Читать книгу The Best Kept Secrets... - Оливия Гейтс - Страница 18

Chapter Nine

Jillian was out of the bed in a flash, taking half the blankets with her. She speared Aidan with an angry look. “Are you crazy? You can’t be in love with me. It won’t work, especially when I’m in love with you, too.”

Too late she’d realized what she’d said. From the look on Aidan’s face, he had heard her admission. “If I love you and you love me, Jillian, then what’s the problem?”

She lifted her chin. “The problem is that we can’t be together the way you would want us to be. I was okay with it when it was one-sided and I just loved you and didn’t think you could possibly return the feelings, but now—”

“Hold up,” Aidan said, and her eyes widened when he got off the bed to stand in front of her without a stitch of clothes on. “Let me get this straight. You think it’s okay for me to sleep with you and not be in love with you?”

She tossed her hair back from her face. “Why not? I’m sure it’s done all the time. Men sleep with women they don’t love and vice versa. Are you saying you love every woman you sleep with?”

“No.”

“Okay then.”

“It’s not okay because you’re not any woman. You’re the one that I have fallen in love with.”

Why was he making things difficult? Downright complicated? She had to make him understand. “I could deal with this a lot better if you didn’t love me, mainly because I would have known it wasn’t serious on your end.”

“And that would not have bothered you?”

“Not in the least. I need to stay focused on my studies and I can’t stay focused if I know you feel the same way about me that I feel about you. That only complicates things.”

He stared at her as if he thought she was crazy. In a way she couldn’t very much blame him. Most women would prefer falling in love with a man who loved them, and if things were different she would want that, too. But the time wasn’t right. Men in love made demands. They expected a woman’s time. Her attention. All her energy. And being in love required that a woman give her man what he wanted. Well, she didn’t have the time to do that. She was in medical school. She wanted to be a doctor.

And worse than anything, an Aidan who thought he loved her would cause problems. He wouldn’t want to keep their relationship a secret. He was not a man to be kept in the closet or denied his right to be seen with her. He would want everyone to know they were together and that was something she couldn’t accept.

“I still can’t understand why you think me loving you complicates things,” Aidan said, interrupting her thoughts.

“Because you wouldn’t want to keep our affair a secret. You’ll want to tell everyone. Take me out anyplace you want. You wouldn’t like the thought of us sneaking around.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” He gently pulled her into his arms. She would have pushed him away if he hadn’t at that moment tugged the bedcovers from her hands leaving her as naked as he was. The moment their bodies touched, arousal hit her in the core. She was suddenly reminded of what they’d done last night and how they’d done it. From the way his eyes darkened, she knew he was reliving those same sizzling memories.

“Jillian.”

“Aidan.”

He drew her closer and closed his mouth over hers. She was lost. For a long while, all she could do was stand there feeling his body plastered to hers, feeling his erection pressed against her, feeling the tips of her nipples poking into his chest while he kissed her. Frissons of fire raced up her spine.

And when she felt herself being maneuvered toward the bed, she was too caught up in desire to do anything about it. The same urgency to mate that had taken hold of him had fused itself to her. As soon as her back touched the mattress she slid from beneath him and pushed him back. She had flipped them and was now on top of him. He stared up at her with surprise in his eyes.

She intended to play out one of her fantasies, one of the ways they’d made love in her dreams—with her on top. But first she needed him to know something. “I take the Pill...to regulate my periods. And I’m safe,” she whispered.

“So am I.”

She maneuvered her middle over his engorged shaft, which stood straight up. Every hormone inside her body sizzled as she eased down onto him, taking him inside inch by inch. He was big, but like last night her body stretched to accommodate his size.

“Look at me, Jillian.” Obeying his command, she held his gaze.

“I love you, whether you want me to or not and it’s too late for you to do anything about it.”

She drew in a deep breath and continued to ease him inside of her, not wanting to dwell on the problems love could cause. They would talk again later. But for now, this was what she wanted. This was what she needed. And when she had taken him to the hilt, she moved, riding him the way she’d been taught to ride years ago. From the look reflected in the depths of his eyes, she was giving him a ride he would remember for a long time.

She liked the view from up here. Staring down at him, seeing his expression change each time she shoved downward, taking him deeper. His nostrils flared. His breathing was choppy. Was that a little sweat breaking through on his brow?

Riding him felt good. Exhilarating. He definitely had the perfect body to be ridden. Hard, masculine and solid. She had her knees locked on each side of his strong thighs. Her inner muscles clenched, gripping him in a hold that had him groaning deep in his throat.

She loved the sound. Loved being in control. Loved him. The last thought sent her senses spiraling, and when he shouted her name and bucked his entire body upward, she felt his massive explosion. He drenched her insides with thick semen. And she used her muscles to squeeze out more.

Perspiration soaked her head, her face, their bodies...but she kept on riding. When another explosion hit him, she nearly jerked them both off the bed when she screamed in pleasure.

He held her tight and she held him and she wished she never had to let him go.

* * *

Aidan pushed a damp curl out of Jillian’s eyes. She was sprawled on top of him, breathing deeply. He figured she had earned the right to be exhausted. He’d never experienced anything so invigorating or stimulating in his entire life.

“Don’t ask me not to love you, Jillian,” he finally found the strength to say softly, and the words came straight from his heart. For the first time in his life, he’d told a woman he loved her and the woman wished that he didn’t.

When he felt her tears fall on his arm, he shifted their bodies so he could look at her. “Is me loving you that bad?”

She shook her head. “No. I know it should be what I want but the timing... There is so much I still have to do.”

“And you think I’d stop you from doing them?”

“No, but I’d stop myself. I’d lose focus. You would want to be with me and I would want to be with you. In the open. I know you don’t understand why I can’t do that, but I can’t.”

She was right, he didn’t understand. He believed she was all wrong about how Dillon and Pam, or the entire Westmoreland family, would handle them hooking up. He doubted it would be a big deal. But it didn’t matter what he thought. She thought otherwise and that’s what mattered.

“What if I agree to do what we’re doing now? I mean, keeping things between us a secret.”

She lifted her head. “You would agree to that, Aidan? I’m not talking about a few weeks or a few months. I’m talking about until I finish medical school. Could you really wait that long?”

That was a good question. Could he? Could he be around Jillian at family gatherings and pretend nothing was going on between them? And what about the physical distance between them? She wasn’t even sure what medical school she would attend. Her two top choices were Florida and New Orleans, both hundreds of miles away from Boston, Maine or North Carolina.

And what about his family and friends? Like Adrian, Aidan had quite a reputation around Harvard. What would his friends think when he suddenly stopped pursuing women? They would think he’d lost his ever-loving mind. But he didn’t care what anyone thought.

It didn’t matter. Wherever Jillian was, he would get to her, spend time with her and give her the support she needed to be the doctor she wanted to be.

What Jillian needed now more than anything was for him not to place any pressure on her. Her focus should be on completing the MCAT and not on anything else. Somehow he would handle the distance, he would handle his family and friends and their perceptions.

He held her gaze. “Yes, I can wait. No matter how long it takes, Jillian. Because you’re worth waiting for.”

Then he tugged her mouth down to his for another one of their ultrapassionate, mind-blowing kisses.