Читать книгу Fish Change Direction in Cold Weather - Pierre Szalowski - Страница 17

YOUR PROBLEMS CAN’T BE THAT BAD

The alarm clock rang. I woke up with a start. I must not have been sleeping very soundly. For at least five seconds I felt really good. I stretched, and then it all came back. Happiness vanished. I got up and went over to the window and pulled open the curtain. The ground was shiny. Was that ice? I looked again. It was ice! I looked up and the sky was grey and ice was falling! Was this what the sky had done for me?

I ran into the kitchen, full of hope. My mum and dad were finishing their breakfast, staring into their mugs. When they raised their heads and saw me, I understood instantly that nothing had changed.

‘Your father will be leaving today.’

I filled my cereal bowl and sat down across from them. But this morning I didn’t feel like keeping silent in front of them, only to go and cry afterwards.

‘I thought it was Dad who was supposed to stay here.’

I kept my tone cold, as if I didn’t care. My mum, who knows me, spoke gently.

‘The friend whose apartment I’m moving into was supposed to move into another place, but the renovations—’

‘I know. They’re not finished and that’s why Dad is going to the cottage.’

They looked at each other. My mum made a face, my dad lowered his eyes. I didn’t feel like being nice. I didn’t like the fact they’d decided everything without me.

‘Whose idea was it?’

‘What idea?’

‘To split up?’

They both had stupid looks on their faces. After all, as a rule, there’s always one who does the leaving. They stared at each other for a long while. Judging by their expressions I could tell that if they didn’t answer it was because both of them had had the idea.

‘It’s an amicable separation. We both feel the same way.’

They go and tell me they’re splitting up, but they keep saying they agreed on it. When you agree with someone, it means you love them. And when you love someone, you stay together.

‘And what if I don’t feel the way you do?’

My dad was more surprised by my answer than Mum was. He looked at me as if he were seeing me for the first time. On the other hand, I could tell my mum was annoyed. She tried to stay gentle, but she didn’t manage it.

‘I realise this is making you unhappy, my darling, but these are problems between grown-ups. When a man and a woman decide to split up . . . That’s life. It happens to a lot of people.’

‘But there’s three of us!’

My dad put his hand on my mum’s. It was his turn to speak now.

‘Your mother is right, it will be better for everyone.’

‘But I’m better with both of you.’

‘You’ll still be happy.’

‘I could be even happier.’

They should have just kept their mouths shut. I couldn’t understand how they could say that to me. How could they imagine that I’d be happier without the two of them there together? I got the impression that they knew I was hurting, but they didn’t want me to show it, so that they wouldn’t feel bad. They were only thinking about themselves. As if it was all right for them to split up just because other people do. My dad got up and switched on the radio.

‘Thousands of households in Quebec are without electricity, due to the freezing rain that has been falling for several hours . . .’

I spat my cereal back out. What was the sky doing now? I just wanted it to help me! I should never have counted on it. I stood up.

‘I’m going to be late!’

My parents didn’t say anything. They didn’t feel like talking any more. I kissed them the way I had every morning, in my former life. I didn’t want to start thinking that this was the last time I would have both of them there with me. It would only have set me off crying again. I just had time to overhear what my mother said as she was getting ready to leave.

‘Give him time to digest the news . . . He has to find his own way through it.’

I rushed off to school. Well, not too fast, because it was really hard to stay on your feet. Alex was in a cheerful mood. He couldn’t stop running ahead then sliding on the ice.

‘My dad won’t believe this when he wakes up.’

It’s true, it was a strange sight. A fine layer of ice covered the ground. The cars looked like they’d been wrapped in Cellophane, like sweets. An old lady coming out of the retirement home fell over right in front of us. Alex burst out laughing. I didn’t laugh.

‘It’s not funny.’

‘She didn’t have far to fall, she didn’t hurt herself . . . Look, she’s getting back up. Or at least she’s trying.’

‘I should never have done it . . .’

Alex didn’t know what I was talking about.

‘Did you bring your video camera?’

I hesitated to tell him about my parents and the sky.

‘If you didn’t bring your video camera I’ll be angry.’

‘I have it, Alex, don’t worry.’

‘Shit, I can’t wait to see it! It’s going to be awesome!’

Someone who didn’t think it was awesome was the educational director. There were at least ten of us gathered around the video camera. She couldn’t see anything because the screen’s so small, but she could hear all right. You couldn’t help but hear. Everyone was shouting the same thing, and laughing.

‘Show us her boobs!’

‘Show us her boobs!’

‘Show us her boobs!’

Eventually she saw them too. But it didn’t make her laugh.

‘Have you given any thought to this woman’s dignity, while you go around showing her naked to the entire school, and she isn’t even aware of it?’

‘You see lots of them on television, Miss, and besides, she doesn’t know! We just won’t tell her.’

Why make a fuss? The educational director looked up at the ceiling, sighing with exasperation.

‘Only in secondary one and already a misogynist!’

She must have been one of those women who fight for respect and sexual equality for women, so she obviously didn’t like Alex. She thought he’d come to a bad end, she’d already told him as much. She turned to me.

‘But this isn’t like you, not with parents like yours.’

The last thing I wanted was to let down my best friend, and I really didn’t want to talk about my parents.

‘Couldn’t you find anything better to film?’

‘No, Miss.’

‘Why can’t you be like a normal kid and film your friends, your parents, your pet . . . Make up a story . . . Free your creativity so that your inner child can blossom . . . But what you’ve done here is just disgusting! Poor woman . . . To think that even in this day and age we are reduced to this!’

Alex is never smart at times like this. Instead of doing what I did and looking down with a sad expression, to let the storm blow over, he started laughing like a moron.

‘Whose stupid idea was it?’

She was on her feet, leaning against her desk, and she didn’t take her eyes off Alex. I was wondering why she had asked, if she already knew the answer. Alex leaned forward, guilty no matter what.

‘It wasn’t him, Miss!’ I cried.

The educational director was startled, and turned to face me. Alex looked at me too; he didn’t know what was going on. Between us there had been a sort of pact: he may have been the one who dealt most of the blows, but he knew how to take a few as well.

‘Yes, it was my idea, Miss.’

‘Are you afraid of Alex?’

‘No, Miss.’

‘You mustn’t be afraid here; you can speak the truth. If you’ve been a victim of intimidation, you have to tell me.’

‘I’m telling you that it was my idea, Miss. I’m the one who talked him into it.’

Maybe that was going a little too far. Alex burst out laughing. He can never keep it in, especially when it’s important. The educational director looked at us, trying to judge the situation. You could tell, even when he was sitting down, that Alex was a full head taller and at least fifteen kilos heavier than me. It was strange: there were three of us there and we all knew I was lying. She gave me a really nasty look.

‘You want to play this little game with me?’

It wasn’t that I wanted to play. I wanted to feel hurt, and then even more hurt. So that I’d stop feeling the hurt from my parents’ separation. Alex looked at me. His eyes were telling me that he didn’t mind taking the rap. He was used to it. But he didn’t get it. I hadn’t told him anything. The educational director started to walk back to her desk.

‘Since that’s the way it is, I’ll ask your parents to come in. I’m warning you, you’re risking a temporary suspension. Maybe they’ll be able to tell me who this is on the video. In the meantime the camera stays here.’

She sat down at her desk and picked up the phone. She pointed at Alex.

‘What’s your home number?’

‘My dad’s still asleep!’

‘Oh, of course, how could I forget . . .’

She said it in a nasty way. Alex is a pretty tough kid, but you could tell it hurt him. Adults can be really mean when they don’t understand a kid. She turned to me.

‘Your number?’

‘I don’t remember.’

Alex looked at me as if he didn’t recognise me. He’d always been the tough guy. Even I was wondering if I was still the same person. The educational director turned to a big bookshelf behind her.

‘Since you think you’re so smart . . .’