Читать книгу The Most Amazing Story of King Fantis I. - null Pevo - Страница 3

… there was a monarch called King Fantis I, who reigned over the Land of Pink Elephants, which many of you may know as Tuskany. It is very easy to find this kingdom on a map: right next to well-known Yeah But Country is Worrisome Country, which is no less famous, and right next to Worrisome Country lies Tuskany, which shares a direct border with India. Nobody knows when exactly this magical tale of our sad hero, King Fantis I, happened. Renowned mythologists reckon it may have occurred at the beginning of Infinity, but there are other storytellers who believe it happened around the middle of the Infinite Timeline, and quite a number of fairytale ladies insist that the most amazing story of King Fantis I came to pass towards the end of Infinity.

At any rate, the Land of Pink Elephants had a king, just like any other proper country, and a very, very sad one at that. Why, oh why was the heart of King Fantis I so heavy? What made the melody of his soul such a sad one? The king himself did not know. All he knew was that he felt so very tired, and all he really wanted to do was sleep.

He often thought about his grandmother, who had died not so long ago, and whom he had loved dearly. She had been a foundling, allegedly left on the doorstep of the aristocratic von Jokemaker family by the Pinkingese in the hope that the child would be well cared for and would grow up to lead a happy and content life. The Pinkingese were on a pilgrimage to the sacred mountain of Elephandex in the Land of Pink Elephants, and they knew that the von Jokemaker family had emigrated from the province of Pinkingesia many many years ago and gone to live in the capital of Tuskany, Pinkston Town. This also became evident in the traditional von Jokemaker family crest, which hung resplendent above the front gate, showing the proud Pinkingaria against a background of blue and white lozenges. The von Jokemakers took the child with good humour: they knew that the pilgrimaging Pinkingese were suffering great hardships and that they had abandoned the child only due to this miserable situation, with heavy heart and in the best of hopes.

The infant was named Rosy Rory von Jokemaker. She was different from all the other aristocrats, because the blood in her veins was pink, not blue.

However, the von Jokemaker family was only lower nobility, because they constantly blew it with others. Even the cheapest of jokes made them put their foot in their mouth with glee. The other aristocratic families had reputable consultants and diligent treasurers for their financial affairs. The von Jokemakers only employed court jesters, jugglers and clowns, who also tended to any financial matters on the side. Consequently, this noble family had never managed to amass any riches worth mentioning.

But why exactly Princess Rosy Rory sank into a 100-year-long sleep back when she was young, nobody in all of Tuskany would understand. Was it perhaps all that stress at Princess School, or was it merely one of these cheap tricks which the von Jokemaker liked to play?

The family was not amused at all by this incident, which is why Rosy Rory’s foster mother, Nasty Isolde, made up the story of the wicked fairy godmother and the spindle which purportedly pricked her daughter’s finger. To this day, all the inhabitants of this strange country believe Isolde’s tall tale.

None other than the noble knight Sir Humphrey Trumpet of Trumpet Castle woke Princess Rosy Rory with a kiss. He had to practice for many years and hone and refine his kissing skills to accomplish this heroic feat. So he spent hour upon hour with many a damsel for this purpose until he finally felt one day that he was sufficiently prepared for the final wake-up kiss. Only then did he set out to find the sleeping Princess Rosy Rory, confident in his victory, and kissed her awake with only a single kiss (which, however, lasted six hours and 66 minutes). It goes without saying that the two of them got married and had children. From that moment, the Princess grew roses and knew neither haste nor hurry.

King Fantis I thought about all this in his hours of sadness, but what really aggrieved him and caused him great pain was that he had lost his Crown Shine a long time ago. He roamed the palace sorrowfully and lamented, “Where, oh where has the Crown Shine gone from my head, oh alas! Woe is me, where has it gone?”