Читать книгу Found: His Family - Nicola Marsh - Страница 11

‘TOBY’s sleeping,’ Aimee said, her gaze fixed on Jed’s lapels.

She couldn’t look him in the eye, not with the strange fluttering in her belly that began the minute he’d steadied her, his hands warm and firm against her bare upper arms. Darn it, she remembered that feeling all too well, the buzz of being held by him, the yearning to get closer.

But what was the deal now? Those feelings were long gone. She’d seen to that with the many nights she’d spent talking to the baby she carried, focusing on the new life growing inside her rather than the guy who’d helped create it. Being pregnant had been a godsend, channelling all her energy into a positive outcome rather than the assured pity party she would’ve thrown had she returned to Melbourne alone and broken-hearted.

‘Is he OK?’ Jed dropped his hands and looked at the door to Toby’s room as if he wanted to barge in there and see for himself.

‘Uh-huh. He’s always been a good sleeper, thank goodness, so once he’s out for the night he’ll sleep right through.’

‘Good.’

Their stilted conversation came to an abrupt end and she fiddled with the stitching on her bag, eager to escape Jed’s intimidating presence but unsure how to extract herself gracefully.

He was here and he was here to help. She needed to remember that, no matter how uncomfortable he made her feel.

‘I’m heading home,’ she said, trying not to squirm under his intense stare. Why was he looking at her like that, as if sizing her up?

‘Aren’t you staying?’

She heard the censure in his voice, the silent accusation that what sort of a mother was she to leave her sick child alone in hospital?

Hating her compulsion to justify herself to him, she said, ‘I hate leaving Toby but sleeping on a fold-up bed next to his bed wouldn’t help either of us. He’s a bright boy; he knows he’s unwell but not the severity of it. If I start staying over, he’ll know something is dreadfully wrong and I don’t want that. He needs to stay positive and I need to stay alert for the both of us.’

‘I see.’ By the thinness of his compressed lips, he didn’t. ‘What time will you be back in the morning? I’d like to meet our son.’

Our son.

Why did the sound of Jed’s deep voice saying those two simple words have such a devastating effect on her?

Maybe because she’d always thought of Toby as hers.

Maybe because there hadn’t been ‘our’ anything between them for so long.

Or maybe she was so darned scared of what letting Jed into their lives could do.

She needed calm right now, not havoc, and though Jed’s presence here was important for medical reasons she could do without the emotional complication.

‘I have to speak to Marsha, the manager at the shop, first thing in the morning but I should be here about ten.’

He didn’t look happy. So what was new? He hadn’t stopped giving her dirty looks since she’d told him about Toby, his anger a palpable entity that radiated off him in nasty waves and all directed at her.

‘Look, I know this has to be tough on you but you’re here now and waiting another twelve hours isn’t going to make a difference.’ She laid a tentative hand on his sleeve, once again annoyed at the little sizzle of heat that arced between them.

This couldn’t be happening. It shouldn’t be happening, not with Toby lying in there, fighting for life.

Dropping her hand quickly, she was unprepared for his light touch under her chin as he raised her face to look into his.

‘Stop trying to tell me how I’m thinking or feeling. You don’t know how tough this is on me. In fact, you don’t know anything about me any more. So just drop it, OK?’

The pain in his eyes ripped into her and she blinked in an effort to shield herself from it. For a guy she’d assumed would make lousy father material, he sure was more emotionally connected than she’d given him credit for.

‘I’m sorry.’ Her whisper hung in the awkward silence between them, till the faint beeping of a patient’s monitor disrupted the unnatural quiet in the corridor.

‘Sorry for what? Sorry for lying to me all these years? Or sorry you’re going to have to let me into Toby’s life now?’

‘That’s unfair.’ She averted her gaze quickly but his grip on her chin tightened, forcing her to look at him.

‘Is it? Rather rich, seeing as I’m the one who should be crying unfair right about now.’

‘Why are you doing this? Punishing me isn’t going to help Toby. I thought we sorted the problems between you and me back at the shop.’

For a long, interminable second he stared into her eyes and the pain shifted, replaced by another emotion she couldn’t define or didn’t want to, as his gaze lowered to her lips for a moment before returning to lock on to hers.

Her heart tripped as his grip on her chin softened and he leaned towards her an infinitesimal inch, a subtle heat smouldering in his golden eyes.

No way. That banked heat had to be anger, disgust, anything other than need, surely?

And to make matters worse, her pulse raced at the thought.

‘You don’t know the meaning of punishment,’ he said, his soft, minty breath fanning her face way too close before he dropped his hand and stepped away, running a hand through his hair and adding to the dishevelled air he’d had about him since the testing.

The test! She’d been so caught up in the awkwardness between them, she hadn’t even asked how it had gone. As for his cryptic comment, she assumed he was referring to her not telling him about Toby and she chose to ignore it, too tired to fight any more.

‘How did the testing go?’

He grimaced and showed her the back of his hand, where a faint purplish bruise was already taking shape. ‘I hate needles for a reason. Damn medicos can never find a vein in my elbow crease so they always go for the back of my hand and it hurts like hell.’

‘Poor baby,’ she crooned, surprised by her urge to tease and even more surprised by her smile. That was twice in one evening he’d made her smile when she hadn’t felt like it in days.

In a way, having Jed around could be a good thing and not just as a potential donor for Toby. If she was completely honest with herself, she liked having a male around who didn’t depend on her totally, who could pick up the slack or who could just be there if she needed him. Not that she could count on Jed. She’d learned that the hard way.

‘Guess a kiss to make it better is out of the question?’ He held out his hand, staring at it in mock dismay as if the tiny bruise had developed into a giant haematoma.

Her lips twitched at the startling similarity between father and son, Toby pulling this same trick last month when he’d jammed his finger in the fridge door—while pilfering a vanilla slice she’d said no to!

‘Maybe not.’

Jed’s eyes were riveted to hers in wide-eyed shock as she kissed her fingertips and casually tapped them on the back of his hand. ‘There, all better.’

Shaking his head, he thrust the all-better hand into his trouser pocket, glaring at her with irritation. ‘You still confuse the hell out of me.’

Her smile faded as reality intruded.

The way she saw it, there had been no confusion in their happy relationship. Until she’d introduced the topic of forever and he’d started playing hide and seek, that was. Then there had been confusion and plenty of it, unfortunately all on her part.

‘I have to go.’

Her sharp response shattered the last of any lingering camaraderie that she’d falsely created with her teasing. What had she been thinking anyway? Getting along with Jed for the sake of Toby was one thing, getting too familiar another.

It was his fault with that unexpected look he’d given her, the one which screamed ‘I still think you’re hot’. Or was it hers, a spot of wishful thinking tainting her reactions to the one man who had once rocked her world?

Either way, she needed to get out of here. Away from Jed, away from his all-seeing eyes, away from the temptation of staying by his side just because it felt so darn good to share her problems with someone else.

‘I’ll give you a lift,’ he said, fishing his keys out of his pocket and standing back to let her lead the way.

‘No!’ she practically shouted before lowering her voice with effort as he raised an eyebrow. ‘I’ll take a taxi and you head back to your hotel. You must be exhausted after the day you’ve had. After all I’ve dumped on you. In fact—’

‘Shh.’ His finger against her lips stopped her babbling while kick-starting her pulse again. It hammered and tripped and pounded its way through veins suddenly way too small for all that blood, depriving her oxygen-starved brain of a much needed jolt.

‘I’ll drop you off. Besides, I’m staying at the Bayside Novotel just down the road from you. Come on.’

Why couldn’t she move? Say something? Do something? She didn’t want to be confined in his snazzy hire car. She didn’t want to talk or smile or feel any of the other crazy things he’d made her feel over the last few hours.

She wanted to go home to bed, to think, to pray for her little boy and to forget every reason why this man made her feel so protected, so comforted, when he had no intention of sticking around for the long haul.

‘Aimee? You’re swaying on your feet. Let’s go.’

The last of the fight drained out of her and she followed him, blowing a silent kiss in Toby’s direction.

Her son would meet his father tomorrow and heaven help her if she didn’t handle it a lot better than the last few hours with Jed.

Jed looked out of his hotel window, his absent-minded stare taking in the glittering lights of Melbourne in the distance, the sweep of the shoreline of Port Phillip Bay and the neon glow from bars and restaurants in a bustling St Kilda on his doorstep.

Usually he loved the bright lights, the razzle-dazzle of any city at night, and he’d been around the world to quite a few. Before his stint on Dunk Island and the events that had changed his life, he’d worked in Bali, Singapore and Hong Kong, cooking up a storm at various five-star hotels.

Then he’d met Aimee and nothing had ever been the same again.

Closing his eyes, he leaned his forehead against the cold glass, enjoying the cooling effect on his throbbing head. He had a blinder of a headache and, with the jumbled thoughts swirling through his mind, it looked as if it wouldn’t abate in a hurry.

When he’d first walked into the patisserie earlier this evening and seen Aimee, his heart had slammed into his ribcage as the years rolled back. She looked the same: blonde curls in a tantalising mess around her heart-shaped face, hazel eyes crinkling at the corners while she was deep in thought, her full lips pursed ever so slightly.

Then she’d turned to face him and he knew he was wrong. She didn’t look the same, she looked amazing, despite the smudge of icing sugar along her jaw and the dark rings of fatigue under her eyes. Not that they were any surprise, considering the bombshell she’d dropped on him.

He had a son. Toby.

And it was just as terrifying now as when she had first told him.

At least his anger had abated some, though he still felt like finding a kitchen somewhere and whipping up a gourmet meal for a hundred or so. Where his mates channelled their fury into kick-boxing and triathlons, he preferred whipping up a frenzy in the kitchen as an outlet for pent-up emotion, and man, was he on overload at the moment.

He’d barely absorbed the news he was Toby’s father before Aimee lumped the rest of it on him, the worst part, about Toby’s illness, and his anger had kicked in all over again.

What if his marrow wasn’t compatible? What if he didn’t know how to be a father at a time when Toby needed him the most? What if Toby hated him on sight?

Hell, he hadn’t even got into that with Aimee. How much had she told Toby? Did the boy know he had a father and, if so, what was his excuse for staying away for the first five years of his life?

The pain in his head increased as he contemplated questions he had no answers to.

He’d had this trip all planned out: see Aimee, hear her out, try to rekindle some of their old magic and see what happened.

Though she wouldn’t believe him, he’d changed. He’d done his duty, standing by his dad when he needed him the most. However, there wasn’t much he could do now apart from paying regular visits to the prison and, while the rest of his life had taken off like a rocket for outer space, his personal life lacked spark.

Sure, he had women schmoozing up to him all the time. TV did that for a bloke. But they were all fake, arm-candy types from the tops of their blonde foils to their nipped and tucked bottoms. He dated, he socialised but no one came close to filling the void Aimee had left when they’d split up and her urgent plea to see him couldn’t have come at a better time.

So he’d thought.

Now he had a woman who still despised him for the secrets he’d had to keep years ago, a son whom he suddenly found himself wanting to know yet paralysed with fear of inadequacy, and a situation he had no control over.

That’s bull and you know it. You’ve been in charge of your own destiny since you were fourteen years old and the old man did his first stint behind bars. You’re in control. You always have been.

Jed blinked in surprise at the ferocity of his voice of reason but it did the trick. He straightened, rubbed a weary hand over his eyes and headed for his laptop.

He had things to do, a life to prioritise.

So what if he hadn’t come to terms with his new role as a dad yet?

So what if he was so scared of failure he wanted to bolt back to Sydney as if none of this had ever happened?

The simple fact was, his son needed his help and he either stood up or wimped out, the second not an option.

Starting right now, Toby came first and everything else could be delegated or rescheduled. He may not be able to control the length of time he had with his son but by God he’d make every second count.