Читать книгу Saved By The Firefighter - Rachel Brimble - Страница 11
ОглавлениеTRENT CURSED AND took off after Izzy as she bolted onto the promenade.
The idea had been to get her to the party and then concentrate on whatever she needed. He wanted her to relax, smile, have a drink and realize the whole world wasn’t a threat to her existence. Hadn’t his entire mission tonight been about making her trust him enough to feel safe? That maybe one day she might see him as a man rather than a monster?
He was sick and tired of trying to get her out of his mind by dating other women. Life was too short not to listen to his heart and act on feelings that refused to abate. He clenched his jaw. He’d seen too much death in his career, but it had been Robbie’s that made him determined to act on his feelings for Izzy. He wanted her...and deep in his heart, he sensed she wanted him too.
Something had always held her back from him. Something he wanted to hear her explain. Her new reason for not giving them a chance was Robbie’s death. If she wasn’t attracted to him, didn’t like him...regretted the three fantastic weeks they’d spent together...then she only ever had to say that and he’d leave her alone.
She hadn’t, and every time she looked at him, her eyes said the exact opposite was going on. She was attracted to him, liked him...but still held herself out of reach.
She’d only gotten as far as the small circle of shops situated on a paved area above the beach. Trent slowed to a walk. She sat on a wrought-iron bench, hunched over with her face in her hands.
He sat beside her and leaned his forearms on his thighs. “Tonight was a bad idea. Sorry.”
Slowly, she lowered her hands and turned to face him. The silver tracks of her tears shone beneath the streetlight beside her. “I don’t want to go on like this.”
It was painful to see her blue eyes so full of anguish, confusion and pain. He tilted his head toward her hand. “May I?”
She nodded. Releasing his held breath, Trent lifted her hand and put it on his thigh, holding it tightly. Despite the warmth of the night, her fingers were like ice. He rubbed them against his jeans to warm her. “I miss him too, Iz. There was nothing I, or any of us, could’ve done. If for one minute I could’ve saved him, don’t you think I would have?”
“That doesn’t make it any easier for me to be around you.”
“But it isn’t just me, is it?” He kept his voice soft, not wanting to sound accusatory because he wasn’t. It was up to Izzy how she dealt with the grief emanating from her, but that didn’t make it any easier for him to stand by and let her push him and her friends away. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do, Iz, but if you won’t give me a chance to be there for you, can’t you at least let Kate back in?”
She slipped her hand from his and stared ahead. “I just need some time, that’s all.”
“It’s been three months. We’re just trying to be there for you.”
“How much time I need is anyone’s guess, but I’m not ready to sit around chatting and laughing as though Robbie’s still here.”
“No one’s asking you—”
“Trent. Please. Just let me do things my way.”
Frustration and helplessness rolled through him. “Why can’t you give us another chance?”
“It’s too complicated.”
“Complicated? I’ve never found anything less complicated.”
Her gaze darkened. “Maybe not the first time around, but it would be different this time. If you don’t understand that—”
“I don’t, so you need to explain it to me.” He hated pushing her, but she needed to say the words clearly before he could accept what was in her heart and mind.
She exhaled a slow breath. “When my parents left...or when I demanded them to...” She shook her head. “They tried so hard to reach me, Trent. Tried to help me through my grief, but in the end none of us were strong enough for the other. Mum and Dad resumed their careers and I was alone. I just don’t trust... Not anymore.”
“You don’t trust that I won’t leave you alone too one day?”
Her gaze bored into his until she looked away into the distance. “Maybe. Those few weeks we were together weren’t enough to make me believe you’ll always be around. I have no one left. I’m not in the right mind to give myself to anyone at the moment, let alone a firefighter. You run into danger every day.” She faced him, her eyes filled with determination. “I can’t deal with that. I don’t want to deal with it.”
“But what about before Robbie died?”
“There is no before Robbie. All I have in my head is since Robbie. How can you not see that?”
He exhaled, lowered his voice in an effort to soften the battle going on inside him. “We were great together. Or did I imagine that? Were you not there with me?”
Her gaze ran over his face, lingered a moment at his mouth before she met his eyes. “I was there. All the way there. That was part of the problem. You’re a great guy and I know if things don’t work out...or if you get hurt working...” She shook her head. “Right now I’m way too needy for someone like you.”
“Needy? You? Iz, you’ve proven over and over how much you stand on your own two feet. Being with someone doesn’t make you needy, it means you’re living. Taking risks.”
Her eyes shadowed with sadness before she looked away once more. “That’s just it. I don’t like risks and never will. You’re completely the wrong guy for me. You’re too...”
Trent tensed as the minuscule shred of hope he had left of being with her snapped and pinged across the pavement in front of them. “Too what?”
She turned and her eyes shone with unshed tears. “Too something. I need to be able to blame you. To blame someone for what happened. If I don’t, if I accept that Robbie’s death was nobody’s fault, then all I’m left with is this irrational anger. What if I can only feel anger all the time? Why would you even want to be around someone like that?”
He stared into her eyes, desperate to gently ease her head to his shoulder and let her cry until she had no more tears, but she’d never allow that to happen. She was too independent. Too strong.
“It will get easier.” Trent swallowed as memories he kept deeply hidden resurfaced. “You won’t believe me right now, but it will.”
“Don’t say that. I’m sick of people telling me that. How can you, someone who has seen people die, burned and scarred, say this will pass?” She pushed to her feet and looked around as though seeking escape. “I’m going home. Thanks for tonight. At least I got out of the apartment for a while and now know working all the time is exactly what I need to do.”
She turned away and Trent let her take a few steps before he released his held breath. “My sister died in a fire when she was twelve. That was the day I knew exactly what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.”
She came to an abrupt halt but didn’t turn around.
He stared at her turned back and stood. “It’s your choice what happens now, Iz. You have some decisions to make, but think very carefully if you still want me and everyone else to stay away. The one thing I can guarantee is that your loss won’t get easier if you try to deal with it alone.”
Slowly, she faced him. The music from the beach boomed, the screaming and laughter mocking and twisting his heart. He wanted to turn around and tell them to shut up. To stride across the space separating him from Izzy so he could take her in his arms and be the one to get her through her pain.
Her chest rose as she took in a breath. “What?”
“My sister. She died in a fire too.”
“I never knew...”
“Because I never told you, Robbie or anyone else in the Cove. I’m telling you now because I know what it’s like, Iz. I’ve felt every single thing you’re feeling and I hate that you won’t let me be with you.”
She stared for a long moment...and then she ran to him.
Trent scooped her into his arms and covered her mouth with his. He kissed her with everything he had. Her lips were soft, her tongue eager and commanding. He held her close and relished the fullness of her breasts pressed against his chest. Her hands moved over his shoulders to the nape of his neck. She clung to him, and for one blessed minute Trent allowed himself to believe someday Izzy Cooper might come to want him as he wanted her.
“Take me home.” She stared into his eyes, her body trembling.
“What?”
“Take me home. Make love to me.”
His heartbeat quickened and every muscle in his body tensed with desire and need. “This can’t be a temporary thing. You have to want me for the long haul.”
“Trent, come on. I’m asking you to—”
“I mean it. I care about you too much to—”
“You’re rejecting me?” Her cheeks darkened.
“I’m not rejecting—”
“No? Then what was all the times you came to the studio with flowers, food and God knows what else about if it wasn’t about getting me back into bed?”
Was she serious? “You think that was about sex?”
“Isn’t it always? Goddamn it, Trent. What’s the matter with you? Put me down.”
As though she were a china doll, he gently eased her to the ground, fighting the need to shake her. “What’s the matter with me? Jesus Christ, Iz.”
“What? You think I’ve got this all wrong? We’re talking about the great Trent Palmer, aren’t we? The brave, handsome firefighter who struts around town with his dark, glossy hair, green eyes and sexy, toe-curling smile. What else am I supposed to think other than you want to have sex with me again? For God’s sake, don’t treat me like a moron.”
He would’ve have been flattered by her summary of him if her voice hadn’t cracked on every syllable. “Iz...”
He reached for her and she held up her hand. “Don’t you touch me.” She pushed the hair back from her face and snatched up her purse that had somehow landed on the asphalt. “At least we both know where we stand. I just offered you sex and you refused. Now I want you to stop coming around to my apartment, the studio and every other damn place and leave me alone.”
He crossed his arms. “I want us to go back to the beginning.”
She huffed a laugh and widened her eyes. “And where is that? Once I dated you, things took off between us at eighty miles an hour. Feelings make things complicated. Sex is good. Sex is hot and needy. Wham, bam and out of the apartment with no one getting hurt. But an actual relationship? No way, no how.” She closed her eyes. “Go and find one of the other girls hanging off your every word to date, because I’m not one of them.”
He clenched his jaw, his previous arousal quashed by his skyrocketing irritation. “I just told you something personal about me for a reason. I don’t want people knowing about my sister or my family’s loss. I told you because I want you to know I can listen. I understand. If this was all about sex, we would’ve gotten past that years ago.”
She opened her eyes and they flickered with hurt even as she lifted her chin. “If you think what happened to your sister hasn’t affected me, you shouldn’t even be able to look at me, let alone be with me. Don’t you understand I’m saying no for your good as well as mine?” Her eyes flooded with tears. “If anything happened to you...if I can’t handle the intimacy between us and end up hurting you...” She raised her hands and shook her head. “This isn’t happening. I’m sorry about your sister. I really am, but—”
“When I target you for sex, you’ll know it, but right now I want you to have a meal with me, laugh and spend some time.”
Trent could’ve sworn he saw a flash of longing in her eyes before she blinked and it was gone. “You really don’t get it, do you? Every day...” She slumped her shoulders and looked deep into his eyes, her gaze soft and spent. “Every day you go into situations that have the potential to kill you.” She looked to the ground. “Maybe, deep inside, I know it wasn’t your fault Robbie died, but how can you expect me to separate my grief for Robbie from my feelings for you?” She met his eyes. “I can’t do this, Trent. Not anymore. I’m sorry.”
“Iz, come on. The job—”
“No. No more.”
Spinning around, she stormed away.
“Goddamn it.” Trent shoved his hand into his hair and held it there.
What now?
* * *
IZZY CLUTCHED THE BUNCH of lilies she held a little tighter, her heart thumping with trepidation. Guilt over how she’d treated Kate, her best friend, lay like a lead weight in her chest. Trent’s words about her rebuffing people’s sympathetic actions and words had kept her awake half the night.
He’d spoken the truth...about a lot of things.
All people wanted to do was help her—especially Kate. It was time Izzy made amends.
Her messed-up feelings about family, trust and forgiveness weren’t Kate’s...they were Izzy’s, and her friend hadn’t deserved Izzy’s mistreatment of their love and friendship.
Taking a deep breath, she approached Kate’s front door and rang the bell.
Swift footsteps sounded from the other side before the door swung open, revealing Kate with her usual wide and welcoming smile. Her curly brown hair was whipped up into a messy knot on top of her head and she wore her uniform of jeans and a shirt, currently dotted with what looked like white paint.
Kate’s smile dissolved. “Wow. It’s you.”
Izzy grimaced and held out the flowers. “For you, with a humungous apology.”
“It’s a cheap shot, considering lilies are my absolute favorite flowers.” Kate took the lilies with a wink, her smile reappearing. “But apology and flowers accepted. Get in here. We have some serious catching up to do.”
Izzy stepped inside and grabbed Kate into a bear hug, almost crushing the flowers in the process. “I love you.”
“Yeah, yeah, take a ticket and join the queue.”
Izzy laughed and, arm in arm, she and Kate walked along the hallway into her bright and sunny kitchen.
Kate walked to the sink. “Grab a chair while I wash this paint off my hands and put these flowers in some water.”
“What have you been up to?”
“I’m painting the utility room. Fancied sprucing it up a little.”
“It’s so great to see you.” Izzy glanced toward the open utility room door as she slid onto a seat around the scrubbed pine table. “I’ve been such a nightmare. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be silly. You’re grieving and I wish I could do more to help.” Kate filled a vase and arranged the flowers in a blur of effortless skill. She glanced over her shoulder, her gaze sympathetic. “My heart breaks for you, Iz. It really does.”
“I know and I’m so sorry for pushing you away. I’m not even sure what I was trying to achieve.” Izzy sighed. “Someone gave me a talking-to last night and his words cut pretty deep.”
Kate frowned. “His words? I thought if anyone, it would’ve been Marian who gave you a talking-to.”
“Believe it or not, it wasn’t our town matriarch. And I shouldn’t have rejected your support...or anyone else’s for that matter. I’m slowly clawing my way back and so glad you still want me around.”
“Of course I do.” Kate brought the flowers to the table and positioned them in the center. “So, who was it that broke through that stubborn facade of yours if it wasn’t Marian?”
Heat immediately rose in Izzy’s cheeks. She slid her gaze from her friend’s to the table and drew invisible circles on its surface with her finger. “None other than firefighter Trent.”
“Really? Well, well, well...”
“What does that mean?” Izzy frowned and met Kate’s eyes, which sparkled with an almost demonic glee. “And why are you looking at me like that?”
“It means I love the guy and so should you.”
“Love Trent?” Izzy huffed a laugh, fighting the softening in her heart since she’d learned of his sister’s death and accepting that he must have gone through the same heartbreaking pain as her. “The man has more than enough admirers. He certainly doesn’t need any more.”
“Yeah, okay, you keep telling yourself Trent isn’t worth your attention. We’ll see how that pans out, shall we?”
“He practically forced me to go to the beach party last night.”
Kate sat and leaned forward on her elbows, her brown eyes wide with interest. “Forced you? I can’t see Trent forcing anyone to do anything.”
“Yeah, well, he forced me and I regret giving in. It did me no good at all.”
“No? Not even considering that he got you to come here bearing flowers and an apology?”
Izzy grimaced. “Well, okay, yes, that did me good.”
“Glad to hear it. So this is it? No more pushing people away? You’re going to accept all the love and condolences half the town has been trying to offer you over the last three months?”
“Yes. Everyone’s except Trent’s.”
“I don’t understand why you won’t give the guy another chance. You finally got together before Robbie died and I’ve never seen you so happy. Isn’t it worth trying again? Trent likes you, Iz. He always has as far as I can tell.”
“Just leave it, Kate. Please.”
“Robbie’s gone and the one person who’s tried the hardest, over and over, to be there for you, you have basically kicked in the teeth.”
“Not the one person. I’ve crawled back to you with my tail between my legs, haven’t I?”
“Maybe, but I don’t have the equipment to provide you with the happiness Trent can, do I?” Kate winked.
Izzy sniffed. “Don’t bother going along that route. I offered him sex last night and he refused me. Do you know how humiliating that is? Trent could’ve had me and he didn’t take me. Fact.”
Kate’s eyes widened. “You offered him sex?”
“Yes. Temporary insanity, I guess.”
“You do know why he turned you down, right? The man wants a full-on relationship with you. Do you know how different that makes him than the fifty other guys who could be there for you?” Shaking her head, Kate stood and walked to the wine rack. She selected a bottle of red and grabbed two glasses from the cupboard. “Trent Palmer turning you down is huge. I honestly believe he has a serious thing for you.” She carried the wine and glasses to the table and unscrewed the bottle. “More important, I think you have a serious thing for him too.”
“I do not.”
“You’re lying.”
“Are you going to pour that wine or not?”
Kate filled the glasses and nudged one toward Izzy. “There, careful you don’t choke on it.”
Izzy narrowed her gaze and took a hefty gulp. “Cheers.”
Kate grinned and sat, lifting her glass to her lips. “I say you call Trent right now and ask him out. He’s probably beaten himself black and blue by now for not taking you up on your offer. He’ll be putty in your hands.”
“Trent would never be putty in anyone’s hands. Anyway, he’s dangerous.”
“Dangerous?”
“Yes.” Izzy took another sip of wine, her stomach knotting with trepidation of her oncoming admission. “He makes me weak. He makes me want things that are stupid.”
“What things? Fun? Romance? Great sex?”
“He doesn’t want sex. Remember?”
Kate sniffed. “Of course he wants sex. All men want sex.”
“Not Trent.”
“Oh, come on, Iz. He wants you to want him all the time. He’s not doing anything different than you or I would under the same circumstances. He respects you.”
“I don’t think so.”
Kate rolled her eyes. “Before Robbie died, did you ever offer Trent a one-night stand? No. You went on a date. No sex. You went on a second date. No sex. Then a third date...” She winked. “And maybe some sex. Or was it the fourth?”
Izzy narrowed her eyes.
Kate laughed. “Whatever. All I know is Trent’s being damn smart and going straight after your heart. He’s an intelligent man.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
Kate grinned. “And true.”
Panic thundered through Izzy’s body. How long could she keep denying her true feelings for Trent? Feelings that had been there for so long she’d eventually given in and opened herself up to potential heartbreak.
Trent lived his life at such a faster pace than she did. She would never be able to keep up. What was the point in risking the loss of their friendship on top of a broken heart? She drew in a shaky breath. “Maybe Trent’s refusing sex because he thinks he’s a bad lay. Let’s just focus on that thought and forget everything else you just said.”
Kate quirked an eyebrow. “I saw you after you and him got down and dirty, remember? No woman walks around looking like you did after a bad lay.”
Izzy rolled her eyes. “Can we just change the subject?”
“Fine.”
“What about this calendar and Maya Jackson? How are things going with the preparations for the charity?”
“Ooh, I’ve got something to show you.” Kate stood and rushed from the kitchen, her bare feet slapping against the hardwood flooring in the hallway. “Be just a second.”
Izzy stared after her and took another fortifying sip of wine. Whenever Kate was excited, further trouble lingered on the horizon. Izzy’s friend’s footsteps sounded overhead before Kate came thundering downstairs and into the kitchen.
She stuck a business card in front of Izzy’s face. “You need to ring this guy. He’s an agent.”
Izzy put down her wine and took the card. She lifted an eyebrow. “Francis Sanford. He sounds like a member of the aristocracy.”
“He’s Richard Crawley’s agent.”
Izzy frowned. “Who?”
Kate rolled her eyes. “Richard Crawley. The hottest game show host right now. Better than that, Templeton is his hometown. I called his office and they directed me to his agent. They want to meet you.”
“Why? What do I want with a game show host? What do you want with a game show host?”
“Richard Crawley is good-looking, smiley and happy. I’ve spent the last fortnight looking for a front man or woman for the calendar. If I could get someone in the media to back our campaign...”
“All the better for Maya.”
“Exactly. Richard Crawley was my breakthrough. He wants to meet you before he agrees to help out, but he’s the biggest name I’ve managed to nail down. If we get him on the cover with Templeton’s finest firefighters, it’s a done deal. Maya will be on her way across the pond for her treatment.” She winked. “Of course, it would be even better if you could convince him to lose his shirt midshoot.”
Izzy laughed. “Right. Now I see where we’re going.”
“So you’ll call his agent and set something up?”
“Sure.” Izzy shifted forward and slid the card into the back pocket of her jeans. “Anything for Maya. You know that.”
Kate released a breath. “Good. So...back to Trent. Are you going to make me completely happy and call him too?”
Izzy groaned and snatched up her wine. “It’s a bad idea.”
“But one you need to act on anyway.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. You have to. You and Trent are meant to be. I know it.”
Izzy frowned, the determination in her friend’s eyes making her uneasy. “No one knows that, including you. I’m not calling him.”
Kate dropped her shoulders. “Fine. Then will you at least start focusing on the future? Stop looking back. Robbie’s gone and Lord only knows when your mum and dad will decide they’re too old to be touring the world on a cruise ship. Can’t you just start accepting what an amazing woman, friend and photographer you are? You have the potential to be a huge name. Please, just focus on that.”
Izzy exhaled. Try as she might, she had a hard time believing anything Kate so vehemently believed of her. “I’m trying, okay?”
“Good. Then try harder.”
