Читать книгу A play for 3,4,5 or 6 people. Looking for a husband for a wife! Comedy - Николай Лакутин - Страница 2

The music sounds hectic.

The lights turn on slowly, two angry bodies are running around the apartment. Vovchik and his wife Galya. They smash and break everything around, they are furious. They try to throw at each other with whatever comes to hand. Vovchik certainly gets something in his head. They are literally shaking from each other. They shout, growl, and spit at each other. It can be seen from everything that they have "mutual love"

For some time they rage without replicas, they carry everything that can be carried in the apartment and, not having fully satisfied their attempts to nail each other with improvised means, they fall exhausted in different parts of the room. Who is on the sofa, who is on the chair.

The music stops

Vovchik (trying to catch his breath). Well… here… a little relieved. Now, it seems, it is possible to talk like civilized people. How are you, Jackdaw? Shall we talk?

Galya (trying to catch her breath, looking at her husband). Come on, my dear husband…, start.

Vovchik (trying to catch his breath, relatively thoroughly, with a bit of sarcasm). I'll tell you what, my beloved wife. You can't live like this anymore. If I didn't love you before, at least, now I just hate you!

Galya (trying to catch her breath, looking at her husband). Oh, Vovchik, do you think it's different for me? Yes, you actually became disgusting to me on the very first day after the wedding. I still can't understand how I got married to such a fool!

Vovchik (relatively calmly, philosophically). What's this… I wanted to strangle you on the wedding day!

Galya throws something at her husband that is at hand. Hits or misses – depends on the accuracy of the actress.

Galya (restraining herself with difficulty). Thank you for your honesty!

Vovchik (dodging a swift flight in his direction of something). You're welcome.

They exchange dissatisfied biased glances.

Galya (restraining herself with difficulty). So what do you suggest?

Vovchik (relatively calmly, philosophically). I believe that we are not what we need, but it is simply vital to get a divorce!

Galya (restraining herself with difficulty). Get a divorce? Wow, you're doing great. As he was an egoist, so he remained an egoist. You're fine, divorced and live – rejoice. This apartment is a gift for you. Only you work in our family. And where am I going to go? To the train station?

Vovchik (relatively calmly, philosophically). And who's to blame for you that you've been sitting on my neck for three years already? How long did I send you to work? And he offered good places, and it was possible to earn quite well. You've been turning your nose around! Well, that's it!

Galya (nervously). And who created comfort in the house? Who protected and kept the family nest?

Vovchik looks around, sincerely looking for someone.

Vovchik (sincerely interested, even a little whisper). Who!

Galya (with a nervous cry as loud as possible, poking her finger in the chest). I am! Who else is it!

Vovchik (surprised, nervous). You? How interesting, thank you for warning me, because I didn't even know. So how's it going? Let's see how you coped with this task.

Vovchik circles the trashed apartment with his hand. (Here, if possible, it would be nice to throw off a falling curtain or tulle or chandelier from somewhere on top. Well, at least something to emphasize the deplorable situation).

Galya (nervously). I tried, but with you every day is like on a volcano! What kind of comfort, peace and everything that should be present in normal families can be with you at all? I have spent the best years of my life on you, I have worn out my youth, you can say…

Vovchik (interrupts). Oh… yes. Three best years of life. How fleeting youth is nowadays!

Something from his wife's hands is flying at Vovchik again.

Galya (jumps off the seat, nervously sneaks up, threatens). Yes, I'm not an old woman yet, but I'm not eighteen anymore! Who needs me in second-hand condition now? Yes, no self-respecting man will look at me now. You've turned my whole life upside down! I picked a flower, and now it means divorce! No, honey! I'm going to torment you now until the end of your days! I'll pay you back for everything! For all your antics, for all your attitude, for all your words!!!

Vovchik looks attentively at his wife, rubs his chin, thinks.

Vovchik (does not immediately answer, calmly). So-so prospects.

Galya (nervously). Well… whatever there are.

They exchange glances. Wet.

Vovchik (exhaling, cheerfully, positively). So what? For cleaning?

Galya (exhaling, calmly). Yeah, come on.

They begin to clean up, put everything in its place, restore, lift, repair. To make everything look divine. In the process of cleaning, they have a relaxed, calm conversation.

Vovchik (in the process of cleaning). Listen, but what if, for example, we find you a new husband? Well, not then sometime, but now, in advance! So somehow really… well, where are you going, how are you going to be? This is not the case. But if we find you a new husband ahead of time – then there will be no problem. Cleverly thought up?

The wife looks at her husband like an idiot, is silent, continues to do the cleaning.

Vovchik (in the process of cleaning). No, well, really! So I will be calm that everything is fine with you, and you will be fine. Is it good?

Galya (exhaling, calmly). Vovchik… my dear… I seem to have warmed you up with something on the head. What are you talking about? What husband?

Vovchik (enthusiastically, in the process of cleaning). No, you listen! You and I don't love each other, do we?

Galya (exhaling, calmly). We don't like it!

Vovchik (enthusiastically, in the process of cleaning). Here! It means that your heart is free and it may well be open to new life partners. Or do you already have someone, I just don't know?

Galya (joining the dialogue). Yes, I have no one, I would say, too, to me, a secret. It's like you and I have something to lose…

Vovchik (enthusiastically, in the process of cleaning). So here I am about the same thing! Look! I think we should do this! We will place an ad on several dating sites, explain the situation and we will choose! I've got you out… the woman is still nothing. I think a couple of fools will bite.

Galya (biased). No, please. This delusional thought cannot be released further than your head. Otherwise, pretty wealthy uncles in white coats will come to the announcement, and under white hands and in a yellow house. I have enough of a madhouse here. The point is to change the awl for soap.

Vovchik (enthusiastically, in the process of cleaning). No question! You can practically not participate in this at all, I will do everything myself. That's just…

Vovchik takes out his phone and takes a few pictures of his wife.

Galya (biased). Uh… uh. What are you up to? What are you? Are you serious about this?

Vovchik (enthusiastically). Quite! Don't worry. I will submit ads myself and I will correspond on my own behalf. I undertake all administrative activities on this issue. I will explain everything to potential suitors myself and explain it in the most loyal way. Who will merge – he will merge, but someone, perhaps, will come? Let's try, what do we lose? Well, come on, pose …

Galya is in turmoil for a while, then decides and begins to pose effectively, Vovchik takes pictures, he is passionate, he is literally captured by this idea. He is happy with the pictures he gets. Makes about a dozen frames.

Vovchik (enthusiastically, positively, looking at the resulting photos on his smartphone). Here! Woooooooooo! That's it, that's it! Well, that's it… Consider it a done deal. Then let's finish cleaning, and I won't waste time and will start performing a difficult, but, I think, quite feasible task!

Vovchik runs away satisfied. Galya continues cleaning, shaking her head skeptically.

Galya (to the viewer). Cheered up somehow. Perked up straight. I found an excuse to dump my wife. These are the guys. No, to try to solve the problem, where is there. It's easier to shift it to someone else. And that's the whole point of my hubby. He ran… Well, well… Let him try to find at least someone… He thinks it's so simple. It would be easy – she would have found someone for herself a long time ago. And here we already have what we are glad to have. How are you happy? Glad is a big word… eh… okay, as they say, it will be tolerated – it will be loved… someday.

A happy and cheerful Vovchik runs in, carries a printout in his hand with a photo and a description of the man.

Vovchik (pleased with himself, positive). Well! On the hunter and the beast runs. Look what a handsome guy you fished out. I just posted it, right away – once! The offer has been received. Well, I outlined it to him in a nutshell, he seemed to agree. His name is Sergey, he will be here soon.

Galya (nervously, confused). What? What do you mean? How?

Vovchik (pleased with himself, positive). And that's it. That's it, run, dress up prettier, and I'll finish here myself. We are waiting for guests!

Vovchik pushes his wife, cheers and escorts her out, finishes cleaning himself positively and joyfully, brings the finishing touches to mind.

ZTM.