Читать книгу A Man's Black Heart - Nuria Farai - Страница 11

Jade

Chapter 1

Just another night of depression and guilt. Jade rubbed her face energetically to clear her heavy thoughts. Years of sorrow clung to her. She would never be happy with him. No matter how much she wished for it, he never wavered. He was ever her loving and caring best friend, her self-appointed brother. Yet he was nothing like a brother to her, except for the feeling of deep trust she had in him. But what did it matter, since he would never desire her. Since the day they had been to the zoo, she was in love with him. Tariq, her best friend. He was a Pakistani economist and kick-boxer with eye-catching exotic looks and dashing green eyes. Her girlfriends mouth-watered over him, all except Taylor, who knew about Jade’s feelings. That love was the cause of all her pain. In three years of close and continuous friendship, he had never let down his guard. Not once. He was a heterosexual man, after all, not shy with girls, neither in a relationship nor in love with another woman. Yet, even when savagely drunk, he would not touch her. Sure, he would cuddle her more often, draw her into his arms, but it was like a mother hen gathering her offspring under her wings. She was not a baby chicken. She was attractive to men with her long, blonde locks and a slim, yet distinctly feminine body. Sensual, as Taylor said. How could a man with a functioning member not once want her in three years? He had seen her in a bathing suit, in an evening gown, in a pajama, and even naked with only a small towel wrapped around her skin. But his harness had never slipped. He was so damned controlled. As a friend, he could lose his temper. When she dated guys, he checked on her dates and demanded she write him regularly text messages to make sure she was alright. She always had to write in a certain way to ensure she was doing this with her free will. He was a smart guy. When she returned, he would wait in front of her flat, muscular arms crossed in front of his wide chest, glaring at her date. He mustered her like a pimp, ensuring his ware was undamaged, as she often complained. Not that she ever had sex. At least, only oral sex. It was all her boyfriends could get from her. She only wanted Tariq, and had never had a real sexual appetite before meeting him.

But Tariq was ice.

Yet, Tariq was fire. He had wanted Jade since the very first time he had met her. That was three years ago. His heart still clenched in agony at the memory. It did every time. When he saw the dashing blonde with long, well-trained legs and a curvy shape, the sweetest smile on her full lips, with loving eyes and a sharp wit, he was a goner. When she started telling silly jokes, he knew she was for life. When she bent down to pat a puppy and stuck out her delicious, muscular butt, he knew not how to react. He then ran to the men’s restroom to jerk off, much to his shame. It was shockingly humiliating. He tried to check his chances with her, but her sweetness was a powerful cover for her disappointment in men, her distrust in family and relationships. He felt her sadness and pain, and with great regret he decided he would be her close friend, if she let him, but never more. Until she could let love enter her world again, love and trust. Two years later, they had gained a strong relationship. Three years later, a strong friendship and strong pain and a distinct feeling of hopelessness. Yes, he felt despair. Every time he held her, when she was crying, or happy, or just glad to be with him, he felt wary. Wary of playing games, of denying his gigantic urge to kiss her mindless before shagging her to the Hindukush Mountain ranges, and then to the moon and back.

Tonight Jade was invited at his place to have dinner. On top of his other accomplishments, Tariq was a gifted cook. He enjoyed cooking her favorite meals for her. She put on her prettiest dress and matching high heels. Underneath she wore a black lace bra with matching slip. You never knew. Not that she expected the unlikely. Still. It made her feel attractive, even if he treated her like a child when it came to her sexuality. When she arrived at his door, she swore to relax and to act as she always did. After tonight, it was time to reach to a decision. Either she gathered up her courage and told him she wanted to be with him, or she ran far, far away. If he turned her down, she would equally run. She could always find a job in a remote country or add another Master to hers. He flung the door open and beamed at her. His hair was ruffled, around his slim hips he wore an apron with a silly cartoon design and a black t-shirt that accentuated his broad chest and biceps. He looked smoking hot, his beautiful lips so kissable, the bright eyes shining with tenderness. „You have just arrived in time! The damn roast is not tender at all, it’s dry, and I cannot understand why. What to do with it?“ She kissed him fleetingly on the cheek and then pushed past him to take a look at the unruly meat. It was a bit dry. She thought for a moment, and finally they decided to cut it up and add a vinegar-mustard sauce to it. She loved cooking with him. They stood in perfect harmony side by side, chopping onions and mixing the sauce. Tariq glanced at her sideways. She looked beautiful, the red dress showing off her glorious hair and fine figure. A very feminine figure with round breasts and curvy hips. He so longed to kiss her, to make her his. She had withdrawn slightly from him in the last weeks. Had refused more than one invitation to spend time together. She did not tell him all her concerns anymore. When he asked how things were going, it was mostly „Fine, and at your end?“ It hurt him, but he thought she needed time to reflect about an issue that had her mind occupied. Or was she dating someone and did not want his interference? He was an ass when it came to other men. None of them was good enough for her, and he made them feel it. And her, too. Perhaps she was tired of his criticism and wanted to enjoy their company in peace, without having to justify herself. The thought that she was hiding something from him, and moreover, being with a man, almost drove him over the edge. He was going to make her confess everything. After dinner, though. They ate, talking pleasantly about this and that, trying to avoid any difficult topics. He noticed that she never held his look for long. She definitely was shying away from him!

After dinner, while washing the dishes and wiping the kitchen clean, he watched her discreetly. She was kneading her slender hands, looking wretched. „J, I want to ask you something. Will you be honest, please?“ She did not immediately answer. Why not? „Sure, I always am, as you are well aware“, she retorted coolly after a while. „Right. You seem elusive these past weeks. Is there anything wrong? Is there something worrying you? Is there a problem? Did I do something to vex you?“ He never did, only reject any sexual interest between them. They rarely fought, and if they did, it was mostly because she was in a bad mood during her courses and became angry for the slightest cause. He knew her days by heart. Jade looked at him, her gaze not displaying her feelings or thoughts. „Tariq, there is nothing wrong. I am just … enjoying my own company. Somehow I have been thinking a lot about my past and it makes me feel unfit for society.“ „But I am not just any society. J, what about your past?“ „The usual things. But I have lately realised I miss having a relationship, that I would like someone to love. I don’t even have sex to distract me. These are things I should have, I think. I’m lonely in that aspect.“ He looked away. God, he did not like where this conversation was heading! It was a subject he was loath to address with her. „Is there … are you planning to change that?“ She gave him a sour smile. „It’s hard to get a boyfriend with you breathing down our necks. You were so unkind to all of them! Apart from that, yes, I shall have sex. Perhaps I’ll be successful on Tinder. I’ve opened an account and already there have been several offers. It’s incredible how many people are online, looking out for a quick round.“ His facial expression changed from concerned to incredulous and then, to hot anger. Jade swallowed hard. She shouldn’t have told him. On the other hand, it was her life, she was a responsible adult and damn it, he did not bed her, so someone had to make do! „You did not!“, he growled. Then he exploded. „Jade, that is such a stupid thing to do! There is bound to be a dangerous individual amongst your offers, and what if you end up being raped? Gang raped? You know he can tell his friends to join your little sex meeting. You are a virgin, for God’s sake! You really want your first time to be with an unknown ass who might film it and put it online?“ She colored. „You can stand guard, if you insist“, she said testily. He gaped at her with his jaw open, then his eyes snapped. He came around the kitchen counter, walked up to her and grabbed her close. His hand tilted her chin none too gently up towards him. „Sure, I would just love that. Jade, you are not doing any such thing, or I will seriously slap your ass. Or better even, lock you up until you’re old and grey“. „They would miss me at work. Taylor would find out“, she weakly said, missing the point. He looked so handsome in his helpless fury. „Tariq, if you continue behaving like a Muslim big brother, I will sneak out and fuck the first guy I come across! You cannot control me!“ He stared, then he released her and turned abruptly away. „Dammit! Then do the fuck what you want! I’m going for a walk!“ He stormed out of the room and banged the door, making the walls shake. Jade startled. She had never pissed him off like this before. He was definitely over the edge.

Tariq was so mad, if anyone crossed his path and looked at him, he might beat them to a pulp. Fuck! Damnation! The girl had lost her wits and there was nothing he could do! She was not ready for a relationship that lasted, he was sure of it. He would lose her if he revealed his feelings. She would run, as she always had. It would kill him, and her, if they lost each other. He would rather castrate himself than take her. It would be horrible if she bedded someone else, but how to keep a 25-year old from having sex? She deserved to feel desired and loved, to have a relationship, and later, a family. And he wanted that family, too. How could he expect her to stand by and watch him have everything most people wanted?

He rounded the park, then walked back, his anger slowly dying down. He opened the door, gently, and entered the living room. She was sitting on the couch, looking slight and sad. He hated that he was the one giving her pain. That she felt pain, at all. What a prick he was, knowing how she feared a man’s violence! She was wonderful, an angel. He did not deserve her kindness. „J. I’m so sorry.“ He knelt before her, took her hand into his and kissed it gently. Then he kissed her cheek, her eyebrows, her nose tip, and God, her mouth. Her lips where soft and tasted like the sweetest honey. He could not stop. What should have been a completion of his tour de visage ended with a long meeting of lips, which aroused him. Before he could control his masculine desires, his arm brought her closer. When her breasts touched his chest, she gasped and his tongue entered her mouth. It was beyond his control. The iron grip he had had on his lust and love for three long years relaxed into something wild and roaring. Before the poor girl could react, she was on her back. He frantically kissed her, pushing his tongue deep down her throat, his hands kneading her breasts. She moaned. He was not sure if from pleasure or shock. It did not matter. He practically ripped her dress down - her favorite dress - , tore the lace bra - hot - off her breasts and took a nipple into his mouth. He noted how perfect her breasts were, how silky and firm, with beautifully shaped light brown nipples, but he did not allow himself time to look at them, because he feared that if he broke contact, her shocked eyes would make him desist. He behaved like a rogue, he knew it. But it felt so good!

Jade could not believe this was happening! After years of longing, he was finally kissing and touching her! She was on fire, her breasts pressing against his mouth with longing, her core wet and hot. When his hand drove up her thigh and he pulled her slip away teasingly slowly from her center, she cried out. His finger touched her knot, and she was almost there. How could she feel so aroused? So entirely ready for him? He pushed a finger gently inside, and she sobbed from lust. After a few light-feathered strokes and pokes with a second finger she lifted off the sofa and screamed her passion out. He kissed her fervently, drowning her cries and then letting her vocalize them, again. He held her tight, prolonging her orgasm with his fingers, and his voice. „Let go, J. Show me, how much you like it. Cry for me, baby.“ His voice was hoarse and full of desire, as it had never been. It could have been another man’s. She collapsed, moaning his name. He smiled, then hugged her tight. After a few minutes, during which she tried to somehow regain her composure, with his fingers still inside her and his erection throbbing against her thigh, he suddenly stiffened. Oh no! There it was: regret. She closed her eyes and prepared for having her heart broken. „J! We cannot do this! I’m sorry! I lost control.“ She felt tears enter her eyes. He looked at them in shock. „You are crying! I practically forced you! God, I’m an ass!“ He stood up, leaving her feeling naked and cold. She missed his arms before she had really gotten used to them. „Tariq! I’m not sorry! It was beautiful, and it felt so right. I am made for your touch, it seems. Please, don’t make a fuss about it. It’s just … being intimate!“ He ruffled his hair. „But you are not ready for that.“ „I am! I told you I was ready to have sex with a total stranger! It’s much better, and safer, with you!“ How pathetic. Selling her desire as a treat of friendship. The look in his green eyes made her want to leap at his chest. He was so beautiful. Full of passion and full of control, all united in one gorgeous man. A man that had made her come after less than a minute. How she loved him! She stood up and gently pulled him towards her, circling her arms around his waist. She put her head soothingly on his chest. His heart was pounding like a snare drum. „Tariq. You are everything to me. Please, be the one … to show me“, she whispered. There! She had said it. Not all, but much. He stiffened again. „You mean I should sleep with you?? Jade, I can’t. It will screw up our friendship. You are everything to me, too. If I lost you, I’d die.“ His honest confession took her breath away. „No, you won’t. Lose me, I mean. It’s right, Tariq, because I feel completely shameless and free with you. You will not do bad things, you will not make me feel insufficient or unattractive.“ „J, you are absolutely and breathtakingly beautiful. You have breasts and legs that underwear models would kill for. Why on earth would anyone make you feel not enough?“ he sighed. „It’s not so much about looks, it’s about skills. And I’m not … experienced. Nor do I really care to learn stuff. Only with you.“ He leaned back and looked her intently into her honey-brown eyes. „Ok. I’ll do it. But J, if you feel remorse and cut me after that, I will kill you!“ He growled. She smiled happily, not believing her luck. „Make love to me now“. „No.“ „Why not? If we don’t do it now, you’ll shrink back, you chicken.“ His eyes became slits. „I will not. But you’ll have to wait until you are 120% sure“. „For an economist, you’ve got your numbers wrong. I will not have to wait to be sure. I have always wanted to be with you.“ He pressed his forehead against hers and sighed. „Whatever. Jade, are you having your ovulation soon? You usually get like this when you have it. I think it’s around this time …“ „Give me a break! It’s not that at all! And it is spooky how you know my cycle so well.“ „Your courses are my worst enemy. Remember how you threw a plant at me?“ „That was years ago, and I did apologise. You are such a tit.“ He laughed. The tension between them relaxed. He let her go and shifted her gently towards the door. „Bye, sweetheart. See you in a while. Go into meditation, or something.“ „I shall throw myself under the next male I see.“ „The next male you’ll see is probably my 80-year-old neighbor, who just went out for a smoke. Feel free. Let me know if I have to finish the job after that. He’ll probably collapse when he sees you naked.“ „You are difficult.“ „Get lost. Jade …“ he pulled her back into his arms. „I love you …“. „I know. I love you, too. So next time, sex.“ „Whatever you say.“ She closed the door, struggling to refrain from jumping up and down with glee like a crazy dwarf. There! They would do it, and she would love it. And perhaps, the odiously friendly „I love you“ would turn into a passionate one.