Читать книгу The Forbidden Marriage - Rebecca Winters - Страница 7

“THANK you for dinner, Mike. I’d invite you in, but I still have some packing to do.”

His arm was stretched out across the back of the seat. He toyed with the natural curl of her blond hair that curved beneath her jawline. To her chagrin she felt no accompanying shiver of excitement.

“That’s all right. Carlsbad’s close to my grandparents’ beach house at San Clemente. Before we leave for Australia we’ll have a lot of nights together after your brother-in-law has gone to sleep.”

His words conjured an image of Zak lying on top of the bed this morning. Just remembering how he’d looked, how he’d made her feel, sent a flood of heat through her system.

Desperate for Mike to create that same kind of yearning inside her, she leaned toward him and pressed her mouth to his. It was the first time she’d taken the initiative in their relationship.

On a moan, he pulled her close and kissed her hungrily.

She should have expected this explosion of need on his part. They’d spent the last two months together while she’d helped him with his therapy. He was a normal male with normal desires.

She tried to get into it, but it seemed like the more she tried, the more it became the clinical experiment that it was. Before he started enjoying this too much, she pulled away guiltily.

“Good night, Mike. No—stay where you are.”

He reached for her hand and kissed the palm. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” He looked too happy.

With a quick nod, she opened the door of his sports car and got out. It only took a second to reach the lighted front porch of the house. She waved to him before letting herself inside.

Long after the purr of the motor had faded, Michelle was still standing in the middle of the living room, immobilized.

She should never have kissed Mike like that.

He’d been very patient with her so far. She knew he was hoping they’d become intimate in Australia. After reaching out to him just now, he was counting on it. But the whole situation had backfired on her because she couldn’t imagine kissing him again.

In truth, she couldn’t bear the thought of him touching her. The chemistry wasn’t there. It never would be. She knew that now.

Mike was a wonderful man. If he didn’t reconcile with his ex-wife, then he deserved to find a woman he could set on fire by her just thinking about him. Michelle wasn’t that person.

After her disturbing response to Zak who’d done absolutely nothing to make her come alive, she realized she couldn’t go on giving Mike hope. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

When he called her tomorrow, she would tell him Zak’s injury was more serious than she’d realized. Her brother-in-law was going to need her help for an indefinite period, so she wouldn’t be able to fly to Sydney with him after all.

The sooner Mike learned the truth, the sooner he could deal with his disappointment and move on. With a golf tournament coming up in a month, he needed to focus on his game.

Her gaze wandered around the room of the modest ranch style home where she and Rob had lived. It was here she’d nursed her husband until the last month when he’d had to be in the hospital.

After his death she’d liked getting away from it for weeks, even months at a time, then returning for a few days’ rest before another job came along.

Now a new job had come along. One she couldn’t have turned down without raising questions she couldn’t answer.

But this was a job different from any she’d had before.

She buried her face in her hands. How was she going to handle living with Zak day and night for the next month and not give herself away?

Until this morning she’d thought maybe she’d never feel the desire for physical intimacy with anyone again.

But one minute in Zak’s presence and she’d turned into a trembling mass of needs he’d ignited without even touching her or being aware of his effect on her.

She drew in a ragged breath.

Was it because Zak was so much younger than her husband or the men she’d been dating who were closer to forty, like Mike?

Rob had been thirty-seven to her thirty when she’d married him. They’d enjoyed a satisfying love life when he wasn’t too exhausted from being up in the night with sick children. She’d tried to get pregnant but it hadn’t happened.

After he fell ill, they mostly held each other. Some days and nights he felt good enough to make love, but those times grew less frequent as the disease took over.

Could it be she was one of those needy, over-the-hill widows whose senses only responded to the virility of youth anymore? She’d be thirty-six next March with a marriage already behind her.

Zak was a young and vigorous man still enjoying his single status until the right woman came along. A whole new world would open up to him when that happened.

Her feelings for Zak had always run deep because both of them had lost their parents in accidents. They’d had that loss in common and it had drawn them together. But it was shameful to be entertaining the thoughts she had about him now.

Though Lynette’s infatuation was no doubt alarming as well as irritating to Zak considering they belonged to the same family, he could forgive it because a young woman’s adoration was understandable. But if he could have known Michelle’s reaction to him this morning, he’d be repulsed.

If Mike knew how Zak made her feel, he’d be so hurt!

That’s why Michelle had to end it with him tomorrow.

After cleaning up the house, she got ready for bed. By the time her head hit the pillow, she’d worked out what she was going to say to him in the hope it would cause the least amount of pain.

But to her chagrin she wasn’t any closer to a solution that would make her immune to Zak’s powerful masculine appeal. All she could do was stay busy and mentally isolated from him when he didn’t require her help. That meant she needed to find an engrossing project.

She knew Zak had a computer at his work and the condo. Sherilyn and Graham had confided that e-mail was the best way to stay in touch with her brother between visits.

If it wasn’t too late, Michelle could use his to sign up for an on-line class through UCLA. Something challenging with a lot of homework, yet unrelated to her profession.

Relieved for that little bit of inspiration, she finally fell asleep. But it was fitful. She came awake before her alarm went off at seven.

After she’d showered and washed her hair, she dressed in blue denims and sandals. The rest of her outfit included a navy tank top layered with a white short sleeved, button-down blouse.

Yesterday afternoon she’d made arrangements about the house with the next door neighbor she paid to keep an eye on her place. Myrna Jensen had become a loyal friend who’d been so supportive of Michelle since Rob’s passing and could use the money. Michelle could trust the other woman to forward on her mail to Zak’s condo.

With that already accomplished, all she had to do this morning was pack.

And try to ignore this strange new sense of excitement she couldn’t ever remember experiencing before.

Surely it was a transitory aberration brought on because Zak had always been one of her favorite people. She hadn’t seen him for such a long time and he’d grown up a lot during the last two years.

That had to be the reason.

When she saw him again this morning, it wouldn’t be like yesterday. Her heart wouldn’t thud. She wouldn’t feel that weakness in her limbs. She wouldn’t concentrate on his mouth, imagining what it would feel like if it were covering hers.

Don’t, Michelle. Just…don’t.

She jerked a medium sized piece of luggage from the storage closet.

September at the beach could be warm to hot, or punctuated with days of fog and cooler weather, even rain. She’d better go prepared for any eventuality.

Michelle had become an expert at arranging things in one suitcase. As soon as she’d placed the cosmetic kit and medical case on top of her clothes, she closed the lid ready to go.

Remembering a time when Zak was recovering from an appendectomy and had enjoyed her reading to him, she pulled a couple of novels from the bookcase and put them in her purse along with her cell phone.

On the way out the door she grabbed the airline bag filled with crossword puzzles, board games, several decks of cards, a little battery operated radio, plenty of scratch paper and pens. Anything to help her patients escape the frustration of their physical inactivity. She never left for a job without it.

En route to Graham’s house she made three stops. One to a drive-in for breakfast. She ate while she drove to the service station to gas up the three-year-old Audi and get her tires checked. Last but not least, she bought several sacks of groceries at the supermarket. A half hour later she reached her destination and pulled in the driveway.

Because of Zak’s long legs, he’d be better off in a semi-reclining position in the front seat while they drove to Carlsbad. She got out of the car and went around to the other side to push the seat back as far as it would go. After making a few adjustments, she hurried past the tubs of flowering azaleas to the front door and rang the bell.

Her brother, who was dark blond with a lean six foot build, greeted her with a hug. His soulful blue eyes stared into hers. “I have to tell you I’m relieved you’re going to be the one looking after Zak. He puts on an act, but that’s all it is.”

“That chest tube was no fun, and he sustained a lot of bruising along with those fractured ribs. Give him a week and you’ll see a big difference. Is he running a temperature this morning?”

“A slight one.”

“That’s probably because he’s so anxious to get back to Carlsbad. How’s the nausea?”

“Sherilyn managed to get him to eat some scrambled egg and toast. So far he’s kept it down.”

“Good. The medicine’s helping then.”

“Thanks to you.”

She cocked her head. “Graham? Something else is wrong. What is it?” She was pretty sure she knew it had to do with Lynette, but she felt compelled to ask in order to be prepared for any eventuality.

He frowned. “Our daughter. Early this morning she came in our bedroom and announced she was withdrawing from her classes.”

Oh no.

“It seems she’s decided to find a full-time job. As soon as she’s earned enough money, she plans to move to her own apartment. Before we could get a word in, she left the house and drove off.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Zak’s always been a strong influence. If he weren’t incapacitated right now, I’d ask him to talk to her.”

Michelle’s eyes closed tightly. His lecture to Lynette yesterday on top of his rejection of her three weeks ago had burned her deeply. Was he even aware of this latest crisis? If not, she would tell him about it on the way to Carlsbad.

“I’m afraid her mother and I aren’t her favorite people right now,” her brother murmured.

This was one time she couldn’t comfort him. Not when she knew what was at the bottom of her niece’s unprecedented behavior. It was the kind of situation only time could solve.

“It’s obvious Lynette is trying to find herself. Maybe she should work for a while and find out what it’s like in the cold cruel world. By spring semester she’ll probably be eager to live at home again and get back in school with her friends.”

He raked a frustrated hand through his hair. “I hope you’re right.”

She put her arm around him. “I know those words are cold comfort at the moment. Just give it some time. She knows she’s got the greatest parents on earth.”

He gave her a brief smile. “Thanks. That’s nice to hear. By the way, how was your evening with Mike?”

“Good,” she answered without blinking an eye.

“Don’t let Zak give you a hard time about him.”

Her pulse quickened. “What do you mean?”

“I believe he’s as protective of you as I am.”

“Zak?” she cried softly.

Graham nodded. “He’s of the opinion Mike Francis is a womanizer. That’s the polite version of what he told me last night.”

“Zak should know the media sensationalizes everything. I’ve gotten to know the real Mike. He’s a terrific person.”

“I’m sure he is or you wouldn’t be dating him. That’s what I told Zak.” He winked. “Just thought you’d like to know I’m on your side.”

“I appreciate that.”

How ironic that she’d already decided to stop seeing Mike, and all because of Zak.

His mere existence was causing turmoil in this house. Judging by the shadows beneath Sherilyn’s eyes as she came down the stairs to find Graham, it wasn’t over yet.

“Darling? Zak heard the bell and wondered why you haven’t come up for him yet.”

“I’m on my way.” He kissed his wife’s cheek before taking the stairs two at a time.

Michelle hurried over to her sister-in-law and gave her a hug. “He was telling me about Lynette.”

“I can’t believe what’s happened.” Tears entered her eyes. “If that’s not bad enough, Zak’s going away again. We see so little of him as it is.”

“Why don’t you come to the beach on Sunday, with or without Lynette. I’ll fix dinner. We haven’t all sat down together for a long time. It’ll be good for everybody.”

It’ll be good for me to have family around.

“That makes me feel better already. I’ll bring the dessert.”

“Just bring yourselves. Let me wait on you for a change. In fact while I’m taking care of him, why don’t you plan on coming every Saturday for the next month and staying overnight.”

“You’d have to check with Zak first. He keeps his private life to himself, but I know he has a girlfriend because she called his room every day while he was in the hospital.”

For some strange reason Michelle didn’t want to hear about that. She didn’t want to think about him being intimate with another woman.

Furious with herself because she shouldn’t care about Zak’s private life one way or the other she said, “I guess we can talk about future plans on Sunday. Now tell me where his medications are.”

“In the kitchen. I’ll get them.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you at the car.”

Relieved she wouldn’t have to have physical contact with Zak until they reached Carlsbad, Michelle hurried outside and opened the front passenger door.

The month wouldn’t be nearly as difficult to get through if the family showed up on a regular basis. Maybe a miracle would happen and Lynette would come to her senses before this weekend was over.

Michelle slid behind the wheel and shut the door, ready to begin her nursing job. That’s what it was. She had a patient to take care of. Period.

Out of the periphery she saw Zak walk slowly toward the car with her brother and sister-in-law bracing him on either side. This morning he was dressed in sandals and the same pair of gray sweats.

Her thoughts raced ahead. In a few minutes they were going to be alone. She sat there and waited, not daring to look at him.

No one could actually help Zak get in the car. The breath he expelled when he lay back against the seat told her what the effort had cost him.

Graham set an overnight bag in the back seat, then shut both doors. “Drive safely.”

Sherilyn nodded. “Two of our favorite people are inside.”

“Michelle was always an excellent driver,” Zak murmured. “For a number of reasons I couldn’t be in better hands.”

Zak’s voice seemed to have taken on a velvety quality just then. She’d felt it resonate to the very core of her being.

Her hands tightened on the wheel. “I promise to call you when we get there so you’ll stop worrying. See you on Sunday,” she called to them before backing out of the driveway.

Once they drove off he drawled, “What’s happening on Sunday?”

“They’re coming for dinner.”

“That sounds nice.”

“I think so, too.” She was pleased the thought of it made him happy.

“It’ll be good for Lynette to see everyone together,” he murmured.

His comment convinced her he didn’t know the latest development. She waited until they reached the freeway to tell him what had happened earlier that morning.

“Your remarks to Graham were right on,” Zak said when she’d finished relating the gist of the conversation with her brother. “Lynette’s perspective will change once she’s part of the working world. She’s a smart girl. Given time she’ll figure out her life.”

“That’s easy enough for both of us to say, but then she’s not our daughter.”

She bit her lip when she realized what she’d just said.

“If Lynette were ours, at least we know we’d be in agreement over our course of action. Speaking of children, I know you always wanted a family one day. Did Rob’s illness affect your ability to conceive?”

Considering the fact that she and Zak used to be able to talk about anything, she shouldn’t have been surprised by his personal question. But that was before this…awareness of him had sprung into existence with a life all its own.

She had no choice but to tough out moments like this if she was going to last as long as it took to take care of him.

“He became ill before I could make an appointment with my obstetrician to undergo tests for infertility. When Rob was diagnosed, he felt it best we didn’t pursue trying to bring a child into the world.”

She could still hear her husband saying those words in his quiet yet implacable tone that brooked no argument.

“I realize his opinion was colored by all the single mothers whose children he took care of in the emergency room. No father around, no husband providing for them. No hope for a happier future. He wanted me to be free to get on with my career, my life.”

She heard Zak take a deep breath. “His reasoning makes perfect sense. In his place I would have said the same thing. To know you were going to die would bring out every protective instinct to leave your spouse in the best circumstances possible.

“But I’m not in his place yet, thank God, and I can see how much comfort you would have derived from having his child to love and nurture.”

Don’t say anymore, Zak. You understand too much. You have a wisdom beyond your years. You always did.

It was time to change the subject.

“Sherilyn told me there was a woman who called you at the hospital every day. I don’t remember hearing her name.”

“It was probably Breda Neilson.”

That sounded Scandinavian. Most likely she was statuesque and beautiful.

“Why don’t you ask her for dinner on Sunday?”

“Does this mean you’ve already invited Mike Francis?” He’d fired the question at her so fast she was stunned. Graham had warned her.

“Of course not. When I’m on duty I don’t mix business with pleasure.”

“Just after hours,” came the baiting rejoinder.

“I’d rather not talk about Mike if you don’t mind.”

“He’s not the right man for you, Michelle.”

She’d already found that out on her own, but not for the same reasons Zak judged him. Maybe it was better he didn’t know she was about to end it with Mike. For her own self-preservation the pretense of a love interest could help act as a buffer against Zak’s devastating charisma.

She fought for a steadying breath. “What I was trying to say is, you must know Graham and Sherilyn would love to meet anyone important to you.”

“When that day comes, they’ll know all about it. How long was Mike Francis laid up with his broken leg?”

They were back to Mike again.

“After he was released from the hospital, two months.”

“I understand his townhouse borders the golf course.”

“Yes.”

“To look out the window every day and know he couldn’t work on his putting, which needs a lot of help by the way, must have been tough on him.”

“It was.”

“But not too tough with you there to see to his every need.”

His innuendo sent warmth to her cheeks.

“Between therapy sessions he watched videos of his game to see where he could improve.”

“Is that what he told you,” came the mocking reply. “No doubt it fed his ego for you to sit for hours admiring him.”

Michelle blinked. Zak really didn’t like him. How could he possibly swallow all the lies fed by the media? Why did he care?

“Nursing Mike taught me about the game of golf. I never understood it or had an interest in it before.”

“And now you do.”

“Yes. Not to play, but to watch. It takes incredible skill and tenacity.”

After a pause, “Did you know his wife left him because he’d had a string of affairs?”

Michelle might not be in love with Mike, but she cared enough about him to disabuse Zak of that myth.

“It’s the other way around. He divorced his wife when he found out she’d had an affair. She wants him back. I know because she came to the townhouse several times to try to talk to him. When he refused to see her, she broke down and talked to me, hoping I would intervene.”

A strange sound escaped Zak’s throat. “The truth probably lies somewhere in-between both their explanations.”

She’d thought the same thing. “I’m sure you’re right.”

“Are you prepared to be the new focus of the press?” he demanded. “If you can’t see the way they’ll exploit the nurse turns lover scenario, I can.”

Michelle had thought about it. Zak’s blunt way of putting things only underlined her own misgivings in that department. However if she’d been in love with Mike, she wouldn’t have let fear of the intrusion of the press stop her from being with him.

“How’s the nausea?” she interjected on purpose. “Would you like me to stop somewhere and get you a drink?”

“I can see I’ve touched a nerve,” he murmured. “The answer to both questions is, my stomach seems to have settled down and I don’t require anything more than to be back in my own home with my favorite nurse.”

She smiled. “Sounds like the name of an old radio show. And now folks, stay tuned to My Favorite Nurse. I’m old enough to qualify.”

He let out a chuckle that was quickly followed by a groan. “Somebody lied,” he said. “It takes more muscles to laugh.”

“Except that laughter has other medicinal qualities to cure what ails you.”

“I happen to agree. Now tell me where in the hell you ever got the idea that you were old.”

“When you reach the venerable age of thirty-five, you won’t have to ask that question. Fortunately for you, that time is many years away yet.”

“If anyone were listening to us, they’d assume you were talking to a child. Don’t you know once a person reaches adulthood, age becomes a relative thing? You’re feeling old inside because you’ve been nursing patients nonstop since college.”

This line of conversation was starting to make her uncomfortable.

“You didn’t even take time off from your work after you got married,” he persisted. “When your husband became ill, you nursed him with everything you had in you, then lost yourself in the care of other patients. It’s time for a change, Michelle.”

“You mean I should find another way to earn my living after you no longer require my services?” she teased to hide her increasing turmoil.

“I’m talking a complete break from any kind of work.” He sounded so serious, she was astounded.

“I’d go mad from boredom.”

“Good, if that’s what it would take to shake you out of your octogenarian mind set.”

She pressed on the accelerator. “Anything else you want to get off your chest before we reach the Coast Highway?”

“I’ve only scratched the surface, but the rest can keep for later. We’ve got weeks ahead of us.”

The reminder that they’d be alone together for the next month sent tremors through her body. Michelle couldn’t explain her own overpowering awareness of him unless it was the fact that he’d been in the background of her life since Graham had met Sherilyn.

Once he’d decided to marry her, he sold the family home he and Michelle had grown up in. Being a protective brother, he found another house with a separate apartment for Michelle so they could still remain close.

Having lost their parents in a tour bus crash while on vacation in Mexico, both of them had known the agony of loss and felt compassion for Zak whose early childhood had been traumatic for him, especially when he’d only had three years with his adoptive parents before they’d also been killed in a car accident.

Though Michelle had been a sophomore in high school at the time of Graham’s marriage, she’d found time to spend with Zak and be his friend. To Sherilyn and Graham’s delight, even when she’d started nursing school and had a day off, she’d drive him to the beach at Oceanside or Carlsbad where they’d surf.

He was a natural and picked it up in no time.

Sometimes she’d take other boys in the neighborhood his age with them, but he inevitably sought her company. It was no hardship. They got along as if they’d been friends in another life.

When she thought about it, they must have explored every beach city between Laguna and Del Mar. He’d always loved the ocean at Carlsbad the most.

It hadn’t surprised her to learn he’d decided to settle there upon his graduation from college. However it took Graham and Sherilyn some getting used to because they were crazy about him and would have preferred he live in the same city.

Sherilyn Sadler had been a first-grade teacher in Riverside when she’d married Graham Robbins. After her parents’ death, she’d sold their modest home and moved to an apartment with Zak who was six at the time. For the next three years she tried to be mother and father to her little brother.

The money didn’t last long and she finally got a teaching job. Then she happened to meet Graham Robbins at a party of a mutual friend. They fell deeply in love and married. With the loss of both sets of parents, the two of them determined to give Zak and Michelle the best home they could.

But it was another difficult transition period for Zak who’d lost his ability to trust.

All this came out when as a teenager, Zak confided his innermost thoughts to Michelle on their many outings.

He was bewildered by confused memories of being shifted to different foster parents, and couldn’t understand how his birthparents could have abandoned their own flesh and blood.

Neither could Michelle. All she could do was listen.

In the listening, a bond was formed.

It went deep.

Maybe deeper than she’d realized to have survived the last decade when she’d rarely seen him or talked to him. Zak had been busy establishing his career, and she’d immersed herself in nursing both before and after losing her pediatrician husband, Rob.

Whatever the explanation for the impact Zak had made on her yesterday morning, he was no longer that angry, hurt, yet remarkable teen trying to understand his life.

Over time, with the help of Sherilyn and Graham’s love, he’d managed to heal to a great degree and was already making an impressive mark in the world.

Zak would never know how much Michelle respected him. She knew several guys in their late twenties who’d never outgrown high school and still didn’t have a thought for the future.

Right now she’d give anything for Zak’s birthparents to see what kind of man he’d become in spite of his upbringing. But that kind of thinking didn’t get you anywhere.

As Rob had said many times, and he’d seen it all in his ten years of practice before he became ill, “Thank God for the resilience of a child’s spirit.”

Zak had been endowed with that resilience.

“We’re near the ocean now,” the subject of her thoughts broke the silence. He’d come awake from his catnap.

“The beach has always been my favorite place, too. If I lived here, I’d feel like I was on a permanent vacation. That balmy air. There’s nothing like it.”

She could taste it, smell it. The fog hadn’t burned off yet. Maybe it wouldn’t, but it didn’t matter.

Unbelievably, she hadn’t seen the Pacific in almost four years. Not since she and Rob, who had just begun to show signs of his illness, had come with the family for a barbecue Zak had arranged. He’d been renting an apartment then, building a business from scratch.

Her world had changed so drastically since that time…

“Tell me where to go.” She’d stopped at a light.

“Drive south for two blocks, then turn right and follow the road down to the end. You’ll see a private alley on the left. My garage is number 2.”

In a few minutes she’d found the alley in question. In reality it was a cul-de-sac.

Sherilyn had shown her photos of the condos Zak’s company had been hired to renovate several years ago before they were listed on the market. Twenty stacked beachfront apartments had been converted into ten privately owned luxury condos, finished in a white cubicle style reminiscent of the Mediterranean.

Zak’s earnings on the project served as a down payment on one of the two ground floor condos, making his dream of living on the ocean come true. Already she could tell the pictures hadn’t done justice to the reality.

She came to a stop in front of his garage.

“If you’ll reach behind me and open my suitcase, you’ll see the remote on top of my robe with my wallet,” Zak murmured.

Like a fool, instead of getting out and walking around to the back door, she undid her seatbelt and turned to feel for his case with her right hand. Not quite able to undo the lock, she stretched a little more and finally accomplished her objective.

Once her hand closed over the remote, she brought it forward. But in the process her body brushed against his shoulder. The contact sent liquid fire through every particle of her being.

In that instant their eyes met.

Between black lashes, his resembled hot green coals.

Without permission her heart began to hammer. Her palms started to ache.

Before she lost complete control, she sat back in her seat and pressed the button on the remote. When the door lifted, she drove in next to his white truck with Sadler Construction printed on the side.

Her hands were still shaking when he took the remote and pushed the button again. The garage door enclosed them.

“I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time, Michelle. Welcome to my home.”