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1 The things they left behind

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We do not know exactly what they took with them… But we know what the Presidential couple left behind.

The President’s mistress fled the palace of Mezhgoriye on the afternoon of February 21st. She had ordered everything portable packed; cash salary arrears were hurriedly paid out to the two hundred estate staff. In central Kiev, barricades were going up in flames. Over a hundred protesters had been shot down by sniper fire. The Berkut riot police, the last unit loyal to President Viktor Yanukovych, had abandoned the city to rampaging protesters after three days of bloodshed. Lyubov Polezhay and her lover feared that it would be a matter of hours that the mob would storm their private Versailles 20km outside the city. They were right. It was time to leave.

We do not know exactly what they took with them, though security camera footage shows that Yanukovych’s staff spent three days removing valuables into a fleet of cars and minibuses. But we know what the Presidential couple left behind.

 In Lyubov’s personal suite in the main palace:

 A large pile of paperback romantic novels, including one entitled Why Do We Need Men? Many apparently chewed by a small lapdog.

 A large Andy Warhol-style silk screen portrait of Polezhay in gold glitter on a black background.

 An empty safe, later cut open with an angle grinder by marauders.

 A small sea of dents from Polezhay’s stiletto heels in the soft oak parquet of her dressing room floor.

 A pedigree cat, and a quantity of cat-shit on the carpets and upholstery after the animal was locked in the room.

 In President Yanukovych’s bedroom suite:

 A dozen hand-made shoe trees, without shoes, all with identical wooden patches corresponding to the President’s bunions.

 In an anteroom off the entrance hall known as the present room:

 A large ledger containing an inventory of gifts various guests have given the President, and on which occasion: birthdays, New Year, and so on. The register is divided into eight sections: Watches, Pictures, Jewellery, Alcohol, Icons, Statues, Electronics, Miscellaneous.

 A large archive of certificates of authenticity for art works, watches and jewellery. Many of these were subsequently revealed to be fake.

 In the Gothic-panelled private film theatre:

 His-and-hers matching brown leather massage chairs.

 A large collection of DVDs and Blu-Ray discs. Notably: Run, Fatboy, Run.

 In the private spa:

 A pair of rare rose cockatoos, two of only only 2000 left in the world.

 A heated swimming pool with rock-built waterfall

 In the private sports centre:

 A boxing ring under glass cupola surrounded with bas reliefs of boxers in neoclassical style.

 An indoor tennis court.

 A bowling alley

 A large collection of gold plated Monarch golf clubs, monogrammed with Yanukovych’s initials and the state symbol of Ukraine, in caddies.

 An oil portrait of Yanukovych in racing driver’s uniform standing in front of a rally car.

 Yanukovych-branded vodka

 In the grounds:

 A private zoo containing ostriches and exotic birds

 A golf course

 A large collection of vintage motorcycles, cars and boats

 A dog breeding centre with a veterinary surgical theatre and canine exercise machines

 An equestrian centre.

 Floating in the lake:

 A large cache of documents, recovered by protesters and volunteer divers in the days and weeks after Yanukovych’s flight, including: receipts for cash bribes, files on opposition journalists and records of the president’s private meetings, including with Vladimir Putin in Moscow.

Thinking With the Blood

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