Читать книгу Men's bikes. A play for 5-8 people. Comedy - Николай Лакутин - Страница 3

A family-entertaining musical theme sounds. Softly, so that Vasily's speech could be heard.

Moderately cozy living family environment.

Enter the infuriated Vasily. He hurriedly puts his work suitcase aside, looks around, calls his wife. He walks around the room, trying to loosen his work clothes on the move. Buttons are unbuttoned there, a tie (if there is one) pulls, well, something. In general, a person is at home, a person is tired, I want to quickly take off the weight of this exciting day.

Vasily (loudly, tiredly, slowly clumsily pulling off his work clothes). Klav? Claudia? Are you at home?

The music ends

Claudia (shouting from somewhere in the kitchen). Yes, at home. I'm cooking dinner.

Vasily (loudly, tiredly, slowly clumsily pulling off his work clothes). Dinner? Excellent. I was just really, really hungry. What do we have for dinner there?

Enter Claudia. She is also dressed relatively like a worker, but she has an apron tied over her work clothes. She carries a frying pan in her hand (not empty)!

Claudia (begins her speech backstage, but as she approaches her husband and as she examines the lipstick marks on her husband, her tone changes). Dear, I literally just came myself, I only managed to have scrambled eggs, but let's have a snack with you now, and then I'll do something more serious …

Claudia is already coming close to her husband. She had already seen traces of lipstick on it and this sight did not please her at all. She interrupts her speech, starts sniffing her husband, who smells of someone else's feminine perfume.

Vasily does not attach any importance to what is happening at all, he has no idea what Lucy is carrying from him and that he is covered in traces of her thoughtless kisses.

Vasily happily looks into the frying pan, rubs his hands contentedly.

Vasily (optimistically, smiling, that it is generally inappropriate for him now, rather rubbing his hands). Oh! Yaishenka! Two pieces! Great, let's, as they say, kick in the egg!

Claudia (in a very strange tone, having already made some conclusions for herself about her husband and his appearance). Well no… first, perhaps, still on the head.

Vasily (completely not understanding what it is about). What, I'm sorry?

Claudia, without thinking twice, hits her husband on the head with this very frying pan. Scrambled eggs, of course, fly out of the frying pan wherever God sends.

Vasily also flies away from the impact of the frying pan somewhere to the side.

Claudia puts her hands on her hips, holds a frying pan, looks displeased at her husband.

The husband looks around with completely dazed eyes. Where is he, what is he? What happened at all? He somehow gets up, maneuvers a little in space, keeps his balance, looks at his wife with an inquiring look. Silent.

Claudia (severely). Is there anything you want to tell me?

Vasily (in a strange tone). Want… I really want to.

Claudia (severely). Come on, I'm listening!

Vasily (in a strange tone). To begin with, the frying pan is pretty hot!

Claudia (severely). You essentially explain! Why are you covered in lipstick? Why do you smell like a woman's perfume? Where have you been rustling?

Vasily examines himself, searches and finds.

Finally understands what's what, and to some extent sighs with relief.

Vasily (a little nervously and as a result – not too plausible). And … you mean it. So it's Lucy!

Claudia (sternly, displeased). Also Lucy?

Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). Well yes… such a name… there is… in the world. It pisses me off… it's been a long time. From school still.

Claudia (sternly, displeased). And what kind of Lucy is this? Where did it come from on your cheeks, on your neck???

Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). So… That's what I'm saying. My classmate is Lucy. In general, she was always "inadequate", although for some reason she considered me to be a fool.

Claudia (sternly, discontentedly, incredulously). Did you meet an abnormal classmate?

Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). Well..!

Claudia (sternly, discontentedly, incredulously). And she kind of pounced on you for no reason, but how can we hug and kiss, right? Was that how it was?

Vasily, hearing this description of events, raises his hands in surprise, saying, "how do you know everything", his face expresses agreement, which looks like a mockery in his situation.

Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). Here… that's exactly how it was!

Claudia (sternly, discontentedly, incredulously). Vasya? Do you really take me for an idiot, right? You tell these stories to your colleagues, maybe they will believe it. And I don't need to be sprinkled with such stories. (To the viewer) What kind of men? They can't even come up with a normal excuse. They all have a little something – so immediately some crazy classmate pounced, kissed, hugged… (Turns to her husband) Not raped by an hour, no?

Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). You know… there was a risk. But I defended my honor!

Claudia (sternly, discontentedly, incredulously, with sarcasm). You're my risky bastard! Come quickly, I will reward you for your bravery!

Claudia threatens with a frying pan. Vasily seems to approach at first, but seeing that his wife never believes him at all and takes what he says for lies, and even waves a frying pan, he steps back.

Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). Klav? I'm telling you the truth. She passed by, saw, recognized, damn her. Literally rushed to hug and kiss. She meowed something there that she was getting married, said goodbye and left. I swear to you, I haven't seen her in a thousand years and I wouldn't see her three times that many. I have nothing to do with it at all! What was I supposed to do? Tell me? To fight off her with a suitcase, as it happened not once, in school years… only the briefcase was used then. Sort of… not kids anymore. Yes and… I would honestly say I fought back, but she caught me by surprise. I would not disdain to hang her feed on the head with a suitcase a couple of times. Clingy – sticky… Ugh!

Claudia (severely, discontentedly, incredulously). Well, well …

Vasily nods heart-rendingly, does not know how else to explain his appearance.

Claudia (severely). Vasya?

Vasily (warily). And?

Claudia (carefully, carefully). Do you still love me?

Vasily (relieved). My God, yes of course – I love. Well, what are you doing?

Claudia (exhaling heavily). Okay… Whatever it is, I don't want to know. Love is already something, we'll see about the rest, we'll observe. Go, wash, change clothes… (nervously, disgustedly) Take it all off, and come to the kitchen, we'll have dinner. I'll go back to the table to think about something.

Claudia nervously, restrainedly freaking out, goes back to the kitchen, Vasily picks up the scrambled eggs with his hands from the floor, and also leaves.

ZTM.