Remarks
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Nye Bill. Remarks
DIRECTIONS
My School Days
Recollections of Noah Webster
To Her Majesty
Habits of a Literary Man
A Father’s Letter
Archimedes
To the President-Elect
Anatomy
Mr. Sweeney’s Cat
The Heyday of Life
They Fell
Second Letter to the President
Milling in Pompeii
Broncho Sam
How Evolution Evolves
Hours With Great Men
Concerning Coroners
Down East Rum
Railway Etiquette
B. Franklin, Deceased
Life Insurance as a Health Restorer
The Opium Habit
More Paternal Correspondence
Twombley’s Tale
On Cyclones
The Arabian Language
Verona
A Great Upheaval
The Weeping Woman
The Crops
Literary Freaks
A Father’s Advice to His Son
Eccentricity in Lunch
Insomnia in Domestic Animals
Along Lake Superior
I Tried Milling
Our Forefathers
In Acknowledgement
Preventing a Scandal
About Portraits
The Old South
Knights of the Pen
The Wild Cow
Spinal Meningitis
Skimming the Milky Way
A Thrilling Experience
Catching a Buffalo
John Adams
The Wail Of A Wife
Bunker Hill
A Lumber Camp
My Lecture Abroad
The Miner at Home
An Operatic Entertainment
Dogs and Dog Days
Christopher Columbus
Accepting the Laramie Postoffice
A Journalistic Tenderfoot
The Amateur Carpenter
The Average Hen
Woodtick William’s Story
In Washington
My Experience as an Agriculturist
A New Autograph Album
A Resign
My Mine
Mush and Melody
The Blase Young Man
History of Babylon
Lovely Horrors
The Bite of a Mad Dog
Arnold Winkelreid
Murray and the Mormons
About Geology
A Wallula Night
Flying Machines
Asking for a Pass
Words About Washington
The Board of Trade
The Cow-Boy
Stirring Incidents at a Fire
The Little Barefoot Boy
Favored a Higher Fine
“I Spy.”
Mark Anthony
Man Overbored
“Done It A-Purpose.”
Picnic Incidents
Nero
Squaw Jim
Squaw Jim’s Religion
One Kind of Fool
John Adams’ Diary
John Adams’ Diary
John Adams’ Diary
“Heap Brain.”
The Approaching Humorist
What We Eat
Care of House Plants
A Peaceable Man
Biography of Spartacus
Concerning Book Publishing
A Calm
The Story of a Struggler
The Old Subscriber
My Dog
A Picturesque Picnic
Taxidermy
The Ways of Doctors
Absent Minded
Woman’s Wonderful Influence
Causes for Thanksgiving
Farming in Maine
Doosedly Dilatory
Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger
Sixty Minutes in America
Rev. Mr. Hallelujah’s Hoss
Somnambulism and Crime
Modern Architecture
Letter to a Communist
The Warrior’s Oration
The Holy Terror
Boston Common and Environs
Drunk in a Plug Hat
Spring
The Duke of Rawhide
Etiquette at Hotels
Fifteen Years Apart
Dessicated Mule
Time’s Changes
Letter From New York
Crowns and Crowned Heads
My Physician
All About Oratory
Strabusmus and Justice
A Spencerian Ass
Anecdotes of Justice
The Chinese God
A Great Spiritualist
General Sheridan’s Horse
A Circular
The Photograph Habit
Rosalinde
The Church Debt
A Collection of Keys
Extracts from a Queen’s Diary
Shorts
“We.”
A Mountain Snowstorm
Lost Money
Dr. Dizart’s Dog
Chinese Justice
Answers to Correspondents
Great Sacrifice of Bric-a-brac
A Convention
Come Back
A New Play
The Silver Dollar
Polygamy as a Religious Duty
The Newspaper
Wrestling with the Mazy
Anecdotes of the Stage
George the Third
The Cell Nest
Parental Advice
Early Day Justice.2
The Indian Orator
You Heah Me, Sah!
Plato
The Expensive Word
Petticoats at the Polls
The Sedentary Hen
A Bright Future for Pugilism
The Snake Indian
Roller Skating
No More Frontier
A Letter of Regrets
Venice
She Kind of Coaxed Him
Answering an Invitation
Street Cars and Curiosities
The Poor Blind Pig
Daniel Webster
Two Ways of Telling It
All About Menials
A Powerful Speech
A Goat in a Frame
To a Married Man
To an Embryo Poet
Eccentricities of Genius
Отрывок из книги
This book is not designed specially for any one class of people. It is for all. It is a universal repository of thought. Some of my best thoughts are contained in this book. Whenever I would think a thought that I thought had better remain unthought, I would omit it from this book. For that reason the book is not so large as I had intended. When a man coldly and dispassionately goes at it to eradicate from his work all that may not come up to his standard of merit, he can make a large volume shrink till it is no thicker than the bank book of an outspoken clergyman.
This is the fourth book that I have published in response to the clamorous appeals of the public. Whenever the public got to clamoring too loudly for a new book from me and it got so noisy that I could not ignore it any more, I would issue another volume. The first was a red book, succeeded by a dark blue volume, after which I published a green book, all of which were kindly received by the American people, and, under the present yielding system of international copyright, greedily snapped up by some of the tottering dynasties.
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I knew a young man who was a good writer. His penmanship was very good, indeed. He once wrote an article for the press while under the influence of liquor. He sent it to the editor, who returned it at once with a cold and cruel letter, every line of which was a stab. The letter came at a time when he was full of remorse.
He tossed up a cent to see whether he should blow out his brains or go into the ready-made clothing business. The coin decided that he should die by his own hand, but his head ached so that he didn’t feel like shooting into it. So he went into the ready-made clothing business, and now he pays taxes on $75,000, so he is probably worth $150,000. This, of course, salves over his wounded heart, but he often says to me that he might have been in the literary business to-day if he had let liquor alone.
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