Читать книгу I didn´t ask to be gold - Patricia Adrianzén de Vergara - Страница 9

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THE GLASS CANEL

The Lord will vindicate me; your love, Lord, endures forever—do not abandon the works of your hands.

(Psalm 138:8)

I believe that God was always molding my shape. He constructed me in such a way that I would not have dared to wish to be anything other than what His mind conceived. If I ever rebelled, it was not to the extent of daring to stretch my curve, the curve He formed to hold another. For I never longed to discard it, much less to stretch myself upward; I allowed all that He was teaching me through suffering to be concentrated in that then incomprehensible form in which my cane body ends.

From the beginning He prepared me to be a glass cane. I did not understand why I always had to learn by suffering; why I could not be like other girls, or later, like other young women, and laugh and enjoy life instead of always bearing the weight of someone else’s emotions or problems. The thing is that nothing made me happier than serving, but it was an aching happiness. Can there be such a thing as an aching happiness? It was the satisfaction of knowing that you were giving yourself, that you were serving, that you were the author of other people’s smiles, even at the expense of your own.

Renunciation entered your life stealthily since the detachment of that toy when you were a child. What you still don’t understand, or fully understand, is what you are made of; your transparency was always discussed. Some loved it, others squeezed it, others made fun of it or refused to believe it was real. Now you recall times when people pointed you out as something special and made you blush again and again, over and over again. Now you begin to understand why you experienced things: We have nothing that we have not received, nor are we anything but by grace. Yes, now you are beginning to understand His purposes. You are already formed and you must begin to function as a cane. You must not long to stand up and be a rod, nor wish to be a leg. You must take care of the transparency of your being by loving.

Because, with your whole being, you long for and need the one who leans on you. Because your motive in life is to fulfill God’s purposes for you. That is where you find joy, even if every day you must surrender something, perhaps something of yourself.

Because you long for that other person to be great in God’s eyes, fulfilling all His divine purposes. And you will always be there, caressing his face in your hands, shielding his heart, helping to renew his strength, invisibly bearing the weight of the human being you love so much, of the ministry you take on together, no matter how difficult it may be.

I only hope that God continues to perfect my form and that the one I love never forgets that though I am strong, I am also made of glass.