Читать книгу Rocky Mountain Proposal - Pamela Nissen - Страница 12

On a long, slow breath, Hope endeavored to calm the flurry of emotions blowing through her heart. She reached out and touched Paul’s hand, longing for the warmth of life to meet her touch.

He was cold.

She gently pressed her palm against his and entwined her trembling fingers in his, trying to memorize the way his hand, large and callused enough to be strong and protecting, felt in hers. But how could she etch into her remembrance something she’d never truly felt? How could she tuck away the sweet memory of her name on his lips?

She relinquished his hand and closed her eyes, her heart clenching with grief. She should pray, but she didn’t know what to pray for. Help? Comfort?

She had no idea a person could feel such tangible fear, desperation and overwhelming sadness at the same time.

Dabbing at her eyes, she stared at where Paul lay covered in a white sheet and simple blue coverlet—so still and so pale. The distinct metallic scent of blood hung in the air, mixing with the musky scent of perspiration that still beaded his forehead.

Hope didn’t regret seeing him like this, but it wasn’t easy—growing up, she’d been sheltered from such things. Paul had suffered, of that she had no doubt. She couldn’t imagine how he’d survived more than a few minutes, let alone three hours.

But the serene look that lingered on his face had taken her by surprise. Even in the midst of staggering pain, he’d found peace. As strong as Paul’s faith was, she was sure he’d been ready to meet his Maker and had probably accepted his impending death.

Hope just didn’t know if she accepted it.

For months now, she’d longed for the moment their lives would be joined in marriage. She couldn’t understand how God could connect her life with Paul’s and then rip him away before she’d ever known the comfort of his embrace.

She’d left all she’d known to join him here in Boulder. With not a single penny to her name, she had no way of returning to Boston. Aaron and his doctor brother were the only souls she knew in this rough-and-tumble land.

And all she could think about right now was the next few minutes and how she would try to hold herself together in front of them.

Standing, she wrapped poise around her like some warm and comforting quilt, hoping that she had what it would take to walk through this alone. She crossed to the heavy oak paneled door and opened it, willing her wobbly legs not to give out on her as she left the room. She resisted the urge to hug her arms to her chest as her mother had always cautioned her, saying that it appeared weak and unladylike.

Well, if ever there was a time where Hope felt weak, it was now. But being alone, she couldn’t afford to be weak.

She couldn’t afford anything—not even a bowl of soup for her next meal.

The irony of her situation stared her in the face like some fierce predator from the surrounding mountains. She drew her arms to her sides and met the three men’s watchful gazes.

“I’m sorry. We did everything we could to keep him alive.” Ben’s voice was low, tight. “He wanted to hang on long enough to talk with you. But I couldn’t—”

“I wouldn’t have wanted him to suffer any more than he did.” She unfurled her fisted hands, trying to ignore her need for a little consolation. “He must have been in terrible pain.”

The studying glance Aaron cast her way left her feeling as if he’d tried to take a peek inside her soul.

She touched her delicate lace-trimmed neckline, suddenly feeling vulnerable.

“I’m sorry about this, ma’am.” The other brother offered her his hand, and she shook it. “Name’s Zach, by the way.”

She struggled to stay collected at his caring demeanor. “Thank you, Zach.”

“This has to be a shock,” he added.

Nodding, she pulled her mouth tight against the cry that begged for escape. “I’m still trying to make sense of it all. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do now.”

“We’ll take care of funeral arrangements and Paul’s body.” Aaron swiped a hand over his forehead, glancing over her shoulder to the bedroom. “Don’t worry about that, all right?”

She nodded. “I’m grateful.”

Ben stepped a little closer, his expression crimped with compassion. “Paul really cared for you, ma’am. He wanted to make sure you were well cared for.”

She glanced up at him, confused. Well cared for? Though she didn’t, for a moment, doubt Paul’s desire to take care of her, he couldn’t very well do that from the grave. “I don’t understand.”

On a loud exhale, Ben pulled a hand over his dirt-smudged face. “When Sheriff Goodwin was out here, Paul made arrangements for you to have this farmstead,” he said, gesturing out the windows where fields stretched wide and big fat cows mulled about in the corral. “And also for his bank account in town to be transferred to your name, ma’am.”

Hope swallowed hard, turning her wide-eyed gaze from the windows, where the early evening sun poured through the glass panes, to stare at Ben. Had Paul truly thrown her such an enormous lifeline?

“The farm belongs to you,” Ben measured out as if realizing her shock. “As well as all of Paul’s money.”

She glanced at Zach, who gave her a gentle smile and slight nod as if to verify his brother’s words. But when she slid her attention to Aaron, she almost startled at the fear that contorted his face.

“Are you feeling all right?” she asked before she could stop herself.

“I’m fine.” He dodged her gaze, the muscles at his strong jaw line pulsating.

Ben dipped his head down as if to grab her attention. “I don’t know what the amount is in his account, but knowing Paul, I’m fairly certain there’s at least enough there for you to live comfortably for many years to come.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say a thing,” Zach responded.

“But we hadn’t even married yet.” She fingered the silk brocade fabric of her skirt, feeling uncomfortable and yet next to tears at Paul’s extreme generosity. “And what of his sister? I know that he has a sister living in the area, too, doesn’t he?”

“Jane lives at the edge of Paul’s property in a small home of her own. She’s out of town until tomorrow morning—at least that’s what the sheriff said. He and Mrs. Duncan pretty much know everybody’s business in town,” Zach answered, a knowing grin tipping his mouth. “But I’m sure Jane will support Paul’s decision. She’s nice enough.”

“Yeah, I don’t think you’ll have any problems there,” Aaron confirmed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Paul was adamant about this, ma’am.” Ben motioned for them to move toward the front room where a fire had been lit in the hearth.

She should feel glad for the warmth and comfort of the crackling flames licking around the logs, but for some reason nothing could take the chill from her soul. The farm…the bank account…Paul had known her circumstance and had seen to her future, without him. But could she start a new life alone?

“He said that he wanted to make sure you’d be taken care of. That was all he could think about in those last minutes he was able to talk.” With a heavy sigh, Ben eased himself down into the wood rocking chair flanking the fireplace.

Zach plopped unceremoniously down into the damask sofa and hooked one arm over the back of it, staring over his shoulder out the window. “This farm is one of the best around.”

“Paul sure loved this land,” Aaron added as he motioned for her to sit down in a simply upholstered chair and then finally sat down next to Zach.

“It’s lovely. Really it is.” She glanced around the spacious home then outside to the fields. She didn’t even know what to compare this farm to. Apart from the flowering plants in the greenhouse her family kept, she’d never even been close enough to touch a crop. “But I must admit…I don’t know the first thing about farming.”

The knowing glances Aaron exchanged with his brothers left Hope wishing she could hear their thoughts.

“Mind you, I’m not completely unfamiliar with how things grow.” With a small amount of relief, she recalled how her family had employed both a gardener and a stable hand full time. And the property wasn’t even close to this size. “I’m certain the farmhands will be an invaluable help with everything were I to have questions.”

Ben cleared his throat. “He’s worked the land himself for five years now.”

She furrowed her brow, certain that she must’ve heard him wrong. “Alone? You mean he had no farmhands?”

Aaron shook his head. “Not Paul. He’d work from sunup to sundown. Alone.”

“But I—I’ve never—” She couldn’t even begin to imagine herself planting seeds or feeding those big black and brown cows or the squawking chickens she’d spotted.

Once, in a letter, she’d told Paul that she’d gladly work beside him on the farm. She’d meant every word. She wanted to love what he loved. But she’d pictured scattering flower seeds or filling a small basket with carrots she’d picked herself. She hadn’t imagined running the place.

“I know this is a lot to think about.” Ben braced his hands on his knees. “Paul did say that if by summer’s end you aren’t happy here that you can sell the place and do with the money what you will.”

She gave her head a distraught shake. “I couldn’t do that to him.”

“Well, Paul seemed to think you might…that you might need some help.” Aaron looked about as taut as a tightly strung bow. “I promised him I’d help, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

With the forced way he’d said those last few words, Hope would’ve guessed that his mother had been standing behind him, twisting his ear.

She absolutely did not want him helping out of some sense of duty. “I’m sure I can manage.”

Aaron gave her an I-don’t-believe-you-for-a-second look. Quite honestly, she didn’t believe herself either. Why in the world would she make such a claim? She could barely saddle a horse, let alone run a farm.

But when she thought of Paul’s tremendous generosity and thoughtfulness, she couldn’t bear the thought of not doing her best to honor his efforts with toiling of her own. “I’ll do my best to make sure his hard work isn’t wasted.”

“I’m sure you mean well, but this farm is a lot to take on. And I promised him I’d help,” Aaron reiterated as though to convince himself. He stood and crossed to the mantel, his well-worn boots scuffing across the polished wood floor. With his back to Hope, she could see the tension bunching his muscles beneath his ecru shirt as he leaned against the mantel. “I also promised him that I’d take care—” he pivoted slow and steady, peering at her as though he faced a firing squad “—take care of you.”

Hope couldn’t move her gaze from him as his words settled over her. For some reason, instead of bringing her comfort, they annoyed her. How could Aaron think that he could take Paul’s place? Or that she needed his help? “Take care of me?”

He glanced at Ben, who gave him the slightest raise of an eyebrow and inclination of his head. Then Aaron slid his focus to Zach, who held out his hands as if to say, “It’s up to you.”

With a cough, Aaron turned his complete attention to Hope, and for some reason she wanted to run all the way back to the train station. He’d been avoiding her gaze since the moment she’d introduced herself, and now that his focus was bearing down so totally upon her, she squirmed under the intensity.

But she had nowhere to go. Apparently she had money now, but she also had a farm to run.

“I—I know this is awkward. It is for me, too, but I…well, it meant something to Paul when I promised to take care of you.”

“What, exactly, do you mean?” She forced herself to stay seated.

She’d never run from difficult circumstances. Ever. When her family lost their fortune, she’d held her head high and found work at a bakery. And when her fiancé began showing signs of regret, she’d quietly bowed out of the relationship—her family hadn’t even known of the real reason the engagement had been called off.

“I promised to hold on to hope.” His voice broke. His throat visibly constricted. “In Paul’s mind that meant that I’d marry you.”

Hope strained to keep her shock from contorting her face, but she was pretty sure that she failed—miserably.

How could he possibly think that she would want a marriage based out of obligation? She’d rather be a spinster for the rest of her life.

Standing, she willed her arms to remain at her sides as she looked him square in the eye. His words pierced her soul, pricking the raw wound that still gaped from Jonas.

She wouldn’t marry Aaron now—even if he dropped to his knees and begged. She barely even knew him. Besides, she could list off ten different reasons why this man had likely never married: his emotionless, unfeeling approach to things of great importance, being first and foremost on her list.

“So, I guess that settles it then.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “How soon do you want the wedding?”

“There isn’t going to be a wedding.”

Her simple, measured answer took Aaron aback. With the fanciful way she’d likely been raised, he thought for sure she’d find relief in the offer and that she’d be glad to have someone take care of her.

“No?” He looked for some kind of hesitation in her gaze.

“No.”

Though his pride was a little stung, the way she stared down her nose at him made him immensely glad she’d just declined his offer. They were as different as night and day. And she was nothing like Ellie.

He wasn’t exactly sure what Paul had seen in the woman, although it could’ve been very easy for her to hide her true colors in letters. She was a highfalutin city slicker. The way she held her head high, he guessed that she probably considered herself above those here in the West.

But she didn’t seem dull. In fact, she struck him as being intelligent, so why would she travel all the way from the East if she knew what she was getting herself into? Had it truly been for love?

She slid a hand down the buttoned front of her waistcoat and then adjusted it as if it was askew. “If you’ll excuse me, gentlemen, I believe I’ll go outside for a breath of fresh air.”

Her heeled, brown-booted feet tapped in quiet succession from the room and to the front door where she grabbed her parasol on the way outside.

After she’d made it down the steps, Aaron collapsed onto the sofa next to Zach. He held his head in his hands, willing the incessant pounding that had started suddenly to stop.

“Do you think you could’ve been any more insulting?” Ben’s terse voice reverberated in Aaron’s head. “I mean, really, Aaron. So, I guess that settles it?”

“How soon do you want the wedding?” Zach mocked.

He glared at them. “What was I supposed to say?”

Ben gave his head a sorry shake. “I don’t know, but that definitely wasn’t it.”

“A woman doesn’t want to feel like some obligation,” Zach scolded, slapping his knee.

Narrowing his gaze, Aaron turned to peer at him. “And how would you know? You’re not even married.”

“True. But do you think Ellie would’ve wanted to be proposed to in that manner?”

Aaron pulled a hand over the back of his neck, trying to massage away the pain. He scrambled for some reasonable excuse to support his actions, but no matter what justification he grasped for, it fell apart in his hands. “No. But this is different. It wasn’t a proposal—well, not exactly, anyway. It was more like a business arrangement.”

Zach just stared at him in that way he had that made a man feel small. “Regardless, that sure was a dead-fish way to go about it. Remind me never to ask you for romantic advice.”

Aaron held his hands up. “Believe me. That area of my life has been sealed and shut for good. There is no way I’ll ever love again.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Ben cautioned, raising his brows for a fleeting moment.

Aaron dragged his hand over his scruffy face, thinking for the first time today how disheveled he must look. He hadn’t had time to clean up before racing into town to meet the train—before everything had changed, before life had taken another jolting turn.

“I’ll watch out for her and help her on the farm,” he muttered. “Since she doesn’t want to get married, at least I can do that much.”

“What about your job at the wood shop? Won’t Joseph need you?” Ben queried.

Aaron recalled the orders they had waiting to be filled. “I’ll talk with him. See what we can work out. He’s been getting along so well on his own.”

“That’s good to hear. But he’ll still need you, won’t he?” Ben was protective of Joseph. Since Joseph had lost his sight in a shop accident about a month before Ellie had died, he’d been making great strides, but Ben was always watchful.

“I’m sure he will, but apart from lunch I’ll be working my usual hours.”

“Well, I’ll do what I can to help.” Ben clasped his hands between his legs.

“Me, too, but with calving season here, I’ll be hard-pressed to get away from the ranch much.” Zach stuck his legs out in front of him, draping one foot over the other.

“Speaking of seasons…planting season is breathing down our necks. There won’t be time to try and find a hired man.” Ben peered into the fire as if looking for some answer there. “Besides, Paul said that any man she’d hire had to first go through you.” He pinned Aaron with an intense gaze.

“You can be sure that there’d be men clambering for the job, but I wouldn’t hire someone unless I could trust them up one side and down another.” When he thought about how delicate Hope was, how vulnerable she’d seemed on the depot platform, the need to protect her rose up like some distant call. “In fact, at least for the first week or so I’m sleeping out in the barn. That way if she runs into any problems I’ll be close by. I’m not taking any chances with her being here all by herself. Not when she’s so—”

“Beautiful?” Zach finished for him.

Aaron slanted a challenge-laced glance his brother’s way. “If she’s so beautiful, I’m surprised you’re not stuttering around her.”

“So am I.” Zach’s gaze shuttered as though he was remembering the difficulty he’d had some years ago. At eleven years of age, an embarrassing case of stuttering had set in after he’d been trapped in a cave alone for two days. He hadn’t talked about the incident much and had worked hard the past few years to overcome his stutter. But once in a while he’d have a relapse—especially whenever he was around a pretty woman.

“Frankly, I’m not even sure she’ll consent to hiring someone. She seemed downright determined to get her hands dirty.” Aaron shook his head as he imagined Hope up to her elbows in garden dirt. “I can’t picture her dirtying those perfectly manicured fingers of hers, though. Can you? And did you see the way her skin looks like it’s never seen the light of day? Or the way she walks all straight and tall like some princess?”

His brothers exchanged a goading look that set Aaron’s hackles standing on end.

“Don’t give me that,” he warned, feeling oddly defensive. But he had nothing to defend. Or did he? “I couldn’t help but notice. She stands out like a sore thumb.”

“I wouldn’t exactly say a sore thumb,” Ben corrected.

“Well, she’s not who I would’ve expected Paul to marry, that’s for sure.” Aaron shoved his gaze to the pine floor, downright irritated by their provoking.

“Why? Because she’s such a fine-looking lady?” Zach prodded.

Aaron scowled. “Paul didn’t exactly look like the underside of a plow. I guess I thought he’d marry someone a little heartier. Like himself.”

“She might be heartier than you think.” Ben pointed out the front window. “Look.”

Aaron wrenched around in his seat to see Hope standing in the middle of the herd of cattle, her arms stuck straight up in the air as she shimmied through the livestock. When she suddenly dipped down, disappearing into the mass of beasts as they closed in on her, his heart came to a complete stop.

“Oh, for the love of—” He catapulted off the sofa, through the room and out the front door to rescue her. Already.

As he raced out to the corral, he wondered how in the world he’d be able to keep track of her from his home, two miles away. But as she sprang up with a yellow tabby kitten in her hands then bravely edged toward the gate, gentling the cattle in spite of her obvious discomfort, he wondered if the barn or even two miles away would be far enough.