Читать книгу Hector Trogg's Perfect World - P. A. Booth - Страница 7

‘Oh,’ said Kate, a look of horror on her face as Mrs Warp smiled in that friendly, reassuring way she could instantly produce.

‘Hello Kate. Hello Hector,’ said Mrs Warp, as if nothing at all had happened to her in the past. Hector reflected that in fact nothing had happened to this Mrs Warp in the past. It was another Mrs Warp they had mercilessly destroyed with water, an axe and a bomb in a microwave.

Mrs Warp introduced herself to Mum and Dad. She immediately put them at their ease, just as she had Hector and Kate when they had first met her.

‘Mrs Warp,’ Kate tentatively asked, ‘Do you remember meeting us last time?’

‘Oh yes dear. I have all of those memories, but not the very last ones.’

‘Good,’ said Hector quickly and firmly.

‘But, I have been filled in on everything that happened,’ Mrs Warp said, turning to look Hector in the eye.

‘Oops,’ said Hector.

‘I’m really sorry,’ Kate began.

‘It does not matter at all,’ said Mrs Warp kindly. ‘It was a misunderstanding on your part, and a sort of malfunction on mine. It could happen to anyone.’

‘It couldn’t happen to me,’ Hector muttered to Kate, ‘I don’t run on eighteen volts.’

‘Hector, shut up,’ Kate hissed.

‘And my eyeballs don’t flash different colours,’ added Hector.

‘I bet you wish they did,’ Kate whispered.

Hector did not respond, not least because he had just launched into a rather active daydream where he was terrifying the religious studies teacher and some of his classmates with his blue, white and red flashing eyes.

Mum and Dad both looked puzzled. They clearly did not understand the use of the word malfunction.

Once inside the zoo, Kate and Hector caught sight of Andrè and Pierre. They were dressed as zoo staff, and both were picking up litter in different places.

Mrs Warp was very good at small talk, asking Mum and Dad about themselves, and chatting about the zoo. When Mum asked about Mrs Warp she simply explained that her job was security, and she was good at it because she did not look like a minder. Kate saw Mum and Dad exchange looks. It crossed her mind that they had no idea how strong Mrs Warp was. Kate rather hoped that she did not still have the machine guns the other Mrs Warp had fired so wildly.

The first half an hour was spent wondering around looking at the animal enclosures, all of which appeared too small to Kate’s eyes. The zoo was large, with many trees and shrubs creating a green view in almost any direction. Nevertheless, it had an unfinished feel to it, as if every addition had been yet another plan and another load of concrete.

Mrs Warp was very good at chatting. She asked questions about Mum, Dad, Kate and Hector, and seemed to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the animals in the zoo. Indeed, Kate suspected that was exactly what she had; an encyclopaedia added to a chip in her head, or wherever her brain was really located.

It was not long before Kate was quietly bored, while Hector’s restlessness was rather more obvious. There were only so many amazing south american giant rodents that can be amazing.

Hector nudged Kate, and she was just about to shove him back, when she realised that he was trying to tell her something. Hector had the Warp emergency override in his hand. Just as she was wondering what he was up to, Hector moved to the side of Mrs Warp and whispered something. Hector knew Mrs Warp had extraordinary hearing and that even muttered commands would probably be understood.

‘Oh, look at that armadillo,’ said Mrs Warp in her light conversational tone, ‘such a large nose, it’s almost as ugly as you Mr Trogg.’

Mum and Dad both paused and looked a little surprised. Neither said anything, but it was obvious they were confused by the turn the conversation had taken.

As Mrs Warp continued speaking, as if nothing unpleasant had been said, Hector fell back to walk beside Kate. It was Kate’s idea to tell Mrs Warp to walk like a Chimpanzee. Hector did not sidle up to her this time, but whispered the instruction as if he was talking to Kate, while pressing the emergency override button at the same time.

Mrs Warp immediately altered her gait so that she walked like an overweight sailor with knee problems. It was not quite the effect Kate had hoped for, but then she remembered that Mrs Warp’s run was rather odd as well.

‘Are you all right?’ asked Mum when she noticed Mrs Warp’s walk.

‘Oh, yes, quite all right,’ Mrs Warp replied, ‘Gosh, look at those parrots. They are colourful.’

‘Suggest we stop for an ice cream,’ muttered Hector while pressing the emergency control.

‘I think we should all try an ice cream from that kiosk,’ said Mrs Warp, pointing to a brightly coloured wooden stall that masked a range of very modern refrigerators. The range of ice creams was astonishing.

Kate glanced at Hector and muttered her approval.

Mrs Warp refused an ice cream. Hector and Kate knew why. For some reason, Mum decided not to have one either.

There was a light breeze as they all lent against the rail next to the Rhinoceros enclosure. The sun was warm, and Hector felt content. Kate smiled at him and he knew she felt the same; relieved that the world was returning to normal, except for the fun they were having with Mrs Warp.

As ever, Hector’s feeling of contentment quickly gave way to boredom. He muttered a command and Mrs Warp suddenly grabbed Dad’s ice cream and thrust it on the top of a passing man’s head.

‘Hector!’ Kate hissed, as the only one aware of who was really responsible for what had just happened.

The man said nothing for a few seconds, clearly stunned by the assault, and then launched into a tirade in French. Mrs Warp did nothing but smile back and say a few calm French words in reply. Mum and Dad exchanged looks, while Kate’s initial disapproval gave way to laughter.

‘I would like to have a look at the fish,’ said Mrs Warp, ‘They have some extraordinary specimens here.’

Mum and Dad agreed automatically, as it was quite clear that their thoughts were not on the next exhibit or animal. Once inside the aquarium, however, Mrs Warp began to provide volumes of information on each of the fish. Dad was genuinely interested, while Mum continued to look concerned.

Kate bought some peanuts with money she got from Mum. When the opportunity presented itself she gave them to Mrs Warp, pressed her command button and instructed Mrs Warp to hide the peanuts in her pocket. Dad and Mum had just been looking in fascination at a poisonous octopus with blue rings, and even Hector had not seen Kate’s quick trick.

‘Watch this,’ Kate whispered to Hector, before she pressed the command button and muttered an instruction while walking alongside Mrs Warp. It was surprising to see the packet of peanuts partly emerge from Mrs Warp’s pocket to be ripped open by her apparently normal but quite unearthly hand.

Mrs Warp took one of the peanuts in her fingers and flicked it at a man on the other side of the room. It went like a rocket, hitting him hard. He yelled and held his forehead, before looking around to see what had hit him.

‘Hop over to him like a frog and tell him off in French for making a noise,’ Hector muttered while pressing the control.

Everyone in the hall had stopped looking at the fish in the tanks, and was staring first at the man, and then at Mrs Warp as she hopped towards him. The man looked bewildered, and then angry as Mrs Warp lectured him as if he were a child, using words neither Kate nor Hector could understand.

‘My god, the woman’s mad!’ Dad exclaimed, none too quietly.

‘Can we leave?’ Mum asked.

‘We haven’t seen the crocodiles,’ Hector protested.

‘Hector, this woman is potty. She might not be safe,’ said Dad.

‘We shouldn’t leave until we’re told, as the people guarding us will not know about it,’ suggested Kate.

Dad reluctantly agreed while Mum just looked worried. Kate and Hector, however, were trying hard to conceal their grins. It was Hector who made the mistake of looking his sister in the eye. They burst into laughter, but it was Mrs Warp who told them off.

‘Come on you two,’ said Mrs Warp, ‘it is not nice to laugh at that man. He may have been loud, but he was hit rather hard.’

‘Sorry,’ said Kate, trying to contain her laughter.

‘Oh look, Piranha,’ said Mrs Warp, as she headed towards another tank.

‘They don’t look that dangerous,’ said Hector.

Mrs Warp went into a long explanation about how Piranha could attack much larger animals than themselves because the shoal acted together. It was when she reached the point of explaining about the size of a Piranha's jaw that Mrs Warp surprised everybody, by bending back the mesh protecting the tank and reaching in to grab a fish.

‘Hector!’ Kate whispered accusingly, convinced he was responsible.

‘Not me,’ hissed Hector, ‘I haven’t done anything.’

Hector, Kate, Mum and Dad tried to look interested as Mrs Warp spoke at length about the Piranha she held in her hand, while everyone else in the aquarium looked between Mrs Warp and the gaping hole in the Piranha tank.

‘That’s fascinating,’ said Dad, ‘but I’m getting hot in here. Could we move on?’

Mrs Warp replaced the Piranha, but then appeared to be bitten when her hand was in the water. She showed no pain, and reached in with her other hand to remove the fish. As they walked out Kate looked at the reflection in a large tank, and saw people approaching the hole Mrs Warp had created. She glanced at Mrs Warp and noticed that the very end of one of her fingers was missing.

After they had left the aquarium, they headed for the enclosures with the big cats. Kate continued to instruct Mrs Warp to flick peanuts at people. She chose victims a long way off, and in this way her party could not be suspected. There was a wonderful whizzing noise as the peanuts rocketed off towards their targets. Mrs Warp was very accurate, but the peanuts could be seen to curve in the air slightly. Often they would just miss, but produce a marvellous thwack as they hit glass, wood or brick nearby.

The other strange thing was the way in which Mrs Warp could continue a conversation. She did not hesitate in her speech when she received an instruction, retrieved another peanut and fired. Yet, her conversation and behaviour, while outwardly normal, was unusual after a while. It seemed as though she had a wide set of rules governing social behaviour, but not all were applied at the best time.

There were a number of small puddles of water scattered about the enclosures that had been recently cleaned. Mrs Warp would take Dad’s hand and guide him around them, much as some ancient gentlemen might take the small hand of a delicate young woman in a large Victorian dress for fear that she might faint and fall.

The other problem was that Mrs Warp would bow to some people, and curtsey to others using an imaginary dress. These people seemed to be selected at random, and it only happened about every six or seven minutes.

After about half an hour Hector was becoming bored and annoyed. He felt upstaged by Kate’s wonderful peanut flicking trick. It was funny, but he decided to bring it to an end. He pressed the command button and muttered to Mrs Warp to sit down and organise a meal.

Mrs Warp promptly sat down in a puddle, removed her wig, and began to wave it and shout. ‘Excuse me, excuse me! Are there any animals we can eat?’

‘Hector, what have you done?’ Kate hissed, alarmed that everyone was looking at their group.

‘Nothing. I didn’t tell her to sit in a puddle and wave her wig. I didn’t know she had a wig,’ said Hector, moving swiftly from concerned denial to hysterical giggles. This set Kate off, and they moved away to sit on a bench as Mrs Warp continued to shout in English.

‘You! You over there,’ said Mrs Warp loudly, while pointing at a very hairy man who was heavily overweight, ‘You look like you’ve eaten a few of the animals. Which ones taste best? Come on, speak up? Look, here have some peanuts and then tell me.’

Mum and Dad joined Kate and Hector on the bench, keen to move away from the utterly bonkers Mrs Warp. She had started to splash her hands down into the puddle to attract more attention, as if that was needed. After a while even Mum and Dad were overtaken by the giggles.

‘You! Yes, you! Slobber chops,’ yelled Mrs Warp pointing at a sad-faced man, ‘You’ve clearly had too many pies, so you probably know which animals taste best. Which one should we kill and eat?’

Five minutes later, everyone was still laughing while Mrs Warp had started to sing and speak in German. It was at this point that Mrs Warp was approached by a man Kate immediately recognised, although he seemed to have shaved off his silly beard. He was the person who had quizzed Kate on her first night at the army camp. He was one of Mrs Warp’s creators.

Mrs Warp got up and walked off to a nearby building. She entered and disappeared. The man approached and it was obvious he was very angry. He introduced himself to Mr and Mrs Trogg, and explained that Mrs Warp was not human, and that Kate and Hector had command buttons. He believed they had abused these, and issued silly commands. Mum and Dad seemed more surprised by this than by Mrs Warp’s behaviour.

‘Mrs Warp is here to protect you,’ the man said to Hector and Kate while shaking slightly, ‘She is mostly bullet proof, immensely strong, well disguised. The previous model defeated the world’s most feared assassin, and yet you two ruined her. You already have your teeth into this one and there hasn’t even been an attack.’

The man then handed Mum and Dad a command button each, together with a warning that Mrs Warp would not question or carefully consider any command. He explained that letting her get on with it was the best approach, and that the command buttons were only for dire emergencies where Mrs Warp had some sort of error.

‘If you keep on abusing the command button I might just change sides,’ said the man to Hector and Kate as a parting shot.

Ten minutes later Mrs Warp was back, cleaned up slightly and smiling as ever. Mum and Dad had just about finished telling Kate and Hector off. Kate managed to distract them both by explaining how strong Mrs Warp was, and how she had managed to successfully fight off Sludge.

‘The thing is Dad, she’s bullet-proof and stronger than Sludge,’ Kate explained, ‘We’ve got to keep her with us, enjoy the zoo and not draw attention to ourselves.’

‘I see,’ said Dad in the tone he reserved for the final killing blow, ‘and you two have been helping us to keep a low profile have you? Making sure we don’t stand out? Ensuring that we are difficult to spot?’

There was silence.

‘Sorry,’ said Hector, for about the tenth time.

‘Sorry,’ said Kate, ‘It just seemed very funny.’

‘Well, let’s do our best from here,’ said Mum, drawing things to a close.

Dad decided they would go to the reptile house, as this was inside and made them slightly harder to see. Nevertheless, some people openly pointed at them as they made their way to the brightly coloured concrete building.

Hector noticed that Mrs Warp kept looking around, as if she was checking for danger. The problem now was that as her head moved her wig did not always follow. He nudged Kate and pointed it out. The two of them lapsed into giggles. Yet, as they entered the reptile house, Kate saw a worrying small blue flash from Mrs Warp’s leg.

‘Mrs Warp, what can you tell us about this crocodile?’ asked Dad.

‘Well, the notice says it is a nile crocodile, but I believe it is a salt water crocodile from Australia,’ explained Mrs Warp.

Then to everyone’s horror she prized back the glass window with her unearthly hands, set it to one side, and climbed in with the giant crocodile.

‘Now, as you can see it is completely still,’ explained Mrs Warp, moving closer to the giant reptile, ‘Normally, they lie still until they get close to their prey. It will use its amazingly strong tail and whole body to propel itself suddenly forwards. Its jaws are very strong, and it will grab a kangaroo, sheep, deer or whatever it can and drag it into the water to drown it.’

‘Mrs Warp,’ said Mum, looking around to see how many people were watching, ‘do you think you should get out in case it attacks you?’

‘No, no, it’s quite alright. If anything it will be anxious about me entering its cage. It is a very large crocodile, but it will still be unhappy about being approached. Now, if I take hold of it…’

Mrs Warp half-dived and half-fell on the crocodile, and managed to get on its back as it began to thrash about.

‘As you can see, it is unhappy,’ shouted Mrs Warp above the noise of the splashing water and thumps as the crocodile’s tail hit the side of the pool, ‘but once I get hold of its jaws I will be able to hold them shut. This is because the huge muscles that are used to clamp the jaw shut on its prey completely dwarf the muscles used to open the jaw.’

Mrs Warp had lent forwards and was sliding up to the front of the crocodile. She clamped just one of her hands around the front of the giant beast and it stopped struggling.

By now, a number of people had gathered to watch. Some thought it was a show, but others clearly appreciated that this bedraggled, middle-aged woman was unlikely to be employed by the zoo to mud-wrestle one of the largest salt-water crocodiles in captivity. They were the ones looking on in open mouthed horror.

‘Mrs Warp,’ said Kate, ‘I really think we should leave. We are attracting attention,’ Kate could also see that someone had rushed outside and, from the little she could see through the open door, appeared to be speaking to a member of staff at the zoo.

Mrs Warp stepped forwards, but as she did the crocodile struggled free and then lunged forwards to bite her left arm, ripping her blouse. What happened next drew gasps of wonder and horror. As some of the water splashed about earlier dripped its way back into the green pool, Mrs Warp took hold of the great snout with her free hand and simply opened the crocodile’s jaws. As it pulled back she smacked it hard on the nose, and then climbed out of the tank.

Just then two zoo staff arrived and seemed to quickly reach the conclusion that the crocodile had barged open the glass panel and tried to grab a visitor. They spoke quickly in French, and judging by their manner were very apologetic. When another visitor began to speak, and seemed to be claiming that the lady had opened the tank, climbed in, and even wrestled the crocodile’s jaws open, the zoo staff gave him withering looks of disbelief, and returned to apologising to Mrs Warp.

Dad, Mum, Kate and Hector all exchanged looks. Keeping a low profile was going very badly.

A short time later the crowd had dispersed and they were all looking at the different snakes. Dad, Mum and Kate were all rather pleased that the snake house was quite dark. Only Hector was praying that something else exciting would happen. He was being guarded by a disguised robot that had wrestled a huge crocodile, and in truth he was proud and wanted more.

‘Mrs Warp, you must not lever off the front of any of the tanks,’ said Dad, just as they reached an enclosure with a huge anaconda.

‘Very well,’ said Mrs Warp, before walking off.

‘Where’s she gone?’ asked Mum, looking down the corridor where Mrs Warp disappeared.

‘What do we do now?’ asked Hector, disappointed that Mrs Warp had not wrenched the front of the tank off and attacked the giant snake.

‘Oh! There she is!’ exclaimed Kate, pointing at the anaconda’s enclosure.

Mrs Warp had opened the tank from the back, and was climbing into the murky pool. She waded across and grasped the snake, just as it was waking up.

‘As you can see,’ said Mrs Warp in a voice muffled by the glass, ‘this one is very large, and has eaten in the last day or so. You can see a pronounced bulge.’

‘What did she say?’ Kate asked.

‘Don’t worry,’ said Mrs Warp, as she waded forwards and used one of her bizarre hands to push at each of the corners of the steel-frame holding the glass until she forced it open. Dad rushed to hold the heavy glass and lower it to the floor so it did not break.

‘That’s better,’ said Mrs Warp, ‘You should be able to hear me clearly now.’

Again people began to gather, as young children pointed excitedly at the lady wrestling the snake. Mrs Warp continued to explain how snakes, like the constrictor that was wrapping itself around her, lurk in trees, dropping onto their prey, biting with their large fangs, and then wrapping themselves around the animal, squeezing and squeezing every time the poor creature breathed out, so that it would eventually suffocate.

Some onlookers were speaking in French and gesturing to Mrs Warp to get out of the tank. They were clearly fearful and confused about a middle-aged lady stood in the middle of a murky pool with a giant snake. Mrs Warp walked forwards with the snake so they could get a better look, addressing them in French.

The snake was clearly becoming more agitated and active. Mrs Warp kept unwrapping it as it coiled around her. Through all of these struggles she kept up her commentary.

Eventually, however, the long, powerful snake was too much for Mrs Warp. She was stronger than it, but there was a lot of snake, and she lost her footing, sinking below the surface of the water with a plop. There was splashing and writhing, and the body of the huge snake moved and coiled around its attacker.

‘Dad, you’ve got to save her,’ Kate declared.

‘Save her?’ Dad questioned, ‘how can you be sure the snake’s female?’

‘No, I mean save Mrs Warp!’

‘Why? She attacked the snake,’ said Dad, plainly, ‘She’s only a robot, the snake might drown or crush me. In any event, my money’s on Mrs Warp.’

‘Yeah,’ Hector chipped in, ‘she doesn’t need oxygen.’

Kate nodded, and reflected on the fact that she had finished off the last Mrs Warp with an axe, and so she probably should not get too upset about this one being in a death struggle with a giant snake.

As the snake and the submerged Mrs Warp thrashed in the green slimy water, onlookers shouted, children cried and were led away from the appalling scene. Some spoke about helping. Others ran to get help. The Trogg family, however, watched with indifference.

Suddenly the trashing stopped. There was a pause, with only the sobbing of some of the shocked onlookers breaking the silence. Then, with the force of Poseidon emerging from the oceans, Mrs Warp rose up, clutching the head of the snake and about a meter of body in one hand. She had simply torn it in two. The other part of the snake was held in her other hand.

‘Told you,’ said Dad, in a matter of fact sort of way.

There was an angry outburst in French, and the Trogg family turned to see the two staff who had been so apologetic following the crocodile incident. More staff were arriving, some with tools that looked as though they might be for restraining snakes. Kate reflected that they probably did not have anything for sewing a snake together after it had been ripped apart.

A short balding man with stubble and bottle-bottom glasses began shouting at Dad, who seemed remarkably calm.

‘I’m very sorry, but I do not speak French very well,’ Dad explained. The man paused and gathered himself.

‘Why did you allow your senile old mother into the tank with our largest snake?’

‘She’s not my mother, and she’s not senile,’ Dad replied.

‘She’s just got a small fault,’ Hector added, ‘I think there’s some water in her legs.’

Fortunately, Hector’s incomprehensible contribution was lost as the staff collectively noticed that the snake was in two parts. Only the slow drip of water in the humid room broke the silence. They were all staring at Mrs Warp, who had the head and about a metre of the snake in her left hand, and the beginnings of the rest of the giant snake in the other.

‘I think it’s dead,’ said Mrs Warp in English, ‘I’m afraid it fell apart,’ There was more astonished silence before Kate heard Hector muttering.

Mrs Warp then began to press the two parts of the snake together as if trying to fix it. Worse, she started giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. However, she seemed confused about whether to concentrate on getting the snake back in one piece, or focussing on getting it to breathe again. Kate suspected that Hector had muttered a command to repair the snake while pressing his red button, and it was not going well. The bald man who appeared to be in charge was starting to look at Dad again when Mrs Warp became excited.

‘Oh, oh, it’s getting better,’ said Mrs Warp, shaking the two halves, ‘Has anyone got any glue?’

‘How can you say that she is not senile?’ asked the bald man.

‘I’ve got to admit, it’s difficult to sustain,’ admitted Dad after a pause.

One of the other men began to speak in French, and it was apparent that he could not work out how anyone could tear an anaconda in two. The bald man summarised the problem.

‘How did she tear the snake in half?’

‘It’s not really in half,’ Hector unhelpfully explained, ‘because if it was in half both bits would be the same length.’

‘Hector!’ Mum admonished.

‘We did it in maths. The snake is in two unequal lengths,’ he said, placing the emphasis on ‘unequal’.

‘Hector, please be quiet.’

‘But, it was a long snake,’ said Hector undaunted, ‘Mrs Warp, can you show us the longer dead bit?’

Mrs Warp threw the head of the snake to the bald man, who caught it in both hands, and then began to drag the rest of the giant snake out of the water. The staff looked on in awe, quite unable to comprehend the situation. They had people behaving badly sometimes; people who smeared food on their children’s faces and tried to get animals to lick it off; people who came in drunk; and even the odd idiot who tried to get into a cage. They had never had anyone who had simply torn a large, dangerous animal in two. There was nothing in any of their training that really told them what to do.

‘Right,’ said Dad in an attempt to seize control, ‘I am very sorry indeed about your snake. I really have no idea how it happened. Maybe we should leave now.’

‘You broke into the enclosure and killed one of the most valuable animals,’ said the bald man.

‘Now, that’s not fair,’ said Dad, ‘my mother-in-law simply leant against the tank and it gave way.’

‘Oh Brilliant!’ muttered Mum, ‘You’ve made her my mother.’

There was silence as the group of staff looked from Dad back to the cage, where the bent and ripped metal showed clearly that the tank front had been ripped or pushed outwards. The bald man approached the cage and pointed at the bent metal.

‘It does not look as though it simply gave way,’ he said.

‘Well, once it gave way and she slipped inside then obviously we had to rip the front out to rescue her,’ explained Dad, weakly.

‘How did you rip out such strong steel? How did you tear the snake in half?’ the bald man said, as he began to look around for crowbars and any other weapons the family might be hiding.

A short time later everyone was sat in an office waiting for the police to arrive. The office was brightly painted, most probably by someone with a severe eyesight problem. The paint on the walls looked smart and new, but the electrical sockets, shelves, filing cabinets, coffee maker and even a pair of shoes appeared to have been painted in the same mad spree. Only after a while did Kate notice that one of the panels in the wall was really a glass window that had been painted over. Small holes had been scraped in the paint, presumably so the staff could peep out.

The bald man wanted to have them arrested for breaking into two animal enclosures and killing a large snake. He seemed resolute, and did not want to hear about further excuses. He certainly had no interest in the wild idea that they were hiding from assassins. Hector’s contribution had not helped their cause.

Other staff arrived to look at the Trogg family, and then nod in confirmation. It seemed as though their previous misdeeds were catching up with them. Eventually, the man who Mrs Warp had assaulted with the ice cream turned up to identify her, together with a number of people who had seen her sitting in a puddle. When the very hairy man turned up this seemed to trigger something in Mrs Warp, and she began to point at him as well as bob up and down.

‘He’s escaped. You need to put him back in his cage,’ announced Mrs Warp in a carrying voice.

‘I think I’d choose the planes, guns and near-death experiences to this,’ moaned Dad, ‘What I should have said was that we were on a holiday for people with mental health problems, and that we needed to get back urgently for medication. But, after this even that story wouldn’t work.’

‘Look on the bright side,’ said Mum, ‘Mrs Warp broke the rules, not us.’

‘Mrs Warp did what she did under Hector and Kate’s direction,’ hissed Dad.

‘Yes, and they may not be criminally responsible, and we didn’t know,’ suggested Mum with a tone that suggested advancing desperation.

‘I think the best thing is to say we are very sorry, explain that Mrs Warp is not human, and offer a large donation,’ suggested Dad, ‘They may be angry, but I’m sure there is something they are planning to build that we could offer some money towards.’

‘Like a new snake!’ suggested Hector, who had been eavesdropping.

‘No Hector!’ said Dad, making it quite clear that further help on the ideas front was not needed.

Andrè and Pierre turned up, but this did not help. They were dressed as staff, but no one knew them. This added to a mysterious day, and there was no way the bald man was going to accept the argument about pressing security concerns.

Dad approached one of the staff who they had not seen before, explained that he wanted to make a donation to the zoo, and took out his bank debit card. Ten minutes later the bald man was taking a more relaxed view. Hector could hear Dad using words such as ‘cruel,’ and ‘unforgivable’ and suspected he was speaking about the snake’s death.

Twenty minutes later the police arrived. After a brief conversation one of the officers recognised the cards Pierre offered them. They soon had the police on their side, and things were even more relaxed. Everything was being blamed on Mrs Warp’s psychiatric problems, Dad was offering to apologise personally to the man she had insulted and the one she had squashed an ice cream into, and Hector had deployed his large smile so that he could try on both the zoo keeper and police hats.

Cups of coffee were being handed round, and Hector was just building up to asking whether he could feed the lions, when the door opened briefly and shut again. Only Hector saw the metal ball roll in, so he quickly picked it up and with a few steps and one swift movement threw it into the next room. It was as if time had slowed down, and everyone had turned to look at him as he ran the four paces across the room.

‘It was probably only a toy one,’ said Hector, as the door was slammed shut and then partly smashed by an explosion that tore through the next room.

Everyone stood still, except for Pierre and Andrè, who had been already moving towards Hector even as he had been speaking. Hector had been pulled roughly to the floor just as he uttered his last word and the grenade went off.

They all looked at the holes made by the shrapnel in the door, and then at a man in the blue shirt who had blood spreading across his arm. Andrè and Pierre were already pulling guns from their jackets and yelling at everyone to get down. Seconds later a volley of automatic fire smashed the windows.

Andrè and Pierre both seemed to jerk and wave their arms. There were loud bangs and flashes as stun grenades went off outside, and Kate realised that Andrè and Pierre had just thrown them. Kate could see that Andrè had something small in his hand; he was pressing it and shouting clearly in French. Mrs Warp ran straight to the door and fearlessly out to meet whatever awaited. Pierre had a radio in his hand and was speaking quickly.

There was a strange silence for about ten seconds. Kate reflected that this was Mrs Warp’s purpose. She was fearless, possessed inhuman strength and was ultimately expendable. If she was destroyed there would be no funeral and no relatives to comfort.

Kate heard a scream from one of the zoo staff, and although she glanced in the direction of the cry, she could not help but be drawn back to Andrè and Pierre. They took no notice of the woman who had begun to cry; they seemed almost calm. Kate glanced again and saw that one of the policemen had a large amount of blood around him.

Pierre was speaking into his radio again, as to Kate’s horror two figures vaulted through the smashed windows and made straight for the two remaining policemen, both of whom had guns drawn. Andrè and Pierre were shouting at the policemen, one of whom had fallen backwards. Then there was a bang and a hiss as one of the attackers was hit square in the face by the powder from a fire extinguisher.

‘Hector! Hector! They are on our side,’ yelled Pierre.

‘Oh, are they?’ replied Hector, in his cheery voice, ‘Sorry!’

The soldier covered in powered muttered something that sounded like ‘imbecile’ as he wiped the powder from his face.

There was so much going on. The zoo staff were tending to someone else who had been injured, Dad was reassuring Mum, several people were crying. Only Hector seemed in his element, imbued with a firm belief in his own invulnerability.

‘Vite, Vite!’ came a cry from outside, and Pierre urged Hector, Kate, Mum and Dad to rush forward out of the door towards an armoured car waiting just beyond a door in the zoo perimeter wall.

‘We can’t leave these people,’ said Mum, pointing at the zoo staff.

‘They will be guarded. Now go!’ shouted Pierre, grabbing hold of Mum’s wrist and propelling her through the door.

‘Get her into the armoured car no matter what happens!’ Pierre barked at Dad.

While Mum and Dad ran ahead, Pierre and Andrè ran on either side of Kate and Hector. Kate noticed that Andrè had hold of Hector’s jacket; his other hand clutched a gun that was pointing at the ground. Then she realised that Pierre had hold of her jacket. His hand dug into her back when their strides were not in time.

Despite the forced run, Kate glanced back at the shattered office just as two loud cracks rang out. Kate turned to see Mum twist and fall to the ground. Kate opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out. Hector yelled a guttural animal howl just as the fist in Kate’s back pushed her on and up, past her fallen mother.

‘Drag her,’ yelled Pierre to Dad, just as Kate realised that she had turned back to look at her mother, and was herself being dragged. Hector shrieked a furious ‘no,’ as he too was dragged away from his mother. A crimson bloom was spreading across Mum’s chest and she seemed to be gasping for air, while Dad’s face was a sea of blood.