Читать книгу Wholly Phool - :Peter-James :Mitchell - Страница 4

On and on the walk home unfolded, and in the captive meditation of bush walking there is no escape from the meditation and contemplation at hand. You just need to go with the flow and see where it goes. Says I following the flow of the gentle stream flowing through the rocks, and of course where this physical flow of water goes is actually to my home. The gentle security of knowing that if I simply follow this flow 'tis home I will go. No need to spend any thought power on figuring if I am going the right way. The reflective symbolic flow that was the momentum behind my present contemplation was on the other hand, a flow I was needing to follow to see where it goes. At this stage I knew not/knot where it was going but to some similar sense of home I was hoping.

The captive space provided by bush walking delivers the necessary no escape from the meditation needed to get to the bottom of certain ponders. Like I said before I have been with my mind for a life time now and have come to know how to work with the seeming autonomous, tricky nature of that which is my mind. So often in my normal day to day life I notice that my busy mind can race ahead of itself. It gets so far ahead of itself that itself is left behind separated from the abstract projections of the racing mind and prone to be lost by itself in some tangent or distraction. So here on this walk home in the captivity of this type of meditation contemplation process beyond all the possible should s, could s and would s normally being negotiated I can not get ahead of myself. I in this walk home along this boulder y creek, mostly hidden beneath the trees I am symbolically not able to get ahead of myself I am where I am on the path home and that is where I am.

Now despite my figuratively not being able to get ahead of myself there is this ongoing, never ending dynamic tension that is sort of like the bickering of Tweedledee and Tweedledum from “Alice in Wonderland”. The very familiar two sides of my mind throwing notions at each other and not stopping till there is some degree of conclusion and then immediately move on to the very next notion. The notion flow can have a rational flow, where the notions seem to be obviously connected one to another in some way. But also there is what I have called my meta-rational flow which is not necessarily immediately rational in its connection, but somewhere down the track some other piece of the particular puzzle arrives and magically the meta-rational arrival of some thought will show its deep rooted relevance.

The management strategy, for coping with my “tweedle-verse” - and that being my ongoing Tweedledee-Tweedledum inner banter, I had stumbled upon from my extensive reading – some where it was said that there are generally two types of minds upon the planet from a species perspective. The eastern mind and the western mind. The eastern mind is served by the meditation techniques we are all familiar with that we have been taught from the Eastern Masters. The sitting in cross legged, straight spine, still, silent approach to emptying the mind, to close down the chatter, to sense a gravitation to ones natural center and allow oneself to fall with it. The process of seeking to touch the still, silent, invisible, empty no thing-ness that exists beneath all or any form, and the consequent contemplation that issues from that touch.

The Western mind is a different creature according to the wise observation I had read all those years ago. The western mind prefers to be occupied, to be sewn into a process, to be actively participating with something that does not require enormous mental challenge. Take driving your car for instance, that realization that you are further along the road than you had been paying attention too is the flow I endeavor to describe. For those with a western sort of mind accordingly do well to structure their meditation as the focus into repetitive work, digging, raking, or crafting, machine operation and of course bush walking.

So the captivity of needing to get home, the relatively challenging path of following a bouldery creek, all contribute to the desired setting necessary for the western mind to activate the meditation to contemplation process. Here I was in the flow of my processing that which I had not really expected. Which when you have followed a particular hunch the fruit of which is to reach an outcome of some sort. In this particular case my wild fancy of needing to go to some obscure place in the scrub, to touch base with some perceived anomaly on a google map had led to that which I had not expected.

The simplest outcome would have been to go, find nothing of consequence, discharge the “what if” and return to normal life. But now that I had found that scrap of paper with those few cryptic words my entire Tweedle-verse, my own personal inner universe of the tensional bickering’s of my own Tweedledee-and-Tweedledum-ness had found fertile amplification. It is sort of good and bad at the same time when this type of unfolding happens in my head. I have experienced it all many times in my life adventure and have learned to flow with it all. But there is no escape from it, I have found that I have to simply keep on thinking and thinking it out until it is all thought out, what ever it might be that my tweedle-verse is needing to process.

My life of looking at my own mind, of exploring as much psychology, philosophy, meta-physics etcetera: of exploring different meditation techniques had proved to grant me a workable management strategy so I can continue to cope with the never-ending-ness of my mental processing. The other consequence to the exploring and reading lots of psychology, philosophy etc and exploring meditation techniques was that it actually fed the monster I was endeavoring to tame. It seems the better I get at knowing more about my mind the bigger and stronger it continues to get. A funny sort of catch 22.

Still here I am walking toward home, and what I have determined so far is the fruit of this whole epic is I am now with what I have come to call my Hunch Hunch. This totally unexpected outcome of my venture. Where I was pondering wild fancies of a possible secret military installation, or some strange alien portal in the top of some ridge, or maybe a hidden enclave of strange folk. But what I got was my already ethereal mutterings now on steroids.

The whole thinking process of wondering should I pay attention to the silly little things I notice in life. Like my very own perception that there is some strange anomaly upon a google earth map, that I would be moved enough by it to go to the effort to do a strenuous two day bush walk to satisfy my curiosity and then now find myself in a mind-scape that has me a little overwhelmed to be honest, but at the same time excited by the implications that those few cryptic words have upon all that which is being carried in my endlessly busy mind.

The dreams of this morning, the stumble across the overhanging cave like camp spot, the noticing of the old shirt against the back wall, the finding of the bit of paper and those few words were now eating into my mind and developing tendrils of relevance to things I have been thinking for years. Relevance to mechanics of psychology I have read and pondered but have yet to piece together as a bigger picture.

Even though I had yet dedicated much focus upon trying to figure out the words of the message, their arrival into my awareness, there having been delivered as a form to be absorbed by my unconscious mind was beginning to make me observe that by themselves these few words were affecting into me and I was naming it all my Hunch Hunch.

This hunch hunch was becoming something in me, it was clothed in the few words -Find it All in the Shadows- Its developing tendrils of relevance were seeming to me to be like some mystical golden thread which had arrived to magically sew together beads for a necklace. The beads were the isolated ponders of other hunches I had experienced over my many years of pondering my own mind, and the symbol of necklace was the coming full circle with a set of ideas that all joined together and may be worn as some thing I could know and speak. Symbolically the necklace is placed upon the throat region of the body, and it is symbolically from the throat region comes our voice, and the necklace is something that is worn to decorate, to highlight, and to symbolize.

This small phrase which had turned up seemed to display a very real form of some sort of mystical plant that was now growing in my mind and its growing tendrils displaying a momentum beyond my conscious input. It seemed to be a motivating force responsible for the selection of notions that I was consuming in my contemplation process.

Every new thought that was now arriving I was wondering if it was being sent to me from that which was the motivation of where the tendrils were wanting to grow where they were wanting to go and which notions they were choosing to sew together.

My imagination was racing and I began being surrounded by new meta-rational notions - is the wholeness of that which I am an aware aspect of, can it be something that I may possibly fully know. I pondered that if I were a muscle cell in the calf of a particular human body could I conceive of that which I was a one fifty trillionth of. If I were a microbe on an elephants anus could I know about the herd he or she was a social member of. So was it in fact the wholeness aspect of that which I am but an aspect of, seeking to have my conscious awareness know of ?

My mental journeys into various bodies of wisdom was always with the intent of curiously needing to know more about that which was needing to know more about. The whole mystical realm of self reflection is indeed a realm like any realm, it is both good and bad, useful and useless, potentially enlightening for those who dare but also potentially a vivid journey into madness, delusion, isolation and for some suicide.

The wholeness of any particular cosmos is essential for it to continue to grow in balance, in harmony, in purpose, in meaning. But reductionism, fragmentation, becoming lost in the parts, becoming separated from the bigger picture of the wholeness of the particular cosmos will have it fall apart. It is sort of like its being aware of its wholeness is that which ultimately holds together its wholeness. Maybe that is the process our entire whirled world soap opera of our collective human comedy is coming to terms with. Maybe that is what was unfolding for me as a consequence to my daring to follow a wild fancy, may be I am suffering some sort of delusion was going on in my tweedle-verse or maybe I was being propelled into my wholeness by that which I had found in a dirty old abandoned pocket.

This is the sort of ponders that were whirling through my mind, that which my captive meditation walk home was generating. Then I started pondering into other notion generators that I had experienced over the years.

I had over thirty years ago been a proud owner of a floatation tank, a sensory deprivation device which was described as a cheap western trick in the blah that came with it. I enjoyed over 200 hours floating in those days and the capacity of it being a notion generator was being reminded to me now, the capacity of it being a very useful window to look into ones own inner infinity was an other aspect of its multi-faceted usury.

I had also enjoyed the experience of an other notion generator, a Vipassana meditation retreat where for ten days one is led through a meditation technique, sitting, as well as slow focused walking, no eye contact, no speaking with the others. The captivity presents the emission of trapped notions that need to be thought out, to get out.

So as you may see my familiarity with the meditation contemplation process had been with me for decades.

I was feeling like I was in possession of something big, something that at one level isn't really anything but the mutterings of some bloke who dared to ponder into his own mind. But for me and how my mind works this new revelation process activated, motivated, authenticated by the unfolding s of wild fancy had become something big for me. Although once I was to get back to home and back to the normal swing of life there is probably nobody really that will appreciate the enormity of what had now come to exist in my own personal mind-scape. A strange and funny way to be in the world where you can talk about the weather, and the flow of life’s happenings with all those others we share life with, but at your very core, in the very light of your own inner beingness in the living now time an ongoing, never ending tweedle-verse of contentious war was going on.

So not only have I a flow of “what ifs” also the “yes buts” move them aside and become warriors standing off against each other. The bickering’s of my Tweedledee and Tweedledum mind-scape is a very real and ongoing fabric upon which the entirety of life’s unfolding s is cast against.

The living dynamics of ones own mind-scape is a gymnasium for thinking about thinking, thinking about how one thinks about thinking about thinking. Limitless spirals of self same ponders in dynamic tensions of attraction and repulsion, right and wrong, possible and impossible, good and evil, love and hate.

It is this very perception that the meta-physical model of the universe suggested by the horoscope had indicated to me. That the twelve signs of the zodiac that we are all familiar with from our magazines and newspapers were in fact in reality a set of six signs of polarized dualities in a state of ongoing gendered warring contentions.

It would seem that the actual mysterious life force behind every living form was due to the conflict of warring between the gendered nature of the entire universe. By virtue of anything being manifested it owed its existence to being no longer in a state of is, an ex-is-ness and by virtue of no longer being in a state of “is” it requires to participate in a tension. The tension all things exist with is the tension between the past and the future, past tense, future tense. The tension between expressing as yin feminine or yang masculine, the tension between expressing as negative or positive, the tension of being revealed by light or being hidden by shadow, the tension between our expressing with the common good of all, or an expression of vane, selfish greed, disharmony and all that is anti-life, evil in fact. Our entire universe from this perspective is a set of dynamic warring tensions.

My mind seemed to be excitedly equipped with a new force, a new set of relevance tendrils that were taking on a life of their own, things were coming from my archives of stored memories from my now thirty five years of serious ponder into all things that looked into the mystery of life and creation. In a word the genre of ponder I was most interested in was always categorized, on the label on the back of the books, I was most drawn to, as “esoteric philosophy”.

Esoteric simply means hidden or obscured and is sort of like a cosmic trick which has you looking to do or ponder or know one thing while the real thing you are requiring to know or find is actually not known to you and sort of arrives like a surprise. It makes total sense once it arrives but would have not have made any sense had you been given it before you went through the process of thinking you are seeking to find something else. For people that like puzzles this sort of genre of mind food is not only delicious but it is also a labyrinth that leads to who knows what.

My ponders as my walk home continues are solidifying the fruit of my journey as the Hunch Hunch, and in true esoteric philosophy form that which I was looking for is not what I have found, and that which I have found is nothing and something at the same time, it is a larger than life mysterious glow in my mind-scape but for all intents and purposes of any other human looking upon me and my life adventure I am just some other bloke doing life, nothing has really changed.

I would have never guessed I would have got to this strange place in my life adventure, a part of me feels like I have won the lotto, but when I look out of my eyes into life it all seems the same as always, the next cuppa, the next meal, the next day, the next job, the next gathering. A continuing chain of ordinary unfoldings that occur and flicker past the mind-scape that I wear. The mind-scape I wear certainly changes from day to day, and over the years I have experienced many mind-scapes that wear varying glows from delicious to downright uncomfortable, frightening, dark and foreboding.

My relevance tendrils were taking me back to my favorite esoteric philosophy suggestions from the body of wisdom called Toltec. The wise accumulation of ponder that is the Toltec wisdom tradition came to me initially in the works of Carlos Castenada and his teachings of Don Juan, the mystical adventure into the mechanations of self and mind and cosmos. Sewn into the body of work were the nuances of wisdom that become personal realizations that may be worn, that may become practices and pragmatic attitude. I loved the practical nature of the overall Toltec realm, which included not only the work of Carlos but also Theun Mares s' epic four volume set, and the very broad multi authored subject of the Mayan Calendrical System.

It is from the Toltec realm of knowledge that has allowed me to craft a safe way of being with the very mind-scape that I am presently dealing with in this whole Hunch Hunch unfolding. The bodies of notions held in ones head, accumulated over many years do not just sit there like a dusty library, there is a living dynamic that seems to want to thread through them all and sew them together. Sewing it all together is not something that I could set out to do personally, but there is this other thing going on where if I get out of the way it will sort of do it all itself. That is the realization that is coming from my Hunch Hunch and its brief though powerful -Find it All in the Shadows- message.

My take from the Toltec suggests that if life itself is an unfolding of gendered warring contentions it would be best to approach the unfolding in the attitude of a Warrior.

Which brings us to another dimension of this whole adventure of playing with the notion of “esoteric”. There is something hidden, something beguiling, something alluring, something seductive about pondering deeply into anything that you want to ponder deeply into. Esoteric means hidden and obscured and as stated you may get to actually find that which you didn't really know you were looking for. I discovered along the way of my ponder travels that the notion of lexigraphy in regard the pondering of the values hidden in the simple basic humble word may reveal something that broadens, extends, amplifies or surprises you when you are looking into a word.

For example my mind was remembering my look into war-ri-or 'War' is the force and power found in the dynamics of dealing with hostility, rivalry, or things of a contentious nature, the sobering and definite work of the reconcile of opposites.

'ri' I found in the dictionary as a word fragment that suggested that it is the approach of the jocose rather than the serious, is the approach of a smiling, joyful, sportive, playful attitude, an enlightened means to hold objectivity and subjectivity in balanced union, to identify duality as a polarity and bring polarity into balance, to find resolution for paradox, to craft gender to balanced union resulting in creating values beyond the sum of their parts, to play the tensions of reality as a life song.

'or' is the noun forming agent which in this word identifies one who is in the state or condition of.

My Hunch Hunch was activating my memory of looking into the word warrior, as the relevance tendrils were seeking to satisfy the most important part of my being now in this mind-scape, activated by my following wild fancy. I required to feel grounded in myself, to feel that despite what was whirling around and around in my mind-scape I could function sensibly and usefully in my normal, everyday, mundane existence. I need to know that my amplified mind-scape was not going to unduly affect my life in general.

So being only this day from being home I was in my captive meditation going through a grounding process, a process where I could feel I could utilize my new found living mind coloring, in a way that enhanced everything else I required to do in my day to day. I could see that the mechanations of what is the consequences of my following the google map and all that has unfolded from it would continue to be productive. I needed to wear the mood of the warrior so that I could direct the living vibe of my mind toward producing something. I could see that if I did not there was the very real potential that my mind could potentially spin around and around in circles resulting in my being more dizzy than I usually seemed to be.

I was wearing a sense of impending challenge due to all that had unfolded, which was at the same time bizarre, as practically all that was happening was, I was needing to deal with a jolly mental phantasm of my own making. My Tweedledee and Tweedledum Tweedle-verse were whacking between each other perspectives of my present reality around like a tennis match. From mystical revelation to nutty madness and all in between were my intermittent conclusions.

So like I have mentioned my relevance tendrils were pointing me toward setting up a firm foundation upon which to deal with the unfolding I was journeying through, and that foundation was simply to hold the stance of a warrior toward the energies that where whirling around me. Whirling tweedle-verse opposing values that were inescapable and required a firm management strategy.

Ok I was beginning to feel more relaxed as to my actually arriving home and having a strategy for settling back into normality. Thank you Toltec Wisdom, my mind was suggesting I cultivate a way of being that may deal with any thing that unfolds, cultivate the way of being as the suggested warrior of wisdom on the path of knowledge.

To appreciate the mind-scape I was now helplessly needing to learn to live with, I began to remember my experiences of psychedelics that I have had over the years. I have only ventured into that reality challenging realm a dozen or so times, enough to feel the astonishing depth that exists around we all every minute of our existence, enough to realize that the universe we are in is profoundly more than we presently know or can know. It would seem our brain is a tool we have been blessed with so as to filter out the astonishing enormity we are all a microscopic speck among-st, just so we can simply continue to ex-is-t. When in the depths of a psychedelic experience it can be overwhelming, a sensory over load, a timeless eternity that needs to be waited out, needs to be waded through whether you like it or not, it can also be a timeless eternity of endless bliss fascination and wonder. Both options exist.

My tweedle-verse concept had become a notion this morning on my captive meditation walk home. In this ongoing mind adventure my whirling thoughts were grabbing at all manner of things, for instance what was a 'concept' my mind was asking. All con and com words indicate a coming together, a contract with situation. And 'cept' is like a receiving and cept sounds like sept which is seven, seven indicates a severing and the notion of seven is the most mystical of numbers, it can not be constructed with a compass and straight edge like other numbers it can only be approximated. Geometer s say it cannot be born from the vesica pisces and has a presence which exists outside of the principals of other numbers, it is referred to as the virgin number as no number in the number line before it can divide it. The whole con-sept of tweedle-verse and the ongoing never ending bickering’s between my own perceived Tweedledee-and-Tweedledum-ness was a new notion which seemed to have arrived in line with the whole unfolding of the morning.

My suspicious mind had identified the anomaly in the poor old humble google map, my curious mind had convinced me to contribute a big effort to follow up on the “what if”, my humble mind had accepted that I was simply a victim of my own wild imagination and had presented the “yes buts”, my ever expectant mind was well satisfied to stumble upon the overhanging rock and ultimately the piece of paper and its message and had presented the “what the ? ”, my ever present mind was now identifying the reality of a hunch hunch and that it may exist as a sort of mystical thing which had come to inhabit my overall mind as some sort of living growth that seemed to be wanting to grow like some golden tendril threads, seeking to sew together the collective fragments of thoughts thought over a very long time, to bring together notions which are scattered through my life long developed mind-scape.

My deductive mind was seeing that there was something going on in my own mind and that there were real forms called thoughts or notions which although were swimming around separately and distinctly different to each other and were in fact all swimming together in the same pond. That pond being my own mind and then my inductive mind pondered all the disparate fragments captive together had to be connected by virtue of being trapped together in the same mind. My crazy mind was wondering if all these particular thoughts that were for what ever reason trapped in my particular mind could be sewn together whether they liked it or not. My limitless mind suggested that the universe is full of infinite notions, and as I was observing there is a living autonomous process that has the capacity to access notions that one has never pondered, to access notions that one has never read or heard from the smorgasbord of captured notions that exist across the spectrum of humanity. I was humbly coming to realize that I maybe, thanks to my own particular nuttiness, stumbling into possibly thinking thoughts that may not of been ever thought before.

Still I was walking home, my excited mind feeling like it was in possession of something larger than life.

What do you call some one with no body and no nose Nobody knows