Читать книгу Amish Christmas Joy - Patricia Davids - Страница 12

Chapter Three

“It isn’t like that. I’m not dumping her off the way her mother did.”

Caleb needed all the help he could get. He couldn’t let Leah leave thinking less of him than she already did. If that was possible.

As a teacher, Leah would be an important part of Joy’s life in the Amish community, second only to his parents if they agreed to raise her. He wanted Leah on his side. On Joy’s side.

Leah stopped trying to open the door and glared at him. “What is it like?”

He let go of her arm. “I put a great-paying job on hold when Joy arrived in my life. I’ve tried to give her what she needs, but my one-bedroom condo isn’t exactly set up for family living. I’ve come back where I know I’m not welcome because I want Joy to have a home. A place she will always belong. A place where she will be loved and valued.

“Yes, I’ll be leaving, but not until I’m certain she can be happy here and that this is the best thing for her. If that takes two months or twelve months, I’ll stay that long. Honestly, I doubt she’ll even miss me.”

“How can she have such happiness without her father or her mother?”

“I’m her father in name only. She barely knows me. Her mother... I can’t even talk about Valerie without getting angry.”

He drew a deep breath to calm down. After a few seconds, he said, “I know Val had it rough. Joy can go from sweet to those horrible tantrums in five seconds flat. I didn’t know kids with Down could be that way. I thought they were always happy and loving.”

Having a special-needs child had been a rude awakening for Caleb. He’d had no idea what to expect. As he struggled to adjust, he found himself wanting to shout at the people who looked away when they saw Joy was different, as if seeing her somehow disturbed them.

Her step-grandfather had talked about her as if she wasn’t in the room with him, calling her stupid and a pain. Even in the few weeks she had lived with Caleb, a dozen people told him how sorry they were that he had a retarded child. Joy deserved better. He didn’t know how else he could give her a chance to be accepted for who she was.

Leah didn’t say anything so he went on. “Joy has learned not to trust people. Especially men. Her step-grandfather is a prime example. My attorney uncovered reports of abuse in the home. Her life when she was with her mother wasn’t any better. Val has a drug problem. I believe she tried to be good to Joy, but she couldn’t even take care of herself, let alone a kid.”

“I’m sorry Joy has known such unhappiness.”

“Do you see why I know she’ll be better off here? You’ll be her teacher. You’ll see her nearly every day. With your help, Joy can learn to trust again. She’ll be cared for and loved by the Amish community her whole life. She’ll never be made to feel inferior. I want her to have that.”

He’d tried to give Joy that kind of life in Houston, but he had failed miserably. He’d thought leaving the Amish was hard. It was nothing compared to the changes he had to make in his life when Valerie dropped Joy in his lap without so much as a toothbrush. Could he make Leah understand that?

“Joy can be a charming child, but she doesn’t adapt to change well. Her way of coping is to fall down and have a screaming fit or simply run away, which she did numerous times in the first four weeks with me. She wanted to go find her mother. She had it in her little brain that her mother would come get her if she went back to Nana’s house.

“The police officers in my part of town knew us on a first-name basis. I lived in a constant state of fear. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The last time, when Joy was found walking along the middle of a freeway, I reached my breaking point. Something had to give.”

Leah looked down and smoothed the front of her coat. “If you think so highly of our community, why haven’t you returned to us before now?”

He didn’t care to explain the complex reasons why he’d left and why he’d stayed away. “This isn’t about me. It’s about Joy. Do you honestly believe she is better off with me? I don’t think so. You believe she’ll be better off as part of the Amish community, too. Will you help her?”

Caleb studied Leah’s face as she considered his question. If only he knew what she was thinking. She looked out the window toward his daughter. Joy was grinning from ear to ear as she patted the horse. She took a step back and clapped her chubby hands together, then reached up to touch him again.

“The school board will have to approve her transfer to our school,” Leah said at last.

He hadn’t considered that. “Do you think it will be a problem?”

“Perhaps. She is Englisch, after all. They may feel she should attend the Englisch school in town. Your parents may need to plead her case and state their desire to raise her in the Amish way. Will they do that?”

“All I can do is ask.”

His mother would welcome Joy with open arms. He wasn’t so sure about his father. He had to believe they would agree with his decision to bring her here. If not, he didn’t know what he would do. Joy needed more than he could give her.

“I should tell you that Wayne is on the school board.”

“I see.” Would his brother block his efforts?

“No matter where she continues her education, you’ll need her records from her last school. Do you have them?”

“She was homeschooled by her grandmother.”

“Can you get copies of her curriculum and any test scores? Each state has different requirements. I’m not familiar with what Texas requires.”

“I’ll have my attorney get what he can and send it to me.” Caleb had already paid the firm a big chunk of his savings to gain temporary custody of Joy. Whatever it took, he was willing to do. His one overriding fear was that Valerie could get Joy back and all of this would have been for nothing.

Leah stared at him for a long moment. “What happens when Joy’s mother returns for her and wants to take her away?”

He shifted his gaze to his hands on the steering wheel. It was a question he couldn’t answer. He wanted Joy to know security and happiness. His attorney was working to sever Valerie’s parental rights on the basis of abandonment, but Caleb wasn’t sure what would happen if she returned to fight for custody.

“I left a letter for Valerie with her stepfather and one with my attorney if she should come looking for us. I let her know I was taking Joy to my folks. She knows they’re Amish. I’m hoping she’ll realize that Joy is better off with them and stay out of her life.”

“Shouldn’t you pray that she sees the error of her ways and wants to reunite with her daughter?”

“You can pray for that if you want. I won’t waste my time. God doesn’t listen to me.” Caleb had stopped praying a long time ago.

Sadness filled Leah’s eyes. “God hears everyone’s prayers. Perhaps you are the one who has stopped listening for His answer.”

He tipped his head to the side and tried for a lighter tone. “Maybe you should pray for me, then.”

Her chin came up a notch at his challenge. “I will, Caleb Mast. I will do just that.”

Joy finished petting the horse, picked up the grocery bag and came running toward the truck. He got out and held open the door as she raced around the hood.

“Did you see me? I touched a horse, a real horse. Not a pretend one. His name is Benny. He belongs to Anna. I want a horse.”

He smiled at her excitement. Taking the bag of groceries from her, he handed them to Leah and then lifted his daughter into the truck. “You’ll meet lots of horses at your grandpa and grandma’s farm. Cows, too, and chickens and ducks, but no elephants.”

“Do they have a dog?”

Caleb glanced at Leah. “Do they?”

“They don’t have a dog, but I do. Her name is Trixie, and she is going to have puppies soon. I’ve been trying to think of some names for them. Have you got any suggestions?”

Caleb breathed an inward sigh of relief. Leah seemed to be on board with his plan. While she might not like helping him, he had to trust that she would do what was best for Joy.

He drove out of town with a renewed sense of hope. This might actually work. If Joy was happy and safe, he couldn’t ask for more.

“If your dog has a girl puppy, you can call it Princess,” Joy said from the backseat.

Caleb smothered a grin and waited for Leah’s reply. She tilted her head slightly. “I think Princess is much too fancy a name for an Amish dog. She will be a working dog.”

“What kind of work can a dog do?” Joy asked.

“My puppies will grow up to herd sheep and cattle, just like their mother and father do.”

Caleb glanced at Leah. “Are they border collies?”

“English shepherds.”

The breed wasn’t well-known outside farming communities. Similar to the border collie in size and coat texture, they were often sable and white or tricolor. Unlike many herding dogs, English shepherds were used to guard as well as herd cattle, sheep, goats, pigs and even fowl. They made excellent farm dogs.

“Pete would be a good name,” Caleb suggested.

“Not for a girl dog, Daddy,” Joy said in disgust.

“Right. Not for a girl dog,” he conceded.

Leah half turned in the seat to speak to Joy. “Can you think of another name?”

Joy was thinking, so Caleb ventured a second suggestion. “Matilda.”

“No.” Joy shook her head. “I don’t like that name.”

“Okay, how about Tilly? It rhymes with silly,” Leah said.

He glanced at his daughter’s face in the rearview mirror. She grinned at Leah. “No, not Silly Tilly. I like Pickles.”

“Ja, I like pickles, too. Dill pickles, sweet pickles, even bread-and-butter pickles. Do you like pickles, Caleb?”

“I do. I like pickles on sandwiches and on hamburgers. I like to eat the little crispy ones right out of the jar.”

Joy shook her head. “Not pickles to eat. Pickles for a name. I want to call the puppy Pickles.”

“Ach, I see.” Leah nodded solemnly. “Pickles is an excellent name. If my Trixie has a girl puppy, her name will be Pickles.”

They’d gone only half a mile down the highway when they came upon a buggy traveling in the same direction. Caleb slowed to a crawl, unable to pass on the hilly road.

“Does your family know you’re coming?” Leah asked.

“I wrote. I wasn’t sure when to tell them to expect us.” He hadn’t mailed the letter until the day they left. Up until the moment he dropped the letter in the mailbox, he’d hoped he could find a way to manage his life with Joy in Texas. Admitting that he couldn’t was a bitter pill to swallow. He simply didn’t know where else to turn.

Leah lapsed into silence until he had the chance to pass the buggy. As they went by, she sat back and muttered, “Oh, no.”

“What?” He looked in his rearview mirror but didn’t see anything amiss.

“That was Esther Zook.”

“The bishop’s wife?”

“The same.”

“Has she changed any in the past decade?”

“Nee, she has not.”

“So gossip about you riding with an Englisch fellow will be spreading before the sun sets tomorrow. Good to know some things never change. Will it be better or worse for you when she learns it was me?”

“You were not baptized. No one must shun you.”

“Some people will think I should be.”

“Not everyone has a forgiving nature, in spite of what we are taught.”

He glanced at her. “Do you?”

“Have a forgiving nature? I thought so, but I find it is something I must work on.”

It wasn’t the answer he wanted. For some reason, he wanted to know that she had forgiven him for leaving the Amish, for straying so far from the path laid out from his birth. It was a foolish thought. He was grateful she was willing to consider teaching Joy. That was enough.

“I live in the same house. It’s past the next hill on the right-hand side of the road, a short mile after the school.”

“You still live with your folks?”

“Nee, they are gone now.”

“I’m sorry.” He slowed as he topped the rise. The school building and schoolyard were just as he remembered them. He would have to tell Joy to look for his name carved under one of the desks. The lane to Leah’s home came all too quickly. He turned in and hoped Joy would say goodbye without making a fuss.

Her face took on the mulish pout he dreaded, once Leah opened the door to get out.

She held out her hand to Joy. “It was wonderful meeting you. I look forward to seeing you at school.”

“At school?” Joy gave her a puzzled look.

“Your father wants to enroll you in my school. If it works out, I’ll be your new teacher. Wouldn’t that great?”

Joy folded her arms over her chest and stared at the floor of the truck. “I don’t like school. Other kids make fun of me.”

“My students won’t do that. Besides, even if you don’t come to my school, I’m sure your father will bring you over to see the puppies when they arrive.”

Joy looked at Caleb. “Will you?”

“Sure, kiddo.”

Joy clapped her hands and rewarded him with a beaming smile that crinkled her eyes closed. He smiled in return. It was amazing how fast he was growing to love her. That was one more reason to get her settled quickly. Another painful upheaval wouldn’t do either of them any good.

He glanced at Leah. She was smiling at Joy, too. As their eyes met, his heart gave a funny kick. She really was a pretty woman. He liked the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled.

The last thing he expected to find in Hope Springs was an Amish woman who caught his fancy.

If only things had been different.

And that was the story of his life.

Leah looked away first. “Goodbye, Joy. Be sure and tell your grossmammi I said hello.”

“I will.” Joy waved.

Leah waved, too, and closed the door.

Caleb sat and watched until she entered the house. After a few minutes, the soft glow of lantern light lit the windows. He couldn’t put it off any longer. It was time to go home. He shifted the truck in Reverse and began to back up.

“Daddy, stop!”

He hit the brakes. “What?”

“Leah wants you.”

He looked toward the house. She stood on the porch motioning to him. He put the truck in Park. Was something wrong? He looked around the cab. He didn’t see anything she might have left behind.

“Stay here, Joy.” He opened his door.

“But I want to come in.”

“We’re not staying. I’m just going to see what Leah wants.” He stepped out of the truck. The light layer of powdery fresh snow muffled his footsteps as he crossed the yard to her porch.

Leah’s eyes were bright with excitement. As he neared, that excitement faded. She bit her lower lip and clasped her hands together nervously. When she didn’t speak, he asked, “Is something wrong?”

“Nee. It’s only that Trixie has had her puppies. I thought perhaps Joy would like to see them.”

Bemused by her unexpected offer, he hitched a thumb toward his truck. “I’m sure she will. I’ll go get her.”

He was happy to put off going home for a bit longer. The real upside was spending more time in Leah’s company.

* * *

What was she thinking?

Leah couldn’t believe she had just invited Caleb Mast into her home. She had been so excited to find the puppies had arrived that she had simply stepped out and beckoned Joy to come see them, not thinking that Caleb would come, too. She could hardly ask him to wait outside while she took his child in. She prayed her sister wouldn’t find out.

Leah watched as Caleb lifted Joy out of the truck. He spoke to her quietly and then held her hand as they approached the house. Leah stood aside and let them enter.

She had placed the whelping box in the kitchen, near the stove for warmth. Trixie lay on an old quilt in a corner of the box with three tiny black, brown and white pups nestled against her belly. She pricked up her ears and gave the newcomers a guarded look.

Trixie was a medium-size dog with long black fur and a white blaze that went down her face and chest. Over her eyes and upright ears, she had brown points, which gave her an inquisitive look. Two of the puppies were marked like their mother. A third was as pale brown as winter grass, with a white blaze and chest and four white feet.

Leah spoke quietly to reassure her. “It’s okay. They want to admire your babies.”

Joy knelt beside the box with Caleb at her side. “They are super awesome. Can I touch them, Daddy?” Her voice squeaked with excitement.

He brushed a lock of hair away from her eyes. “You have to ask to Leah. Remember, I said we have to talk very quietly so we don’t disturb them.”

She nodded and looked up at Leah. “Can I touch them?” she whispered.

“I think Trixie will allow that.” She reached into the box and lifted a tiny ball of fur. The puppy mewed at having its sleep cut short. Trixie rose to her feet and stood close as Leah handed the pup to Joy, showing her how to hold it properly.

Joy raised the puppy to her face. “Oh, it’s so soft. It this Pickles?”

“Let me see.” Caleb took the puppy from her and checked the gender. “Yup, this is Pickles.” He handed her back to his daughter.

Joy pressed her close. “I love you, Pickles.”

The puppy started crying, making Trixie whine with concern. Leah said, “We should put Pickles back with her mother now. She needs lots of rest so she can grow up to be a wonderful helper on someone’s farm.”

Joy handed her back to Leah. Trixie nosed her pup and licked her as Leah replaced her with her littermates. Joy looked at Leah. “Pickles’s mommy will take good care of her. She won’t run away and leave her to be scared.”

Leah exchanged a poignant look with Caleb. They were both thinking the same thing. Joy was referring to her own mother’s actions. Caleb put an arm around her. “No, Trixie is going to take good care of all her puppies.”

Joy pushed his arm away and looked around the kitchen. “Where is their daddy?”

Leah knelt beside her. “His name is Duncan. He lives on a sheep farm not far from here with his master.”

Joy frowned. “Does he ever come to visit his kids?”

Leah smothered a smile. “They were only born today. I’m sure he’ll be by when he hears the news.”

“He better come. He shouldn’t be a deadbeat dad. My friends Jenny and Kala have deadbeat dads.”

Puzzled, Leah said, “What does that mean?”

Caleb rose to his feet. His demeanor changed as he squared off, almost as if he expected a fight. “A deadbeat dad is a man who doesn’t take responsibility for his children, doesn’t visit them or help support them.”

She rose, too, as the past came rushing in to spoil the moment. “Your Englisch world must be a sad place if such a thing is common there.”

Caleb took Joy’s hand. “It can be sad. It can be wonderful, too, just like here. Say goodbye to the puppies and thank Leah for letting you see them. We have to get going.”

“Thank you. Take good care of Pickles. I like her the best.”

Leah spoke before he made it out the door. “The school board is meeting next Thursday evening at Eli Imhoff’s home. You are welcome to come and speak with them.”

“All right.” He didn’t say anything else.

Leah closed the door as the pair left, and watched through the kitchen window as they got into Caleb’s truck. Rarely had she been so torn about what her course should be.

If she aided his daughter to become Amish, was she helping him avoid responsibilities to a child for a second time?

He genuinely cared about Joy. She saw it in the way he touched his daughter and in the way he spoke to her. He was trying hard to do the right thing.

Why hadn’t he given that kind of care and attention to her sister and their unborn child?

Could a man change that much?

With God, anything was possible. If Caleb had changed, why continue to deny he was David’s father? He no longer had an obligation to marry her sister or take care of David. Admitting the truth wouldn’t change anything except to free his soul from the burden of his lie. It didn’t make sense.

Perhaps he was too prideful to admit the truth. That she could believe, yet it was too simple an answer. There had to be more. Something was holding Caleb apart from the Amish community and from his family. Something painful. What was it?