Читать книгу WASH ME ON HOME, MAMA - Pete Najarian - Страница 6

I am not a home. I am these rooms of my longing like the waiting rooms of a ferry station way out in the boondocks where no one rides the ferry anymore, that round chubby boat bobbing over the waves to the rhythm of a tuba, the patient tuba who always sat in back of the orchestra until one day someone wrote a song especially for his solitude, The Song of Tuba The Ferryboat, pumping across the water beyond the Golden Gate where the soft coastal hills roll into the white and emerald sea… I am not happy. I am a man struggling, always fighting. I am a woman who reaches out and yearns for the opening of her dark walls that the birds of her heart may fly into the outside. I am a man driven by his own eyes. I am a wounded woman without a child. A man who can never say yes. A woman wandering to find a secret. A man who hates women. A woman behind locked doors. Unhappy men and women rebuilding engines, sewing zafus, trying to be great and simple with college degrees and job recommendations blowing in the wind as we run a few scams and hustle to Montana and New Mexico.0 my people, in the middle of life we make ripples in the spawn and none of them remain. Where is the ferry, the fat red and blue boat that is a baby’s washtub sailing on the waves of happiness? Does it appear on the horizon? Call to it and signal that we may hear again the joyful song of Tuba, the awakened one.

But no, before I can sing I must cry. And tell again another story while we wait to leave for the other shore.

Here then are the people inside me as they were years ago when I lived in Berkeley, California. As I begin to look at them they become like the lemons and the pineapple on the counter by the sink, different patterns, things, future Buddhas, and yet all one, all together in their separate rooms.

First comes Dominic, my bald dreamer, who grew a beard in his mountain retreat and did not shave it when he came back to the commune in the flatlands. Now among the others he tries once more to join hands and break bread at the long table in the giant kitchen. After lunch he cleans up neatly (for he is one of the neat ones) and then drives the truck to the dump. The truck is loaded with the rubble of plaster from the wall e demolished yesterday. He knocked the wall down to open the space upstairs in this big old house that was once three separate apartments.