Читать книгу Your First Grandchild: Useful, touching and hilarious guide for first-time grandparents - Paul Greenwood - Страница 14

As a step-Grandpa-to-be, when I heard the news I naturally didn’t experience any feeling of pride that my own genes were being carried on. However, somehow that didn’t in the least diminish my excitement and joy. I felt elated, but at the same time hoped I’d make the grade as a grandparent, as I felt I was quite young and immature myself. And. yes. I suppose – if I’m being very honest – there was a bit of panic at the idea of becoming that venerable being, a grandfather.

There’s no doubt about it, getting used to the idea of being a grandparent requires quite a big shift in one’s thinking. As Sheila Kitzinger says, It is a rite of passage which is not made nearly such a fuss of as motherhood, quite rightly, as it is not such an enormous life change, but still it is a life change and as such has not been greatly acknowledged.’

Interestingly enough, from the cross-section of people I have talked to for this book, it seems to be men who have most difficulty in adapting to the idea of being that archetypal figure connected with old age: a grandparent. One man was startlingly honest: 1 was horrified. I didn’t like the idea of being a grandfather at all. It put an image into my mind of old people and I don’t feel old at all inside.’

I had thought it might be women who would have more trouble with moving into the third generation. I suppose I was unconsciously accepting the tendency of ageism to focus on women (all those little-old-lady stereotypes of grandmothers knitting in rocking chairs). Possibly women are just cleverer about hiding their fears about it, but they genuinely seem more easy in the role than men. As one woman said, ‘When my first grandchild was born, I lost my fear of ageing. Everything seemed to fall into place. Besides, she sits on my knee and says, “I love your lines, Grandma.”’

Perhaps this acceptance is also made easier for women because, in spite of all the ‘Glamorous Grannies’ around, many are not as sexually active as they once were. Older men, on the other hand, are often still considered to be contestants in the sexual arena. Even if they don’t want to play! If, in front of a younger woman, a man says, ‘my grandchild’, it immediately places him in an age bracket to which he may not wish to belong, especially if he looks younger than he is.

For some women, however, difficulties arise when they are either still fertile themselves or newly menopausal. A friend admitted that when she heard the news, she was ashamed to feel rather envious of her daughter’s fecundity and that she immediately had the desire to become pregnant. (This impulse may partly explain the number of nieces and nephews who are older than their aunts and uncles.)

As women, one of the hardest facts we have to face up to is our loss of fertility at quite an early age in comparison with men. All I can say to comfort any grandmother-to-be with faint yearnings in this direction is that these feelings are usually extinguished by the birth of the grandchild, when you can re-experience almost all your maternal delights without the sleeplessness and anxiety that went with them the first time around.

As for all you young-looking grandmothers and grandfathers-to-be, you can look forward to astonished faces and flattering remarks: ‘You can’t be a grandparent – it’s impossible!’