Читать книгу Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Дэвид Левитан, Рэйчел Кон, Rachel Cohn - Страница 9

When Tris passes by me, it’s like the world is no longer three-dimensional. The third dimension falls away, then the second, and all I’m left with is one dimension, and that dimension is her.

But of course there’s another dimension, too, and that dimension is time, and it keeps going and Tris keeps walking and all the other dimensions come back, and even though there are now more, it feels like a whole lot less.

And I’m left with this girl, this Siren of Mixed Signals, this Norah. She’s a fuck-good kisser, but clearly has some massive consistency issues. I ask her how the fuck she knows Tris, because that is leaving me completely confused, and at first she’s looking at me like I’m this guy she didn’t just start kissing out of nowhere, but then she’s got her hand on my arm in a way that makes me really notice I have an arm, and then she’s making to run away, and at the same time looking at me like I’m some cancer child. Then I take hold of her arm and she resists without really resisting. Finally she pulls away, only to touch my face in this way that reminds me exactly of her kiss.

Then she calls me “you poor schmuck.”

And like some poor schmuck, I’m like, “Why?”

I can tell she knows something, but she’s not saying. Instead she tells me, “I’ve got to get my friend.”

“I’ll come with,” I volunteer. I know Tris is somewhere behind me, maybe watching. And it’s not like I have anything better to do than follow a fuck-good kisser wherever she wants to go. Dev is climbing onto the stage now to be Hunter’s dancer, and Thom and Scot are nowhere in my line of vision.

“I’ll tell you what,” Norah says. “You give us a ride, and I’ll give you two extra minutes on your original offer.”

“Seven’s my lucky number,” I tell her.

And she just looks at me. Y. p. s.

“But really,” I say. “How do you know Tris?”

“I fucked up her Barbies in fifth grade,” she tells me. “And that’s the way it’s been ever since.”

“You’re from Englewood ?”

“Englewood Cliffs. Englewood is the one with reasonable houses.”

She’s pushing through the crowd now, and I’m following.

“She was just here a second ago,” she says.

“Who?”

“No one. Caroline. I mean, just shut up for a second so I can think, okay?”

Like if I’m quiet, she’ll suddenly be able to hear every fucking footstep in the club.

While she’s peering around, I make the idiot move of looking behind me, and see Tris and the new model making out. She looks so hot in her Ramones shirt and the gold stockings I always asked her to wear because they make her look like something out of a Marvel comic. I remember taking that shirt off of her, those stockings off of her – her yelling careful, careful! as I started to get past her thighs. And now it’s some other guy’s hands that are thumbing their way over Joey’s face and down Dee Dee’s chin and – oh, fucking hell – dropping down between the A and the M, going right for the V under the H&M-meets-S&M miniskirt.

And she’s looking at me the whole time. I swear she’s looking at me.

I turn away and Norah isn’t there, but luckily she’s only a few feet away. And the girl she’s diving for looks kinda familiar. Not in a Didn’t We Go To Camp Walla Walla Together? way, but more like, Didn’t I Step Over You To Get To The Men’s Room Last Night? Right now she’s hanging on to the guy from Are You Randy? like she’s auditioning to be a pocket on his jacket. And I can tell he’s about ready to sew her on. Only my Seven-Minute Girlfriend stands in the way. She’s saying Caroline’s name like an older sister would say it, and from the resentment that flashes back in Caroline’s eyes I’d believe they were sisters if Norah hadn’t already called Caroline her friend. I also think for a millisecond that they might be a couple, but something in Norah’s expression makes it clear that they’re friends without benefits.

Caroline’s about to say something really harsh, but suddenly Hunter and Dev launch into a fucking Green Day cover, and we’re all seven years old again and dancing like we spit out the Ritalin while Mom wasn’t looking. We become this one flailing paramecium mass, fever-connected as the guitarist riffs electrons. Even Tris must be a part of this, and if we’re both a part of it, then that means we’re still in some way connected. Everyone in this room is connected, except Norah – she’s the kind of statue they don’t ever make, a statue of someone totally defeated. Caroline’s dancing against the guy from Are You Randy? like God or Billie Joe Armstrong meant her to do it. I try to obliterate myself in the song, but there’s something in me that just won’t combust. I think my seven-minute girlfriend is standing on the fuse.

“What’s up?” I shout. And she looks at me like she’s forgotten that I exist. This means she’s also forgotten to guard herself from me, so I have a moment when I see the sentences behind her eyes. I can’t do this. This is too fucking hard.

I change my question. I say, “What’s wrong?” And just like that, her sentences are shut behind a screen. But I’m curious. Yes, I’m damn curious.

“Not a fucking thing,” she says. “And I think maybe our time is up.”

“You don’t need a ride anymore?” I ask. I’m not above using my wheels to angle for some more time with a complicated girl.

“Fuck.” The song’s ended now and everyone is cheering. I barely hear her shout, “Wait right here.”

Dev and Hunter take their bows like they’re already spooning, Dev curved over Hunter’s back as they dip in unison. While the guy from Are You Randy? uses his hands to clap, Norah puts her hand on Caroline’s shoulder and leans in to shout in her ear. What follows is one of those ropeless tugs of war, measured in centimeters of pull and pull away. I can’t hear any of it until Caroline screams, “I am not trashed!” which of course means she is, because who the hell else would use such a completely wasted phrase? The guy from Are You Randy? is starting to catch on and is trying to catch up by catching hold. But his instinct totally defeats him, because his hand swerves somewhere near her breast, which isn’t really the terrain he needs to keep his ground. Norah’s yank trumps his hairy palm in this contest, and Caroline is soon stumbling in my direction.

Before I really know what’s happening, Caroline’s tilting into me and I’m catching her. Then she’s heaving down, and I’m sure she’s about to puke all over me, but instead she rises and looks at me and says, “You have really ugly shoes.”

Norah’s next to me now, saying, “Let’s go.” She leaves Caroline there for me to carry as she yells, “Get the fuck out of my way” to people, uncrowding them with her snarl. My heart understands the direction we’re going in, because it starts pounding like it’s got something really damn important to say, and by the time I’m out of my head enough to really use my eyes, there’s someone in our way, and that someone is the girl who took the key to my heart and swallowed it with a smile.

“I need your car,” she says.

And it’s like I’ve forgotten that the word for “What?” is “What?” because I just stand there and look at Tris and think she’s talking to me and somehow translate that into she’s giving me a chance.

“I need to go somewhere,” she tells me. “I promise I’ll bring it back.”

I’m reaching for the keys in my pocket. I’m thinking I’ll go with you. I’m thinking of passenger-seat conversations and making song dedications in my head. Her face lit by that nighttime driving light – two parts dashboard, one part headlight strobe from the opposite lane. I am remembering that so much.

Fuck, I loved her then. And then is blurring into now. I’m thinking why not? I’m thinking we’re still the same people. And a voice outside of me is saying, “I’m afraid the car’s already full. No room for you, Tris. Sorry.”

This Norah girl’s grinning now, all transparent sweetness and light.

“Excuse me?” Tris asks.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t clear. Let me try again. FUCK OFF.”

“I think turning off to fucking is your department, Norah. Now why don’t you take Drunkzilla here and go find some nice Weezer fans to rock-tease. I’m talking to Nick, not you.”

And I’m thinking: She’s fighting over me. Tris is fighting over me.

But for some reason it’s Norah who’s putting her arm around me and putting her hand in my back pocket.

I’m about to shudder her off, but then Tris says, “Come on, Nick – we’re really late and need the car. I’ll pay you back for the gas.” And I know right away that I’m not a part of her “we.” I’ve been fucking exiled from her “we.”

“I’m going to find Randy,” Caroline decides.

“Hell, no, you’re not,” Norah says, taking her arm from my shoulder and linking it around Caroline’s elbow. Which leaves us in this weird we’re off to see the Wizard pose, with Tris blocking us like the Wicked Witch of the Past.

She could have me so easily. But instead she snorts and says, “You can take him. I only wanted his car.”

And with that, Tris leaves me for good. Every time I see her, from now until I die, she will leave me for good. Over and over and over again.

Norah takes her hand out of my back pocket and steadies Caroline with her full body. It’s my turn to lead now, and I can barely do it. It’s not that I’m drunk or stoned or spiraling high. It’s just that I’m defeated. And that’s impairing all of my senses.

There’s only one hopeful chord in this cacophony, and it’s this girl I’m following. I know I could tell her to get a cab – I have a feeling she can more than afford it – but I like the idea of leaving with her and staying with her. She says good-bye to the club manager as we reach the door and are released onto the street. The sidewalk is full of smokers, talking or posing their way to ash. I get the nod from a couple of people I vaguely know. Ordinarily if I left with two hot girls, there’d also be some looks of admiration. Maybe it’s because of the clear anger between Norah and Caroline, or maybe it’s because they all think I’m gay – whatever the case, I get no more congratulations than a cabdriver does for picking up a fare.

I know I should offer to help Norah propel Caroline forward, but the truth is that I don’t feel like I can carry anyone but myself right now. The streets are empty. I am empty. Or, no – I am full of pain. It’s my life that’s empty.

I stumble for my keys. Tris will not be waiting for me inside the car. Tris will not be waiting for me ever again.

I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have been anywhere that she could find.

We’re at my car.

“What the fuck is that ?” Norah asks.

I shrug and say, “It’s a Yugo.”