Читать книгу Nathalia Buttface and the Totally Embarrassing Bridesmaid Disaster - Nigel Smith - Страница 12

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” complained Nat, standing outside Uncle Ernie’s front door later that afternoon. She looked around at his neat and tidy front garden, full of novelty gnomes, and wished she was somewhere else. “Uncle Ernie’s really nice. Everyone likes him. This is going to be horrible.”

But Darius had said she had to play along with Tiffannee’s wedding plans, even the barmy ones.

“He likes you,” said Dad. “You can help let him down gently.”

Dad rang the doorbell. Instead of a bong, it sang a happy little tune.

“Hello guests, you are welcome, hello guests,” trilled the doorbell, before what sounded like a choir of gnomes chimed in:

“HELLOOOOO GUESTS!”

“Coming!” shouted Uncle Ernie from inside. “I’m just painting Tiffannee and Hiram and my hands are sticky.”

“Are all our relatives a bit loopy, Dad?” asked Nat.

“Only on your nan’s side,” said Dad. After a minute the door opened and Uncle Ernie was standing there with a big beaming smile which very nearly covered his unusual face. It was round and jolly, like the moon. And like the moon, it was also grey and warty, like it had been battered by meteorites.

Lovely Uncle Ernie opened the door and gave Nat and Dad a huge welcoming hug before leading them in. There was a smell of fresh paint, and rotten eggs. Uncle Ernie burbled away, unaware of the doom hurtling towards him.

“Tea and cakes for everyone!” said Uncle Ernie. “Make yourself at home, my home is your home, as you know, I’ll just pop the kettle on.”

“Can’t stop long,” said Dad, “we just dropped by with some wedding news.”

“Dad – shush and look,” whispered Nat, tugging at his sleeve.

“Not now, I’ve got myself ready to drop the bombshell,” said Dad.

There was a ripping noise from the kitchen.

“Sorry, sprout and baked bean soup,” shouted Ernie, “I like to experiment.”

“I think Ernie’s dropping his own bombshells,” Dad went on, but Nat was too worried to find it funny, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from…

Dad raised his voice. “I reckon you’ll probably think this is good news, it’ll save you a lot of bother and free up a weekend for some fun. On balance. I think you’ll be relieved.”

“DAD!” insisted Nat. “Shuddup and look at that.”

She was pointing at something in the middle of the living room. Standing proud were two freshly painted, enormous, bride and groom gnomes!

“Oooh, do you like them?” said Uncle Ernie, returning and pointing at his wedding masterpiece. “They’re for Tiffannee and Hiram’s wedding.”

“I’d never have guessed,” said Nat. “I mean, you wouldn’t HAVE to give them to her for the wedding, there’s plenty of other uses for them, like, er, um, lemmee think…”