Читать книгу The Dreaming Of... Collection - Оливия Гейтс - Страница 56
Оглавление“I assume you have protection this time?”
Rafael disengaged from Eliana with the same caution he would distance himself from a bomb.
Just as guardedly, he said, “I don’t.”
“There’s a pharmacy nearby that delivers merchandise,” she murmured.
He shook his head, as if it would change what he was hearing. “What’s come over you?”
She raised one eyebrow challengingly. “That’s why you’re here, right? The untold pleasure thing you said we promised each other? So let’s cut the chase.”
“You mean cut to the chase.”
“No, I mean what I said. You seem to want me the more I resist, so I’m ending the chase. Let’s do it.”
“Stop saying it.”
“What do you want me to call sex?”
“Don’t say that, either. When I take you it won’t be ‘sex.’”
“You like to refer to it as ‘making love’?”
“I never ‘refer to it’ as anything.”
“You just do it, huh? Fine by me.”
“I said stop it, Eliana.” He scowled at her, but those eyes of hers were unrepentant. And they inflamed him even more for it. His lips twitched. “But if I must give what we’ll share a name, it would be something like...plunging in passion.”
The twist of her lips told him what she thought of his flowery descriptions. He couldn’t fault her ridicule. He was stunned at what kept spilling from his lips himself.
He exhaled forcibly when she kept looking stubbornly at him. “Why the sudden change of mind?”
She shrugged. “I doubt I’ll ever want a man like I want you, and you want to have sex—oh, sorry—to plunge in passion with me. Probably to uphold your record of never having a woman say no to you. But I no longer care about your motive. I just want to find out what the fuss is all about. Once you’re appeased, you’ll walk away again and that will be that.”
“First, I don’t have a record. Second, I didn’t walk away in the first place.”
“So you say.”
“So you didn’t believe my explanations?”
“They’re no longer relevant. So if you want to take me to bed, I want that, too. But let’s be clear about what it will be—a one-night stand or at most a very brief liaison.”
His insides tightened. This was spiraling out of control, going where he never expected. “Is this what you want?”
Another shrug. “This is what will happen.”
“Is this about my wealth and power again?”
“It’s about everything that you are. I always held my own with anyone, but I can’t with you. You are way out of my league.”
“Stop saying that, too,” he growled, exasperation soaring.
“It’s the truth, as your horror of a friend said.”
“Seems he has more than I thought to answer for.”
“He just pointed out what I was trying not to see so I can have some time with you. But I need balance in any relationship, no matter how fleeting, and the gross imbalance of power between us is something I can’t deal with.”
He reached for her hands carefully, as if afraid she’d bolt away and never let him near again. “Those tiny hands turn me to mush. I am powerless where you’re concerned. And since you’re the one who has the will to resist me, that makes you the one with the power in this relationship.”
She snatched her hands away, hugging herself in a defensive gesture. “We don’t have a ‘relationship.’ And if you haven’t noticed, that will to resist you lasted about an hour. So here I am...offering myself like I did last night. But this time I know what to expect. So take me or leave me. Your choice.”
Frustration boiled over at her finality, which he knew in his bones was no act. “You believed me last night without reservations. Why do you doubt everything I say now?”
Her shoulders jerked on what felt like dejection. Then she kicked off her sneakers and sat down on the armchair by the couch, curling her legs beneath her.
She looked so small and vulnerable, nothing like the entity who’d sizzled with energy and enchantment as she’d entertained the children. Yet she was the most formidable force he’d ever encountered. Her hold on him was growing by the second. He suspected it might already be unbreakable.
She sighed. “Something changed when you walked away. And I guess I...woke up. I did try to cling to the fantasy, but you and your partner thankfully made it impossible. So though your explanation is so lame it should be true, since you could have come up with something better if you were lying, it doesn’t revive the trust I felt in you. You’re no longer the man I trusted implicitly, just another person I have to take my usual precautions with. That’s why I need the upfront terms to guarantee I won’t end up feeling like I did last night.”
And that was where he’d miscalculated. He’d come here counting on that trust to make his justifications readily acceptable to her but hadn’t realized he’d already pulverized it. And that her being so in tune with him would actually backfire. She now saw through the fakeness of his explanations, just as she had sensed the truth of his every word and emotion last night.
So he didn’t deserve her trust, not where her father was concerned, but he’d meant every word he’d said to her—and about her. And now that he’d made sure her orphanage work was all benevolence, he was free to surrender to what he felt for her.
How this would work in tandem with his revenge on Ferreira, he had no idea. And for now, he didn’t care. He just needed her trust and spontaneity back.
And he would do anything to have all of her again.
He crouched down beside her armchair, struggling not to haul her out of it and crush her in his arms. “Then give me a chance to take you back to the fantasy and I will make it a reality. I will erase the change that happened inside you.”
She curled tighter, like a cat shying away from petting. “The change I felt happened inside you. I can’t explain it, but it...hurt.”
Had she felt his hatred and aggression when he’d seen her father, and it had pained her that much? She was that supremely sensitive to everything he felt?
“I know I didn’t know you long enough to have the right to feel or say any of that...”
He took the hands twisting on her lap to his aching lips. “You have every right to feel and say anything. We already agreed what we share transcends time.”
“I agreed to that when I was still under your spell.”
“Then let me cast another one.”
She wrenched her hands out of his. “No thanks. Sex is all I want from you now, all I have to offer. If you want to play more games, I’m no longer available for those.”
“No games, Eliana. Never any games. This is deadly serious to me.” He succumbed to the need to wrap his arms around her, laid his head on her breasts, listening to the music of her heartbeats. “I spent the night in a fever, my mind flooding with images and sensations. Of silk sheets drenched in your sweat, of your hot velvet limbs around me, of your cries rising in the dark.”
The heart beneath his ear raced, with his every word, but when she talked her voice was as stiff as her body. “No need to fantasize anymore. Take me and be done with it.”
He withdrew instead. This wasn’t how he wanted her. And then there was something else.
“You said something earlier...about finding out what the fuss is all about. Did you mean me or sex in general?”
“I meant sex with you. After all the buildup, I’m warning you I have ginormous expectations.”
“I will provide you with satisfaction of massive proportions.” He took her hands in his good one. “But there’s one thing I need to know. Are you a virgin?”
“Are you going to have sex with me now?”
He growled at the word sex. “No.”
“Well, when you decide to make good on your promises, I’ll let you know. Until then, that’s privileged info.” Her fiery eyes crackled with ire. “What’s it to you anyway?”
“Just finding out my variables. If you’re a virgin, I’ll live with it. If you’re not...I’ll also live with it.”
“Both variables sound equally unwelcome to you. Which is hard luck for you, since these are the only two available.”
He stroked a finger down her hot cheek, loving the way it trembled at his touch. “I actually welcome either. I would just appreciate a heads-up as to which is the truth, as it would dictate my...approach.”
Scoffing and choking on mortification at once, her eyes and lips became petulant. “Then why won’t you take me to bed now and end the suspense once and for all?”
“Because I made a promise to you that I would take it slow.”
“But I’m telling you I no longer want slow.”
“Only because you want to punish me.”
This time her scoff was pure derision. “Gee, I didn’t realize taking me to bed would be such a hardship.”
“You can’t forgive me, so you want to have me so you can get me out of your system and get rid of me. Just wanting this is as harsh a punishment as you can deal me.” Releasing her tresses from the elastic band, his groan echoed her moan as he massaged her scalp, sealed her lips with his and poured his pledge into her. “But I’m in your system to stay, minha Eliana.”
The way she melted into his kiss—like all the parts of him he hadn’t known had been missing fitting back into his being—made his head spin with hunger.
Before he forgot all the big talk about not taking her now, he released her.
She gasped, “I—I do forgive you.”
His heart thundered. “You do?”
“For last night. But I can’t forgive you for today.”
“You mean showing up uninvited at the orphanage? Attending your performance without your consent?”
She pushed at him, furious tears surging in her eyes. “How about dangling yourself in front of those deprived kids, especially a boy like Diego? He is starved for an adult male presence in his life. Then you appear like a genie that could grant him his every wish, treating him as if he mattered to you and making idle promises. Didn’t you think you’d be adding another letdown to a lifetime defined by abandonment?”
The lash of her disapproval felt like salt in every open wound. “I meant every promise I made to him.”
She jumped to her feet, glared down at him. “That you’d visit him? Once? More? Then what? Don’t you realize the hopes he could be pinning on you? And that he’s already hero-worshipping you?”
He rose to his feet, met her glare with his. “Are you telling me not to see him again?”
“I’m telling you it’s dangerous, it’s thoughtless and it could end up damaging him. I saw his expectations soar just realizing you exist, and when you showed him interest and regard, it developed into a tangled mess right before my eyes. A fall from such heights back to the bleakness of his reality would be devastating.”
She had a point. No matter that this boy so reminded him of himself at the age when he’d also found himself without a family, he had to tread carefully. He’d felt an incredible connection with Diego on sight, almost as strong as the one he’d felt with her. And although he did have intentions he would see through, he didn’t have a clear-cut plan in place yet. So for now, he just sighed, nodded in concession.
Taking this to mean he wouldn’t pursue the matter further, she exhaled. “About the check you cut to the orphanage—care to give me a number? Just so I know how bad the heart attack you gave the sisters was?”
“A million dollars.” At her gasp, he elaborated, “I estimated it’s what they need for immediate needs, and for rebuilding the parts of their convent and the orphanage that got damaged in the last tropical storm. But once they give me a comprehensive list of what they need for the children I’ll provide them with open funding.”
She gaped at him. Then she swallowed. “Thank you.”
He bent and caught the convulsive movement in her throat in an openmouthed kiss. He really couldn’t keep his hands and lips off her for longer than a few minutes. “Thank you.”
Throwing her head back, giving him license to worship her, she moaned, “Thank me for what?”
He raised his head. “For guiding me to Casa do Sol. My aid work is focused on organizations for children, but so many are inferior hellholes while others use children to bait donations that end up lining the pockets of the managers. I always have to deal with inefficiency or crush corruption before I can benefit the children. When I found you’ve been mostly working with Casa do Sol since you came to Rio, I investigated and found out that it’s the one orphanage that’s above all suspicion, as well as the one offering their children the best quality of life. That’s why I wrote them a check on the spot.”
That appreciation he was already addicted to was back in her eyes. Now it mixed with bashfulness. “That was very...thorough of you. Not to mention very thoughtful.”
“It’s just a start. If you have any ideas for improving the orphanage, or specific wishes for the children, make me a list. I will make them all a reality.”
“Thank you, I will.” She suddenly hid her face in his chest, peach staining her cheeks. “I didn’t know you had such an ongoing involvement in helping children. I’m sorry I accused you of being oblivious to their needs.”
A finger below her chin raised her eyes to his. “You were looking out for the children’s best interests.”
“I shouldn’t have interpreted your actions in the worst way just because I was angry with you. I’m really sorry.”
The whole world darkened as her eyes filled. She was that upset she’d misjudged him.
He hugged her fiercely, needing to absorb her dismay. “I am too powerful, and your worry that I might thoughtlessly step over the vulnerable without noticing was well founded. You couldn’t know what I do as I keep those activities a secret.”
She buried her face in him again, shaking her head. “I still shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”
He tilted her chin up again. “You’re painfully fair. I love this about you, as long as the pain you inflict in your fairness isn’t on yourself.”
“You don’t mind if I inflict it on you?”
“I welcome anything you inflict on me. I invite it.” A deep drugging kiss. “I beg for it.”
After he let go of her lips, she let out a crystalline laugh. “Diego read you right on the spot, too. He said you looked like Batman in his secret identity. That guy is also a billionaire philanthropist.”
“With the difference that Bruce Wayne advertises his philanthropy. I can’t even bear the word.”
Her eyes grew thoughtful, the warmth he’d been sorely missing flooding back in them. “So you don’t like considering what you do philanthropy?”
“I just have the means to achieve things. So I do.”
“And you hide your altruism while you leak info about a criminal past and affiliations. You want the world to learn about your lethal edge but not your gooey center, huh?”
He swung her around to her squealing delight, grinned down widely at her. “See? You read me like no one ever has.” Putting her back on her feet, he probed, “But how did you know about Casa do Sol? Did you investigate them, too?”
“No. I just made visits everywhere, and they were the only ones I felt...good about.”
“So again your instincts proved infallible. You read everyone, not just me. It’s your superpower.”
“It never felt like a good thing. It leaves me with precious few people in my life.”
“You only need a few who are precious.” He squeezed her tighter. “Though I’d rather you only need me.”
The flush that flooded her face was adorable. Before he commented on her paradoxical shyness—given that she hadn’t batted an eye while asking him to have sex—he realized his hand was hurting like hell. He’d been using it as if nothing was wrong with it.
He raised it up. “Aren’t you going to ask about my hand?”
A stubborn look came into her eyes. “No.”
“You don’t care that I broke it?”
“Are you going to take me now?”
“No.”
“Then I don’t care.”
He guffawed as she stuck her nose up at him. He’d never laughed that way, so elated and unfettered.
Still laughing, he swept her up, and his heart boomed at the way she clung to him, fitting into his every emptiness. The memory of her earlier rejection jolted through him, making him gather her tighter. He was never letting her recede from him again.
In her bedroom, another place full of her mementos, he laid her down on the burgundy comforter and came down half over her. She wriggled beneath him until she’d brought him fully over her, pulling him into an all-body hug.
He rose on one arm, the pain in his loins becoming agony. “You’ll blow all my fuses.”
She arched up into him. “Serves you right.”
“It wouldn’t serve you right.”
She giggled, clung harder and brought him down between her thighs.
He groaned. “I was right. You are an enchantress.”
“I was wrong. You’re not a sorcerer. That sort of implies a level of benevolence. You’re pure evil.”
At once laughing at her pout and grunting in pain, he rolled off her. It was unheard of for him to defer having anything he wanted. But doing so with her was the most pleasurable thing he’d ever experienced.
If anyone had told him last night he’d be lying side by side with her in her bed, just to hold her and talk, when he’d never hungered for anything as much as he hungered for her, he would have thought them insane. But now, he couldn’t imagine anything better as she slipped her limbs into the exact places where he needed them, holding on with the exact intensity he craved.
Sighing after she’d settled into him as if she’d been doing so all their lives, he reached over her and picked a frame off her crowded bedside table.
The photo was of a woman and a little girl, both grinning unreservedly at the photographer, throwing their arms wide as if to embrace him and the life they loved with him. The object of their all-out affection was obviously her father.
A pang twisted in his gut at yet another proof of the depth of emotions she had for that man.
Banishing Ferreira from his thoughts, he focused on this piece of her past, another detail bringing him closer to her.
“You got a lot from her.”
She nodded, threading her fingers through his hair. “I also got a lot from my father.”
After seeing them together, he hated to admit that was true. But then, on the outside, the man was a perfect specimen. Rafael was certain that on the inside Eliana hadn’t been tainted by any trace of his weaknesses and evils.
“Whatever you got, wherever you got it, you became this one-of-a-kind amalgam.”
She gave an adorable little snort. “Did you go to the University of Extravagant Descriptions? Then got a PhD in hyperbolic metaphors?”
“Hush. I have all that vocabulary that I never found use for. You’re getting the benefit of it all.”
“Whether I like it or not, huh?”
He tugged a thick tress. “Oh, you like it.”
A sigh clasped her even closer against him. “Yes.”
He kissed her forehead. “Do you remember her?”
Her eyes became suddenly turbid. “Everyone thinks that I couldn’t possibly remember all that I do about her, since I was just three when she died, and that what I think are my memories are just from what Daddy kept telling me about her as I grew up. But I do remember her. Very well. Too well sometimes.”
He feathered kisses all over her face, needing to take away the raw edge of memories. “Is this why you give so much of your life to orphans?” Almost every weekend, and after work almost every day. “Because you feel like one, and you feel her loss so keenly?”
“If I feel that way when I have the best father in the world, I can’t imagine how those who’ve lost both parents, or never had anyone feel.”
The best father in the world. The man who’d sent him to hell. But she had nothing to do with his crimes. And he’d keep her away from their fallout, whatever it took.
He forced down the bile that rose to his mouth. “Next time I see Sister Cecelia I’ll correct her. You’re the angel.”
Her eyes widened. “You heard her?”
“I have very, very good hearing.”
Her eyes grew heavy as they traveled down his body. “Everything about you is very, very good.”
He caught her tongue in a gentle bite, sucked it inside his mouth. “I’m agonizingly thrilled you approve...as you can feel.”
He ground his hardness against her and she mewled, became even more pliant against him. His head almost burst with the urge to forget his promise and just take her as she’d asked. But he had to wait. Had to deepen her involvement until she was as dependent on him as he was on her.
Insinuating a leg between his, she pressed her knee into his erection, wringing a growling thrust from him.
She chuckled, eyes telling him she considered them equal now. “But Sister Cecelia got it right, even if at the time I wanted to tell her that fallen angel would describe you better.”
“It would. I’ve done very, very bad things in my time. I still do, when the need arises.”
Her eyes grew serious. “But not to innocents.”
It was a statement, not a question. Pride expanded inside him that she trusted him again, and saw his fundamental truth.
“No. But the law still calls what I did and do illegal.”
“The right thing to do isn’t always legal. And as long as no innocents were harmed, as long as you help them like when you crush those corrupt people to save helpless children, then I call what you do heroic.” She sighed wistfully. “Sometimes I wish I could do the same, but I don’t have enough power. I’m only thankful someone like you who does exists, and that you use your power this way.”
Was it possible that once he destroyed her father—if she ever realized it was him who did it and she found out the reasons why—she’d find his actions heroic? At least, excusable and understandable?
“You can’t imagine how helpless I feel most of the time.” Her pain made him want to go out destroying everything that had ever made her feel this way. “I try to reach out to as many children as I can—to provide them with someone who cares, who’s there to listen to their problems and ideas, to take part in their activities, to encourage their interests and talents. But no matter how hard I try, I always feel nothing I do is enough. Thank God for people like the sisters who do far more. But someone like you? You can do the most.”
His throat tightened. “What you do will make a difference in those children’s psyches. I just throw my money and weight around, but I never made a child’s day better in person. Truth is, I never even interacted with one, until Diego today.”
“But without your ‘money and weight,’ we wouldn’t have the places and projects to offer any children anything.”
“So we complement each other.” She snuggled deeper into his chest, nodded. “We already knew that, just not how completely we do.”
Raising her face, her smile and gaze caressed him. “But you must now know everything about me since I sprouted my first baby teeth. And I know nothing about you.”
He rose on one elbow. “What do you need to know?”
“Tell me about your family.”
He’d been prepared with a fabricated history. But he couldn’t bear more lies between them than necessary. He’d tell her the truth—a carefully edited version of it.
“My parents divorced when I was ten. My mother remarried two years later and had three more children, two girls and a boy. My father remarried much later, and had two children, a girl and a boy. I exited their lives early and never reentered it. I sort of watch them from afar, keep my distance.”
“Is this what you want?”
“With my kind of life, with what I’ve been involved in, they were better off with me as far away as possible. When it became feasible for me to approach again, I still felt it wasn’t in their best interests for me to disrupt their lives.”
“How can you say that? I’m certain they’d love to have you be an integral part of their lives.”
He tickled her, trying to inject lightness into what was suddenly oppressively serious. “Who’s being biased?”
She grinned impishly, then turned back to seriousness at once. “But I really do imagine they would choose to be as close as possible to you if you gave them the choice.”
The talons in his throat sank a little deeper at her conviction. “It’s a bit more complicated than that.”
He expected her to probe this vagueness, but she only exhaled. “As long as you’re sure that it’s for the best. But even if it is, I still hate to think you’ve exiled yourself from your family. That you’ve chosen to be alone.”
“I’m not alone. I’m part of a...brotherhood, if you will.”
“One of them is that terror you have for a partner, huh?”
He guffawed at her wary-feline expression. “He was an addition to our brotherhood. He used to be my mentor.”
“He thinks he’s your father. Or your ‘Big Brother.’”
He laughed harder as she made the quotes gesture. “You’re uncanny. You analyze everything with such absolute accuracy.”
“He didn’t need analysis. He knocked me over the head with his ‘shining qualities.’” Another quote gesture.
“I assure you he hasn’t gotten and won’t get away with it. But speaking of family...I insulted your father almost as much as Richard did you.”
“Oh, no, there’s just no comparison. My father almost didn’t notice you, as anxious as he was about me.”
“I would still like to apologize. Will you please set up a proper meeting?”
A still look came into her eyes. “You want to meet him...as my father or as a potential partner?”
“Can’t I meet him as both?”
She grimaced. “You know where I stand on this issue.”
“Why don’t you let me handle this?”
“I’ve never been as miserable as I was last night, and I don’t want to risk something like that happening again.”
“It won’t. I promise.”
The troubled look that gripped her face almost made him tell her to forget it. But before he could say anything, she nodded, then nestled back into him.
As he received her into his embrace, that trust he craved, which she was bestowing on him in full again, weighed on him. It didn’t feel like a privilege anymore but a responsibility.
One he ultimately had to betray.
