Читать книгу Bachelor Father - Pamela Bauer, Pamela Bauer - Страница 10

FAITH LAY AWAKE in her bed, wishing she could stop replaying the conversation she’d had with Adam Novak. She fluffed her pillow and turned over for what had to be the hundredth time, refusing to look at the clock. She didn’t want to know how late it was. Sleep would eventually come. It always did, no matter how troubled her thoughts were. The past few weeks had proven that.

Only, tonight was different from any of the other nights she’d spent at the Carsons’. Her insomnia wasn’t due to the fact that she couldn’t remember her past, but rather the possibility that she could be about to find it. She’d been given a ray of hope that a force existed strong enough to crack the darkness that held her memory in its grasp. And all because of a little girl who’d needed surgery at the hospital.

Megan Novak. The thought of the six-year-old crying for her mommy made her heart ache. She remembered how the girl had begged Faith not to leave her after surgery. At the time Faith had thought she was simply frightened, but now she realized it was more than fear that had Megan reaching out to her.

If Megan were her daughter—and Faith knew that possibility was a slim one—she would find one giant piece of her memory puzzle. Unfortunately she would need a lot more pieces to understand what had happened to cause her to be found far away from the North Shore where Christie had disappeared.

Although Faith hadn’t admitted it to Adam, she knew it was unlikely that she was Megan’s mother. Adam believed that the authorities were right, that there was no way Christie would have survived the boating accident last autumn. It was that very aspect of the situation—the fact that they hadn’t found a body—that gave Faith a spark of hope that she could be the missing woman. Her heart, however, refused to believe that she could ever abandon her own child. As much as she wanted to solve the mystery of her identity, she didn’t want to be the reason why an innocent child like Megan had been forced to suffer such grief.

After much tossing and turning, Faith’s weary body finally succumbed to sleep. She awoke several times, her slumber interrupted by disturbing dreams. At Dr. Carson’s suggestion, she’d placed a pencil and paper next to the bed in the event that she might find clues to her past from the images passing through her mind while she slept, but so far her notepad was empty with the exception of one word. Outcast.

She’d written it down not because of anything she remembered dreaming, but because of the feeling she always had when she awoke—as if she were being excluded from something. Faith questioned whether that feeling was associated with the content of her dreams or if it was simply the result of having no memory of her past. Because her amnesia made her a stranger to her own life, denying her access to people and places, she often felt like an outsider to her own thoughts.

That morning, she was wakened by a dream. This time she could recall the content and quickly reached for her notepad and pencil. She jotted down the words and images flashing through her head. Megan. Baby. Doll. She wrote as fast as she could, but the pictures faded quickly and before she knew it the dream was nothing but a blur.

Eager to talk with Dr. Carson to see if he thought there was any significance to what she had remembered, she scrambled out of bed and hurried downstairs only to find Marie was alone in the kitchen. “Is Avery still asleep?”

“No, he’s gone. He had an appointment early this morning,” Marie answered. “Aren’t you feeling well?”

The question made Faith aware that in her haste to talk to the doctor she hadn’t pulled on her robe and slippers. She stood barefoot in her nightgown, her hair tousled from sleep.

“I had a dream,” Faith said with a sense of urgency. “One that I could remember.” She held up the piece of paper on which she’d jotted her notes. “I thought I should tell him about it…you know, to see if it has any significance.”

“You mean any clues to your past.” Faith nodded and Marie said, “I’m afraid I don’t know as much on the subject of dreams as Avery does, but I’m willing to listen if you want to talk about it.”

Faith did want to talk about it, and since Marie had become her friend, she didn’t hesitate to say, “I’d like that.” Feeling the cold floor beneath her feet, she shifted from one foot to the other.

Marie noticed and said, “Why don’t we go into the living room and I’ll turn on the fireplace? We’ll be much more comfortable there.”

Faith agreed, then followed her into the adjoining room where with the flick of a switch, Marie made gas flames dance in the brick fireplace. Then she reached for a lap robe that had been draped over the back of the love seat and gave it to Faith, motioning for her to take a chair near the hearth. “This should keep you warm.”

Faith tucked her feet beneath her as she sat down, thanking her hostess as she covered herself with the soft woolen robe. “I can’t believe I actually remembered something from a dream.”

Marie took the wingback chair next to her. “It sounds as if you think it may be important.”

“I’m not sure. It really wasn’t much, but I did write down what I could remember when I woke up—just like Avery told me to do. Unfortunately the images faded quickly.”

“Dreams have a way of doing that,” Marie commented, leaning closer to her. “Now tell me about yours.”

She glanced down at the notes on her paper. “I was holding a baby. Actually, I was rocking it.”

“Were you at the child-care center?” Marie asked.

“I’m not sure, but I think I may have been because it’s the only time I rock babies, and Megan Novak was there, too.” She paused, rubbing her fingers across her brow as she struggled to remember more details.

“Go on, dear,” Marie encouraged.

“Megan asked me if she could see the baby, but when I pulled back the blanket, it wasn’t a baby in my arms at all. It was a doll. A faceless doll. And when Megan saw it she began to cry.” She shrugged. “That’s it. That’s all I can remember.”

The look Marie gave her was intent. “No other details? Clothing, furniture, time of day?”

Faith shook her head. “I think Megan wore a hospital gown, but I’m not sure.”

When Marie didn’t say anything for several moments, Faith asked, “Do you think the doll could be a real baby? My baby?”

“And she didn’t have a face because you can’t remember her?” Marie accurately followed the direction of her thoughts.

“It would explain why Megan cries when she sees the doll.”

Marie’s brow wrinkled. “Why do you say that?”

“If Megan is my daughter and the doll represents her as an infant, then it’s only natural that she’d be upset that I don’t remember her,” Faith reasoned.

Marie was quiet for a moment, her eyes thoughtful while she contemplated the possibility. “You might be right,” she finally admitted. “Or it could be that your subconscious is simply trying to sort through everything Adam Novak told you yesterday. After all, you only had this dream after he told you about Megan’s mother.”

Faith nodded pensively, aware that Marie made a valid point. “You’re saying if Adam hadn’t told me about Megan mistaking me for her mother, I might not have had the dream at all.”

Marie’s voice softened as she said, “That’s not what you wanted to hear, is it?”

She shook her head again. “I keep looking for signs….” Faith struggled to keep her disappointment from showing.

Marie reached across to place her hand on Faith’s arm. “I know how difficult it’s been for you these past few weeks. You want answers, but I’m not sure you’re going to find them in your dreams.”

“Then where do I find them?”

“Avery said a simple DNA test would prove whether or not you’re Megan’s mother.”

Faith remembered Avery mentioning a medical test that could be done to determine whether a biological relationship existed between two people. Because she was exhausted both physically and emotionally, she’d had difficulty following his explanation of genetic coding and he’d told her not to worry because they would talk about it again if it was necessary.

“By finding out who you’re not, you’ll at least have one answer,” Marie continued.

Faith nodded, biting on her lower lip as she mulled over what Marie said. “It’ll take a while to get the results.”

“And you’re in a hurry,” Marie stated with an understanding smile. “You want the answer now, don’t you?” When Faith nodded she added, “Maybe you don’t need a DNA test.”

Faith frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You could go straight to Megan Novak. You said last night that her father hadn’t seen her mother recently. Megan, on the other hand, saw her daily. Even if she is only six, she should be able to identify her own mother,” Marie reasoned. She tapped a finger against her forehead. “Amnesia has affected what’s inside here, not your physical appearance. I doubt Megan’s forgotten the sound of her mother’s voice or the feel of her hands.”

“You think she’ll be able to tell right away?”

“Don’t you?”

It was something Faith had contemplated last night as she’d tossed and turned before falling asleep. Right or wrong, Megan believed Faith was her mother based on an encounter they’d had while she’d been sedated. She no longer suffered the effects of anesthesia. The next meeting between them could very well force Megan to accept that she’d been mistaken, that Faith wasn’t her mother.

As Faith showered, thoughts of the six-year-old continued to occupy her mind. Be responsible. A man’s voice echoed in her memory, startling her. She had no idea from what part of her past the voice had come, but there was no denying its presence. She shut off the water, hoping to hear other voices, but there were none. Briefly she closed her eyes, willing her mind to remember the time when she’d heard that voice, but all she saw was darkness.

Answers. She wanted answers, which was why when she arrived at the hospital she didn’t go to the day-care center but took the elevator to the second floor and went straight to the nursing station. When she asked which room Megan Novak occupied and if she was allowed to have visitors, she learned that Adam Novak had spent the night in his daughter’s room. Butterflies began to flutter in her stomach.

Just the thought of seeing him again sent a delicious shiver of anticipation through her. She remembered how those dark eyes had pierced her with an intensity that had made her go weak at the knees.

When she reached room 217, the door was open but a curtain had been pulled around the bed. Faith could hear voices—a child’s and an adult’s. The adult’s voice belonged to a woman. Faith paused outside the room, not wanting to intrude.

Within a few minutes, a nurse came out. When she saw Faith she said, “Are you here to see Megan?”

“If you think it’s all right if I visit her. I work downstairs in the child-care center,” she answered. “I don’t want to intrude if she’s with her family.”

“There’s no one in there but Megan.”

“I thought her father was here?”

“He was but he must have stepped out. Go on in,” she urged Faith. Before scurrying off down the hallway, the nurse poked her head back into the room and called out, “You have a visitor, Megan.”

Faith stepped tentatively into the room, wondering if she shouldn’t have waited for Adam Novak to be with his daughter when she approached her. Then she heard a tiny voice call out, “Is anybody there?” and she pushed her doubts aside.

The nurse had raised the back of Megan’s bed so that she was almost in a sitting position. Her eyes widened when she saw Faith and a smile spread across her face.

“It’s you!” she said on a delightful note.

“Yes, it’s me.” Faith wasn’t quite sure what else to say. “How are you feeling?”

Megan didn’t answer the question but said, “I knew Adam was wrong. He said people can’t come back from heaven, but I told him I saw you and now you’re here.”

“I’ve never been to heaven, Megan,” she said gently, noting that she’d referred to her father by his given name instead of calling him Dad or Daddy.

“Then where have you been?” Blue eyes looked at her with an innocence that tugged at Faith’s heartstrings. They grew cloudy as Faith moved closer to her. “You are my mommy, aren’t you? You look like her.” Uncertainty crept into her voice, replacing the joy that had greeted her arrival.

Faith gazed into blue eyes that begged her to answer the question with a yes. Faith wished she could. The last thing she wanted to do was destroy the hope this beautiful child harbored, yet until the answers to her own questions were found, she had no choice but to be candid.

She pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down. “I don’t know if I’m your mommy.”

Megan frowned, her eyes losing some of their sparkle as she looked in bewilderment at Faith.

“You’re probably wondering how a mommy can not know that she’s a mommy, but if you’ll listen, I’ll try to explain it to you, all right?” Faith said calmly.

“All right,” the small voice answered.

“Megan, you came to the hospital to have an operation, didn’t you?”

She nodded. “My appendix was broken.”

“Yes, and it was making you feel badly, wasn’t it?” Again she nodded and Faith continued. “I have something inside me that’s broken, too.”

“Are you going to have an operation like I did?”

“No. What’s broken inside me can’t be fixed by being in the hospital.”

“Then how can it get fixed?”

“That’s the problem. The doctors aren’t sure how to make it work again.” She tapped her forehead with her finger. “My broken part is up here in my memory. Because it’s not working, I forget things I should know. Like my name.”

Megan’s blue eyes widened. “You don’t know your name?”

Faith shook her head. “Or where I live or who my family is.” She lifted her wrist with the leather bracelet on it. “Everyone calls me Faith because of this, but I can’t remember if it really is my name. I could be someone named Faith or I could be another person with a different name.”

Megan fingered the leather band and Faith asked, “Do you remember seeing your mother wear a bracelet like this?”

She shook her head. “Uh-uh. Who gave it to you?”

“I don’t have the answer to that question,” she answered honestly.

“Can’t you remember?”

“No, I can’t. It’s another one of those things—like my name—that’s been put in a place inside of my head where I can’t find it.” She leaned forward. “I want to find all those things I can’t remember. That’s why I came to see you. I think you might be able to help me.”

“How?”

“I want you to tell me why you think I could be your mother. Would that be okay with you?”

Megan nodded vigorously, her innocent eyes showing her eagerness to please.

“Great.” She gave her a big smile, then shoved her hands out in front of her, palms down. “You said my face looks like your mother’s. What about my hands?”

Megan reached for them, her tiny fingers turning them over. Her touch was soft and warm as she studied them as if they were of utmost importance. “They kinda look like my mommy’s hands, but you’re not wearing the mommy ring and your nails are a mess.”

Faith passed on the criticism of her short, stubby fingernails, focusing on the missing jewelry. “What’s a mommy ring?”

“It’s a ring that mommies wear. Uncle Tom helped me pick it out for my mommy’s birthday. It has a heart on it and a blue diamond cuz that’s my birthstone.”

“And your mother wore it all the time?”

“Uh-huh. She said she was never going to take it off because every time she looked at it she would know I love her.”

Faith had to swallow back the emotion that wanted to lodge itself in her throat. She glanced at her bare fingers, wishing she’d been found wearing such a ring. Of course the fact that she wasn’t wearing one didn’t rule out the possibility that she was Megan’s mother. She could have lost the ring or it could have been stolen.

“You said my fingernails are a mess,” Faith reminded her.

Again Megan nodded her blond head. “Doreen would have a hissy fit if she saw them.”

“Doreen? Who’s that?”

“Mommy’s best friend. She works at the Cut and Curl except she always comes to our house to do our nails because it cost too much to go to the beauty parlor. She made little flowers on mine one time. Lori doesn’t know how to do flowers. See?” She held up her hands and Faith saw each tiny nail had a coating of dark purple.

“They’re very pretty,” she commented, wondering who Lori was. “Does Lori live here in the Twin Cities?”

“Uh-huh. Her house is just around the corner from Adam’s, which is good because that means I can go to her house after school. She’s going to have a baby. She’s this fat.” She extended her hand out in front of her stomach as far as it could reach.

“Is she your day-care provider?”

“I don’t go to day care. I go to Lori’s.”

“And Lori is?”

“Her aunt,” a male voice answered, startling Faith.

She turned to see Adam Novak looming behind her, looking even more attractive than he had the last time she’d seen him. He was not happy to see her with his daughter. That much was evident by the narrowness of his dark eyes.