Читать книгу A Night In Annwn - Owen Jones - Страница 6

“Where am I?” asked William of the people standing around him. “Am I in hospital?”

“Yes, you can call it that. You are very sick, but you have recovered a great deal since we found you, so there is every reason to believe that you will make a total recovery”.

“Thank you, doctor. My mind is a little foggy. I think I must have a hangover. I had a little more than usual to drink... It was a friend’s birthday...”

“Yes, we know, but don’t worry about anything like that now you need rest more than anything”.

“Kiddy, my dog, died, didn’t she?”

“Don’t worry about her either. She is in good hands. We are taking good care of her too. You will be able to see her again shortly”.

“I don’t understand… who found me? Nobody goes up on the hill at that time of night. I must have been very lucky... Oh, unless it was a courting couple...”

“Please”, said the doctor “try to rest. You will learn everything you want to know in good time, but not now”.

“All right, doctor, you know best. I am very tired. So long as my Kiddy is all right I’m happy... I don’t know what I would do without her...”

William drifted off into a deep sleep in which he felt warm and comfortable. Kiddy was at his feet with her head on his knee.

When he awoke he felt a lot better.

“I had a great sleep”, he said to the woman at his bedside. “I’ll know better than to drink that much again... my head has cleared though. Did I have a heart attack? Is that what landed me in here?”

The woman drew closer allowing him to see her clearly for the first time. “Hello, Willy. Yes, you would call it a heart attack”.

He scrutinised her face and figure. “You look very much like my wife did at your age. She was the only person who ever called me Willy. It was her pet name for me, her private joke. She never once used it in public, because of its, er, connotations, if you know what I mean. In those days, women were a lot more modest in public”.

“Yes, the good old, bad old days, eh, Willy?”

“It’s amazing, the likeness, I mean, it’s amazing. You could be my wife’s daughter or younger sister. Do you have any relatives in Bryn Teg?”

“We are a big family, I have relatives almost everywhere”. Her smile broadened as if she had told a cryptic joke.

“What is it? Come on, you can tell me. Have I got food stuck in my teeth? You know, the more we talk, the more I feel that we have met before”.

“Do you really not recognize me, Willy? I can assure you that we have done a lot more than just meet. That would be some euphemism!” This time she laughed out loud.

“Sarah? But how can it be you? I mean if you’re Sarah, doesn’t that mean that I am dead as well?”

“Does it, Willy? You tell me. You were telling Becky only this morning that we have spoken many times in the cottage”.

“Yes, all right, but this is different... I can see and talk to you now as if you were really here...”

“I am really here. I never really left. Oh, I could have gone away... many people do, perhaps even most, but I couldn’t leave you all on your own. Did you think that I would?”

“No, I just thought that we probably had to learn how to communicate again...”

“Yes, there is a lot of truth in that, but people have to want to do it as well, which is why most people only see friends and relatives”.

“So, er, can we really be together?”

“We are together...”

“Yes, but I mean really together..., er, like man and wife... like we used to?”

“No, I am afraid not, not yet, Willy. For the time being, there is a barrier between us that neither of us can cross, but one day that barrier will come down. I promise you that”.

“You mean when I’m dead?”

“If you want to put it like that, yes, but we don’t like to use that word. It is so full of negative content, don’t you think? ‘Dead’ - there, I’ve said it, but it’s like the ‘N-word’ or the ‘C-word’ is for others. It’s unpleasant, unnecessary and there are better ways of expressing the concept. Do you see what I mean? Do I look dead to you? Is the flesh falling from my bones? Are my eyes hanging out of their sockets? Do I look like a zombie from the Walking Dead?”

“No, you look as beautiful as ever you did”.

“Thank you, and why would I choose to look any other way to my darling husband?”

“I can’t imagine”.

“No, nor can I. So, why do people think that that’s what ghosts do? Really, it is quite beyond me - all of us, in fact”.

“Yes, well, when you put it like that... I shalln’t use that word again”.

“Good, thank you, my dear”.

“So, Sarah, if we can’t do, er, anything together, what can we do? Oh, where are we first?”

“We are in a place that people in this part of the world used to call Annwn. You have heard that name before, haven’t you?”

“Hell, isn’t it? Jesus, I didn’t think that you or I would be going there!”

“No, it is not Hell. When the early Christians heard that we Celts believed that Annwn was under the ground, they tried to convince us that it was the same as their Hell, but it is not true. In fact, Hell doesn’t exist either. As for an exact location, we are under and within the mountains and hills that surround our lovely cottage. However, in a way that is only an illusion too. We could be anywhere we wanted to be. Is that any clearer?”

“As clear as ditch water, my love”.

“I am afraid that it takes some people longer than others to grasp the concept. It is extraordinary how long it takes some, you know. Do you remember the one they called King Henry VIII when he was last on Earth? Well, he’s been here for about four hundred and fifty years, I think - history was never my strong point, as you know. Anyway, he has a Welsh connection so we took him in long before I got here, yet he is still wandering around shouting at people, and ordering them about. ‘I’m the King of England,’ he screams, ‘and I will be obeyed!’ I shouldn’t laugh really, but it is so funny. Most people either ignore him or avoid him, but sometimes someone will bow or curtsey to him just for a laugh. We’ve got a few nutters like him.

“Most people get the gist of things after a while though. Would you like me to show you around later?”

“Yes, Sarah. I would like that. Will I be able to get up and walk around so soon after a heart attack?”

“You did ought to have more rest first, but nobody here would do anything to further endanger your health. Trust me on that”.

“Oh, I trust you, Sarah, I always have. You are the best friend I have ever had, which reminds me. The doctor said that I could see Kiddy later. Is that now?”

“Yes, if you want. You are well enough for her. One second, please”.

Sarah stood up and opened a door that he had not noticed up until that moment. Kiddy bounded in wagging her tail.

“Hello, girl, how are you?” She jumped up onto the bed and lay alongside his body.. William wanted to stroke her head, but could not seem to make his hands do it.

“She has been such a comfort to me, since you, er, passed over”.

“I know, but you were never truly alone for long and after my return to here, there has always been someone with you”.

“I was sure that you were there, but I didn’t feel anyone else”.

“Oh, there were many... your parents, your grandparents on both sides, that girl who fancied you in school - I forget her name now...”

“Gwladys...”

“That’s the one... and many, many more besides”.

“I didn’t notice them, I only had eyes for you, my love”.

“You always were a smooth talker, but thanks for saying it. It still feels nice. We are supposed to try to lose those Earthly pleasures, but everyone agrees that it takes ages…. which reminds me. How on Earth could you allow our lovely home to look and smell like it does? Becky is an absolute saint for taking care of you the way she does. Don’t you realise that she has her own family to take care of? I try not to feel shame and embarrassment any more, but you have managed to make me feel them. I didn’t know what to say when I saw other people like me going to check up on you. Really, William, you must make more of an effort to take good care of yourself! And poor old Kiddy had to live in that mess as well. You should be ashamed of yourself, William, for subjecting your friend to those conditions”.

“I’m sorry, old girl”, he said trying again to stroke her head. “The dog, I mean, not you, Sarah. I just never thought about her minding, or that my friends and relatives would see how I was living. I am ashamed to think of it now though”.

“And so you should be, but don’t dwell on it too much, just live and learn. That’s the name of the game”.

“Does that mean that my parents are here?”

“Yes, somewhere, but I’m not sure where. I can find out though, if you want”.

“No, it’s all right for now, perhaps we can meet them later when we go walkabout”.

“Yes, all right, my dear, I’ll speak to them later”.

“I have just noticed how vital Kiddy looks… she has lost her grey hair. Do I look younger too?”

“It is best if I explain something about looks. Here, in Annwn and places like it, your looks are basically an expression of who you are inside, the real you. Since we don’t have the heavy physical bodies that we once had, we can appear to others how we feel, and we can modify that to some extent through will power, although most of us don’t bother after a while. It is far easier to change the way you think in order to have a beneficial effect on the way you appear than to constantly have to be thinking about moulding your body to how you would like it to look.

“Having said that, those on the Surface remember us in the form we had when we died, which was why you didn’t recognise me for sometime earlier, even though I was calling you by my pet name for you. Do you see what I mean? When I came back to the cottage I had to concentrate on making myself appear old and bent so that you would know who I was and not be afraid.

“Believe me, trying to hold a false image for a sustained period is hard work. It takes a lot of strength and a lot of skill obtained through practice, which is why I said that it is better to change from the inside out. Still, when needs must…”

“Is that why you kept shimmering and disappearing?”

“I wasn’t aware that I was doing that, but yes, probably. It really is very difficult. I would concentrate on holding the image, go to say something and forget about my appearance. At least I won’t have to do that again with you”.

“Sorry, you didn’t answer my question… Do I look young and handsome again?”

“You’ll do for me, my dear, but the short answer is no. You still have your body, and it is old with all that that entails… You know, sagging skin, weak muscles, curved spine, grey hair, drooping fat…”

“Yes, all right I get the picture, and what a handsome one of me it is that you paint too”.

“I’m sorry, but we become used to working on the inner person down here and one of the exercises is telling the truth… and you did ask. I didn’t volunteer it to hurt you, did I? Anyway, your physical body has sort of moulded the real you inside it, and so without liberation from it and without training, you look just the same here as you do up there.

“No, that is not quite true. Here you are not actually carrying your physical body around with you, so you will probably feel lighter, more nimble, more active, and that will make you happier. You will probably feel twenty years younger when we go out for a look around later”.

“That’s something to look forward to anyway… But wait a moment! If I am not dead, er, sorry, if I am still alive, and that’s what you said right?” She nodded. “Where is my body?”

“It’s in hospital”.

“I thought the doctor just told me that I am in hospital”.

“Yes, he did, but he only agreed with you to avoid having to have this discussion with you himself. We thought that that would be better coming from me”.

“So, are you saying that I am not in hospital, but my body is… somewhere?”

“Yes, but you could call this a hospital too, if you wanted to. You are recuperating after a very nasty shock. It’s just that we don’t deal with physical bodies here. Your other half is in the Cardiff Heath Hospital”.

“So, it’s over there, about forty miles away, and I’m down here under the mountains?”

“Yes, it is an over simplification, but it will do”.

“Will I ever see it again?”

“Oh, yes. You will be reunited with it when it and you have recovered sufficiently. It shouldn’t be long”.

“OK, I am not worried about that… in fact I’m not worried about anything surprisingly…”

“Good”, smiled Sarah, “that’s the way we like it”.

“It’s just that I have so many questions. How did I get here? And how did my body get over there?”

“Ah, good questions.

“I’ll deal with you first and then your body, because they are two different stories. I check up on you from time to time during the day and night, as you know, and I knew that you went to the pub with Dai, so I left you to it. Sometime later, I checked at home and when you still weren’t there I started down for the village. I came across you and Kiddy by that old resting rock. So, I sort of ‘brought you around’ using terms that you would understand and called back here for help. The help brought you back here for me, because I could see that it wasn’t your time to leave your body for good.

“However, there was nothing we could do for your body, so I hurried to Becky, who was in bed asleep and spoke to her in her dream. I’m afraid I scared her a bit, because she interpreted what I said as a nightmare. She woke her husband John up and told him that she had had a horrible dream that you had collapsed on the road back from the pub – ‘dead drunk’, was the expression I think she used.

“Anyway, she wouldn’t give John any peace, so he told her that he’d mind the kids while she went to check the cottage. I won’t tell you what they said about you not having a mobile phone. Still, she found your body easily enough with me standing over it pointing and jumping up and down. I don’t know how she got you onto the back seat, but she did, with a little help from me and a helper, and she put Kiddy in the boot and took you to the doctor, who was also in bed.

“You caused quite a stir, I can tell you and you’re still the talk of the village today”.

“My fifteen minutes of fame, eh?”

“Something like that, yes.

“Anyway, Becky stayed with your body and went to the hospital with it – in fact, she is still there. The poor girl has hardly stopped praying and crying, and John has buried Kiddy’s body in our back garden. There was nothing anyone could do for her; she was already gone, but not to worry, eh? She’s happy enough, aren’t you girl?” she said leaning forward to stroke the dog. It doesn’t take animals long to recover, because they haven’t got any preconceived notions preventing them from seeing the Truth”

“Yes, she’s a great girl. She has been such a comfort to me since you passed away, er, on, or is it over?”

“Replaced by a dog, eh? How fickle men are! Only joking! I’m glad she was there. As for dying, you describe it in any way that you think best illustrates the reality”.

“When are we going out, I can’t wait to explore this underground world of yours”. He swung his legs out from under the sheet and then looked under the sheet. “I haven’t got any clothes on”.

“Your clothes are in a locker in the hospital, but if you are referring to yourself here and now, the fact is that you have not only got no clothes on, but you haven’t got anything on”.

“Yes, I have. I’ve got this sheet”.

“Not from where I am sitting”.

“Well, what is this then?” he asked holding a corner of the sheet up.

“That and the bed you probably think you’re lying on are figments of your imagination, but not of mine. Therefore, you see them, but I do not”.

“Say that again, please, Sarah?”

“When you woke up, you were expecting to be in a hospital, so you saw the people around you as doctors and nurses. Furthermore, patients in hospital lie in beds covered by a sheet, so that is what you saw. However, we know that you are not in a hospital for physical bodies and that you are not in a bed covered with a sheet, so we don’t see them. You see what you expect to see”.

“So, all those people saw me, er, starkers?”

“I don’t know how they saw you. It depends on their level of advancement and what they wanted to see”.

“So, you are naked too then?”

“What do you see, Willy?”

“It’s strange… When I first noticed you, you were in a white nurse’s uniform, but when I realised who you were, you were wearing what you have on now – a long white dress and a garland of white flowers in your hair like a crown. The strange thing is, I didn’t notice you change…”

“That’s because I didn’t, your perception of me did, so it was instantaneous, but only in your head. The fact of the matter is, I can let you dress me as you want, and I can dress myself how I want as well and so we can look different to different people at the same time. You haven’t had any practice at this yet, but you will soon get the hang of it when you live here.

“I like the long white dress and the garland though, I think I’ll keep that for now. As for yourself, Willy, just imagine yourself wearing anything you like and you will be, at least as far as you are concerned. When you become more adept, you will be able to suggest the clothes you are wearing to whoever is looking at you and they will normally accept your suggestion.

“How do you feel, my love? Are you fit enough to go outside?”

“Yes, I feel fantastic. I could eat a horse too. Do you like the clothes?”

“You are funny, Willy!” she said smiling lovingly at him. “I can’t see any clothes, I just told you that. I just see my darling Willy”.

“Mmm, I’ll try not to read too much into that, or I’ll never pluck up the courage to go outside. Shall we eat first?”

“Where, in the room or outside?”

“Outside, I think”.

“Are you hungry?”

“I’m famished”, he said rubbing his stomach.

“Are you sure?”

“No, I’m not”, he replied slowly. “Thinking about it, I’m not hungry at all. Leastwise, my body is not hungry, but my brain is saying that it ought to be. I suppose I don’t have a body to feel hungry for, do I?”

“Yes, you do, but the doctors in the hospital are feeding it with a drip. However, you are still connected to it, so you can probably feel your stomach shrinking. Let me assure you though, you are not hungry. Not that that stops us eating if we want to. We just get out of the habit. I’ll get you something to eat, if you like, though, just say the word”.

“OK, let’s leave it for now. We’ll play it by ear. Lead the way, my dear”, he said opening the door for her.

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