Читать книгу Are You Still Single? - Olusola Coker, Dr. Olusola Coker - Страница 3

Are you 30 years and above and you are still single? Does it ever seem like everybody else on the planet is happily paired off with a perfect partner except you? Don’t panic, this does not mean there’s anything “wrong” with you. Nonetheless, if you are still single please find below reasons you are still single

Scripture: Psalm 37:4: Seek your happiness in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desire.

Isaiah 54:5: The Lord All-Powerful, the Holy God of Israel, rules all the earth. He is your Creator and husband, and he will rescue you.

You are too ambitious and want to do everything.

Are you the type that devotes all your time and attention to your work? Then you have to adjust if you want to get married. If you tend to concentrate on your work and neglect relationship part, you may not get married on time. A relationship is a big investment in time, energy, and emotion (if you’re doing it right). What good is a partner if you’re too busy to spend any time with them? Love and romance as a married couple is the best gift of life.

Scripture: Luke 1:45: The Lord has blessed you because you believed that he will keep his promise.

You Think You Should Wait…

Some people think they simply aren't worthy until they lose weight, amass a certain amount of money, etc. But there's no point in waiting, says Dr. Levine. Yes, no point in waiting because marriage is honorable in the sight of God. What are you waiting for, go out there, make friends, mix with people, appear neat and decent, start dating, this will help you find your life partner.

You value your independence.

The best couples understand that alone time isn’t just a nice thing to think about, but rather a necessity. Mentally strong people are not afraid of alone time. You can have a relationship and maintain your independence; but any relationship is going to require some level of compromise (starting with where to go on date-night, through to bigger things like living situations in the future). If you’re not ready for that level of commitment, or want to maintain full independence in your decision-making, that could be the reason you are still single.

You Play Hard to Get

Do you pretend to be busy when asked out? Pretend not to care when you really do? Playing hard to get makes it hard to find Mr./Ms. Right. In fact, it's likely to attract just the sort of person who will make you unhappy: someone who doesn't feel comfortable being close. Resolve to play soft; it will facilitate you locating your life partner

You Think Good Mates Are Scarce

Date infrequently and you'll inevitably invest a huge amount of emotional energy into each new prospect. That's a sure recipe for disappointment.

Better to meet lots of people and desensitize yourself to inevitable dating setbacks. Just go out there and date.

You need to figure yourself out.

If you’re going through a big life change—like going to a new school, starting a new job, living in a new city, or living a gorgeous and expensive life—that could be one of the reason you are still single. It is unwise to invite a new partner into your life if you have a lot of house-cleaning to do. Take your time while settling into your new situation: love will be waiting for you when you’re ready.

You can’t stop thinking about your previous disappointment.

Holding on to nasty feelings about your former flame will stop you from moving on with life. If you have emotional baggage left over from a previous relationship, let it go before jumping into a new one. Or maybe you still feel love for a person who doesn’t return the favor, then you need to relax and be watchful, maybe he or she might respond positively, definitely, don’t wait for too long.

Fear of commitment

Men fear commitment? Women are needy? Not necessarily. When it comes to relationships, people fall into one of three basic categories. "Secure" people are warm and loving and feel comfortable with intimacy. "Anxious" people seek closeness but worry their love won't be reciprocated. "Avoidant" people shun intimacy, valuing independence above all. And studies show most people are "secure."

Most men and women really do want a close, committed relationship and won't act overly needy or try to push you away.

You don’t know what you want.

You have to decide exactly what you want in a relationship. Your standards for what makes a person an “excellent” match will change as you mature. There could be times where you’re just plain confused about what you want in a partner, and that’s okay. It could help to go on a date with a few different types of people; you’ll come out with a general idea of what traits attract you to a person and be better able to choose a partner you can be happy with.

You are too fixed with your ex

Idealizing an old mate makes it hard to find a new one. Are you in a relationship you are not interested or not enjoying again or Not getting much out of it but unable to end it? Yes, breaking up can be hard, because the mind is under the control of age-old "attachment circuitry" that encourages you to stick with your mate. Once you realize this, you've taken your first step out toward ending a bad relationship and moving on.

You aren’t comfortable in your body.

A lack of confidence in yourself can reflect in how you present yourself (posture, thoughts, behaviors, everything). Be confident in your body because it’s a glorious thing capable of carrying you anywhere in the world. And besides, what you see in the mirror has more to do with how you perceive yourself than reality. Curvy, muscular, skinny, somewhere-in-between? It doesn’t matter. Run, lift weights, take a yoga class, or practice healthy habits if you’d like to lose weight and get fit. But love your body today, because you’re incredibly good-looking as you are. And being confident in the vessel you have will draw people to you—confidence is hot!

You already have someone in mind you are not intimate with.

Maybe you have an ideal mate or relationship in mind and are determined to find that and only that. If so, it might take a very long time. Getting stuck on "the one" is something "avoidant" people often do in order to keep true intimacy at bay. Instead of waiting for "the one,” change your mindset: Choose someone, allow him/her to get close, and make him/her special to you.

You are not a man or woman of your words; your action does not reflect your words

If you talk about how you’d “just love to meet somebody special,” but never actually put yourself in a position where you could meet that special someone, then you have no reason to wonder why you are still single. Your future partner isn’t going to magically appear before your eyes. If you want them, you have to go get them! Make a dating profile, go to a bar, or coffee house, or park, or even a book store. If you see someone who catches your eye, march right up to them and introduce yourself.

When you are use to E-Romance, getting married will be far from you.

Online romances just aren't the real deal. They may meet some of your attachment needs, but not in a real way. Even if you "graduate" from email to voice, that's not good enough.

You Fear Becoming Dependent

Some people avoid committed relationships because they worry they'll become dependent on their mate. They think people must retain their independence at all costs. This kind of relationship simply doesn't exist. We're all hard-wired to become dependent; the trick is to find the right person to depend on. When you are in true love, your dependent will not bother you.

You Think Love Conquers All

Certain red flags indicate you're dating someone with an "avoidant" attachment style – a person who is unlikely to make for a satisfying mate. Does he/she send you mixed signals? Tell you he/she needs a lot of space? Does he/she say or do things that make you feel like you represent some sort of "compromise?"

Maybe it's time to move on.

Single-and-ready-to-mingle but feeling nervous? Don’t be. You’ve got this. Remember: be confident!