Читать книгу Rookie Cop - Nikki Benjamin, Nikki Benjamin - Страница 10

Though she had most of her attention focused on Matthew as he nursed greedily from the bottle, Megan was aware of the exact moment when Jake left her alone in his office. She also had a pretty good idea of why he had fled in such an obvious hurry.

She’d seen the anguish in his eyes when she first met his gaze, and she had known then that she wasn’t the only one doing battle with painful memories—memories stirred by the sweet baby she held in her arms. And they were both dealing with those memories in the same way they had dealt with the reality of Will’s death.

She had faced her sorrow squarely while doing, on her own, what needed to be done. And Jake, obviously unable to admit to face the depth of his pain, had gone off to immerse himself in his work.

Megan wasn’t surprised by his sudden desertion. After all, he was only behaving true to form. She would have been foolish to expect anything else of him. As for her disappointment, that was of her own making. She shouldn’t have allowed herself to entertain even the slightest illusion that Jake would grieve with her over the memory of their young son any more than he had grieved with her over Will’s death.

But seeing him again, up close and personal—looking fit and trim in khaki pants and a white shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows, his dark, shaggy hair softening his hawkish features, his brown-eyed gaze warm and direct—had stirred a longing in her for days past. A longing that had brought with it memories of all the hopes and dreams of happily ever after she had so staunchly set aside when she’d left him two years ago.

Over and over again as Megan had answered Jake’s questions about the baby, she’d had to remind herself that she’d come to him on Matthew’s behalf, not her own, and then only because she trusted him to do his job, nothing more.

She didn’t dare allow herself to think anything else. Nor could she allow her heart to soften toward him even the tiniest bit. She would end up being hurt all over again, and that she could definitely do without.

Aware that Matthew was watching her with his big blue eyes as he finished the last of the formula in the bottle, Megan smiled down at him. She should be enjoying what time she had with him instead of letting thoughts of Jake get her down. He was such a good baby and he seemed so content. He didn’t fuss at all when she set the bottle aside, shifted him to her shoulder and gently patted his back.

Will had been a good baby, too, she remembered. Such a good, good baby—

“Well, what have we here?”

Drawn from her reverie by the sound of a familiar feminine voice coming from Jake’s office doorway, Megan glanced over her shoulder. The baby lifted his head, too, obviously curious, and let loose a gurgling burp.

“Hello, Alice,” Megan said, smiling at the social worker she had first met several months ago. “It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you again, too, Megan.” Alice Radford returned her smile as she stepped into the office and set her briefcase on Jake’s desk. Though dressed conservatively in tailored black pants and a black-and-white striped shirt, she wore her iron gray hair cut short and spiked with mousse. And she fairly bristled with energy as she added, “Very good, under the circumstances.”

“You two know each other?” Jake asked as he paused just inside the doorway.

“Oh, yes,” Alice answered, her gaze settling intently on the baby. “Meg completed CPS’s training program for prospective foster parents just three weeks ago, and a good thing, too.”

From the corner of her eye, Megan saw Jake glance her way, a frown creasing his forehead. She only had a moment to wonder what he must be thinking. Then Alice demanded her full attention again as she held out her hands for the baby.

“Jake filled me in on the details of how you ended up with this little guy. And you have no idea at all who the mother might be?”

“None,” Megan replied, experiencing an odd mixture of reluctance and relief as Alice took Matthew from her.

He wasn’t her baby, but in the all-too-short time she had cared for him since she’d found him on her front porch, he had wiggled his way into her heart. For whatever reason, he had been entrusted to her care. Even with Alice ready to take over for her, she couldn’t quite set aside the feeling that she was still responsible for his well-being.

Not that the social worker was being anything but gentle as she looked Matthew over with a practiced eye. And she would make absolutely sure that he was placed with a kind and loving foster family.

“He seems healthy enough, and he doesn’t appear to be neglected in any way,” Alice stated. “No signs of physical abuse, either—at least none that I can see.”

“None that I could see, either,” Megan agreed.

“We’ll have to stop by the hospital with him and let one of the staff pediatricians give him a thorough checkup just to be sure. Then we can stop by my office, fill out the necessary paperwork, and he’s yours.”

Alice held the baby out to Megan and she took him without hesitation. When the social worker’s last words sank in, however, she stared at the woman, unable to hide her dismay.

“Mine?” she asked, her voice high and tight.

“You’re fully qualified to foster young Matthew,” Alice assured her, waving a dismissive hand.

Megan wasn’t heartened in the least by the social worker’s statement. Granted, she had gone through the foster parenting program offered by the county, but only so she could provide a home for older children, especially siblings who might be separated otherwise. A home similar to the one where she’d been placed in Serenity after her parents had been killed.

She hadn’t expected to be asked to care for a baby, mainly because they were so much easier to place within the foster care system. She also had a full-time job teaching history at the high school. Caring for older, school-age children made more sense since her schedule would coincide with theirs, allowing her to be at home when they were.

But school was out for the summer, and if Alice really needed her…

“Surely there’s someone available who’s much more experienced than I am,” Megan insisted, trying, unsuccessfully, to ignore the all-too-familiar way the baby snuggled against her shoulder.

It was hard enough for her to accept the fact that Matthew wasn’t her baby to keep now. But after days, perhaps even weeks, of looking after him, the pain of letting him go would be unbearable.

“Once you’ve completed our program, you’re qualified to care for children of any age. And right now we’re woefully shorthanded. We need you, Megan. Matthew needs you.”

Oh, great, just what she needed, Megan thought to herself. A little none-too-subtle yet oh-so-gentle coercion from one of the few people in town she truly liked.

“Unless, of course, you foresee having a serious problem with him,” Alice added, pinning her with a questioning look.

“Not at all,” Megan assured her, aware that she’d just sealed her own fate. But why argue any longer against something she wanted so much?

In the doorway, Jake shifted, drawing her attention. A frown still creasing his forehead, he looked none too happy at the sudden turn of events. Megan couldn’t even begin to imagine what must have been going through his head as he’d listened to her verbal exchange with Alice.

Of course, his thoughts shouldn’t really matter to her. He wasn’t a part of her life anymore. Her agreement to care for Matthew had nothing to do with him. His job began and ended with finding the baby’s mother.

“Good.” Alice nodded once, then added briskly, “You’ll need a crib for him. We have a Portacrib at the office you can use. And I already have a car seat for him out in my van.”

“Actually, I have a crib at the house,” Megan said, then immediately regretted the admission as she saw Jake straighten in the doorway, a puzzled look on his face.

During one of his rare breaks from the case he’d been working on after Will’s death, he had come home to find that the room they’d used as the baby’s nursery was standing empty. He hadn’t said a word when she told him she’d donated all of Will’s things to charity. The following day, he’d left again, and a few days after that, she had headed back to Serenity.

“Emma left it there,” she explained, glancing at Jake. “It belonged to Jane Hamilton originally. I meant to have one of the local charities come and get it, but I never got around to it.”

In the two years I’ve lived in the house hung unspoken between them.

“Well, now that you’re part of our foster care program that crib is going to come in handy, isn’t it?” Alice interjected smoothly, her smile laced with satisfaction. “I knew we were lucky to have you sign on, Meg. Now I realize what a godsend you’re truly going to be.” Alice retrieved her briefcase from Jake’s desk, then latched a hand onto one of the stroller’s handles. “So, hospital first, if you’re ready.”

“I think I’d better change his diaper before we go,” Megan advised, wrinkling her nose a bit to make her point.

“By all means.” Alice grinned. “I’ve got a couple of calls to make. Mind if I use one of your phones, Jake?”

“Not at all.” Jake backed out of the doorway so Alice could pass by, then walked with her to Darcy’s desk.

Alone with the baby in the station’s rest room, Megan lowered the back of the stroller’s seat so Matthew could lie flat on it. He squirmed and kicked his legs, looking as if he was getting ready to cry.

“Just give me a minute and I’ll get rid of that poopy old diaper for you,” she murmured, taking a fresh disposable from the diaper bag along with the container of wet wipes.

Matthew quieted immediately as Megan tended to him, once again watching her with his big blue eyes. Megan smiled at him, then hesitated, cocking her head to one side as she heard voices coming from just outside the rest room door.

“His ex-wife…” Darcy said. “He followed her back to Serenity almost a year ago. Quit the FBI and had his father pull all kinds of strings to get him on as chief of police.”

“He quit the FBI to come back here?”

The masculine voice must belong to one of the young officers she had seen when she first arrived at the police station, Megan thought as she listened guiltily to a conversation that certainly wasn’t meant for her ears.

“Yeah, and all for nothing,” Darcy replied. “They haven’t gotten together, and probably never will. So he’s thinking about going back to the FBI. Some guy named Bobby Fuentes, Special Agent Bobby Fuentes, has been calling him at least once a week for a couple of months now—”

“Hey, I think the chief wants me,” the officer interrupted. “Thanks for filling me in, though.”

“No problem.”

In the sudden silence, Megan slowly secured the tabs on Matthew’s diaper. Her mind racing, she quickly washed her hands at the sink. Then she raised the stroller seat and strapped the baby into place for the walk out to Alice’s car.

So, Jake had been talking to his former boss, Bobby Fuentes, about going back to the bureau. Only the fact that he had waited so long caused her surprise. He had lasted at least six months longer than she’d expected as Serenity’s chief of police.

What Megan wasn’t prepared for, however, was the utter sense of dismay that had grabbed at her gut when she’d realized his departure could be imminent. There was regret, too, though she couldn’t say why. She had made it clear that she wanted nothing more to do with him almost a year ago. He had betrayed her love and trust once. She had no intention of giving him a chance to do it again.

But his presence in Serenity had given her a feeling of security. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she had known, for almost twelve months now, that she could go to him in an emergency, just as she had today, and he would help her in any way he could. As long as he didn’t have to get too close to anything that might cause him pain…

Reminded of the very reason why she had left Jake in the first place, Megan slung the diaper bag over her shoulder and wheeled the stroller out of the rest room. She leveled her gaze at Alice Radford, waiting for her at the station doorway, and forced herself to smile with confidence she didn’t really feel.

“All ready if you are,” she said.

“Perfect timing. My van is parked out front.” Alice nodded to Jake, standing off to one side. “Nice to see you again, Chief Cahill.”

“Alice.” He nodded, too.

Megan risked a quick glance at him and saw that he was watching her, his expression unreadable. Again she found herself wondering what he was thinking, and again she reminded herself that it didn’t matter.

“Thanks for your help, Jake,” she said, smiling at him, as well, though she didn’t meet his gaze.

“You’re welcome, Megan,” he replied, then added much too smoothly for her peace of mind, “I’ll stop by your house later and let you know what I find out about the baby’s mother.”

“Fine.”

She sailed past him without a backward glance, pushing the stroller ahead of her. She could only hope she’d hidden the flash of panic she’d felt when he’d mentioned seeing her later. She didn’t want him stopping by her house tonight or any night. But telling him so, especially under the circumstances, would have been downright boorish.

Pausing on the sidewalk next to Alice’s van a few moments later, Megan drew a steadying breath, then bent to unfasten the straps holding Matthew in place. She was going to have to work with Jake to find Matthew’s mother, no two ways about it. She might as well get used to the idea, and the sooner, the better.

When Megan straightened again, holding him in her arms, she caught Alice eyeing her quizzically.

“What?” she asked uncertainly.

“You and Jake.” Alice shrugged and shook her head. “When you speak to each other, you’re so cool…so polite. But when you look at each other…” Again she shook her head, obviously bemused. “I know it’s none of my business, but have you two considered getting back together? You obviously still care a great deal about each other.”

Like almost everyone in town, Alice had to know some, if not all, of Megan and Jake’s past history. And like almost everyone in town, she also seemed to have an opinion about their current situation. An opinion she obviously thought Megan needed to hear.

Staring straight at the social worker, Megan tipped her chin up and made her opinion known, as well.

“Not in a million years,” she said. “Not in a million, trillion years.”

Alice smiled slightly, making no effort to hide her disbelief, then shrugged again. “Whatever you say, dear. But methinks the lady protests too much.”

Unable to conjure any further comment that would dissuade Alice from her belief, Megan lifted Matthew out of the stroller and strapped him into the car seat. Obviously having fired her best shot, Alice folded the stroller and stashed it in the back of her van, then climbed behind the steering wheel as Megan settled into the passenger seat.

“Off we go,” Alice said, starting the engine.

“Yes, indeed,” Megan agreed, forcing herself to smile despite the sudden, almost overwhelming sense of panic that squeezed at her chest.

As she rode along with Alice, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, she began to realize the full extent of what she’d done, not to mention the repercussions that would follow. Although she knew, in her heart, that she couldn’t possibly be the best person for the job, she had agreed to care for an abandoned baby. And she had also opened a door, of sorts, to Jake—one she had intended to keep firmly shut.

Already she had remembered moments from the past that would have been best left forgotten, happy moments as well as sad. Moments when the way Jake looked at her had made her pulse race.

But no more, Megan vowed. No matter what Alice Radford or anyone else seemed to think. She had gotten herself into an untenable situation with her bravado, and she had no choice but to see it through. On her own, just as she’d always done, regardless of how helpful Jake tried to be.

He hadn’t been there for her when she needed him after Will’s death. She had no intention of counting on him being there for her now. She had learned her lesson well where he was concerned, and she wasn’t about to forget it anytime soon.