Читать книгу Noah And The Stork - Penny McCusker - Страница 11

Noah rolled over, ramming his big toe into the footboard for the…Well, it had happened so many times he’d lost count. It barely even hurt anymore. The bed was too short and too hard, but he wasn’t really sleeping, anyway.

He was reflecting—not something he normally indulged in. It was as if Erskine had a magnetic barrier at the edge of town that repelled common sense and logic and coherent thought of every kind. One minute he’d been innocently driving along, then wham! he’d crossed the city limits, and before he knew it he was standing in front of Janey’s house. He had no idea how he got from point A to point B—except that his brain didn’t have anything to do with it. And what insanity propelled him to get out of the car and walk up to her gate, just because he felt…

He felt. Seeing Janey again had brought back so many memories and emotions—more than he was prepared for—and he didn’t like it. This trip wasn’t about facing his past, surprising as that had turned out to be. It wasn’t about his future, either, at least not the future that might include getting to know a nine-year-old daughter. It was about the next move in his career. Forgetting that would be like dancing on a sea of ice. The first step might be okay, but sooner or later he’d wind up on his ass.

He could see exactly how it would go bad, too. First he’d get sidetracked by the fact that he had a daughter, and then Janey would start to look good—hell, who was he kidding, she’d looked good from the moment he’d laid eyes on her again. He’d already conned her into letting him spend the night. Next, he’d be taking deep, appreciative breaths of the fresh country air, snapping photos of the beautiful scenery and thinking this place wasn’t as bad as he remembered, that maybe he should think twice about why he’d come back here.

He thought, all right. He thought about the city where he belonged. At 11:00 p.m. his night was only beginning. Even after a long day of wheeling and dealing, he’d have gone out on the town, fuelled by caffeine and restlessness, and air polluted with enough chemicals to keep him on his feet two days after he was dead. And there’d be people, crowds of people to lose himself in, and loud music and the bottom of a scotch bottle to get to. No high-school sweetheart, no long-lost daughter, no sea of ice daring him to see how long he could keep his feet under him.

The problem was, he had to take that first step. Career destruction aside, he couldn’t just walk out the door now. And it amazed him.

Who’d have believed he could feel this instant and overwhelming…awe? He’d never even considered the possibility of marrying, or having children. There’d been any number of reasons—good reasons having to do with his dismal family history and his burning ambition. What hadn’t occurred to him was how it would feel, being a father. It wasn’t just a job; you didn’t go into it with a résumé or work experience, or anything, but complete and utter fear. And when you started out with a half-grown kid who was probably harboring resentment, on-the-job-training had a whole new meaning….

The long day and sleepless hours finally caught up with him, and when he opened his eyes again, they felt as if they were filled with about a pound of sand apiece, mixed with something roughly the consistency of school paste. He thought he saw Jessie. He blinked a couple of times, but the picture didn’t change. It was still Jessie, barely visible in the predawn light leaking in around the windowshades, wearing the same clothes as last night, jeans and T-shirt, both baggy on her spindly frame.

He’d avoided thinking of the conversation that was coming this morning. He wasn’t a man who worried and agonized, who rehearsed. He was a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy. More often than not, he went with his gut. The problem was, his gut wasn’t up to this conversation at the moment, not without about a gallon of coffee in it.

He rolled over and closed his eyes.

She took it as an invitation.

“What are you doing here?”

Noah flopped onto his back, thought about pulling the pillow over his head, and settled for scrubbing his hands over his face. “The hotel is closed,” he said in a voice that probably should’ve scared her off. No such luck. “I didn’t have enough gas to get to Plains City.”

Silence. She stood there staring at him, unblinking. It would have been unnerving if he’d cared about anything but sleep.

“The gas station is open now,” she said the minute he closed his eyes again. “It opens at five, on account of the ranchers and farmers.”

He groaned and rolled over again, and then it hit him. He twisted around to squint at the clock on the nightstand. “Jeez, it’s not even six yet. Nobody in their right mind gets up this early—Oh, I forgot, this is Erskine. I’ve left normal behind.”

Jessie glowered in a way that reminded him of…himself.

“I wasn’t talking about you and your mom.”

“Why not? You left us behind, too.”

Noah let his eyes drift shut, but it had nothing to do with exhaustion this time. He still wanted to go back to sleep, badly, but it was impossible now.

He sat up, scooting back so he could lean against the head-board. “I haven’t seen a sunrise since Hell Farm,” he said, his private name for the hardscrabble farm his father had bought when Noah was ten and lost to the bank not long after he’d graduated from high school.

“You haven’t seen this one yet,” Jessie said. “What’s Hell Farm?”

“Forget I said that.”

“If you won’t explain it to me, I guess I shouldn’t bother asking you anything else.”

“Is that what you’re after? An explanation?”

She locked her hands behind her back and stared down at her toes, giving him a one-shoulder shrug.

Noah waited until she looked at him, then crossed his arms and let his eyebrows inch up.

Her cute little face was scrunched in a frown. “So, what’ve you got to say for yourself?”

He rubbed his jaw, mostly to hide the smile. He could just imagine Janey saying that whenever Jessie got into trouble—and if she was anything like her mother, she got into plenty of trouble. It was a sobering thought, considering the situation. “Well, first off, I didn’t know about you.”

“Mom said.”

“When I left town, it was just the two of us.”

“Didn’t you like her anymore? If you sleep with someone, you should like them. Or use a condom.”

If she’d wanted to shock him, she’d succeeded. His mouth was open, but nothing came out except a strangled sort of sigh.

“I learned that in school. In health class. Condoms prevent…some sort of diseases and unwanted pregnancies. That’s me, right?” She raised her chin and met his gaze head-on.

She was all but daring him to lie to her. Or maybe she was daring him to tell her the truth. “Um…Your mom—”

“Mom tells me all the time that she wouldn’t trade me for anything in the world, and I believe her. She never lies—or hardly ever, and then she always has a good reason.” Jessie frowned. “Even if she doesn’t say what it is.”

“I thought I heard voices.”

They both looked over and saw Janey leaning in the doorway. Noah could’ve kissed her, and not simply because the sight of her did things to him he should have outgrown ten years ago—although that would be reason enough.

Her hair was tousled, her eyes sleepy. She crossed her arms under her breasts, which just about killed him. He would’ve preferred something lacy and revealing to the loose midthigh-length T-shirt she was wearing, but apparently his hormones weren’t very discriminating. Janey in a gunny sack probably would’ve gotten him revved up.

A glance at Jessie was all it took to cool him down again.

“What are you doing in here?” Janey asked her daughter.

“Talking to him.” Jessie crossed her arms in a miniature copy of her mother’s stance that gave Noah a pang he didn’t want to examine too closely.

“She’s after an explanation,” he supplied helpfully.

“You won’t be getting one,” Janey said to her. “Why doesn’t matter anymore. Where we go from here does.” She glanced at Noah, then quickly away. “First we all need to get dressed.”

“I’m already dressed,” Jessie pointed out.

“In yesterday’s clothes. Go wash your face, brush your teeth and put on something clean.” Janey shooed Jessie from the room, following her out into the hallway.

Noah called her back.

Janey took a minute to watch Jessie disappear into her room, feet dragging the whole way, before she turned back. She should’ve gone with Jessie—that was all she could think. Noah had swung his legs over the side of the bed, covers be damned, and now that Jessie was gone, it was just too easy to let her mind—and her eyes—stray. And really, it was his fault for sitting there all bare, except for a pair of blue boxers. Silk boxers. His legs were tanned and muscular, peppered with dark hair; so was his chest, but her gaze kept straying back to those boxers. Who’d ever have thought silk could be so clingy? Who’d ever have thought he’d be so—

Dangerous.

She’d walked behind his chair to put his dinner on the table last night and been caught by the scent of him, fresh from the shower. He’d used her shampoo and soap, but on him it had smelled different, the familiar fragrances tangled with some wild and unpredictable aroma that defied description. All she knew was what it did to her. And what it did to her was unacceptable.

She had no business being attracted to Noah Bryant after all these years and all the pain he’d caused her. Not to mention Jessie.

“You need to get dressed, too. If know my daughter, she’ll be ready in record time and I don’t think you want her to see you like that.”

“Our daughter.”

She held his eyes, despite the fact that her heart lurched over hearing him say that. “You’re right, biologically speaking. I wonder if you can make it true in any of the ways that really count?”

“But you’re afraid I can, and that you’ll lose part of her to me.”

“I’m surprised you care what I’m feeling, Noah.”

“But you’re not denying it.”

Because she was very much afraid he was right. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Jessie to have a father, but it had been just the two of them for so long. The idea of having to send her daughter off to live with Noah on summer vacations made Janey want to throw up. And what holidays could she stand to miss with Jessie? Even Arbor Day seemed to hold a special meaning suddenly, and as for Christmas or Thanksgiving, what would be the point if she was alone?

“Jessie is all that matters,” he said.

She hated him in that moment, hated him for coming back and turning her world upside down again, for leaving her ten years ago, for moving to town in the first place. Especially, she hated him for showing her what should’ve been her first concern. But the guilt was stronger. “She deserves to make up her own mind about you. And, believe me, she has a mind of her own.”

Noah gave her a crooked smile. “Now why is that so easy to believe?”

“Because it’s the truth.”

He dropped his gaze, exhaled heavily. “You weren’t kidding, were you? You didn’t tell her anything about me—”

“There was nothing to tell.”

“—and you didn’t tell me anything about her,” he finished. “You’re going to make us get to know each other without bogging us down with your opinions.” He looked up at her, and what she saw in his eyes was more eloquent than whatever he might have said.

“Get dressed,” she said gruffly, refusing to let his respect and admiration mean anything to her. “You’ve got fifteen minutes.”

That made him smile, full and wide and just as irreverently as when he’d been a kid and the black sheep of the entire town. “And if it takes me sixteen?”

She returned his smile, but there was no amusement in her eyes. “I’ve still got your keys.”

“COME ON, Bryant,” Janey yelled up the stairs. “Get it in gear.”

From her seat at the kitchen table, Jessie heard Noah shout down, “I thought you were kidding about the fifteen minutes.”

“I have to be out of here, like, now.”

Noah’s okay floated down the stairs, and her mom came back into the kitchen. She stopped in front of the sink and stood there a minute, staring off at nothing with a goofy expression on her face.

Jessie rolled her eyes, thinking, jeez, adults are weird. “Uh, Mom, do you want me to finish making my lunch?”

“No,” Janey said, stepping to the counter by the fridge. “Turkey or peanut butter?”

“Peanut butter,” Jessie said, although she couldn’t care less.

She didn’t like the way Noah Bryant looked at her mom, and she didn’t like the way her mom looked at him. And she didn’t want a father anymore.

Okay, maybe when she was a kid she’d wished for a father, even if he didn’t live with them. Some of the kids in school had parents who were divorced and they got to see their fathers, and that was all she’d wanted. But fathers weren’t always nice. The kids at school were always complaining about how their dads yelled at them and Davy Martin’s dad had even spanked him!

It wasn’t as if she thought Noah would do something like that, though; he didn’t seem to be that kind of guy. But she didn’t see any reason for him to stick around, either. Her life was fine the way it was. There was Clary—Deputy Sheriff Beeber—who took her fishing any time she wanted. Sure, it was partly because he liked her mom, the boy-girl icky sort of like, but they were friends, too, she and Clary. And there were the Devlins, who treated her as part of their family, even though they weren’t really related. That wasn’t so many people when you counted them up, but there was the whole town, too, Mrs. Halliwell, and the Shastas and just…everybody.

So what did she need a father for? Especially one who couldn’t even be bothered to explain why he hadn’t been around for her entire life. Well, she didn’t want explanations anymore. She just wanted him to go away and stay away.

“So where is he?”

Her mom glanced back at her. “He’ll be down in a few minutes.”

“He’s going to make us late.”

“No, I’m not.”

They both turned around. Janey stared at him as if she’d never seen a man wearing a dumb old black suit before. And he stared back.

Jessie flounced around in her chair and put on what her mom called her thundercloud face—which seemed to get the point across because her mom turned around again, loaded up the lunch box and snapped it shut, holding it out.

“C’mon, Jessie,” she said. “Bring your bowl to the sink and let’s get going.”

“It’s only six-thirty,” Noah said.

“I teach government and history at Plains City High School in the mornings—” Janey washed the two cereal bowls and put them on the draining board “—which, if you’ll recall, is fifty miles away.”

He didn’t take the hint. “What do you do in the afternoons?” he asked, leaning against the wall.

“I counsel at the high school two afternoons a week and teach art at Erskine Elementary the other three. And if that isn’t enough for you, I’m also Mayor of Erskine.”

“Sounds hectic.”

“That’s exactly why I’m trying to get rid of you. School starts at 7:30, which barely gives me time to drop Jessie off and get to Plains City before class.”

“I guess I’m on my own for breakfast.”

Her mom gave him a look that said he’d always been on his own for breakfast. And then she turned to Jessie and said, “Go get your stuff together, kiddo.”

“You just want to get rid of me so you can talk about me.”

Janey half turned, placing a hand on her hip, mother-daughter shorthand for “Don’t make me say it again.”

“Okay, okay.” Her mom followed her out to the front entryway, watching her go upstairs. Jessie stopped on the landing, just out of sight, but not out of earshot.

“Are you going to be around later?” she heard her mom say.

“There are…matters I need to take care of.”

“Matters?”

“I’m here on business, remember?”

See, Jessie reminded herself, he wasn’t even here for her. She was glad she’d already decided she didn’t want anything to do with him. She sneaked up the rest of the stairs, so they wouldn’t know she’d been listening, grabbed her stuff and ran down with her backpack in one hand and her duffel in the other.

“You must have the entire library in those bags,” Noah teased. “What are they teaching you kids these days?”

“I’m staying at the Devlin ranch. I’m helping with the spring roundup. We’re camping out Saturday night.” Jessie puffed up for a minute, before she remembered who she was talking to and that the last thing she wanted to do was impress him. “I’ll be home Sunday morning. You’ll be gone by then,” she said, wincing when she caught the way her mom looked at her. So what, Jessie thought. Noah Bryant had been rude for ten years. He deserved to get some of it back. “I heard you tell Mom you were leaving town. Again.”

Noah’s smile faded. “I have some business to take care of, Jessie. I’ll call you when I’m back in the area, and maybe we can…I don’t know, talk or something.”

Jessie stared at him the way she’d seen her mom do when she figured what she was hearing was B.S., then she dragged her stuff out to the car and waited to go to school. Just like it was a normal day.

She’d had lots of practice pretending her life was normal.