Читать книгу The Crash of Hennington - Patrick Ness - Страница 35

—You wanted to see me, Cora?

—Have a seat, Max.

—So it’s one of those kinds of talks.

—Actually, come to think of it, maybe you are in trouble. You’re the one who’s going to have to figure that out, I think.

—Why do I feel like I did when my parents wanted to know if I smoked hash in the eighth grade?

—Did you?

—Smoke hash? No. But then again you already know that. ‘No skeletons allowed', if I remember my first job interview correctly.

—I was merely being a smart politician, Max. However megalomaniacal it may sound, I do have a legacy, and I don’t want to leave it to just anyone. Which brings us conveniently to the point.

—Look, I’m sorry again about the fundraiser, but Talon was sick.

—Yes, I know, that’s not the issue. We raised over eighty thousand for you last night. That puts your pot at over 1.2 million. More than enough for airtime, signs, get-out-the-vote projects, the rest of your campaign staff. In short, pretty much enough for the whole race, including your inauguration ball and hair of the dog the morning after. Now, if you would just start your campaign any time in the near future, why, that would be lovely, too. Oh, don’t sigh at me, Max. I’ve known you for ten years. Something’s going on, and I want to know what it is.

—Nothing’s ‘going on'.

—Then answer me this simple question. Do you want to be Mayor or don’t you? Because if you don’t, you’d better tell me right now, as in this morning, or a lot of people are going to be plenty peeved. Fundraising is bad enough, though I am happy to spend my evening touting your real and considerable assets. That’s not bull. I think you’ll make a great Mayor. But explaining to all those folks whose behinds are wet with my saliva why their money might not be going where they thought it was would be much worse.

—I said, I’m sorry for not being there.

—Not the point. I know you model yourself as a kind of brooding idealist—

—I do not.

—You do. You do, and that’s fine. Money to soup kitchens, needle-exchange programs, hunger relief for The Crash, all good stuff, but it’s the idealism catch that’s been around forever: in order to accomplish anything idealistic, you have to first be in a position of power to do something.

—That’s not quite true. Volunteers implement a lot of idealistic ideas.

—Oh, for God’s sake, Max, quit being argumentative. It’s a simple equation. Idealism without implementation equals moral impotence. I know you find politicking distasteful, so do I, but why come this far just to not get over that final qualm? Is it a case of nerves? Is it a matter of requiring a simple pep talk? Because I can do that if that’s all you need. But I’m worried that it might be something more. Well, not worried exactly, but aware that something’s at work here. So stop being evasive and start talking.

—Cora, there’s nothing I could tell you that would ease your mind.

—So don’t ease my mind. Shake it up a bit. I’ll manage.

—All right then. It’s this whole question of the inevitability of it all.

—You mean the election being a foregone conclusion?

—Well, yes, in a way, but I also mean for myself. I haven’t done anything since I got out of law school except work here and stay on this career fast-track. I’ll be forty in three years, and I’ve never done anything else.

—My suspicion is that that’s probably just cold feet, Max. It’s natural to question your motivation, especially just as you’re about to join the battle to move to the next level.

—I wouldn’t believe you’ve ever gotten cold feet about anything.

—Every time I’ve run. Hell, I get cold feet when I decide where to go for dinner. ‘Do I really want noodles?’ Perfectly natural, even more so for someone like you who’s introspective to a rather large and annoying degree. You commit five years of your life by becoming Mayor, more if you include the campaign.

—It’s not the time commitment that bothers me, although it’s odd to think that Talon will be about to graduate from high school before my first term is up. I don’t like to think I’d be slighting her. But more to the point it feels as if I’ve been heading for this and only this from the beginning, that Mayor is what I was destined to be. At least that’s what people seem to say when they talk to me, that fate has selected me out because of whatever reasons fate has and everything’s lined up to lead me directly to this, as if I’ve had no choice in the matter.

—But it’s hardly as if this has been handed to you, Max. You’ve worked hard to do what you’ve done, to get where you are. This hasn’t happened to you. Surely there must have been some motivation there, if not just right this second, then at some point. And if you had it once, you’ll have it again.

—That’s just it. I look at my life, I look at my daughter, and sometimes I can’t remember how I got here.

—So are you saying you don’t want to be Mayor or that you don’t know?

—I’m saying I don’t know.

—Is this serious enough to make you drop out of the campaign?

—I don’t know. Maybe.

—Well, I’ve got to be honest if it kills me, I suppose. It’s not too late to quit. You’d lose a little face, and there are people who’d be mighty disappointed, but four months is enough for someone new to step in if they had to. I’ve no idea who, frankly, but you need to do what you need to do.

—I don’t know if I want to quit. I’m not sure.

—Then how about this? Why not take tomorrow off and just have a three-day weekend? Spend a ton of time with Talon, don’t think about the campaign, although you’ve been doing a pretty good job of that on your own already, and just, I suppose, reflect. Search your heart and mind, Max. Being Mayor is something you shouldn’t do half-assed. There’s a lot of nonsense you have to put up with, and the job is only worth it if it’s worth it to you.

—I’m not sure that’s going to help.

—It either will or it won’t. Do it anyway. Unfortunately, the way things lie, I’m going to have to know one way or another when you come in on Monday. As much a martinet as it might make me, I want to have some say over who the next Mayor is, and if you’re out, there are a mind-boggling number of things to be done.

—All right. Sorry for the wrench in the plans.

—No, no, my fault. I’ve been the advisor in this whole thing. I thought you were having doubts, but I thought they’d take care of themselves. I was wrong. Take the weekend. Hell, go home right now. Let me know what you decide on Monday, okay?

—I can agree to that.

—My grandmother always told me that if you search yourself top to bottom, then there’s no such thing as a wrong decision. Whichever way you decide will ultimately be the right way, Max. I trust you.

—I’m assuming your grandmother didn’t tell you the part about how we sometimes make wrong decisions so we can be taught unpleasant lessons.

—Of course she didn’t. My grandmother was a very smart woman.