Читать книгу Amish Christmas Joy - Patricia Davids - Страница 12

Chapter Four

Caleb turned his truck onto the narrow dirt lane leading to his childhood home and stopped. It was almost dark. A crimson band of clouds in the west marked the end of the day and a new start to Joy’s life.

Up ahead, a large two-story white farmhouse stood nestled into the slope of a hill. It was backed by a thick stand of trees. Their branches were bare now, a mat of dark lines scratching against the bloodred sky. His mother’s laundry hung freeze-drying in the winter air from the clothesline at the side of the house. White sheets, blue dresses, blue work shirts, black aprons and dark denim pants. The color palette was the same as it had been throughout his childhood.

He’d thought he was prepared to come back, but he wasn’t. A rush of emotions and memories hit him like a truck and then parked on his chest, making it hard to breathe. Scenes from the wonderful years of his youth and the heartbreaking months before he left flickered through his mind like old movie clips.

Working in the fields with his father, driving a team of mules for the first time. Hot summertime days spent shucking corn, followed by a dip in the cool river with his brother. His mother, calling everyone in to eat the most wonderful meals. His father, bowing his head in prayer. They were good memories.

Then there were the not-so-good memories. The wreck that scarred Rhonda. The bitter arguments with his parents during his rumspringa, his teenage years, when he tried to sample all that wasn’t Amish. He was introduced to Valerie during that time at a friend’s house in Cleveland. She was quite simply the most exciting woman he’d ever met. To remain Amish or to go out into the English world became a real question in his mind for the first time.

Then Rhonda Belier’s accusation that he was the father of her unborn babe changed everything. No matter how he denied it, his family expected him to do the right thing and marry her. Nothing he said made any difference until the night he flatly refused to marry her in front of both their families. Leah had been there, but he’d barely noticed her in the room. How did she remember that night? He kept begging Rhonda to admit the truth, but her silence had condemned him. It was the worst night of his life.

What followed was an unofficial shunning by his father. For days, Ike Mast acted as if Caleb wasn’t present. He was waiting for a confession that his son couldn’t make. Caleb wouldn’t take the blame. Not this time. As painful as his father’s shunning had been, it was Wayne’s refusal to believe Caleb that had finally driven him away.

He shook off the disturbing images from his past and looked around. This stretch of farmland amid the gentle rolling hills of Ohio was, and always would be, home. Too bad it wasn’t where he belonged.

What would his life have been like if he had stayed? He couldn’t imagine bending far enough to fit into the mold he had been expected to fill.

If he had married Rhonda, Leah would be married to Wayne and not teaching school. She might have children of her own by now. She would make a good mother. She certainly had a way with Joy.

Why hadn’t she married? Was her love for Wayne so strong that she couldn’t care for another? He hoped that wasn’t the case. Watching the man she loved marry her sister couldn’t have been easy. What was their relationship like now? Did Wayne love his wife and the child that wasn’t his? What must that be like?

Caleb rubbed a hand over the stubble on his cheeks. His actions had affected far more people than he knew. Leaving had seemed like his only option, but had it been a mistake?

Joy, on the front seat beside him, stretched to see over the dashboard. Was he making another mistake bringing her here? He could turn around now and find a job somewhere, working on an oil rig that wasn’t a hundred miles out in the Gulf. He could be home every night. There had to be someplace they could belong and make a go of it.

Even as the thought came to him, he realized Joy hadn’t been happy since she had come to him. This was his last hope.

She pointed off to the side. “I see tepees. Lots of them.”

The field on the left-hand side of the lane had shocks of cornstalks stacked to provide winter feed for the animals. The long lines of bundles stretched in straight rows across the twenty-acre field. It was hot, itchy work in the summer, piling the stalks together and tying the tops so they would cure properly and not blow over in the wind. He didn’t miss that job.

“They aren’t tepees, but they do look like them. They’re cornstalks.”

“They don’t look like corn.”

“They don’t?”

“No, corn is yellow and it comes from a can.”

He smiled. She had a lot to learn about living on a farm. He hadn’t prayed much in the past nine years, but he silently sent up a plea now. Please, Lord. Let this be the right decision for her.

He drove down the lane and stopped in front of the house. A buggy with a black horse in harness stood at the front gate. Did it belong to his folks or did they have company?

For Joy’s sake, he didn’t want his reunion to occur in front of strangers. He considered driving away, but the front door opened and his mother came out. She stood on the steps, watching him.

He looked at his daughter. There had been so much upheaval in her life. Was he doing the right thing by bringing her here? He couldn’t manage on his own. He had tried and failed miserably. He had to believe this was the right thing. “Are you ready to meet your grandparents?”

She shrank back in the seat. “What if they don’t like me?”

“They will love you.”

“What if they laugh at me or call me stupid?”

He took her chin in his fingers and tilted her face toward him. “I know this is very hard for you. I wish things were different, but they aren’t. Do you see that woman standing in the doorway? She is your grandma. I’m one hundred percent certain that she will never laugh at you, never make fun of you. She will love you with her whole heart and soul.”

“You promise?”

“I promise. She’s waiting to meet you. Are you ready?”

“I guess.”

“Then I guess I’m ready, too.” That was a lie. Petrified was closer to the truth.

Opening the truck door, he stepped out. His mother came rushing toward him. Behind her, he saw his father looking on from the doorway. Ike Mast did not rush out. He turned away and went back inside. Caleb swallowed the hurt. It was what he had expected.

His mother’s steps faltered as she drew near. Her hands were clenched tightly together in front of her. Her eyes searched his face. “Caleb, is it really you?”

He was stunned to see how much she had aged. A black prayer kapp covered her gray-streaked hair. She wore a black apron over a blue dress like the ones on the clothesline. She hadn’t bothered to put on a coat.

“Ja, Mamm, it’s me.” His throat closed with emotion. He couldn’t say another word. None was needed. With a glad cry, she launched herself at him and threw her arms around him.

“Mein sohn es home. Gott be praised.”

He held her for a long moment as he struggled to regain his composure. She was happy to see him now, but he was going to break her heart all over again when he left. He choked back tears and pulled away.

“Mamm, I have someone who wants to meet you. This is my daughter, Joy. Did you get my letter about her?”

His mother dabbed her tears away with the corner of her apron. “Ja, I did. Welcome to our home, Joy. My name is Maggie, but you can call me Mammi. I’m so happy to meet you.”

“Are you really my grossmammi?”

His mother’s eyes brightened. “So your father has taught you some Pennsylvania Dutch. That’s goot.”

“He didn’t teach me. Leah taught me.”

He caught the worried glance his mother flashed him. “You have spoken with Leah?”

“We met in town.” He looked down at his daughter. “She’s looking forward to having Joy come to her school.”

“Leah is a kind woman. Your brother and his wife are inside. I thought you should know that.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Then it really is a family reunion.”

“I have not told Wayne that you are returning. He doesn’t know about Joy, either.”

“Did you tell Father?”

“Ja.”

Caleb straightened and took Joy by the hand. “Then we should go in.”

His mother nodded and walked quickly back to the house. He followed more slowly. As they reached the door, Wayne blocked their way. A thunderous expression darkened his face. “There is nothing here for you. Go back where you came from.”

“Wayne, please.” Maggie’s gaze darted between her sons.

“Shame on you, Mother. How could you do this to us? Rhonda, David, we are going home.” He stood aside. His wife and son hurried out the door. The boy stared at Caleb with wide, curious eyes. Rhonda didn’t even look. She kept her face down as she rushed past him, one hand covering her scarred cheek. Wayne followed close behind them.

Caleb caught his brother’s arm and pulled him to a stop. He whispered, “Have you told her the truth?”

Wayne pushed him away. “There is nothing to tell. You are not welcome.”

Caleb stepped aside. Joy clung to his leg, hiding her face. He placed a reassuring hand on her head. “Wayne, can we at least be civil to each other? For Mother’s sake if not for our own.”

Wayne stood at the gate as his wife and son climbed in the buggy. “‘Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?’ 2 Corinthians 6:14.”

“I remember the passage.”

“Do not trouble me or mine. We do not know you.” With that, he strode to the buggy, climbed in and quickly drove away.

“What did you expect, Maggie?” Caleb’s father asked from the doorway. “You should have told them Caleb was coming. You should have given them a chance to prepare.”

“Mamm didn’t know I would arrive today.”

“I planned to tell Wayne and Rhonda tonight, that’s why I asked them to come over, but then it was too late. Caleb was already here.”

Ike stepped back from the door. “Come inside. We’re letting all the heat out.”

Maggie went in. Caleb picked up Joy and followed her. His father closed the door behind them.

The warmth of the kitchen was a welcome relief from the chill outside. The smell of the evening meal lingered in the air. His mother had been baking bread. There were five loaves lined up on the counter. The delicious aroma was enough to make Caleb’s stomach rumble. Three animal crackers didn’t make for a substantial supper.

Ike looked at Joy. “Who have we here?”

Caleb braced himself. “This is my daughter, Joy.”

“And where is your wife?”

He met his father’s steely look without flinching. “I’m not married.”

Ike’s lips thinned with displeasure. He gathered himself and managed a smile for Joy. “Welcome to our home, Joy. I’m Ike Mast, your daadi, your grandfather.”

She looked at Caleb and whispered, “Is he like Nana’s Jake?”

“No, honey, he’s your real grandfather. He’s much nicer than Jake.”

Caleb set her down. She gave Ike a tentative smile. “Your house smells good.”

He chuckled. “I reckon it’s your grandma’s cooking that smells good. Are you hungry?”

She nodded. He tipped his head toward the large wooden table. “Have a seat and Maggie will fix you something to eat.”

“You mean Mammi,” she corrected him as she climbed on a chair.

“Ja, your mammi. You know some of our speech. That is goot. Good.”

“What is ja?”

“Ja means yes,” Caleb explained.

“Ja is yes. Good is goot.” Joy nodded vigorously, making her straight blond hair swish across her face. She pressed it back with both hands.

Ike looked Caleb up and down. He nodded toward the table. “You look like you could use some of your mother’s cooking. You’re skin and bones.”

The tension holding Caleb upright drained away, leaving him weak and shaken. To be invited to sit at the table with his father was more than he’d hoped for. He had to clear his throat of a lump the size of Texas before he could speak. “Danki.”

Joy held out her hand. “Sit by me, Daddy.”

Maggie was grinning widely. “He can’t, child. This is the women’s side of the table. He must sit across from us. I will sit by you as soon as I get some food on. Husband, would you like something?”

“A slice of your fresh bread with butter.”

“Kaffi, too?”

“Ja.”

As his mother went to the counter and began cutting a loaf of bread, Caleb rounded the table and pulled out the chair on his father’s right-hand side.

He had almost forgotten how fully Amish traditions permeated every aspect of life. His father sat at the head of the table, with his wife on his left. Sons sat on his right-hand side, from youngest to oldest down the table; daughters sat beside their mother in the same fashion. Caleb knew without a doubt that his chair had been empty since he left home. An empty chair was a pointed reminder to everyone about who was missing.

“Bread and butter will be fine for me, too, Mamm, but no coffee.”

“Lemonade, then?”

“Sure.” She wouldn’t be satisfied until she had made a special effort to please him. If he let her, she would cook a feast. It was late, but he knew that tomorrow mounds of food would be set in front of him. Cooking was his mother’s way of showing her love.

She soon had thick slices of fresh baked bread slathered with peanut-butter spread for Joy, and butter for him and his father. She gave Ike his coffee and Joy a mug of milk, then she set two glasses of lemonade on the table. Still smiling, she took a seat beside Joy.

Her hand shook slightly as she tucked a strand of Joy’s hair behind her ear. “I have wanted a granddaughter for a very long time. I am so happy that Gott brought you to us.”

Joy gave her a beaming peanut-butter-smeared smile. “Daddy said you would like me. I like you, too. I had another mammi. I called her Nana. She went to heaven.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. You must miss her. She is with Gott now, so we must be happy for her.”

“Who is Gott?” Joy asked around a mouthful of bread.

“God,” Caleb translated.

“Tomorrow, you can tell me all about her. It’s getting late. It’s time for a little one like you to be in bed,” Maggie said.

“Can I sleep here?”

Maggie nodded. “I have a room upstairs that’s just for you. Finish your bread and your milk. I will show you the way.”

Caleb rose from his place and headed for the door. “I’ll get our suitcases.”

Outside, he paused to watch his breath fog in the cold evening air. He missed the warmth of the Gulf breezes. He’d forgotten how hard the cold could bite his face and make his eyes water. How long would he have to stay? How soon would Joy adjust to life among the Amish? Would she adjust? Was he expecting too much? Even with Leah to help guide her, it was going to be a difficult transition.

Hunching against the cold, he hurried down the steps and gathered enough of their things to make it through the night. Tomorrow would be soon enough to unpack the rest.

He unplugged his cell phone from the car charger and put it in his pocket. His truck battery would be the only source of electricity for keeping his phone charged while he stayed on the farm. His parents wouldn’t like the fact that he was bringing a phone into their home, but he needed it to maintain contact with his attorney.

Back in the house, he saw his mother had already taken Joy from the room. His father was sitting quietly at the table. A troubled frown marred his brow. “I’m afraid to ask because I think I know the answer, but I must hear it from you. Are you here to stay, sohn?”

“Nee, Daed. Only for a while.”

“It breaks your mother’s heart to see your place at the table empty.”

“Perhaps having Joy here will ease some of her pain.”

“Your child cannot heal what is broken in this family.”

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t stay.”

“We have forgiven you. Rhonda has forgiven you. Wayne will forgive you in time.”

“That would be nice if there was anything to forgive. I’m not the father of Rhonda’s child. I don’t know who is, but it isn’t me.”

“Why would Rhonda maintain such a lie?”

“I wish I knew. I wish that you believed me.”

His father’s frown deepened. “You come to my door with another child born out of wedlock and ask that I believe you are innocent?”

“I knew there’d be no point going through this again. Look, Joy needs a stable family life. She hasn’t had that. I can’t give it to her. I’m hoping you can. I know it’s asking a lot, but will you consider raising her?”

His father was silent so long that Caleb started to think the whole trip had been for nothing.

“You think her life will be better, will be happier, with us but without you, her father?”

Leah had asked him the same thing. “I hope so.”

“Where is the child’s mother now?”

“I have no idea. She went out to smoke a cigarette and never came back. I turned the city upside down looking for her.”

“Then you understand a little of what we felt when you left.”

Facing the truth was hard. Caleb saw his actions in a different light now. “I admit I didn’t go about leaving in the best way, but I felt it was my only option.”

Ike banged his hand on the table. “Running away from a problem never fixes it.”

“Some problems can’t be fixed!” Caleb struggled to control his temper. This was his father. Ike deserved respect.

“Can’t I leave you two alone for ten minutes without an argument starting?” Caleb’s mother asked from the doorway.

“It wasn’t an argument,” Ike said gruffly.

She gave him a sympathetic look. “We all need a good night’s sleep. In the morning, things will look different.”

No, they wouldn’t, but Caleb didn’t say that. Ike rose from the table and went through the door that led to their living room and their bedroom beyond.

Maggie came and stood in front of Caleb. “I am so pleased that you are here. I’m glad, too, that you have brought this child with you.”

“I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t come back to make trouble.”

She laid a hand on his cheek. “All of life is made up of bits of happiness and bits of trouble. In between, there is prayer and hard work and if we are blessed, sometimes wondrous joy. This is the way of the world.”

“All struggle and no reward,” he said dryly.

“Our rewards come in God’s own time. You need rest. I see how weary you are. I made up the bed in your old room. Joy is waiting for her nightclothes in the bedroom over the kitchen.”

“Thanks.” Without central heat, the room over the kitchen was always the warmest one on the second story. He picked up their bags and started toward the stairs.