Читать книгу A Home for Hannah - Patricia Davids - Страница 12

Chapter Four

Miriam stopped short of slamming the door when she entered the house. Nick infuriated her. How dare that man presume to know anything about her? She didn’t want him to know anything about her. She didn’t want him to read her so easily.

She was scared of the way it made her feel. Like she could depend on him.

She balled her fingers into fists. She couldn’t decide if she was angrier with him, or with herself. For a few minutes, she had forgotten what lay between. Somehow, after everything that happened, Nick still had the power to turn her inside out, as he’d done when she was eighteen and a naive country girl.

Well, she wasn’t a teenager anymore. She wouldn’t fall under his spell again. She had too much sense for that. There was too much that stood between them.

How could she have forgotten that even for a second? She had gone months without running into him. Why now? How much more complicated could her life get? Perhaps in the back of her mind she knew this would happen. That Nick would use his charm to make her forget her anger and forgive him.

If she forgave Nick, she would have only herself left to blame for Mark’s death. She was the one who had sent her brother on his panicked flight that night. The guilt still ate at her soul. If only she’d had the chance to beg Mark’s forgiveness, perhaps she could learn to live with what she’d done.

When Mark’s Englisch girlfriend, Natalie Perry, had come begging for a word with him, Miriam had been only too happy to inform her Mark wasn’t home. When the tearful girl explained that her parents were making her leave town the following evening, Miriam had been relieved. It was God’s will. Without this woman’s influence, her brother would give up worldly things and be baptized into the faith. Miriam had given up Nick’s love for her faith. She had passed that test. Mark would, too.

Natalie had scrawled a note and pressed it into

Miriam’s hand, pleading with her to give it to Mark as soon as possible. At the time, Miriam had no idea what the note contained, but she didn’t give it to Mark until late the next day. Only afterward did she understand what harm she had caused.

Mark had flown out of the house, stolen a car and tried to reach his love before it was too late. Nick had stopped him, and Miriam never had the chance to beg her brother’s forgiveness.

The front door opened, and Nick came in looking as if he expected a frying pan to come sailing at his head. The idea of doing something so outrageous made her feel better. Slightly.

When he saw that he didn’t need to defend himself, he said, “Ada, is there anything you need me to do before I leave? I can chop some kindling if you need it.”

“Nee, I reckon we’ll be fine.”

He nodded. “You let me know if you hear anything from the baby’s family.”

Ada nodded toward the baby sleeping in the newly washed bassinet. “Do not worry, Nicolas. The mother, she will come for her babe.”

“I pray you are right. Miriam, I’d appreciate knowing what the doctor has to say about Hannah.”

He waited, as if he expected Miriam to say something. When she didn’t, he nodded in her direction. “Okay, I’ve got to get back to town.”

When the door closed behind him, Miriam took the first deep breath she managed to draw all morning. “I thought he would never leave.”

“It was goot to see him again. I remember him as such a nice boy.”

“It’s too bad he turned out to be a murderer.”

“Do not say such a thing, Miriam!” Her mother rounded on her with such intensity that Miriam was left speechless.

Ada shook her finger at her daughter. “You are not the only one who has suffered, but you are the only one who has not forgiven. The more you pick at a wound, the longer it takes to heal. I don’t know why you refuse to see that. I’m tired of your selfish attitude. Maybe it is best that you go back to your Englisch home.”

Dumbfounded, Miriam stared at her mother in shock. Not once in her life had her mother raised her voice in such a manner.

Miriam struggled to muster her indignation. “That man caused the death of your only son. Have you

really forgiven him for that?”

“It was Gottes wille that Mark died. I can’t pretend to understand why such a thing had to happen, or why your father was taken before me, too. I can only try to live a good life and know that I will be with them when it is my time.” Ada turned her back on her daughter and began to wash the coffee cups in the sink.

Miriam’s anger slipped away. She wanted to punish Nick, but she’d wound up hurting her mother instead. “Do you really want me to leave?”

Her mother seemed to shrink before her eyes. Ada heaved a deep sigh. “I want what I cannot have. I’m tired. I’m going to lie down for a while. Can you watch the baby?”

“Of course.” Miriam fetched her mother’s cane from beside the table and watched her head toward the hallway. Ada moved slowly, leaning heavily on her cane for support.

Overcome with guilt, Miriam said, “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

Her mother paused at the doorway and looked over her shoulder. “I forgave you the moment you spoke. We will talk no more about your stubborn, willful ways and the bitterness you carry. I leave it up to Gott to change your heart.”

After her mother disappeared into her room Miriam sat down beside Hannah. Bella had staked out her new territory beneath the crib. She looked up at Miriam with soulful eyes and gave a halfhearted wag of her tail.

Miriam leaned down to pet her. “You love me no matter what I do or say. Thank you. That’s why I have a dog.”

* * *

The following morning, Miriam sat in the waiting room of the Hope Springs Medical clinic with Hannah in her borrowed car seat on the floor beside her. They were waiting to be seen for Hannah’s first well-baby appointment.

Miriam was starting to wonder if she was a well baby. How soon did colic set in? If Hannah wasn’t sick, she was certainly a fussy baby. It had been a long night for both of them. Miriam’s eyes burned with lack of sleep. A headache nagged at the base of her neck. The baby had fallen asleep in the car on the way to the clinic, but she was starting to fidget now that the car ride was over.

“The doctor will be with you shortly. Would you like some tea or coffee while you wait?” Wilma Nolan, the elderly receptionist asked with an encouraging smile.

Miriam shook her head. What she wanted was a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. The outside door opened. She looked over and saw Nick walk in.

He was out of uniform this morning. He’d traded his dark blues for worn, faded jeans, Western boots and a wool sweater in a soft taupe color that made his tan look even deeper. No one could deny he was a good-looking man. She struggled to ignore the sudden jump in her pulse.

The elderly receptionist behind the counter sat up straight and smiled. “Sheriff, how nice to see you. I’m afraid you will have quite a wait if you need to see the doctor this morning. Dr. White isn’t feeling well, and Dr. Zook is the only one seeing patients.”

“Not to worry, Wilma, I’m not sick. I just came to check on Ms. Kauffman and...the baby.”

Wilma’s eyebrows shot up a good two inches as she glanced between Miriam and Nick. “I see. Is this official business?”

Mortified by what she knew the receptionist was thinking, Miriam wanted to sink through the floor. Nick obviously came to the same conclusion because he quickly stuttered, “It’s...it’s personal business, Wilma.”