Tribe—with whom she remained close for many years.

On November 10, 1909, James and Eileen were married in the temple in Salt Lake City, the home of the Mormon Church. Eileen quickly became pregnant and gave birth to a boy, James Hetzler Ashby (known as “Hetz”), in December 1910. He was followed just over a year later by a baby girl, Ardith, born in February 1912. James got a job working on the Bamberger trains that took commuters to and from Ogden and Salt Lake City, and Eileen would meet his train as it came along the Ogden Canyon, bringing him a packed lunch to eat as they walked home together.

Unlike James, Eileen had been raised as a strict orthodox Mormon, and as a condition of their marriage he had been baptized. Eileen and her family wanted James to become more involved with the church, so they convinced him to sign up to go on a mission, something usually undertaken by those without ties, young men in their late teens or early twenties, or retirees.

Unfortunately, James was sent on a proselytizing mission to South Africa, one of the most demanding missions conceivable. It was usual to go to a different state to spread the word of the church, but James had to leave his wife and children and go halfway around the world—and pay for all of it himself. Given the dangers involved in traveling to and then living in Africa, there was no guarantee that he would return. It was the biggest crisis of James and Eileen's life together so far, both financially and personally. The home that had been built especially for them at the time of their wedding was sold to pay for James's mission. Eileen and the children were relocated to a quickly assembled house built by James in David Steele's back garden, and through Steele Eileen got a job cooking in the county jail. For the next few years, she was to be the family's sole breadwinner.

On September 19, 1916, James left Ogden, his family, his friends, and everything he knew behind. During the two and a half years he was away, he traveled all the way around the world, visiting Honolulu, American Samoa (where he wrote that he “picked bananas and coconuts, and visited the natives in their huts”), Australia, Madeira, and England.²

In South Africa, his time was mostly spent tracting and proselytizing in Cape Town, where he was called a he-devil, attacked by prospective converts' dogs, and threatened with being shot. In his time off, however, he played tennis and baseball, caught a shark, saw penguins, scrubbed tortoises, made a whole freezer full of ice cream, and discovered the wonders of the cinema. On one occasion, he found a vantage point from which Robben Island, the Atlantic Ocean, “the Indian ocean,…Cape Town harbor and docks and the city of Cape Town with her suburbs” could be seen at one time, “the most beautifull [sic] sight I ever saw in my life.”³

James had never left Utah before, let alone America, and his time in South Africa not only broadened his horizons immeasurably but also taught him about life's brutal realities. James and another missionary, Elder Merrill, were sent to Port Elizabeth to tract, and the pair had to make the return journey of more than four hundred miles on bicycle. If they were lucky, they slept exhausted in barns after eating scraps, but often their requests for food and shelter met with aggressive responses from wary farmers, and they had to lie in fields and ditches, able only to dream about food.

Just before James left South Africa, the Spanish influenza pandemic reached Cape Town. Within days, huge swathes of the population were stricken, and in the poorest parts of the city the dead lay in the streets, piled up on wagons to be buried in mass graves. James was fortunate not to be infected, but he nursed many of the sick and saw his fellow missionary Victor Burlando, a Mormon baby, and many more around him die. Only on Armistice Day, a few weeks later, did anyone in Cape Town smile again.

James kept a diary during the course of his mission detailing his experiences. In his final entry—dated April 19, 1919, the day he returned home—he wrote that he met a friend at the station “who took me home in his car,” poignantly adding that he “spent the afternoon getting acquainted with my wife and children.”⁴

On his return, James bought out the business he had previously worked for, the Uintah Dairy Company, which had a bottling plant and a milk route. Over the next ten years, he turned it into a mini empire comprising five or six routes, a neighborhood grocery store, and a roadside lunch stand. The steely determination that had gotten him through his mission, along with his innate charm, made him a natural entrepreneur.

While his business flourished, things were more difficult at home. James had missed out on crucial years of his children's development and felt distanced from Eileen. Communication during their years apart had been almost impossible: there were no telephones, and letters were sent via China and tended to turn up in bundles of twos and threes or not at all. James felt bitter about what he had been through and turned away from the church, but Eileen (who had herself become disenchanted for the same reasons) still took the children to Sunday services. They spent little time together, as James threw himself into his work and then frustrated Eileen by spending his free time playing poker with friends.

Recognizing that their marriage was in trouble, they hoped having more children might bring them closer again. So in 1925 Jack Ashby came into the world, followed four years later by his baby brother: Hal.

William Hal Ashby had, in his own words, “an interesting childhood, as those things go.”⁵ Born at ten minutes past midnight on September 2, 1929, he apparently weighed an enormous fourteen pounds and already had curly blond hair. Baby Hal was delivered by Eileen's brother-in-law, Dr. Wiley Cragun, at the Ashbys' family home at 3531 Washington Boulevard and then moved to the maternity hospital on Twenty-first Street. It was love at first sight for Eileen, and from that moment onward he would always be her darling baby boy. In 1960, she wrote him a letter in anticipation of his birthday, in which her continuing devotion is touchingly apparent:

It will soon be 31 years since I first saw your dear little face. The cutest thing I ever saw. When you were 5 days old you just cried and cried day and night. I ask the nurse why you couldn't rest. She said you were colicy. But when she went out I got up and looked you over. Your poor behind was almost blistered. I changed you. Put on some old remedy I had there and informed the nurse…that I would change you from then on. You soon were sleeping and happy with the cutest fat hind end I ever saw.⁶

Hal and his hind end arrived the day before his father's forty-second birthday and just over two months before Eileen and James's twentieth wedding anniversary. More significantly, he was born eight weeks before the Wall Street crash that was to plunge America into the Great Depression.

Utah was one of the states worst hit by the Depression; however, the Ashbys were fortunate to escape the full impact of the crash. As Hal's father owned his own business, he was not among the many who lost their jobs, and because he owned both the Uintah Dairy Company and the grocery store, he was in a particularly strong position.

After Utah's liquor laws were relaxed in 1935, James expanded his empire by opening a drive-in beer parlor on Washington Boulevard called the Big Mug. People could drive up, drink beer for two or three hours, and then drive off again. If necessary, there were a few cots in the basement where patrons could sober up until they were fit to leave. It was a remarkably successful venture and compensated for any lean periods at the dairy or the store. At the end of the Depression, James's financial situation was comfortable enough for him and Hal to load up a wagon and take milk down to vagrants in the hobo camp on the outskirts of town.

But such father-son excursions were rare as James worked long hours at the store. Eileen, despite her devotion to little Hal, was also absent much of the time, so it was Ardith who took her younger brothers around town and to doctors' appointments and babysat whenever necessary. Because Hetz was eighteen and Ardith seventeen when Hal was born and both remained unmarried until they were in their thirties, they became like second parents to Hal and Jack. Ardith in particular did so much for them that Hal affectionately called her “Sis,” as if he almost had to remind himself that she wasn't his mother.

On the occasion of Hal's third birthday, Ardith wrote a piece on her baby brother that shows the great love she felt for him. More significantly, it reveals that aspects of his personality that he would display as a director—his charm, his temper, his intrepidity, his interest in technological gadgets, and, moreover, his ability to inspire great love and loyalty in others—were already very much at the fore:

Although Hal is now three years old I still call him my little angel from heaven. That is what he has always seemed to me. To me he is extra adorable, and of course, clever. For a child he has an extra pleasing personality. Not being backward and slightly forward he makes friends with most every one. He chatters and expresses himself so that you can't help but adore him. He has a way of flattering by telling you that you are pretty or your eyes are pretty. He is grateful for what you do for him. I love and worship him so much that I could rave on for ever, but—telling what I think of this darling little creature I forgot one or two things. First of all he has a temper. Nothing out of the ordinary, but he lets us know when he is angry or wants his way. Of course, this is natural. If he were perfect he wouldn't be such a darling.

During the first weeks and months of walking we were sure he would be a great electrician when he got older. He connected and disconnected every plug he could find and for weeks he played with an iron cord. This continued for several months, until he got so many shocks he left electric things alone.

He is still so young that it is hard to tell what he will be when he grows up. I have great hopes that he will be a good student, a leader, and have many friends.

I also wish for his advancement and that he will make something of Himself.

Love,

Hal's big sister, Ardith Ashby⁷

If Ardith was like a mother to Hal, then Hetz, in turn, was a father figure and a role model for Hal and Jack. He was a Scout leader, played the trumpet, and was a true gentleman, and accordingly Jack joined the Scouts, took up the trumpet, and grew up to be a gentleman like his brother. Hal, however, had a rebellious streak and as a boy lacked his brothers' discipline and commitment, though he would later have both in spades. He too took trumpet lessons and joined the Scouts but didn't last long with either.

Despite their differences, Jack and Hal were almost inseparable childhood companions. However, on one particular day around 1934, Jack was convinced that their fun had come to a tragic end. They were playing with a broomstick when Jack decided to throw the “spear” at a cushion on the porch swing. But just as he threw it, Hal's head popped up from behind the seat—and the “spear” hit him square in the forehead, knocking him to the ground.

Jack rushed to see what had happened to Hal and saw that there was a big gash on his forehead and that he was completely still. With great trepidation, he quickly phoned his parents at the store.

“You'd better come home,” Jack gasped. “I've just killed Hal.”⁸

The store was only a few blocks away, and James and Eileen rushed home in a complete panic. Fortunately, with the help of Uncle Wiley, it was discovered that Hal was merely concussed and that his gash needed only a few stitches.

For Jack and Hal, the first half of the 1930s was a happy time, filled with fun and games and the innocence of childhood. They had picnics and went on camping trips, and neither of the boys saw the signs of the problems between their parents that Ardith and Hetz had been seeing for years. On the surface, nothing seemed to be wrong. There were no arguments, and both parents always seemed to be around. But in 1935, James and Eileen got divorced.

At first, things were not much different. The divorce was dealt with quickly and amicably by both parties so that the children were not too traumatized by what was going on. Though they no longer lived with him, Jack and Hal nevertheless spent a lot of time with their father, who was still welcome at the house. They also worked for him at the store, stocking the shelves and cleaning up for extra pocket money.

The divorce seemed to be what caused the Ashbys to finally and fully split from the church. As 80–90 percent of Ogden residents were Mormons, the Ashbys being “inactive” was an issue for many people, and though they were not ostracized, they were still made to feel uncomfortable. A number of Jack and Hal's classmates at school repeated their parents' verdicts on the matter, telling the Ashby boys that they “were not on the right path.”⁹

In later years, the memory that Ashby chose to share from these times was, in fact, humorous rather than sad. It concerned a trip to Salt Lake City to see the Ashbys' general practitioner, Dr. Barrett, that Hal recalled with considerable amusement:

I went to him for a check up of some sort. All the tests were finished except for my urine specimen. Naturally I couldn't go, so Dr. B told me to go out and walk around Salt Lake, drink plenty of water, and return in an hour. It was during the summer and, as you know, there were water fountains every half block. I must have drunk from thirty of them before returning to Dr. B's office. They handed me a very small bottle, stuck me in a very small room—a room, I might add, that did not have a toilet. It was with grave misgiving that I started to pee. The misgivings were well founded; once started I couldn't stop; there was enough in me to fill five bottles the size he gave me. Needless to say, I flooded that small room. The only saving factor was a box of Kleenex. That, at least, allowed me to sop up the excess. I never told Dr. B. about that, and it must have been twenty years or more after that before I was able, without great difficulty, to give a urine specimen, when requested by various doctors, even if I was put in a room with ten toilets in it. Also, I have often wondered what the person thought when they emptied the waste basket in that small room and found all those soggy Kleenex tissues.¹⁰

On March 14, 1936, Hal's father went to Las Vegas to tie the knot with one Clarissa Little. Quite how long they'd been a couple is unclear; however, the proximity of his divorce and their wedding raises questions as to whether Clarissa was a factor in the dissolution of James and Eileen's marriage and set Ogden tongues wagging. People's allegiances were with Eileen rather than “the new woman,” who many assumed had broken up a twenty-five-year marriage. Even worse, Clarissa was a Gentile. James's customers made it clear that she was not welcome at the store, and she was seldom seen about.

About this time, Eileen decided to pack up with the boys and leave Ogden. They moved a lot in the next few years while Eileen, as Jack puts it, “just bumbled around, kinda trying to find herself,…trying to figure out what she wanted to do.”¹¹ First they moved fifty miles north to Logan, where Eileen set up a boardinghouse for students at the Utah State Agricultural College. They stayed there eighteen months, before moving west across the Rocky Mountains to Portland, Oregon. At the time, Hetz was working in Portland in the lumber business, and Eileen settled down there—again for a year and a half or so—putting her cooking prowess to use by opening a restaurant.

Eileen was energetic and full of ideas—which were often unconventional—and was, as Jack says, “always looking for something better.” She bought bags of carrots, got Jack and Hal to clean them by putting a load in their washing machine along with a handful of scrubbing brushes, then made carrot juice and sold it, years before it became a fashionable drink. Later, Jack and Hal would laughingly call her “the original hippie.”¹² She knew about food and what was good for people and made sure her children ate healthily. A number of her big business ideas revolved around food. In the late 1930s, she bought recipes for donuts and butter toffee for the sum of $200, a huge amount of money at the time. People thought she was mad, but the donuts did such good business that they easily paid back her investment.

During Eileen's restless period, Hal and Jack spent even more time together than usual because they were never anywhere long enough to properly get to know the neighborhood children. All the moving around seemed to be necessary from Eileen's perspective, but it wasn't at all easy for the boys.

To their relief, they returned to Ogden in 1939, but Eileen was still restless, and they moved five or six times within the town. Nevertheless, Hal and Jack were more grounded. They could also once again spend time with their father and, as Hal was now ten, were able to do more grown-up activities. The three of them would go into the Wasatch Mountains, pitch a tent, and spend a weekend hiking, fishing, and hunting. One of the Ashby men's traits was that they rarely had to go to the toilet, which was handy on those camping trips. (Later, when Hal spent weeks on end stuck in an editing room, determinedly focused on his task, this talent was again useful.)

Some days, Jack and Hal would borrow .22 rifles from their father, who collected guns, and go off after school to shoot at old tin cans for target practice. Other days, they grabbed their bikes and rode to a fishing hole a few miles from their home and spent the afternoon fishing or swimming. Once a week, they went to the movies. “Almost every Saturday, Hal and I went to the theaters that showed the weekly serial adventures and cowboy movies,” Jack recalls.¹³

The Uintah Dairy pasteurized, bottled, and then delivered milk on seven or eight routes, and when Jack was fourteen, his father made him a delivery driver on one of the routes. The milk had to be delivered to the customers' doorsteps before sunrise, so Jack had to get up at three in the morning, and despite the hour, Hal was sometimes with him. Jack would drive the truck, and Hal would put the bottles on the doorsteps. “In the summertime we'd take the doors off the truck, and he would just jump out with the milk in his hands and run up to the porch and pick up the empty bottles and run back,” Jack recalls. “It really was tough getting up that early. It really ruined our social life.”¹⁴

Fortunately, life at home was good. Though they never had a lot of money, Eileen always made the important occasions memorable. For birthdays, she made special cakes, and Santa never let the Ashby boys down on Christmas Eve. Their father was another regular visitor at Christmas and was often invited over for dinner at other times too. In 1941, Hal did not receive individual Christmas cards from his parents, just a joint one from “Dad and Mom.” Because Hal and Jack had no contact whatsoever with Clarissa, there must have been times when they almost forgot their parents were divorced at all.

On Sunday, March 22, 1942, James was due to have dinner with Eileen and the boys. Eileen thought he was unhappy with Clarissa and suspected that he wanted to end the marriage, and apparently they had even discussed the possibility of getting back together.

But he never made it to dinner.

That day, he was at the Uintah Dairy Company offices. Just before noon, he told one of his young employees, Denzil Shipley, that he was going to clean his guns, which he had not done since the end of the hunting season. At five past midday, another employee, Bernadine Anderson, heard a shot and rushed into her boss's office. By the time she got there, he was already dead, having died instantly from a shot to the head.

On the few occasions that Hal would discuss his father's death, he always said it had been a suicide; what he did not say was that he was the only person in the family who believed that. It has been said that Hal's father killed himself because he had refused to pasteurize his milk and therefore lost the dairy,¹⁵ that he killed himself in a barn, and that Hal was the one who first discovered the body.¹⁶ None of these stories is true: Hal's father had not lost the dairy; he had no livestock, let alone a barn; and Hal did not find his father's body.

However, determining the truth surrounding James's death is not a straightforward matter. If James was considering rekindling his relationship with Eileen and had no major business problems, there is no readily discernible motive for suicide. And that Hal alone believed his father killed himself makes suicide even less plausible. However, if one examines the sheriff's department's report, it begins to look more likely:

Weber County Sheriff John R. Watson said today officials had decided the death of James Thomas Ashby, 54, of 3531 Washington, who died of a gunshot wound Sunday, was accidental. After an investigation, he said, officers concluded there was no need of an inquest, and none will be held unless requested by the family.

Mr. Ashby died at twelve—five P.M. Sunday at the offices of the Uintah Dairy Products Co., 3667 Washington, of which he was president. Investigation revealed he had been cleaning guns at the time of the accident. He had cleaned two, and was working on the third when it was discharged.

When police arrived, they discovered the barrel of a .32-calibre rifle clutched in one hand. The bullet had entered the head beneath the chin, and medical reports indicated death was instantaneous. Mr. Ashby was alone in his office at the time of the accident. Miss Bernadine Anderson, an employe [sic], was in the next room when she heard the shot. Another employe, Denzil Shipley, said he had been talking to Mr. Ashby a few minutes before. He told the youth he had not cleaned his guns since the hunting season so he decided to do it Sunday afternoon, and then have them registered, according to the sheriff.¹⁷

Whether or not there was an obvious motive, the circumstantial evidence all seems to point clearly to suicide. The fact that James pointedly told an employee he was cleaning his guns five minutes before he shot himself seems too measured, as if he were giving others a way of interpreting his death as accidental; and it seems highly implausible that a man so accustomed to dealing with firearms would clean a .32 rifle while it was loaded. Furthermore, the fact that he shot himself beneath his chin so the bullet entered his brain immediately causing almost instantaneous death suggests that it was a deliberate act. That his death was not fully investigated is not actually so surprising: James was a highly regarded and successful Ogden man, and delving too deeply into his death would probably have caused more grief than it was worth and been considered inappropriate and disrespectful.

The Ashbys were suffering greatly as it was. The funeral was held two days later, less than a mile from the Ashby home. It was still winter in Ogden, and snow fell as the family assembled for the service. Because of the severe bodily disfigurement, there was a closed casket and no viewing of the body. Despite his family's wishes, Jack was determined to take one final look at his father. In the swirling snow, he opened the casket and looked inside. Instead of a face, all he saw was a body with a towel wrapped around its head. “I never did see my dad…,” Jack recalls quietly.¹⁸

The impact of James's death on his family is incalculable, but it was arguably Hal who struggled most with the loss. Because of the years he was away with Eileen in Logan and Portland and the long hours James worked at the store, Hal never properly got to know his father. The one time he discussed his father's death directly with an interviewer, he said: “I was 12 years old. My father used to make me laugh a lot. He would give me a dollar for taking the soda pop bottles to the basement of the store. But we didn't know each other. And only now, in retrospect, can I see how much pain he must have been in.”¹⁹ Losing one's father and believing that he killed himself would be incredibly tough at any age, but for it to happen at twelve, when Hal was dealing with the problems of adolescence, must have made it doubly so. He was unable to discuss it with his family, so instead he bottled up the emotion, the anger, and the feeling of injustice, only ever letting it out in uncharacteristic bursts of anger or private moments of desperation.

On the rare occasions he talked to friends about his father, Hal apparently said that his father had arranged for Hal to meet him on the day he died and that when he came to find him, he discovered that he had committed suicide, abandoning him in the most permanent way possible. In the years that followed, Ashby struggled with issues about authority figures as well as fear of emotional closeness, abandonment, and betrayal. These personal demons, which massively affected every aspect of his personal life and business dealings, can be traced back to this incident.

In 1973, the photographer Richard Avedon recommended to Ashby a New Yorker piece called “A Story in an Almost Classical Mode” by Harold Brodkey. A rawly honest autobiographical short story about Brodkey's teenage years in the early 1940s, which were overshadowed by his parents' illness and death, it had strong echoes of Ashby's own experiences at that time. Ashby wrote to Avedon and thanked him for “turning me on to the Harold Brodkey story in September's New Yorker. I really enjoyed it, and found it a beautiful, thoughtful and loving story.”²⁰ Ashby, however, never mentioned the parallels with his own life or the painful flashes of recognition that reading the story must have caused. Brodkey's work is a revisitation in middle age of the adolescent struggle with the impact of a parent's death, yet this is precisely what Ashby never did. At no stage—neither in his teens nor later on—did he ever delve deeply to examine and heal the scars caused by his father's death. That Hal Ashby “struggled toward growing up,…totally confused,” is really no surprise.²¹