Читать книгу Blazing My Trail: Living and Thriving With Autism - Rachel B. Cohen-Rottenberg - Страница 9

The good news is that my functioning and my quality of life have improved dramatically since withdrawing from Lorazepam. Just halfway through a difficult taper, I found my mind becoming clearer and my mood lifting. I felt more physically and emotionally resilient than I had in years.

As my taper progressed, I began to feel alive again. I still had my sensory-sensitive “I don’t want to go anywhere” days, but even on those days, I forced myself to go out for a walk, just to keep intact my connection to the world. In so doing, to my great surprise, I found my connection to the world not limited to human beings, but to all of creation. I began to walk and appreciate the trees, the colors, the breeze blowing—even the humid weather of a New England summer.

I carried my camera with me everywhere and I took pictures that enabled me to see hidden things, simple things, beautiful things that I’d never registered before. Suddenly, the world became a fascinating place. Ultimately, I entered three of my best photos in a local contest, won second prize, and had the pleasure of seeing my work displayed in town with that of other photographers.

Since I’ve withdrawn from the medication entirely, the positive effects have only increased, and my sensory sensitivities have quieted down appreciably. I go out every day, in any weather, even in winter. I’ve made new friends and rekindled relationships with old ones. The depression and agoraphobia are both entirely gone, and my high levels of functioning and independence have returned.

My experience is not unique. In 1991, Karl Rickels, a researcher at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, reported that patients who had gotten off benzodiazepines were doing “significantly” better than those who had failed to do so. A few years later, he found that after long-term users withdrew from benzodiazepines, they “became more alert, more relaxed, and less anxious, and this change was accompanied by improved psychomotor functions.” (Whitaker, 136-137)

As for Dr. Ashton, she found that agoraphobia in her patients disappeared within a year of withdrawal, even in patients who had been housebound. Furthermore, most users experienced a dramatic increase in quality of life after withdrawal:

Clinical experience shows that most long-term benzodiazepine users actually feel better after coming off the drugs. Many users have remarked that it was not until they came off their drugs that they realised they had been operating below par for all the years they had been taking them. It was as though a net curtain or veil had been lifted from their eyes: slowly, sometimes suddenly, colours became brighter, grass greener, mind clearer, fears vanished, mood lifted, and physical vigour returned. (ibid, Chapter II)

When I was on benzodiazepines, my emotions were scattered, my sensory sensitivities were through the roof, and I found it difficult to think clearly. Once I stopped taking them, my emotions became much more moderate, positive, and under my control; my sensory sensitivities became much more manageable; my thoughts became sharper by the day; and my zest for life returned.

Needless to say, all of these changes allowed me to regain my independence and re-enter the flow of life. Once I did, I began to get to work on understanding the greatest challenge of my Asperger’s: my auditory processing difficulties.