Читать книгу Meant-To-Be Marriage - Rebecca Winters - Страница 8

THE HARDEST PART about teaching school was enduring the first three days of teachers’ meetings before you actually got to meet your students.

At seven-thirty Monday evening, an exhausted Sydney hurried out of Elkhorn High School to her car. Following the day’s meetings, the PTA had served dinner in the cafeteria. Tomorrow she would have to come early to start decorating her room before back-to-school night on Wednesday.

Two blocks away she turned into the drive of her eight-plex apartment building and parked her Jeep in one of the covered stalls. What she needed right now was a shower, then bed.

Before reaching the door of her ground-floor unit, she sensed she wasn’t alone and assumed it was one of the other tenants coming home, too. Then she heard a man call to her in a low, compelling voice.

The urgent way he said her name conjured memories that made the hairs stand on the back of her neck.

No…

It couldn’t be…

It just couldn’t…

Still disbelieving, Sydney turned around slowly, convinced the fatigue of the day had taken unprecedented liberties with her imagination.

In the growing darkness she saw the silhouette of a tall, solidly built man. At first glance she thought he bore a resemblance to the man whose memory had been her nemesis. But two things stood out that made her decide she was mistaken, that she was looking at a stranger.

For one thing he was wearing a tan suit with a tie. The man she’d once known would never be dressed in such clothes.

For another, this man with his jet-black hair and brows was beardless.

Through her lashes she studied the unfamiliar lines of a strong chin and jaw with their five o’clock shadow. He possessed a potently male mouth hinting at an aggression that made her swallow hard.

“Sydney—” he whispered, reading her confusion correctly.

The deep cadence of his voice permeated to the core of her being. Like a matching fingerprint, there was no mistaking who he was this time. The reality of his presence sent her into shock. She fell against the door helplessly.

He started to move toward her.

“No—don’t touch me!” she begged. But her protest went ignored as the flesh-and-blood man placed his hands on her upper arms to steady her. She felt their heat as if she’d pressed up against a furnace.

“I’ll let you go when you’re able to walk without help.”

Sydney’s head fell back on the graceful column of her neck. Her heart pounded in her ears.

“Come on. Let’s get you inside.” He took the keys from her nerveless fingers and opened the door.

Convinced she was hallucinating, she started to feel light-headed. Her legs refused to obey her.

The next moment became a blur. With effortless masculine strength, he picked her up in his arms and carried her into the dimly lit living room. After laying her on the couch, he disappeared.

A minute later he returned with a glass of water. Hunkering down next to her, he put it to her lips. His other hand slid beneath the gold satin of her hair to prop her head.

“Drink as much as you can. It’ll help.”

Though her head was spinning, she did his bidding before handing the empty glass back to him. He put it on the coffee table.

Between his silky black lashes, the eyes she remembered burned like hot green coals. Combined with the male beauty of his features, he was so impossibly handsome, she groaned in reaction.

When it became clear he really was here in person, her strength began to return and she carefully sat up. Another minute and she was able to get to her feet, desperate to disguise the fact that she’d been staring at him with an intense hunger he couldn’t have helped but notice.

He stood a little distance apart from her with his hands on his hips, reminding her once again what an incredible-looking man he was.

Back in Cannon, the beard had made him seem more untouchable and intimidating. Without it, he…

She rubbed her arms as if she were freezing to death. In truth she was burning up inside with so many emotions, she couldn’t name them all. But topping the list was rage and anger for his coming here to enlarge the wound that had never healed.

“I have to admit you’re the last person on earth I ever expected to see again in this lifetime…let alone here,” she began.

Jarod’s eyes glittered. “Evidently you didn’t get my note.”

Sydney struggled to catch her breath. “What note?”

“The one I left inside the front door screen of your cabin at Old Faithful.”

She put a hand to her throat. “When did you do that?”

“Saturday.”

Saturday she’d been told he was ill, yet seeing him she realized he’d never looked healthier.

“I—I’d already moved out and was at my parents’.”

I had the greatest breakdown of my life by driving over to Cannon to see you. But you weren’t there, and you’re not ill. What’s going on?

He grimaced. “When I didn’t hear from you all day today, I had a talk with Chief Ranger Archer. He told me you’d accepted a teaching job here, so I called around until I found you.”

Shock still held her in its grip. “I—I can’t imagine how you even knew I was a ranger.”

“It’s a long story,” his voice rasped. “I came as soon as I could.”

She stared at him in utter bewilderment. “What do you mean?”

He cocked his dark, attractive head. “The day you left Cannon you said, ‘I can’t stay, and you can’t come, can you?’ At the time, I couldn’t give you an answer.”

That moment had been so excruciating, she experienced physical pain all over again remembering it. For him to be so inhuman as to remind her of it—

Anger consumed her.

“So now you’ve decided you can?” she mocked in raw agony, remembering the kiss he’d given her that had said “goodbye forever.”

She backed away from him. “If you thought it would be safe to take a vacation from the Lord with me, then you never knew me, and I never knew you.” Her pain resounded off the walls of the living room. “Find someone else with whom you can indulge your needs before returning to your unsuspecting flock, Father Kendall.”

His features hardened like a block of chiseled granite. He made no move to go. “My name is Jarod. I’d like to hear you say it.”

She shook her head. “You mean you want me to use it while you’re away from Cannon and no one can see us?”

But even as she questioned his motives, she had to inspect her own motives that had propelled her to Cannon two days ago.

He gazed at her for a troubling moment. “You obviously need more time to absorb the fact I’m really here.”

“Time?” she bit out. “I admit there was a time when even though I knew it was impossible, the foolish part of me needed to hear you tell me you loved me so much, you would give up your vocation for me.

“That’s how naive, stupid, lovestruck and pathetic I once was. But after fifteen months, that person no longer exists.

“You’re the delusional one if you think you can just show up here without your collar and expect me to fall at your feet because you’ve got a little time on your hands away from everyone who knows you.”

The second the words left her lips, she realized how foolish that sounded. Minutes ago she’d almost fainted at the sight of him. In the next breath she cried, “I have no interest in you or your life!”

What a hypocrite she was.

“Please go!”

“I’ve missed you, too, Sydney. Try to get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow,” was all he said before he disappeared from her apartment.

Like someone who’d survived a battle and was the only one left alive, she stood there weaving in dazed shock.

When she’d done everything in her power to forget him, how could he be so cruel as to show up now after all this time had passed?

He’d known why she’d left Cannon. One of them had to leave, and it certainly wouldn’t have been the priest who’d dedicated his life to God and the parish!

Where was the sensitivity she’d seen in him during those months of counseling he’d given one of her students?

After those first few visits to his office with Brenda Halverson who was pregnant and afraid to tell her Catholic parents the truth, Sydney should have obeyed her instincts and quit her job. Any lie to break her teaching contract would have been worth it to get far away from him.

But her attraction to him had been so powerful, she couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing him again. The visits to his office with Brenda while he counseled her were all that had kept Sydney going that year.

He came to the high school activities where Brenda and other students in the parish were involved. She would talk to him then. Sometimes they saw each other on the street in passing and would stop to chat for a little while. Other times she attended Mass with Brenda where she could legitimately feast her eyes on him. Those were the moments she’d lived for. But it was no life!

On the morning she left Cannon, she’d stopped by his office to say goodbye. Another grave mistake. One she would always regret.

He had no indication of what was coming. When she told him she was on her way out of town for good, he got up from the chair and walked over to the closed door where she was standing. He looked physically hurt.

Inside she rejoiced at the anguish that had suddenly darkened his beautiful eyes. For once the facade had slipped, allowing her to see the full extent of his emotions. They told her he was in great pain, too.

She wanted him to be in pain. It was selfish of her, but she couldn’t help it.

“You’re really leaving?” he whispered. His voice sounded thick, gravelly.

“As soon as I walk out of this office. My bags are packed in the car.”

“Sydney—”

The way he said her name ripped her insides apart.

“I can’t stay.” Her voice trembled. “You can’t come with me. Can you?”

Their gazes clung for an infinity of time.

A heavy silence filled the room. It lasted so long she thought he was getting ready to tell her the one thing she needed to hear that would keep her from going anywhere.

Instead, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her mouth. It gave her a taste of all the things they would never share. Not each other’s bodies, not each other’s thoughts, hearts or souls, not each other’s hopes, dreams, not their joy or laughter, not their children.

Nothing…

When the message was received, she tore her lips from his and ran from his arms, from his office, from the tiny town she would never see again. She’d been running ever since.

Except for her slip on Saturday when all she’d wanted to do was look at him for a little while unobserved, she’d stayed away.

How was it possible he’d traced her here?

Why dredge up the most agonizing experience of her life?

Had it hurt his pride that since their parting she hadn’t come crawling back to him like a beggar? In order to satisfy his ego, had he planned this side trip to Yellowstone to provoke her into a clandestine relationship with him?

It wasn’t going to happen!

Maybe he got his jollies from imagining there was a woman out there who longed for him. Even if he’d only been able to get as far as his thoughts where Sydney was concerned, did that mean he had no conscience?

Could he honestly go back to his world without it disturbing the tenor of his existence?

She’d bet her life his colleagues in the diocese didn’t know where he was, or what he was trying to do, let alone why…

Thank heaven they didn’t know what Sydney had been doing on Saturday.

He had to know that coming to Yellowstone was an unconscionable act on his part. When he returned to Cannon, would he confess what he’d done?

A priest on the up and up probably would. But Father Jarod Kendall would no doubt consider himself exempt from confession because he hadn’t yet committed an overt act against the commandments.

It took two, and she hadn’t been available after all.

Did he truly believe she would welcome any crumbs he threw her way because she was so beguiled by him she couldn’t help herself?

An icy smile broke out on her lips. She walked over to the door and locked it. For once he would learn what it was like to have the door eternally closed to him. Let him rail against it till he was bloodied.

Damn you forever, Father Kendall.

Shaking from emotions she had no idea how to control, she started to undress so she could shower. When her cell phone rang, she jumped.

Had he managed to get her number from Chief Archer, too? She plucked the phone from her purse and clicked on.

“Hello,” she said in a terse tone.

“Sydney?” Cindy Lewis questioned tentatively.

It wasn’t Father Kendall on the other end after all. Furious at herself because she felt a gush of disappointment, Sydney disciplined herself to calm down. “Hi, Cindy.”

“You sound odd. Are you okay?”

She took deep breaths. “Yes. I just came in to get ready for bed.”

“How was the wedding?”

“Fabulous. Jamal Carter told me specifically to say hello to you when I talked to you next.”

“He did?” she cried excitedly.

“Yes. His mom and sister came all the way from Indianapolis with him for the wedding. They’re as nice as Jamal. I found out Alex and Gilly have invited him to live with them next summer and work in the Park.”

“You’re kidding—”

“Nope. I’ve got pictures of him in his tuxedo. I’m going to have double prints made up so you can have your own set. He looked even better in the tux than in his junior ranger uniform.”

“Jamal’s cute.”

“He’s very cute.” Sydney smoothed the hair off her forehead. “Listen, Cindy—I’ve got some things I have to do right now. If you don’t mind, I’ll call you next weekend so we can talk longer.”

“I’d love that! But before you hang up, I wanted to tell you that some man came to the Park on Saturday looking for you.”

“What man?” Sydney played dumb, trying to stifle the moan that escaped.

“He left the visitors center before I could ask his name, but he said he knew you back in Cannon when you were a teacher.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He made a thousand dollar donation to the new visitor center fund.”

Sydney almost dropped the phone. Where did a priest with a low income get that kind of money? Why would he do such a thing? “That was incredibly generous of him. Was he there with his family?”

“I don’t know. When he walked over to the display, he was alone. He was more gorgeous than a movie star.”

Sydney had thought the same thing the first time she’d laid eyes on Jarod.

“Does that mean you almost croaked at the sight of him?” she teased to cover her chaotic emotions.

“Yes. He reminded me of some of those men with the black hair in The Godfather films. You know the kind I mean?”

Sydney knew exactly what she meant. He had the look of some Mediterranean types she’d met in her travels.

“Except that his eyes were green like my cat’s.”

For the second time in one evening Sydney felt light-headed.

When a priest went on vacation, could he remove his collar without it being a sin? Could they vacation alone? Didn’t they go to retreats that were off limits to the public? Sydney had no idea.

Beyond his work as a priest, and the fact that his first name was Jarod, she knew nothing personal about Father Kendall. She had no knowledge of his history, where he came from, or whether he had family still living.

“Did he specifically seek you out to ask about me?”

“I’m not sure. He saw my junior ranger name tag and said he once knew a woman from Cannon who’d become a park ranger.

“When I asked him what her name was, he said Sydney Taylor. I told him I’d been working with you this summer. He wondered if you were around. When I told him you were at a wedding in California, he asked where you lived so he could leave you a note.”

So that was how it had happened.

“Did you get it?”

Sydney’s hand tightened on the phone. “I’m afraid not.” In the next breath she told Cindy about her move to Gardiner and her new job.

The teen sounded terribly disappointed by the news, but Sydney promised to stay in close touch with her and the other kids throughout the year. Slightly mollified, Cindy said she was glad, then she brought their conversation back to Father Kendall.

“Could that man be one of your old boyfriends?”

“No—” Sydney cried before she realized how emotional that would have sounded to Cindy. “I’m thinking he was probably a parent of one of my students, but I just don’t remember. It doesn’t matter. I’ll talk to you again soon if that’s all right.”

“Oh sure. ’Bye for now.”

Sydney hung up, still trembling. Father Kendall had gone to a lot of trouble to come to the park to find her. For what reason?

Feeling trapped and desperate, Sydney got ready for bed, then collapsed on top of the mattress, sobbing.

The next time she had any awareness of her surroundings, she was shivering. At first she was so dazed by the haunting dream where she’d spent the night with Father Kendall at the rectory in Cannon, she assumed she was suffering overwhelming guilt for what she’d done in the dream.

Then to her chagrin she realized she’d slept all night on top of the covers. She couldn’t seem to throw off the effects of the dream which had been too real. No doubt her body was still reacting to the feel of him as he’d picked her up and carried her into the apartment last night.

The physical contact coming so unexpectedly in her weakened condition had set off shock waves. They were growing stronger in intensity because she knew Father Kendall was still somewhere around, waiting to take advantage of her vulnerability.

Jarred into action by the fear of seeing him again and being unable to resist him, she flew to the bathroom for a quick shower. After shampooing her hair, she toweled it dry and put on a clean pair of jeans and a knit blue top.

Once she’d applied lipstick and brushed her hair, she grabbed her purse and opened the apartment door to leave. In the next instant she almost collided with a solid male frame and felt strong hands grip her upper arms to steady her.

For the second time since last night, Sydney lifted her head and discovered Father Kendall, freshly shaved, staring down at her.

Breathless for several reasons, she eased out of his arms. This morning he was dressed in a burgundy-toned polo shirt and faded denims.

There wasn’t a man in existence to equal his striking dark looks and physique. In fact nothing compared to the sight of his vital, living presence in a spot where she couldn’t have imagined seeing him in a dozen lifetimes.

Her unrealistic hope that she’d be gone from the apartment before he came to her door hadn’t materialized of course. Deep in her core she’d known this moment was inevitable. Until she agreed to talk to him, he wouldn’t give her any peace.

Instead of attempting to avoid him, she’d be wise to find out what he wanted and get this over with. Otherwise her turmoil would destroy her.

Having made that decision, she drew in air to help steady her equilibrium while she faced this man who’d dominated her mind and heart far too long for her emotional well-being.

“What is it you want?” she asked in a resigned voice though her heart was frantically beating in her throat.

Jarod remained in place, his narrowed eyes trained on her features in the morning light.

“I’m glad you realize we have to talk, Sydney.”

She rubbed her damp palms nervously against her jeans-clad hips. His gaze took in the telling gesture.

“I’m due at school right now and won’t be free until four.”

“I’ll pick you up here at four-fifteen.”

He had her cornered.

She was fascinated by the tiny nerve that pulsed at the side of his jaw. Because he’d once worn a beard, she’d never seen the lower half of his facial features bared to her gaze until now. If anything he was more appealing, more…human somehow.

More tempting.

This was all wrong, but he’d left her no choice.

“All right.”

Maybe she was mistaken, but she thought she saw a gleam of satisfaction darken his eyes before he accompanied her to her car and watched her drive off. Like a master puppeteer, he had all the power to pull her strings.

The rest of her day passed in a tension-filled blur before she found herself back at her apartment and in his company once more.

She averted her eyes and headed toward an unfamiliar blue car she could see parked out in front of the complex. While they walked, she felt his piercing gaze on her profile.

How strange was fate that he’d actually stepped from her dreams into her reality. During the school year she’d spent in Cannon, they’d never planned a prearranged rendezvous to be alone together. Had never been on a date. This would be the one and only exception.

She kept telling herself maybe this final meeting was what they both needed to settle their unfinished business. Once he left Gardiner for good, they could get on with their separate lives and not look back. This would be the closure she desperately needed.

Out of the periphery she noticed his black hair was longer than she’d remembered. When he returned to his duties without his beard, the parish would notice the changes in him and be stunned.

She swallowed hard. There couldn’t be a more attractive man alive anywhere. His overwhelming physical appeal forced her to hold on to the open car door for a moment while she waited to get control of her emotions.

“You look incredibly beautiful, Sydney.”

The first words to come out of his mouth left her tongue-tied so that her response was unintelligible. He’d destroyed the myth that she could ever forget him. In fact his intimate observation acted like a verbal assault on her senses. During those nine months in Cannon he’d rarely spoken his private thoughts…except through his lambent green eyes.

Avoiding his gaze, she climbed inside. Afraid he would touch her and realize the true state of her feelings, she tried her best to elude him, but her arm accidentally brushed against his chest anyway. At the first contact, unaccustomed desire stole through her body.

She still had a hard time believing he’d come to Montana, that she was about to drive off somewhere alone with him.

A couple of the tenants waved and smiled at her. They could see she was in the company of a tall, dark stranger.

She nodded to them before Father Kendall closed the door. He walked around the car and levered himself inside behind the wheel. She could feel his eyes on her.

“Living in an apartment is like living in a goldfish bowl much the same way I once lived back in Cannon.”

Once?

Surprised by the revelation, her head swiveled around so she could look at him. He started the car and headed out of town.

“Does that mean you’ve been transferred to another parish?”

She heard his abrupt intake of breath. “I’d prefer to wait until we arrive at our destination before answering your questions. If you’ll reach around on the back seat, I brought us hamburgers and fries. I thought we could eat en route.”

En route to where?

Sydney had thought he was taking her out to dinner. His cryptic statements were unsettling enough, but it was his mysterious behavior that was beginning to alarm her.

Thankful for something to eat that might take the edge off her frayed nerves, she undid the seat belt long enough to retrieve the large sack. Inside she found two colas and several portions of cheesecake packed with the food. She put the drinks in the holders between their seats, then handed him his meal.

After thanking her, he began eating with what seemed a healthy appetite, as if this were an everyday occurrence for him. Normally she was hungry after work of any kind, but right now her emotions made her stomach clench. She could only eat a few bites.

“This tastes good,” she finally murmured if only to fill the unsettling silence.

“You’ve hardly touched your food.”

Ignoring his observation, she cleaned everything up and put the sack on the floor of the back seat.

Shadows formed by the pines were growing longer. Soon night would fall.

A tangible quiet filled the car during the drive. She could hardly breathe for the tension between them. Though he was a stranger here, he seemed to know his way around.

He drove them into the little town of Ennis. In a few minutes they came to a tiny, white, nondenominational church partially hidden by giant jack pines. There were no cars or people. He pulled into the parking area around the side where they were away from the street, then he shut off the motor.

Once again he’d surprised Sydney by coming to this particular spot. Maybe she’d been wrong about his reasons for seeking her out. If that was the case, and he’d wanted to talk to her in a holy place, why a church located on the other side of town? What was going on? She simply didn’t understand him.

Unable to handle the silence any longer, she cried, “Father Kendall—I…I—”

“Don’t call me that,” he interrupted. “I have no more parish to minister to. I’ve left the priesthood.”

Sydney’s body froze.

“What did you just say?”

“Two months ago I laid my case before the Church. I’m no longer Father Kendall, and never will be again.”

She couldn’t comprehend it. The shock was so great, she wasn’t able to think or talk.

“I don’t question your incredulity, Sydney. If I hadn’t lived through this experience myself, I wouldn’t believe it, either. But it’s true.”

A rush of adrenaline drove her out of the car where she could breathe in fresh air and try to process what he’d just told her. She stood beside the car hugging her arms to her waist.

When he approached, she lifted tormented eyes to him. “Why did you leave?”

A stillness came over him. He studied her features for what seemed like an eternity. “You already know the answer to that question. I fell in love with you.”

Like the thrust of a lance, overwhelming guilt pierced her soul. Her body shook. “No—please tell me that wasn’t the reason.”

Lines darkened his face, making him appear older. “You were there when it happened because you fell in love with me, too. We suffered nine months in silence. Tonight I’ve broken that silence.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks. “It’s all my fault—” Her voice rang throughout the pines.

His jaw hardened. “What are you talking about?”

“After the first time I took Brenda to your office, I should never have gone with her again. When she told me she wouldn’t go for any more counseling sessions unless I accompanied her, I clung to that excuse so I could see you. But deep in my heart, I knew it was wrong.

“For that whole school year I deluded myself into believing I hadn’t crossed the line with you. But I did cross it!” she cried. “I crossed it every time I found a legitimate way to be with you.”

“We both crossed it, Sydney. I made certain we could be together under all possible circumstances.”

His confession caused her to groan out loud. “If I’d been a stronger person, I would have stolen away from Cannon without your ever knowing about it. Instead I sought you out one last time. I shouldn’t have done that.”

There’d been a price to pay for the kiss of desperation they’d exchanged. Only now was she beginning to understand the far-reaching ramifications of her actions.