Читать книгу The Complete Christmas Collection - Джанис Мейнард, Rebecca Winters - Страница 46

Logan pushed away the cup of “eggnog” Jayden held out and smiled politely. He had lived long enough to learn the value of self-preservation, and any concoction the twins offered was suspect.

“No, thanks, buddy.”

Logan glanced at the massive cypress tree, glowing with white lights. The annual Christmas tree lighting had become a crowd favorite at Raintree. Guests and locals alike turned out every year to help decorate the tree and huddle around the warmth of the festive bonfire.

The group of guests had dwindled down on account of the late hour and most of them had retired to their rooms for the night. Only family remained, along with a few hands who were finishing off the last of their sweet desserts or beer on hay bales used as makeshift seating. Logan spotted Amy silhouetted in the bonfire’s blaze, recognizing the familiar shape of his Stetson atop her head.

He grinned. The only time she’d removed it since their ride several hours ago had been when she’d let Kayden climb onto her shoulders to hang a cloth angel on a high branch of the Cypress tree. And, even then, after lowering Kayden to the ground, she’d scooped the hat up and put it right back on.

“But you ain’t had no eggnog yet.” Jayden stepped on top of Logan’s boots and thrust the cup closer to his face.

Logan frowned and examined the liquid. The flickering light from the bonfire blazing several feet away enabled him to make out the white liquid filling the lower half of the clear mug. It looked safe enough. But the thick, red film floating on top turned his stomach and called for hesitation.

He twisted his lips and glanced at Amy. She had her back to him, sharing a laugh with Cissy, Betty and Traci. At least, she wouldn’t witness him being a heel.

“Nah, I think I’ll pass.” Logan lifted Jayden off the tops of his boots and set him back on the ground.

Dominic and Pop shifted at Logan’s side, cocking their heads and leveling disapproving frowns on him. Well, hell. He’d get no support from them.

“Come on.” Dominic nudged Logan. “Don’t want to disappoint the little fellas, do you?”

Logan sighed and surveyed the boys. Jayden and Kayden stood side by side, blinking up at him with wounded blue eyes.

His stomach dropped and he shifted uneasily. Nothing stripped your defenses better than kids.

He rubbed a hand over his brow then reached for the cup. “I’m not that big on eggnog, fellas.”

“But it’s good.” Kayden smiled. “We made it special, Uncle Logan.”

That, he believed. The strong scent of spices wrinkled his nose as he lifted it to his mouth. He hesitated, holding the cup to his lips.

“Please try it,” Jayden said. “Just one taste?”

Logan’s mouth twitched. Whether it was from laughter or distaste of what he was about to put in it, he wasn’t sure. But he proceeded, tossing back a healthy swallow of the goop.

A flash of heat engulfed his gums and scorched a path down his throat, choking him. He spewed the last globs of it out of his mouth and doubled over. His eyes watered and tears coursed down his cheeks as he gasped.

“Lord, have mercy, Logan.”

Betty approached, her shocked voice barely rising over the gales of laughter from Pop and Dominic. A hand slapped his back, pounding hard, then shook his shoulder.

“Get it all out, son,” Pop chuckled.

“What in heaven’s name have you done to him?” Betty pressed against his side, clutching a glass of sweet tea and peering into his face. “You okay, Logan?”

He snatched the glass from her hand and tossed it back in one gulp. The cold beverage masked the fire coating his throat, allowing him to catch his breath.

Dominic winked. “He just had a taste of the boys’ special brew.”

“Oh, Dom.” Betty clucked her tongue. “I told you to throw that stuff out.”

Logan sucked in a lungful of cold air and glared at Dominic. “You mean to tell me you knew what was in that?”

“Of course he did,” Betty said, taking both glasses from Logan’s hands. “The boys used up every bit of my cayenne powder making this gunk. They thought it was cinnamon. Heaven knows what else they put in it.”

Dominic held up his hands and adopted an innocent expression. “Easy now, big bro. I only knew because I got talked into trying it, too.”

Logan choked back a laugh, stretched around Pop and grabbed a handful of Dominic’s shirt. “You little shi—”

“Language, boys,” Cissy admonished.

The rest of the ladies had arrived. Traci covered her mouth as a fit of giggles overtook her and Amy smiled a mile wide. Cissy, however, shoved between the men and rose to her toes, prying Logan’s fist from Dominic’s shirt.

“Not in front of the little ones.” Cissy smoothed her hands over Dominic’s collar and the corner of her mouth kicked up. “Besides, my husband looks especially nice tonight and I’d like to keep him that way.”

Dominic tugged her close and whispered in her ear. Cissy’s cheeks reddened. She batted at Dominic’s chest, disentangling herself from his hold and started for the main house.

“Time to go in and get a bath, boys. It’s getting late and you both need your rest.”

The twins groaned.

“Aw, come on, Aunt Cissy.” Kayden scowled. “Just a little longer. We ain’t got no school all week.”

“That’s, we don’t have any school this week. And from the sound of those double negatives, I think they should’ve canceled vacation and kept you in class.”

“But—”

“I said, no.” Cissy stabbed a finger at the ground and smiled. “Now, do your good-night rounds and get your tails over here.”

“Best do what she says, Kayden,” Dominic whispered, expression grave. “Santa’s watching.”

Kayden pouted but delivered his good-night kisses to everyone. Jayden followed suit but after kissing Amy’s cheek, he wrapped his arms around her hand and pulled.

“Will you come in, too, Aunt Amy? I want you to tuck me in.”

“Yeah,” Kayden chimed, grabbing Amy’s other free hand. “And will you read that same story you read to us last night? No one else does the voices good as you.”

She smiled. “I’d love to.”

“You gotta do your good-night kisses before you go in,” Kayden said solemnly. “It’s Aunt Cissy’s rule.”

Amy laughed. “Well, we don’t want to break any rules, do we?”

She pressed a swift kiss to Dominic and Pop’s cheeks then peppered a few more all over the boys. They gurgled with giggles and she laughed harder in response. Logan’s chest warmed at the sight. The heat from the fire had painted her cheeks a cherry red, making those gorgeous green eyes shine like emeralds.

He’d heard her laugh on several occasions throughout the evening and each delightful bout of it melted away another lost year between them. It was easy to recall the teenage years she’d spent at his side by the Christmas bonfire, plucking marshmallows from his roasting stick and sneaking sips of his mulled wine.

She caught him staring and blushed even more. “Are you coming in?”

“Soon,” he said. “I’m gonna help clean up.”

“Come on, Aunt Amy.” Kayden shoved at her hip. “Give Uncle Logan his good-night kiss so we can go in.”

Logan grinned and arched a brow. Amy hesitated, glancing down at the boys. Their wide blue eyes moved from her to him and back again.

Amy sighed and stepped closer. She brushed her lips against his cheek, lodging a sweet ache in his belly. Logan curled his hand around her hip, tugging her close and nuzzling her neck.

A small hand shoved between them. Jayden scowled up at him and wrapped his arms tight around Amy’s leg.

“You already got your good-night kiss, Uncle Logan.”

He laughed. “Guess you’re right, buddy.”

Amy stepped back and tapped the brim of the Stetson with a fingertip. “Good night, gentlemen.”

Amy left with the boys, following the other ladies and laughing on the walk back to the main house. Cissy looked over her shoulder and blew a kiss to Dominic.

“I hate to call it quits early, but...” Dominic rubbed his chest and grinned, dimples denting.

Pop held up a hand and smiled. “Say no more, son. We’ll wrap things up out here.”

Dominic jogged off, catching up with Cissy and hugging her close as they made their way up the path. Amy trailed behind the couple with the boys, pausing every few steps to point at the sky and answer the boys’ questions.

“Amy sure has a way with those boys,” Pop murmured. “She looks good with ’em.”

Logan stiffened. He turned away to watch the hands laugh and pass around another round of beers. Amy did look great with those boys at her sides. But he couldn’t shake the last image he’d had of her holding a child.

Their child. Sara. And the sight had been gut-wrenching.

Pop shifted, his elbow brushing against Logan’s. He remained silent for a moment, then cleared his throat.

“It’s nice having Raintree full again,” Pop said. “It’ll be even nicer when Cissy and Dom’s girls get here. I hate that Amy might not be here when the babies arrive.” He hesitated, rocking back on his heels. “How much longer is she staying?”

“A couple weeks.” Logan rasped a palm over the stubble lining his jaw and turned away.

“Don’t mean to pry but have you talked with her any more about things?” Pop’s gaze heated his skin. “I thought Amy might’ve changed her mind about leaving after she settled in.”

“No.” Logan shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m still working on getting her to stay put.”

“You two seem a lot closer now than when she first came home.” Pop nodded as if in reassurance. “That girl still loves you. Always has. No amount of time or distance will change that.”

“You sure about that?” Logan faced him. “You thought the same thing about Mom and we all know how that turned out.”

Pop held up a hand. “That was different.”

“How so?”

Hues of red and orange from the bonfire flickered over Pop’s face. He kneaded the back of his neck as his eyes roved over the acres stretching out around them.

“Gloria never wanted to come here. Raintree was always my dream, not hers. She tolerated it because she loved me but she wanted something different.” His mouth twisted. “And she found someone else that would give it to her.”

Logan sighed. “We were better off without her, anyway.”

“You think so?” Pop glanced at him. “I wanted your mother from the first moment I saw her, but we both knew we weren’t a good match. She was happy in the city and I was a rancher just passing through.” A short bark of laughter escaped him. “That short skirt and high heels of hers did me in, though. I fought it but it didn’t take long for the rest of her to win me over, too. We knew the odds were stacked against us but we loved each other enough to give it a shot.” His smile dissolved. “She ended up being miserable here and wanted to go back to her old life. I tried my best to talk her into staying. It didn’t work out because neither of us was willing to give up one path for the other.”

Logan scoffed. “Except her path had another man on it.”

“Not at first. But she did meet him and she ended up choosing a life with him instead of here with us. Wasn’t much I could do about it and still keep my dignity. There are things in life you can’t control, Logan. At least, your mother was honest. Told me how she felt before she acted on it.”

“And that excuses it?”

“No.” Pop’s tone turned sharp. “It was one thing to walk out on me. But my boys—” He swallowed hard and looked away. “I wasn’t proud of myself back then. No matter how much I hated your mother for leaving y’all, I still loved that woman in equal measure. Probably always will. And that’s how it is. You don’t get to pick who you fall in love with. It just happens. If it works out, you end up living with ’em. If it doesn’t,” he said, and shrugged slowly, “you find a way to live without ’em. It took me a long time to learn that.”

Logan dropped his head, focusing on the shadows cast by the bonfire.

“Guess that’s why I’ve never blamed Amy for going after you like she did,” Pop said. “I knew what it felt like to want someone that much. That girl’s always had a strong spirit and loved you the second she laid eyes on you. As hard as it may be to understand, she was just fighting to keep you.”

Pop’s hand curled around his forearm. Logan tensed, lifting his eyes to face him.

“I wish you’d open up for once. Tell me what you’re thinking. Feeling. You’re closed so tight—” He kicked the ground with a boot. “But that’s my fault. I put too much on you when your mama took off. Left you to tend to your brother. I had so much trouble holding myself together I didn’t realize how much you boys needed me.”

“We turned out fine, Pop.”

“Fine’s not good enough. Not for me or my boys. You’ve always been careful and independent. Even as a kid. But sometimes living safe keeps you from the best things in life.” Pop watched Amy disappear into the darkness, then peered back at him. “Amy used to enjoy life. Showed you how to at one time. She could be the best thing that ever happened to you.” His grip tightened on Logan’s arm. “But if you want a real shot at saving your marriage, you’ve got to open up.”

“I’m trying.”

“No, you’re not.” He shook his head. “You’re pushing Amy away like you do the rest of us because you’re afraid of things going bad.” He hesitated. “You’ve gotten worse since y’all lost the baby.”

The baby. Logan’s muscles tensed. A mistake. “Her name was Sara.”

“I’m sorry,” Pop murmured, touching his arm. “You haven’t been the same since you lost Sara. And it’s time for you to...”

“What?”

Pop sighed. “Move on. You’ve spent so much time worrying about Amy, it’s time you worked on yourself. Time for you to let go of what happened. Time to forget—”

“Forget Sara?” Logan’s throat closed, tightening to the point of pain.

Pop winced. “No. I didn’t mean that.”

“That’s exactly what you meant.” Logan’s gut roiled. “And that should be easy, right? Because I’m a man? Because I didn’t know her? That’s the same thing everyone else said after we lost her.”

“Logan—”

“I knew my daughter.” His voice turned hoarse, tearing from his throat in rough rasps. “Sara knew me, too. I put my hand on Amy’s belly every day and Sara kicked every time I spoke to her.” His breath shuddered from him. “That’s how I knew something wasn’t right. I put my hand over her that morning and talked to her and she didn’t move.” He shook his head. “Amy didn’t think anything was wrong. Not until later. But I knew that morning.”

Logan stared ahead, the flames of the bonfire licking higher and the smoke growing thicker.

“We’d lost her that night while we were sleeping.” His lungs seized, choking him. “Sara died right there in that bed beside me and I couldn’t do a damned thing about it.”

“No one expected you to, son. Nature has a way—”

“Of taking care of things. I know.” Logan grimaced, eyes blurring. “That’s why I can’t understand it. When we saw her, she was beautiful. So perfect. She just didn’t cry.” He shoved his trembling hands in his pockets. “I kept holding her, thinking they’d got it wrong. That she’d wake up. She would’ve been due in two more weeks. I can’t understand how she could be that perfect and not cry. How she could almost make it...”

Pop kneaded the back of Logan’s neck, his words low against his ear. “It’s okay to mourn for Sara. To miss her. But it wasn’t your fault or Amy’s. You have to accept this was something you couldn’t control and choose to move on. For your sake and hers.”

“Every choice I’ve ever made has been for Amy’s sake.” Logan pulled away. “It’s called loyalty. Something a lot stronger than this illusion of love everyone keeps holding on to. It’s something Mom knew nothing about. Even Amy didn’t have a clue what it was, lying to me the way she did. And I have no intention of trading it off for this reckless fantasy all of you keep trying to sell. The only thing that’s ever been certain in my life has been my word. Everything else—everyone else—has been a damned disappointment.” He motioned to the hands across the field and called out, “Let’s get this fire out. It’s time to call it a night.”

They nodded, tossing their beers in the trash and rounding up buckets of water.

“Logan, you can’t build a future when your hands are holding on to the past.”

“The only thing I’m holding on to is my wife. I made a vow and I’m standing by it because it’s the right thing to do.” His lip curled. “The only dignified thing to do. Surely you can understand that.” He shook his head. “Amy and I may have been dumb kids back then but we’re not now. I’m not going into this blind, and Amy knows exactly where I stand.” His mouth ran dry and he forced his words past the lump in his throat. “I knew my daughter. Sara was not a mistake. And neither was my marriage.”

Logan spun on his heel and joined the hands, grabbing a bucket of water and heaving it over the pit. The hiss and sizzle of dying fire sounded and smoke billowed out with fury. He grabbed another and repeated the motion, muscles screaming with every throw.

Things would be different this time. He wouldn’t fail Amy. And thank God they’d never have the chance to fail a child again.

“MMMM.” AMY CLOSED her eyes in bliss and wrapped her hands tighter around the warm mug. “Mama, you make the best hot chocolate in existence.”

Betty smiled. “It’s all about balance, baby girl. You have to make sure the bitter matches the sweet. Besides, you can’t break in Christmas properly without a decent hot cocoa.”

Amy took another sip and rolled it over her tongue, savoring the peaceful stillness of the empty kitchen. She and Traci had helped Cissy get the boys bathed and tucked in bed. Traci and Cissy had called it a night but Amy had lingered, reading three bedtime stories before the boys’ eyelids finally fluttered shut.

Amy smiled. She could’ve stayed in the boys’ room for hours, reading in gentle tones and listening to their soft breaths. It hadn’t taken long for their rambunctious sweetness to slip into her heart. She’d grown so close to them it’d be painful to leave.

Betty set her cup down and reached across the table to squeeze Amy’s forearm. “It’s good to see you smile again.”

Amy drummed her fingers against her cup. “I smile enough. Matter of fact, we have plenty of laughs when you and Traci visit me in Augusta.”

Betty shook her head. “They’re not like the ones you had out by the bonfire tonight. You looked like your old self again wearing Logan’s hat and grinning. I don’t know what he did to coax it out of you but he did it right.”

Amy’s face flamed. She sat back, dodging Betty’s narrowed gaze. “We went for a ride, is all. I just haven’t ridden in so long it was nice to race again. I forgot how much I enjoyed it.”

Betty released her arm and retrieved her cup. Amy dug into the plastic bag of marshmallows on the table, plucked one out and plopped it into her cocoa. It bobbed around in the dark liquid, melting in white streaks around the edges.

She pressed the cup to her lips and the sickly-sweet foam of the melted marshmallow clung to her gums, rolling her stomach. She dropped the mug to the table with a clang and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth.

“Are you okay?” Betty leaned forward, brow creasing.

Amy nodded and swallowed. “Yeah. I haven’t been feeling well, lately.”

Her hand shook. Betty’s gaze clung to it. Amy shoved it between her knees below the table.

“Baby, you know you can come to me for anything, right? No matter how old you are?”

“I know.”

“Well, I’m here if you ever want to talk.” Betty shifted forward, mouth opening and closing a time or two. “About your new job or the move.” She shrugged, fiddling with the handle on her cup. “Or Logan.”

Amy’s lips twitched. “Smooth delivery, Mama. Real smooth.”

Betty flushed and waved a hand in front of her face. “I forget you have so much of your father in you.” She smiled. “He never had much use for tact, either.”

Amy laughed, the churning in her gut easing. Betty was right. Her dad had always been blunt. They reminisced about his many missteps and before long, Betty joined her, doubling over and holding her belly as she chuckled. At the same time, Betty’s eyes darkened with sadness over the loss of her husband.

The nausea returned and Amy’s laughter broke away, fading with each jerk of her shoulders. Amy fought for air, her lungs burning. She pressed a weak fist to her chest, fighting to regain composure at Betty’s shocked expression.

“I’m scared, Mama.”

Betty moved quickly to the seat beside Amy and hugged her close. “Of what?”

Possibly being pregnant. Losing another child. Losing Logan. Her throat closed and violent chills racked her body.

“Try to relax, Amy.”

Betty’s voice trembled. Her hand moved in warm circles over Amy’s back, slowing as the spasms subsided and resting between her shoulder blades.

“Now, what is it you’re afraid of?”

“Everything,” Amy whispered. “Leaving. Staying.” She clamped her trembling lips together. “Myself. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Betty smoothed her fingers through Amy’s hair, tucking a long wave behind her shoulder. Amy leaned into her, craving the soothing touch as much as she had when she was a child.

“Maybe that’s because you’re trying to be someone you’re not,” Betty murmured, gesturing toward Amy’s necklace. “When did you take that ring off your finger and string it around your neck?”

Amy bit her lip. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Everything.” Betty squeezed her hand. “I know losing Sara was difficult. I knew you needed to heal and I thought leaving here for a change of pace was the best thing for you at the time.” She shook her head. “But you carried it with you.”

Amy licked her lips, the taste of salt lingering on her tongue.

Betty grabbed a cloth napkin from the table and dabbed at Amy’s cheeks. “I think you’ve been so determined to get some distance from the bad that you forgot about the good.”

“What good?” A scornful laugh burst past Amy’s lips. “Not one single thing I did was good. I lied. I hurt Logan. Not to mention Sara—” Her voice broke. She stilled Betty’s hand, taking the napkin and wiping her eyes. “But I’ve been trying to be someone good. Someone better. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” Betty whispered. “So long as you remember that no one can be perfect no matter how hard they try. We’re, none of us, saints or angels. We all make mistakes.” She tugged Amy’s hands to her lap and eyed her. “If you don’t mind my asking, who is it you’re really doing all this changing for?”

Amy ducked her head and picked at the hem of her shirt. “Logan, I suppose.”

Betty sighed. “I know I should be objective right now. Tell you how proud I am of you for being so repentant and selfless.” She slid closer, smile tight. “But I won’t. You’re my girl, Amy, and I’m proud of you. Always have been. I’d hate to see you change the things I love most about you to impress a man. Even if he is a good one.”

“There’s more to it than that.”

“Is there?” Betty asked. “You used to like who you were and were proud of it. You were so brave and headstrong.” She smiled. “I remember watching you fall off a horse more times than I could count. Was scared to death you’d hurt yourself. But you’d get right back up, brush yourself off and try again. Every time. And you kept on trying until you got it right.”

“Or got it wrong,” Amy choked out. “I kept right after Logan, too, and look how that ended up.”

Betty took Amy’s hands in hers and squeezed. “You’ve always lived hard and you love just as hard. Your heart was in the right place no matter how wrong you went about it. Your daddy was the same way and you remind me so much of him. That’s why it’s so hard for me to let you go.” Her eyes watered. “I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t want you to move so far away. But I do want you to be happy. If that means moving to Michigan then I’ll support you. Traci and I will visit you just as we’ve been doing.” Her features firmed. “But no matter what you decide, I won’t help you hide yourself away. I love you too much to support you in that.” She tapped a finger against the ring at Amy’s neck. “That one mistake has been weighing you down long enough. It’s past time to set it down, forgive yourself and live again.”

The tension in Amy’s muscles eased, the tightness seeping away and leaving a soothing stillness in its place. She hugged Betty, absorbing her strength.

“Now.” Betty squeezed Amy close. “How ’bout I sneak us a few sugar cookies and we pile on the couch and watch a late movie together like we used to?”

Amy sniffed and smiled. “I’d like that.”

They stayed up and watched the last hour of one of their favorite holiday comedies, nibbling on cookies and sharing laughs. Betty’s eyes grew heavy and Amy kissed her cheek, suggesting it was time to turn in.

Betty paused at the door and smiled. “You’re loved, Amy. No matter where you are or what you do. I wasn’t the only one that loved the girl you used to be. Logan did, too. And would again if you’d give him half a chance.”

Standing motionless in the living room, Amy watched her mother leave. The house was quiet. All the guests had turned in for the night and Logan would be coming in soon. A steady ticking from the clock on the wall marked the time, bringing the future closer in small moments that weighed on her shoulders.

Amy glanced down at her boots. They were as banged up and muddied as they’d been when she’d run reckless as a teen. They felt as comforting now as they did back then. As if she could bound effortlessly across the ground with every step.

She wondered if the girl she’d been then was still inside her, the good and the bad in equal measure. She continued to ponder this long after she’d crawled into bed.

Logan joined her soon after, wrapping his arms around her and falling asleep. The gentle rhythm of his breathing offered comfort but sleep escaped her. She eventually gave up and slipped out of his arms, dressing and leaving the room quietly.

It was dark save for the light of the stars as she made her way to the stables. The path seemed to stretch farther than ever in the chill of the night air. She stopped more than once, almost turning back, but continued to put one boot in front of the other until she reached Thunder’s stall and placed her palm to the bars.

“Hey,” she whispered.

Thunder’s dark bulk shifted. He stomped a time or two and tossed his head.

“Not getting any sleep, either, huh?” Amy smiled. “Want to come with me? Take a night stroll like we used to and stretch your legs?”

He kicked, hooves striking the stall door. The sharp crack of wood split her ears. Amy held her ground, keeping her hand flat against the bars.

Thunder kicked again then paced, growing calmer and slowly approaching her hand. His nose drew closer, nostrils moving rapidly with strong pulls of air.

“Remember me?” Her throat closed and her vision blurred. “Because I think I need you to.”

He nudged closer, his wet nose and swift breaths tickling her skin. She reached with slow movements for the lead rope hanging on the wall.

“We’ll take it one step at a time,” she whispered. “Until we trust each other again. That okay with you?”

Thunder tossed his head and pawed the ground but she managed to get the lead on him and move him to the round pen. She slipped the rope off him once they made it inside the enclosure. He took off, bucking and kicking at the fence.

Her heart pounded against her ribs but she pushed on and walked him back several times, moving through the familiar routine and feeling the strength return to her trembling legs.

“Easy,” she murmured, lifting her arms.

The glow from the starlit sky pooled over him. His dark mane ruffled with each push of the wind. He tossed his head up, crying and stomping the ground, eyes flaring with fear.

Amy’s arms grew heavy but she kept them up, palms out. “I’m here,” she whispered. “Right here. Whenever you’re ready.”

Thunder pinned his ears and ducked his head.

“I’m right here,” she repeated.

Her body quaked. She closed her eyes, the lump in her throat tightening. Thunder’s hoof hit the ground, the solid thud disturbing the stillness of the night, and his heavy pulls of air rasped across the distance between them.

It was silent for a moment. Then the familiar pounding of hooves sounded.

Amy tensed as the rapid slams increased in speed, growing closer. She opened her eyes, pushed her arms higher and advanced, pushing him back.

Thunder cut right, sweeping back with heavy stomps. His cry slashed through the air, piercing her ears. He tossed his head then nestled against the fence and stilled.

Amy waited for several minutes then advanced slowly toward his hip. Thunder jerked as she touched his back but stilled when she moved her palm over him with soothing whispers. His breathing slowed and Amy’s followed the same, calm rhythm, her breath passing past her lips in white puffs on the frigid air.

“I’m sorry,” she rasped.

Her throat tightened, cutting off the sound, and tears scalded her cheeks. The cry echoed inside her. It burned her chest, leaving her gasping and mouthing the soundless words.

I’m sorry.

And God help her, she was. Sorry for Thunder’s pain. For betraying Logan. For every day that passed without her beautiful daughter in it.

Her arms dropped, her hands clutching her middle, and she cried. For Sara. For Logan. For the girl she used to be. And what could have been.

She didn’t notice how much time passed. Didn’t realize when the tears finally stopped. But the knot in her chest untied and her shoulders sagged with sweet release. The kind she hadn’t known in years. A sense of peace. A welling of hope and forgiveness. Silent comforts that had escaped her for so long.

Thunder remained still, head lowered and body relaxed.

“I’m right here,” Amy whispered. “Whenever you’re ready.”

She began walking, moving slowly along the curve of the fence and rounding the pen. The wind slowed to a gentle breeze and she inhaled, the clean air filling her lungs and refreshing her spirit.

It was on the ninth pass that Thunder followed. He took hesitant steps at her back but kept time with her, matching her step for step.

They completed one lap. Then another and another until Amy lost count. The only reminder of their efforts was the sheen of sweat collecting beneath her shirt and coating Thunder’s hide.

The air warmed and a hint of red peeked above the horizon. Dawn approached and the tendrils of sunlight had never looked so bright or felt so warm. Amy stopped, soaking in the glow of the sun.

Something warm and wet nuzzled her palm. Thunder’s broad head nudged her arm up. Smiling, she turned and looped her arms around his neck, pressing her forehead to his warm neck and praising him.

Thunder’s heat spread to her belly. A gentle throb pulsed in her veins, flowing through her blood and pooling in her middle. She knew the feeling. Recognized it immediately, even though she hadn’t experienced it in years.

It lit her up on the inside, fighting off the frigid air and blazing bright in her chest. She was hopeful. And that feeling was strong. More all-consuming than ever.

Amy smiled, wrapping her arms tighter around Thunder’s neck, holding on to it all and savoring every delicious thrill. The hope of a miracle. Another chance at being a mother.

The sweet promise of the future had never felt this good before. And she knew the only reason it did now was because she’d felt the bad.

“Are you tired, boy?”

Thunder snorted, nudging her with his nose.

She laughed. “Neither am I. Wanna run? Like we used to?”

She left the rope behind, exited the pen and left the gate open for Thunder to join her. Amy gripped his withers and made to jump but a strong pair of hands wrapped around her waist.

“That’s my girl.” Logan’s deep tenor rumbled at her back as he lifted her.

Amy settled astride Thunder and glanced down. “How long have you been out here?”

“Long enough.” He looked up at her, his dark eyes warm and tender.

“Well, I’ll be damned.”

Dominic stood several feet behind Logan. The boys stood on either side of him, bulky coats zipped up and wide smiles across their faces.

“Yeah,” Kayden drawled, crossing his arms like Dominic, “I’ll be damned.”

Dominic cringed and clamped a hand over Kayden’s mouth, sneaking a peek over his shoulder. “All right, now. Don’t say that around your aunt Cissy.”

Amy laughed, the sound bursting from her chest and mingling with Logan’s. Jayden ran over to beam up at Thunder.

“Is he happy now, Aunt Amy?”

She nodded. “He will be.”

Logan lifted Jayden. “Give him a good pet. Your aunt Amy’s gonna take him out for a while.”

Jayden patted Thunder’s neck, smiled and whispered, “Thanks for making him happy, Aunt Amy.”

She returned Jayden’s smile with her own. In that moment, the bitter in her life was balanced with the perfect amount of sweet. The kind of sweet promise she deserved to hold on to. Even if it meant letting Logan go.