Читать книгу Directions - Randy Beal - Страница 5

It wasn't a deep conversation. It might have gone something like this if I put it in play format.

Husband: Hey, babe, let's have a kid.

Wife: (sarcastically) Right. Because you're not kid enough for me to take care of.

Husband: You know you want to. We owe it to the world to pass on our particular brand of crazy.

Wife: Well all right then. You know this won't be easy. You sure you want to put up with a hormonal version of me?

Husband: Good point. Let's just go to the pound and rescue a dog.

(He pauses dramatically to wait for her reaction. She shrugs.)

Husband: OK, OK. You win. Yes, I'm up for the challenge. Bring on the Mom-zilla. I promise I'll be a good boy.

Wife: OK, let's do this.

[End scene]

If you think this sounds like Jake and Rachel from my second book, A Family Thing, you're right. Those characters were loosely based on me and my wife and they were dealing with, among other things, the upcoming birth of a child. When Emily and I discussed having a child, it wasn't a very deep discussion either, but it was far from the playful banter of the couple above.

We knew it was going to be a challenge.

First of all, I was a big part of the challenge. I need a lot of attention with all my physical limitations. I'm like a second kid myself. Sometimes a third kid. That's a lot for Emily to shoulder alone. I didn't want to put her through all that if she wasn't up for it.

I had mountains of doubts about whether I was up for it too. My mind zoomed ahead to when my child would be older. Would the kid be embarrassed that I was in a wheelchair, that I talk funny and move awkwardly? If we had a girl, I'd never be able to take her to a daddy-daughter dance. If we had a boy, I would never be able to play a simple game of catch with him. Physically I couldn't be there the way I wanted to.

Emily and I are always up for a challenge. We didn't know what was ahead but we wanted to face the future hand in hand and with a tiny hand latching on to ours. So we decided to go for it.

The first thing was to find an IVF doctor. Friends of ours recommended a guy to us and my urologist seconded, so we set up an appointment with Dr. Sommer. He ordered up a battery of tests to determine if we could conceive. For Emily, it was a straightforward test to make sure her eggs were healthy. For me, like everything else, it was more difficult. Let's just say I'm a pain in the butt! We had to have a specialty urologist do a sperm extraction surgery. Thankfully, I was out for that so I won't be able to give you a detailed account of what was going on with my junk. I know some of you are disappointed.

An agonizing week later we met with Dr. Sommer to go over the results. He was a pretty straight shooter, unlike my sperm, which was apparently dead. I'm not sure I remember much else after he told us this. I was calm on the surface but really distraught at yet another hurdle in my already rocky road. I do remember him saying that the only real option for us to conceive was via a sperm donor. I did not want to hear this.

We had decided to have a child and I was still determined to do so. And if we conceived via a sperm donor, I would still love the heck out of that kid. But I wasn't ready to let go of the idea that we could have a child who was part Emily and part me-a true blend of both of us. Again my mind fast-forwarded to an imaginary future in which my son or daughter was old enough that I could tell them my story. This is the story I told in unDIAGNOSED about how I never gave up in my search for an answer to what was happening to me. I struggled for years with various theories and treatments and even went to Mayo Clinic to get my answer. I didn't leave any stone unturned. How could I then look my kid in the eye and tell them I did any less for them? No. I wasn't going to accept the first answer at face value. Life had taught me to take a second look.

I told Dr. Sommer's assistant I wanted to see if there was something-anything-we could do to work around this. She understood me and promised to do her due diligence. Within days she called me with a great opportunity; she had found a doctor in Chicago who specialized in fertilization issues: Dr. Berg. We had an appointment before long and the main thing I remember is that his office was very close to a fancy cupcake shop. Chalk it up to my long history of interactions with doctors over the years. I guess I was sort of skeptical. Dr. Berg ran some blood tests and was pretty confident he could help me. I would have to take several months worth of a medication designed to revitalize my li'l swimmers. At the end of this period, I would have another extraction surgery. This wasn't the most elegant alternative, but it was an alternative nonetheless. We went ahead with it.

And it paid off, eventually. About a year later, Dr. Berg happily reported that my sperm looked ready to go back to work. As we left his office, he told us he looked forward to seeing a picture of our beautiful baby. Finally, some encouragement! Armed with this news, we headed back to Dr. Sommers to match my now good sperm with Emily's good eggs.

On June 16, 2013, as we were about to leave to celebrate my niece Bianca's birthday, we received a call to notify us that the next day was when the embryos would be implanted. My mind raced ahead to the appointment and to all the possibilities it held.

"You know what date that is," Emily pointed out. "June 17th." I hadn't even caught it in my excitement. June 17th is a landmark day in Beal history. My blog entry from June 17th 2012 captures the significance of that date well.

This day in my life is an unforgettable day. Here’s why, in no particular order. On June 17, 2002 my father succumbed to cancer after an 11 month battle. He was not only my father, but my best friend, confidant, and boss. My dad taught me so much, things that I will never forget. Miss you dad! On June 17, 2008 I was blessed with a beautiful niece. I am so thankful to have her in my life. She is so great! She shows me love as her uncle and is a reminder that my dad is always here with us. That same day June 17, 2008 my girlfriend (at that time) and I were on our way to Minnesota. I had my appointment at Mayo Clinic the next day. What I heard up there changed my life. So, June 17th will always be a day to remember for me.

So many significant events in my life seem to happen on that date. And now it took on a whole new significance. We hadn't planned June 17th as Embryo Day. The doctors picked it. But I started to wonder if there wasn't some other hand at work orchestrating the events to give me hope that this was all meant to be.

Out of eight of my sperm and Emily's eggs, we got two good embryos for Dr. Sommer to implant. That gave us a chance of twins (or even more remotely of quads) or maybe just one. Or none. We had to be prepared for all possibilities. A couple of weeks later we got news that Emily was pregnant! Just one-perfect for us. Holy crap! This was really happening.

We knew that everything was about to change. There would be physical changes, most notably for Emily as she carried a new life within her. There would be mental challenges for both of us-new ways to think about our life, our habits, our home. For me this was particularly larger than life and pushed me to express my concerns in my second book. Somehow hiding behind a fictional new father, Jake, made it easier for me to come to terms with the challenges I might face. But the reality of having a baby was no fiction and we were both eager to see how this chapter in our lives would turn out.