Читать книгу The Baby They Both Loved - Nikki Benjamin, Nikki Benjamin - Страница 11

S imon stared at Kit in silence for several long, confusing moments, unsure at first what had triggered the high note of panic in her voice as she reached out so greedily for Nathan. He had only been trying to lend a hand, wanting to release the fidgeting little boy from the confines of his high chair before he began to fuss.

Taking such action had seemed harmless enough, and of course he’d handled Nathan with consummate care. He had thought Kit would appreciate the help, busy as she was rinsing dishes at the sink, then fetching Nathan’s bottle from the warmer. But the longing that had built steadily inside of him as he’d sat by the table, talking to Kit, had motivated him, as well.

Focusing more and more of his attention on the child happily eating the chicken soup and saltines she fed him so patiently, Simon had noted the many physical similarities between him and his son. He had seen in Nathan, too, something of Lucy in the determined tilt of his little chin and the elegant arch of his eyebrows.

With increasing urgency Simon had wanted to feel the warm, solid weight of his son’s small body in his arms. He had needed to hold his child close, to look into his bright blue eyes with the gentle reassurance of a father promising his beloved child that he would move heaven and earth to make sure everything in his world would always be just fine.

Your daddy’s here now, little guy, and he’s going to take very good care of you.

Understanding finally dawned on Simon as Kit continued to stand in front of him, however, her eyes darkened by the shadow of inexpressible fear. She must have sensed the intensity of his determination to accept responsibility for the son he only now knew he had. And she must now think that he intended to take Nathan from her at that very moment.

No wonder she had panicked, Simon thought, his heart going out to her in sympathy. She must see him as her enemy, when that wasn’t his intention at all. They had been friends once. For Nathan’s sake, he hoped they could be friends again.

Kit had said that Lucy named her as the boy’s legal guardian. She had also said that she was in the process of adopting him, and it was apparent, by all she’d said and done, that she loved and cherished him deeply.

In the months since Lucy’s death Kit had mothered Nathan as if he were her own child. She was the one constant in his son’s short life, and she was the one Nathan reached for now with a tearful whimper, aware as children always are, of emotions running high.

Simon knew that he would gain nothing by alienating Kit Davenport, and he would upset Nathan, as well, by behaving like a bully. There were ways that he could go about asserting his parental rights in a calm and dignified manner. He truly had no desire at all to cause Kit unnecessary pain.

To his way of thinking, he owed her an enormous debt of gratitude. Had it not been for her generosity of spirit, Nathan could have become a ward of the state. Put into a foster home and eventually adopted by strangers, his son would never have known he had a father ready and willing to love and care for him.

No, Simon didn’t want to hurt Kit, or upset her unnecessarily. But he wasn’t going to give up his son to her, either—at least not on any kind of permanent basis.

Of course, he was going to need time to bond with his son before he would be ready to take over as a full-time father. And Kit was the one person who could facilitate that bonding. Her acceptance of him would, in turn, guarantee Nathan’s acceptance of him, and only with mutual acceptance and understanding would they avoid any further emotional trauma.

“Hey, no problem,” Simon said finally, shifting Nathan into Kit’s arms with a reassuring smile. “I hope I didn’t scare him.”

The little boy’s quivering lip vanished as he snuggled contentedly against Kit’s shoulder. Her relief was almost palpable as she held the child close. But there was also embarrassment evident in the lingering glance she shot Simon’s way.

“Actually, I believe I’m the one who frightened him, raising my voice the way I did,” she admitted, her slight smile rueful.

“You weren’t afraid that I’d drop him or anything, were you?” Simon asked, wanting to find out just how honest she would be with him.

Kit hesitated a moment, her smile fading as she looked away, then met his gaze again, her chin tipped at a defensive angle.

“I trusted that you’d be careful with him,” she said, her tone matter-of-fact. “What concerned me was the possibility that you’d try to leave with him, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop you.”

Her truthfulness, coupled with her acknowledgment of just how vulnerable he’d made her feel, touched off deep in Simon’s soul an unexpected inclination to protect. Had anyone posed a similar threat to Kit Davenport’s well-being, he knew he would have come to her aid without a moment’s hesitation. But the only way he could save her from himself was to give up his son, and that Simon could never do.

Again he realized how loathe he was to see Kit hurt, and again he admitted that he was the one most likely to cause her pain in the very near future. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see that he had any choice in the matter. He could be as honest as she was, though, and hope that she would respect him for it as he respected her.

“The thought did cross my mind,” he said. “Nathan is my son, after all.

“But there are other issues involved, legal issues that we’ll have to sort out. There’s also the fact that he doesn’t know me very well yet. It’s going to be a while before he’s as comfortable with me as he is with you. If I’d taken off with him, I would have probably scared him half to death. That wouldn’t do any of us any good, but especially wouldn’t have been good for Nathan. His best interests have to come first, as I’m sure you’ll agree.”

“Of course, I agree that his best interests are of primary importance. But just because you happened to donate the sperm doesn’t automatically give you parental rights,” Kit retorted in righteous indignation, all evidence of weakness on her part gone in a flash. Holding Nathan tight, she squared her shoulders and met his gaze unswervingly. “I’m the one Lucy designated as her son’s guardian. Nothing was said about you in her will. I don’t think she would have left you out of the equation if she wanted you to be a part of Nathan’s life.”

“Lucy made a lot of decisions about our son that didn’t include me,” Simon pointed out, his own ire returning in full force. “But only because I didn’t know I had a son, thanks to her deception. I know about Nathan now, though, and I’m not letting you exclude me the way she did. I’m a good man and I deserve to have the chance to raise my son. You can try to fight me if you want to, Kit. But be fore-warned—while I don’t want to see you hurt, I will do whatever it takes to get full custody of my son.”

He spoke in a measured tone, never once raising his voice. Still Kit seemed to wilt under his barrage. She didn’t respond verbally in any way, just looked at him with wide, suddenly frightened eyes. Despite all his justifications, spoken and unspoken, in that moment she made him feel like a bully. He could blame her for the provocation, but that didn’t excuse completely his intimidating behavior.

“I want you with me, Kit, not against me,” he added, softening his voice as he reached out to touch her cheek with gentle fingertips.

She flinched away from him as if she’d been scalded.

“It’s Lucy’s wishes that matter to me, not yours, Simon Gilmore. Lucy wanted me, not you, to take care of Nathan if anything happened to her, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.”

“Then I guess I’ll see you in court,” he stated simply, accepting at last that they’d reached an impasse.

“Yes, I guess you will.”

He had said as much as he could, Simon thought, and probably more than he should. Turning away from Kit, he made his way to the door. He didn’t like leaving after such an acrimonious exchange, but neither was he prepared to alter his stance or to take back anything he’d said.

He had tried to be reasonable as he’d stated his case, but Kit hadn’t wanted to be reasonable in return. Now there seemed nothing left to do but head out to the ranch. He’d talk to his parents, and then he would hire an attorney to represent him.

There was no telling how long it would take to win custody of his son. But he had four weeks’ time to get the process started, and he intended to go the distance no matter what it cost him in the end.

To Kit, the hollow sound of the apartment door closing had a frightening ring of finality about it. She wanted to go after Simon and rage at him in the worst way. But all she could do was stand in her tiny kitchen, holding Nathan in her arms, a sick twist in the pit of her stomach.

He had a lot of nerve showing up in Belle, claiming Lucy had lied to him three years ago, then sputtering angrily about his rights. He had likely expected she’d give in to his forcefulness. She was a woman alone, after all, with limited financial resources. But she’d stood her ground, and so he’d upped the ante, changing his tactics like a chameleon changes color.

He had caught her off guard, touching her the way he had so unexpectedly, his hand gentle against her face. For one long moment she had been tempted to believe that he wished her no harm—that when he said he wanted her with him, not against him, they could be partners for Nathan’s benefit.

But then common sense had come to the fore. Simon wanted her cooperation only so that he could gain custody of his son without a legal battle. Once he’d accomplished that task, he’d have no need of her. She would be shuffled off to the sidelines, and eventually, as time passed, the child she’d come to love as her own would be lost to her forever.

The possibility that such a fate awaited her anyway loomed large in Kit’s mind as she retrieved Nathan’s bottle from the table where she’d set it earlier. Through the adoption process, she had learned a little about the laws regarding child custody. But not nearly enough, she admitted now, the dread that had made her stomach roil settling into her soul, as well.

She knew that biological parents had certain rights where their children were concerned unless they gave up those rights willingly or had them taken away by the court. Simon had made it clear that he wanted custody of his son, so he certainly wasn’t going to give up his rights voluntarily. Unless he could be proven to be a danger to the child, the court wasn’t likely to stand in his way, either.

But what about Lucy’s rights, not to mention her wishes? Wouldn’t a mother’s say about who raised her child have some sway with a judge? And if not, where did that leave her? Kit wondered. She would have to call Isaac Woodrow just as soon as she could. Surely he would be able to answer her questions and perhaps even calm her fears.

First things first, though, she told herself as she shifted her attention to the little boy she held in her arms. Ready for his bottle and afternoon nap, Nathan had begun to squirm and fuss impatiently while she let her fears get the better of her. She would be no good to herself or Nathan or to Lucy’s memory if she adopted a defeatist attitude before she had all the facts of the matter.

“Come on, kiddo. Let’s get you settled,” Kit said, glancing at the clock in the kitchen, then heading for the kitchen doorway.

Amazingly it wasn’t quite eleven-thirty. She shouldn’t be surprised since Sara Hale, the college student who looked after Nathan from eleven-thirty till three, hadn’t arrived yet and she was always on time. Still, to Kit, it seemed impossible that so little time had passed considering how completely her life had been changed since Simon had first strolled into the Dinner Belle Diner that morning.

The biggest worry she’d had to face when her alarm had sounded at dawn had been finding a buyer for the diner. Now that seemed like hardly any problem at all, faced as she suddenly was with the possibility of losing Nathan.

Aware that she’d have an easier time slipping back down to the diner if Nathan was asleep when Sara arrived, Kit made fast work of changing the little boy’s diaper and tucking him into his bed with his bottle. He gazed at her with sleepy eyes and smiled at her for an instant, his little mouth curving around the bottle’s nipple in a way that made her heart ache.

Gripping the bed rail with both hands, she stood over him until he let go of the bottle and drifted off to sleep. She reached out to take the bottle with one hand and, with the other, she gently smoothed his dark curls from his forehead.

As her fingers grazed the downy softness of the child’s skin, Kit thought again of how Simon had touched her, but in another, less defensive, light. She had been shocked and appalled by the familiar way in which he’d kissed her. But they had been friends once, and if what he’d said about Lucy was true, he would have had no reason to expect anything but a warm welcome from her.

She’d been startled by his tenderness when he’d caught her on the staircase, as well, especially coming as it had on the heels of his rant about fatherly rights. But looking back on the moment, she couldn’t reject the caring and concern he’d shown her as being insincere.

She had seen the candor in his eyes and heard it in his voice as he’d said that he wanted her with him, and she had responded, if only for an instant, in a way that had frightened her then, and now. She had been alone so long, facing one tragedy after another—her mother’s illness, then her death and then Lucy’s death. How easy it would be to lean on him, just as she had done when she’d stumbled on the steps and he’d saved her from a fall. How easy it had been to trust in the promise of benevolence he’d held out to her then.

Kit had never thought of Simon Gilmore as a hurtful person until he’d abandoned Lucy. And if he hadn’t run out on his responsibilities as Lucy had claimed—if, in fact, Lucy had lied to him as well to her—then she had no reason to think of him as a hurtful person now.

Only, he’d said he was going to take Nathan away from her. There was no more hurtful thing he could do to her.

A soft tap on the front door announced Sara’s arrival. Time to put Simon out of her mind—ditto the havoc he could cause, Kit thought. Tables had likely begun to fill in the diner and much as she wanted to call Isaac immediately, she knew her help would be needed there until the crowd dwindled.

Reluctantly Kit left Nathan sleeping in his bed and hurried to answer the door, managing somehow to dredge up a smile for sweet, young Sara somewhere along the way.

“You didn’t tell me that you knew the identity of Nathan’s father,” Isaac Woodrow said, his tone slightly accusatory.

“You didn’t ask,” Kit answered, trying not to sound as defensive as she felt.

She had called Isaac as planned after the diner’s 3:30 p.m. closing time, and had explained the situation to him as calmly as she could. He’d listened without comment until she’d finished. But then, instead of offering her the reassurance she’d needed, her lawyer had made her sound like the culpable party.

“I assumed Ms. Kane wasn’t sure who the father was since she didn’t list a name on the child’s birth certificate.”

“I didn’t think it mattered who Nathan’s father was since Lucy named me as his guardian. She obviously didn’t want Simon Gilmore to have him. I had to agree with her because of the way he abandoned her.”

“But you’re saying now that Mr. Gilmore is claiming Ms. Kane told him he wasn’t the father of her child. That would preclude any attempt at accusing him of abandonment.”

“Maybe Lucy had a reason why she didn’t want Simon involved in Nathan’s upbringing. Maybe he behaved badly toward her,” Kit insisted, though she admitted to herself that it was highly unlikely.

“That would have to be proven, Ms. Davenport.”

“He could be lying about what Lucy told him,” she said, returning to her original argument. “So it would be his word against mine, wouldn’t it?”

“Regardless of what occurred between Mr. Gilmore and Ms. Kane three years ago, if Mr. Gilmore is the child’s biological father and if he wants custody of the child, then the court will give his claim serious consideration,” Isaac explained patiently. “And to be perfectly frank, unless he can be proven to be a danger to the child, his rights will most certainly take precedence over yours.”

“How can that be possible? I’m his legal guardian,” Kit pointed out, unwilling to just give up.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Davenport, but it’s the law. Be grateful he’s shown up now instead of two years from now when the transition for Nathan would be even more difficult. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves here with worst-case scenarios. Mr. Gilmore may actually be willing to give up his rights once he’s considered all that’s involved in becoming a single parent. He was understandably angry about what he believes to be Ms. Kane’s deception, and he reacted accordingly. Given a little time to think about what he’d be taking on, perhaps he’ll change his mind. Did he say he’d be hiring an attorney?”

“Not in so many words, but he did say he’d see me in court,” Kit replied, tears of frustration stinging her eyes.

It was easy for Isaac to dismiss worst-case scenarios. He hadn’t seen the determined look in Simon’s eyes.

“Then let’s give it a few days and see what develops.”

“But the adoption is so close to being final. Isn’t there some way you can get the judge to sign the papers?

“Not unless Mr. Gilmore agrees to give up his parental rights.”

“But Lucy wanted me to take care of Nathan….”

“Again, I’m sorry, Ms. Davenport. We have to abide by the law in cases like this, and the law gives Mr. Gilmore certain rights regarding his son. I will do everything I can on your behalf, though. Under the circumstances, I’m sure I’ll be able to arrange visitation for you at the very least, unless you choose to be openly hostile toward Mr. Gilmore. That certainly wouldn’t work in your favor.”

“Visitation?”

“I’m sure I’ll be hearing from Mr. Gilmore’s attorney in a few days. We’ll talk again after that, all right?”

“Yes, of course…we can talk again.”

Only Kit didn’t want to talk to Isaac Woodrow anymore. She wanted to pack up all of her belongings, strap Nathan into his car seat and head out of Belle as fast as her aging car would go.

How could he think she’d be satisfied with visitation? Lucy had wanted Kit to take care of Nathan 24/7, not just see him occasionally at Simon Gilmore’s convenience. As for curbing her hostility toward him…well, that just wasn’t going to be possible.

Sadly, neither was making a run for it. Life on the lam would be no life for her or for Nathan. For one thing, they’d have no peace. Simon would be hot on their trail. She’d only be postponing the inevitable until he finally caught up with her. She might have Nathan with her for a little longer, but she would lose him eventually.

Better to stand and fight than run and hide, she told herself, brushing the tears from her cheeks with shaky hands. Then maybe all wouldn’t be lost completely.