Читать книгу Baby's On The Way! - Rebecca Winters, Ellie Darkins - Страница 15

CHAPTER EIGHT

‘SO THIS “NO-SEX” THING. Remind me again, what kind of a rule are we talking about—a law, guideline or EU directive?’

Rachel shot Laura a look over her decaf Americano. It still took her by surprise sometimes that her slight, quiet, almost mousy best friend could cut to the chase quite so sharply. Laura had been thrilled for Rachel when she’d seen how happy she was about the baby, but too fascinated by far by her relationship with the father. ‘Why are you bringing this up now? It’s whichever one of those means that it’s not happening. Ever.’

‘I’m bringing this up because I’m about to meet him for the first time and you still fancy him.’

She took a couple of deep breaths, until she was sure she could speak impassively. ‘He is quite attractive.’

Laura rolled her eyes. ‘He got you home from that party. I’m willing to put money on him being pretty special.’

Okay, so she was crazy to think she could pull the wool over her best friend’s eyes. ‘He’s gorgeous, all right. I freely admit that he’s gorgeous. But that wasn’t why...’ She trailed off, not wanting to incriminate herself by admitting to anything other than the most carnal feelings about Leo.

She glanced at her phone again, wondering what was taking him so long. All he had to do was show up. How hard could it be? So hard that the last time they’d had a scan appointment he’d called with a barrelful of excuses and then missed the first look at their baby.

With ten minutes to go before their previous appointment, she’d hit redial again and again. Voicemail. It had gone straight through to his messages ever since Leo had lost signal as he’d passed through a tunnel the last time he’d called. Two hours before. He couldn’t have still been in that tunnel, so there was no reason for it not to have rung. She had tried to fight her anger down—it hadn’t been Leo’s fault that floods had closed all the train lines from the south-west. That the motorways had been clogged. That trees had been blown down and were blocking roads. But none of that changed the fact that she had needed him, and he hadn’t been there. She needed a partner, her co-parent. She’d been excited for weeks about the scan, counting down the days until she would get a first glimpse of her baby. But in those past few hours since Leo had called with the news about the trains, all she’d been able to think about were her fears—what if the stick had lied to her, and she wasn’t pregnant after all? What if they saw there was something wrong with the baby, if there wasn’t a heartbeat? What if she had to face bad news without him?

She had hit redial again—and still there had been no response.

Checking the time as she’d hung up, she had taken a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She had to do this one on her own. Not that she’d had a choice; those last few hours had taught her something she should have faced long before then. She couldn’t rely on Leo. It didn’t matter how enthusiastic he was about the pregnancy, how good his intentions had been, she had to rely on herself, and no one else.

She’d gone into the ultrasound room alone and upset. The first glimpse of her baby should have filled her with complete joy, and it had; it was magical, emotional. But she hadn’t been able to help but feel the loss of Leo by her side. When he’d finally arrived, Leo had promised her that he’d tried everything humanly possible to get there, but now, with less than five minutes to go until she was meant to meet him for their second scan, she was becoming nervous. What if he let her down again? What would she do if she couldn’t trust him to be there when she—when they—needed him?

This time she’d asked Laura to come with her, to give her the support she knew she couldn’t rely on Leo for.

‘Oh, now, this is interesting.’ Laura dragged her thoughts back to their conversation. ‘This is new. If you didn’t take him home because you were mad for his body, then this is something else entirely. I thought you told me that it was a moment of lust, not to be repeated.’

‘It was!’

‘No.’ Rachel waited as Laura took a long sip of her coffee, and could practically see the words flying behind her eyes as she picked through them carefully, analysing, choosing an angle. ‘You just said, or didn’t say, that isn’t true. So, what was it about him that caught your eye, other than his “quite attractive” looks? I know you, remember, and I know you don’t make decisions like that at the drop of a hat.’

Rachel thought back to that night—the way Leo had teased her and made her laugh, made her relax. Fooled her into thinking that just for a night she could change her plan with no repercussions.

‘He made me laugh; we were having a good time. I didn’t expect—’

‘For him to start baking in your oven.’

Rachel coughed as her coffee made a bid for escape through her nose.

‘Thank you. Beautifully put.’

‘Seriously, though.’ Laura placed her coffee carefully on the table and held her gaze with a shrewd look. ‘Are you sure that “just friends” is really the answer? You like him.’ She held up a firm hand to stop Rachel’s blustering protests. ‘You can deny it all you want and I still won’t believe you. And you have no reason to think that he doesn’t like you, either. But you’re not going to even explore what there is between you?’

‘The baby—’

‘Is the perfect excuse to give it a go, not run from it. So what is it that scares you about him?’

She stared into her drink for a long minute, trying to capture everything that Leo made her feel. The exhilaration of that night, the glimpse of a more relaxed life, the freedom when he made her laugh. The terror of everything she knew, understood and believed about her future suddenly being ripped away. ‘Be honest with me. Do you think there’s something...not right...about the way I like a plan, a schedule?’

Laura didn’t drop her shrewd expression, though her eyes softened. ‘Yes. Truthfully, I don’t think it’s healthy how anxious you are without one. And if you’re starting to see that, too, perhaps now is a good time to be thinking about making changes. I hate to break this to you, darling, but there’s no hiding from chaos now. You’re going to have to find a way to—’

‘No.’ Rachel choked the word out of instinct, her gut revolting at the thought of that inevitability. And then felt instantly bad for snapping at her friend. ‘Yes. I’m going to try. But the baby’s enough chaos. Leo’s just too much, and I can’t trust him to be there when I need him.’

‘You really are nervous.’ Laura smiled, giving no hint that she was offended by her best friend snapping at her. ‘It’s cute. I don’t think I’ve seen you nervous before.’

‘I’m not nervous.’

‘So the father of your child, the man you found literally irresistible five months ago, is going to show up in this coffee shop in ten minutes’ time, and you’re not even slightly nervous? Rubbish.’

* * *

Leo raced across the pavement, determined to get to Rachel before the second hand hit twelve, to prove to her that he could be the partner, and the parent, that she needed him to be. He’d barely seen her since the last scan. A couple of lunches in London, that was all, the last time just a coffee when he’d been in the city to meet with Will about the Julia House sculpture.

She claimed she hadn’t been able to get a weekend off since that first time she’d been down in Dorset. But he knew the real reason, that she was still angry and upset that he’d missed that scan. And of course he could understand that. But he’d tried everything he could to get there on time. He’d hired a car when all the trains were cancelled. He’d waded through floodwater when the car had got caught in a soaked back lane and had conked out. He’d begged and bartered for lifts into the city, and when he’d finally made it, fourteen hours after leaving his house, he’d apologised until his voice was hoarse and she’d told him to stop. He just wanted to make things right, which, despite her assurances the last time he saw her, he knew they weren’t.

He swung open the door to the coffee shop, and there she was. Her hair shiny and straight around her shoulders, a mug clasped in her hand, and, framed by her propped elbows, a neat little bump. His breath stopped at the sight of her. And then he saw that she wasn’t alone, and his heart sank.

‘Hi,’ he said, as he walked up to the table, sending Rachel a questioning glance. He looked at the other woman and held out his hand. ‘I’m Leo.’

She’d brought a friend to their ultrasound? There was only one reason he could think of that she would do that, and it made him cringe in regret. She couldn’t trust him to be here. He’d let her down, and she wasn’t ready to forgive.

‘Leo, this is Laura.’

He watched the loaded look that passed between Rachel and her friend, and tried to translate it. You want me to leave now he’s here?

He stood awkwardly as they gathered bags and finished coffees. The silence between him and Rachel stretched out onto the street, through goodbyes with Laura, down the corridors of the hospital, and into the waiting room. She maintained a clear foot of space between them, and every time he tried to close it, it pushed her further away. It was a relief when the sonographer appeared, breaking the tension in the hushed waiting room.

‘Rachel Archer?’

He risked a small smile at her as they walked into the ultrasound room, and then didn’t know where to look when Rachel pulled up her top and the technician tucked blue paper into her waistband. The sight of her skin gave him goose bumps, as he remembered how soft it had been under his lips and his body. Looking up at the ceiling, he took a deep breath, reminding himself that this really was not the right time to be thinking those thoughts. In fact, Rachel had made it more than clear in every strained silence since he’d let her down that there was no right time for those thoughts—and he had agreed with her, at least at first.

Because he shouldn’t want anything more than friendship from her. He was already getting so much more than he had wanted. One night with this woman had already brought one lifelong commitment. A thought that still made him breathless—and not in a good way. It was crazy to embark on anything romantic, because what else could that bring other than more commitment? They could hardly date and see how it went. Because where did they go when one of them realised that it wasn’t going to work out? Or what happened if she started thinking about a future and a ring, and he started to sweat? They should just concentrate on being the best parents that they could be, and try to be friends, as well.

But, God, she looked delicious. Her body curved in new places, her breasts were bigger, and her belly rounded. His child was growing in there, he thought, his mind boggling. He dragged his eyes away, though, realising suddenly that it probably wasn’t brilliant form to ogle someone while they were in hospital, whatever the reason.

That thought sobered him. Because this scan wasn’t just a chance to wave at the baby and hope that he or she waved back. He’d been reading up about what they should be expecting. And so he knew that the ultrasound was done for serious reasons, that it was for the medical professionals to check for health problems. That thought gripped him with a twist of anxiety and without thinking he reached for Rachel’s hand. She flinched, though whether it was from him gripping her hand or from the gel being squeezed on her belly he couldn’t be sure. But she squeezed his hand back and looked up to meet his eye. When she gave a little smile, he realised that she was as nervous as he was.

He watched the screen as the technician manipulated the ultrasound wand, and saw black and white shadows moving. He squinted, trying to make out what was what, but it wasn’t until the technician pointed out the tiny head and limbs that he finally understood he was looking at his child. His son or daughter.

He’d spent so long thinking about all the ways his life had to change now, about the fact he’d woken up one morning and found himself painted into a corner, forced into fatherhood whether he wanted it or not, that he’d never stopped to consider that he and Rachel had done something so...so...miraculous. It was the only word he could grasp as he looked at the tiny life on the screen. A whole new life, created from nothing but the urgent, overwhelming desire of that night.

And seeing that miracle, and the one on Rachel’s face as she saw it, too, the undisguised incredulity and rush of happiness, he couldn’t help but be deliriously happy with her. Or help the tear that slid from the corner of his eye. It wasn’t that he wasn’t stomach-churningly terrified still, he just realised that that fear didn’t have to be all-consuming. He could be worried to his bones about what effect this little child would have on his life, but still be absolutely, unbelievably happy that they’d made their baby.

He squeezed Rachel’s hand a little harder, and she turned her face towards him, her eyes and cheeks lit with happiness and wet with tears.

As he watched, another tear snuck from the corner of his eye, and he smudged it away with his thumb.

‘Everything looks good here,’ the radiographer announced, breaking the silence and passing Rachel a tissue to clean off the gel.

The intimacy between them suddenly lost, Leo turned away, offering her some privacy.

They strolled from the hospital into the park opposite still dazed with happiness.

‘Rachel, you know I’m sorry, don’t you, that we didn’t get to share this before? That I would have given anything to have been here.’ He reached for her hand, needing the physical contact, desperate to know that they were back to being friends. That everything was right between them again.

To his surprise, she smiled, looking up at him, her eyes still a little damp. ‘I know. I know that you tried, and I should have forgiven you a long time ago. I thought that I...that the baby...that we didn’t mean enough to you. But I know that I was wrong.’

Didn’t mean enough to him? He didn’t know how it would be possible for anyone to mean more. Somehow his whole world had shrunk and expanded until Rachel was the shape of his whole future. He stopped walking, and held onto her hand a little tighter.

‘Rachel, you have to know, you and the baby, you’re everything. There are still days where I feel like I’ve got no idea how we got here, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. Wouldn’t wish for anything but what we have.’

His free hand brushed away another tear, just sneaking out from the corner of her lashes.

‘I felt so alone—’

‘And it kills me even thinking about it.’

‘I know,’ she said. ‘I didn’t say it to make you feel worse. It just made me realise how much I wanted you there. How much I wanted us to see our baby together. How much it means to me that we get to share this. It wasn’t that I wanted someone there, Leo. I wanted you.’

He drew her close, swiping another tear as she hid her face in his chest.

‘I feel the same,’ he said into her hair. ‘And it’s frightening and exhilarating and it reminds me how much there is still to learn about this whole family thing. But we can do this, Rachel, and we can be brilliant at it. Be parents. Be more than that to each other.’

He dipped his head and pressed his lips to her mouth. It was quick and soft and sweet, and as he rested his forehead against hers he couldn’t think of a moment in his life when he’d been more content than this. With his baby’s heartbeat echoing in his ears, with Rachel’s skin warm against his and the memory of her lips smiling against his fresh in his mind. All the reasons he’d fought this romance seemed to slip away. Every objection to keeping this woman at the centre of his life—the space she’d occupied since the moment they’d met—faded. The important thing, the only important thing, was that they faced their lives together. ‘You’re right,’ she murmured, and he could hear her smile in her voice. ‘We’ll be brilliant.’