Читать книгу His Very Own Baby - Rebecca Winters - Страница 8

WITH the bulk of the ten o’clock television news coverage over, Blaire realized she’d been waiting for something that was never going to happen.

She looked down at her adorable baby who was still wide-awake on one of the double beds, almost as if he knew this day and night had been different from all the others. His fingers clung to her pinky.

“How sad Alik’s never going to know you, my little love.” One salty tear dropped, then another. “You have no idea what a wonderful man he is, Nicky. There’s no one his equal, except for you. I pray you’ll grow up to be exactly like him.”

She used the edge of the baby quilt she’d made for him to wipe her eyes. “I’m not talking about the angry man I confronted this morning. I’m afraid that man is the result of what I did to him. He’ll never forgive me, I can see that now. Why should he? If he’d done the same thing to me, I’m not sure I’d even be alive.

“When he walked in his trailer this morning and saw me, he had every right to throw me out bodily. But he didn’t. He could have called me a liar. In fact he could have called me every cruel name he could think of. He could have shouted loud enough for everyone at the site to hear him. Yet he restrained himself, because he’s a real man.”

The lump lodged in her throat refused to move. “I did an awful thing to him, Nicky. I hurt him the worst way you can hurt a man. It destroyed me, too. But I had no choice. None…”

She leaned over to kiss the top of his nose. Every time she looked at his precious face, it was Alik all over again. Just in miniature.

“I believe it was destiny the day I came down with that bout of flu in college. I was already halfway in love with your father, the brilliant, famous, drop-dead gorgeous Dr. Jarman. Every woman in class had fantasies about him. Yet I was the lucky one who had to go to his office to take my test.

“He was unbelievably tender with me.” A delicious shiver ran through her as she relived the feel of his hand on her face to check her temperature. “After driving me home, he brought me dinner and flowers. I didn’t have to take the test until I was better. By then I so madly in love with him, I forgot I had any other classes.

“We spent every waking moment together. Most evenings we walked along the beach talking about our lives, then ended up in each other’s arms. He shared his dreams with me. Imagine. Me. I told him mine. You were part of those dreams, Nicky. You and the rest of the family we were going to rear one day.

“Your father has led such a fascinating life. His privileged background has given him the best education in the best schools. He’s gone on adventures that have taken him all over the world. What’s so amazing about all this is that he became my world, and I became his.

“Though I was forced to break up with him—” her voice shook in remembered pain of that ghastly time when he was away giving a seminar “—I’ll always be thankful he made me pregnant with you. You’re all I have left of him. When we get home, I’m never looking back again. What I am going to do is raise you to be the same, magnificent man he is. I plan to devote my life to you, my sweet love.

“Come on. Let’s get you undressed and ready for bed. We have a long flight home to San Diego tomorrow. You need your sleep. So do I.”

As she got up from the bed to find his nightgown in the diaper bag, the phone rang. The baby’s arms flailed in the air.

That would be Blaire’s mother calling to find out how things had gone today.

Not so well, Mom.

Blaire walked around to the bedside table to pick up the receiver and said hello.

“Ms. Regan? This is the front desk. There’s a Dr. Jarman here who said you were expecting him.”

The receiver slipped from her fingers. It clanked against the wood. With trembling hands she grasped for it.

“Y-yes. I am. Please send him up.”

Dear God.

“Very good.”

After hearing the click, she replaced the receiver and dashed to the bathroom to retouch her lipstick. Her hair needed a good brushing after playing with the baby who had started to reach for the strands. She probably ought to cut it, but it was too thick to wear short.

The blue cotton sweater and designer jeans she’d chosen to wear no longer seemed right, but it was too late now. She could hear his familiar tap on the door. He didn’t do it like anyone else. Her heart skipped a beat. Some things never changed.

She hurried out of the bathroom toward the door to the hotel room. But she was so frightened and excited all at the same time, she had to stop and try to pull herself together before she opened it.

This morning Alik had been breathtaking enough in a T-shirt and jeans. Tonight he was shaven and dressed in a navy polo shirt and cargo pants, the kind of clothes that revealed his devastating masculinity. He put every other man to shame.

Embarrassed because she’d been feasting her eyes, she quickly lifted her gaze to his face, fearful of seeing the same chilling look in his green eyes he’d directed at her earlier in the day. But for once something else had caught his attention. He stared past her shoulder to the baby still dressed in his adorable yellow suit who happened to be in Alik’s direct line of vision.

She noticed the sharp rise and fall of his chest before he swept past her in a few long strides to reach the bed. In his haste, he’d forgotten to shut the door. Blaire closed it, then walked slowly toward him waiting for his reaction.

With that effortless male grace, which was unconscious on his part, he sank down on the bed next to the baby. Her breath caught as she watched him lean over Nicky and run a hand through his curly black hair.

Their son didn’t seem particularly disturbed that a total stranger had started to undress him. Nicky’s sweet temperament allowed Alik to examine every part of his anatomy, from his broad shoulders to his square-tipped fingers and long legs without making a fuss.

While he lay there looking up at his father with cloudy eyes already fringed by long black lashes like Alik’s, his dark male beauty and olive skin, the square jaw, the way his shell ears lay close to his perfectly shaped head, all screamed Jarman.

“Dear Lord— I have a son.”

The reverence, the wonder in Alik’s husky tone told Blaire how much this moment meant to him. Her heart swelled until she thought it might burst. No matter if she’d done everything else wrong in life, she’d done this one thing right.

Clearing her throat she murmured, “Perhaps now you’ll understand why I didn’t dare bring him to the site. People would have taken one look at him an—”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” he demanded before she could finish. The tender side had disappeared as if it had never been.

By now Alik had gathered their near-naked baby against his shoulder with the quilt. He rose to his full, intimidating height.

She backed away from the fury in his glittering gaze. “I—I didn’t know I was pregnant when I broke our engagement. After I found out, I thought it better not to tell you.”

“Why? Damn you.” He hadn’t raised his voice. Maybe that’s why his excoriating rebuke sounded more deadly.

Clasping her hands together she said, “I told you I had been put on birth control pills, but the doctor said I should have been on them a full month b-before—”

“That still doesn’t explain why I wasn’t informed you were carrying my son.” His voice grated.

Aghast at his unexpected anger, she struggled for words that would appease him. Anything but the truth.

“I knew how much you hated me for ending our relationship the way I did. There was no excuse for my unconscionable behavior. I realize I was a coward. It’s because I was too immature for a man like you. Under the circumstances, I didn’t want to bring any more grief to your life.”

His features hardened, making him appear older than his thirty-six years.

“If that’s the case, then why in the hell have you come here now?”

She fought to hold back the sobs for the bitterness and hurt in his voice.

I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you, my darling. You’ll never know the nightmare I’ve lived through. I can never tell you.

“Because having a baby forced me to consider someone else besides myself. Before Nicky’s delivery, it was all still like a dream. But when the doctor laid him across my stomach, I was struck with the realization that he was half yours. In that moment I determined that as soon as my OB would allow me to travel, I would bring him to you.

“I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d kept this knowledge from you. As the father of our baby, it’s your God-given right to know he exists. R-Rick agrees.”

“Rick?” The skin around Alik’s mouth had gone a bluish-white. If she didn’t know better, she would think he were ill.

“Rick Hammond, my fiancé.” Dear God, the lies… “He knows I’m here, and he knows why. After we’re married, he intends to be a wonderful father to Nicky. Rick’s a good person. You can trust him to help me raise our son.”

A stillness had come over Alik. It should have warned her to stop talking, but she’d been working on this speech for weeks and needed to get it all said while she still had the courage.

“I—If you want to see Nicky from time to time, I’m willing to work out visitation with you. I’ll give you my phone number.” She moved over to the counter by the television and wrote it down on a piece of hotel stationery. “After Rick and I are married, I’ll let you know my new one.”

As she lifted her head, she noticed he’d put the baby back down on the bed. To her shock, he’d stretched out beside Nicky and was testing the strength of their little boy’s hands and arms.

The deep chuckle that came out of Alik testified to his delight in his offspring. Many times she’d dreamed about a domestic scene like this between father and son, but the reality was so poignant, she found herself fighting tears again.

“Alik?” His actions made her wonder if he’d even heard her.

“What is it?” he asked without looking in her direction.

“I know all of this has come as a tremendous shock. You don’t need to make up your mind about visitation tonight. If you need time to decide what you want to do, I’ll certainly understand.”

“I don’t need time,” came the blunt reply. “I want custody of Nicky.”

It was her turn to freeze in place. Surely she hadn’t heard him correctly.

Calm down, Blaire. He’s only baiting you because he has to go somewhere with all the anger that’s been bottled up inside him for the past year. Don’t take anything he says seriously. He looks exhausted. In a few minutes he’ll leave and that will be the end of it.

Pretending she hadn’t heard him, she found the baby’s nightgown in the diaper bag, then walked over to pick up Nicky and put him in the crib. But by this time Alik had nestled the baby against his shoulder with one strong, suntanned hand spanning his little back.

“I need to get him ready for bed, Alik.”

He stared up at her, his slumberous gaze narrowed on her features. “I need time to get acquainted with my son. There are two double beds in here. You look tired. Why don’t you go to sleep in the other one. I’ll take care of him.”

“Don’t be absurd!” she cried before remembering that she wasn’t going to let him get to her.

“I see you brought cans of formula with you.” He spoke in a conversational tone, ignoring her outburst. “Did you do that so I could feed him, or aren’t you nursing?”

The intimate question caught her off guard because she hadn’t expected him to think about things like that. She found herself blushing. Her reaction was ridiculous considering the fact that they’d spent a whole night making love. That night the term “one flesh” took on a whole new meaning, with Nicky as the final result.

“I nursed him in the hospital, but he developed a serious rash. The pediatrician told me he’s allergic to my milk, so I switched to formula. I use something different when I’m home, but the canned milk works fine for travel.”

Not being able to nurse had come as a huge disappointment to her. But compared to the more serious problems some mothers faced with their newborns, she had no room to complain.

“In that case I’ll be able to give him his next feeding. If you can’t go to sleep with the light on, by all means turn it off. Nicky and I will get along just fine in the dark, won’t we, son.”

This game had gone far enough. She sat down on the bed opposite him, unaware she was torturing the nightgown in her hands. Preoccupied with an animated Nicky and his baby noises, Alik refused to look at her.

“It’s getting late.” She had to think fast. “I promised Rick I would phone him before I went to bed.”

“Go ahead. So far our son’s behavior has been perfect. This is probably the best time to talk. Rick needs to know that I’m not relinquishing my right to raise Nicky. On the contrary, I plan to father him on a full-time basis from here on out.”

The finality in his tone terrified Blaire. She bowed her head.

“You can’t do that. He’s my son, too, Alik.”

“I’m afraid you should have thought of that before you entered my trailer without being invited. If you think I’m going to allow him to be raised by another man who answers to Daddy, and calls him son, then you never knew me, and I sure as hell never knew you. Except of course for one night in the biblical sense,” he scathed, wounding her in new ways that went marrow deep.

She slid off the edge of the bed and got to her feet, too upset to remain in one position. “Why don’t you go home and get a good night’s sleep. I’ll do the same. In the morning we’ll be fresh and can talk over breakfast before I have to leave for the airport with Nicky.”

His answer was to place the baby on his stomach and rub the back of his head in a soothing motion. While Nicky lay there perfectly content, Blaire felt like screaming.

“I know you’re angry, Alik. You have every right to be. But please let’s not fight over Nicky. He’s an innocent baby who deserves the best from both of us. As long as you want to be a part of his life, I’m willing to work out something reasonable with you.”

His piercing glance trapped hers. “I plan to be very reasonable. How much do you want in order to give me exclusive parental rights? Two million dollars? Three? What’s your price? Why not talk it over with Rick. I’m willing to negotiate as long as he names a figure that’s somewhere in the ball park.”

She shook her head in exasperation. “My baby is not for sale at any price.”

His mocking smile shattered her. “A little while ago you hastened to inform me he was our baby.”

“Stop it, Alik!”

“You started it by coming to New York and presenting me with our little fait accompli.

“Did you think I was going to forgive your crimes because you decided at the midnight hour to do the decent thing in letting me know I was a father?” Rage had made the cords stand out in his neck.

“We have a son. He isn’t a piece of property to be passed back and forth when the mood suits either one of us. Nicky’s beautiful. Perfect. I’ve been cheated out of his first six weeks.

“It’s obvious you never loved me. Because you couldn’t bring yourself to marry me, I was denied the thrill of watching him grow inside you over the nine months you were pregnant. That’s not something I’m going to forget. But it’s in the past.

“All that matters now is that I love him. I plan to fight for him, Blaire. I know I can win. I have friends in high places, and I have the kind of money it takes to get what I want.

“I hope I’ve made it clear I want my son. When you call Rick, you tell him that for me. No matter how accommodating he’s been, let’s be honest. If he’s any kind of a man, he’ll prefer making his own babies with you.

“Here!” He reached in his trouser pocket and tossed his cell phone on the other bed. “Be my guest. Since I’m planning to stay the night, you’ll need to go in the bathroom and shut the door if you don’t want me to overhear your conversation.

“Before you go, toss me that nightgown and I’ll get this little tyke ready for bed. He just gave me a huge yawn, which reminds me how sleepy I am. This has been quite a day for both of us, hasn’t it, son.”

She struggled for breath. “You can’t stay here, Alik!”

“What are you worried about? I’m certainly not about to leap on an unwilling woman who left me and ran away because she couldn’t stand the sight of me. Remind Rick of that fact when he tells you he doesn’t approve of your spending the night in the same room with me.

“Of course if it’s a case of your sensibilities being offended now that you’re wearing his ring, you’re welcome to book another room for yourself. I’ll pay for it.”

Suffused by the white-hot heat of anger she cried, “I thought by doing the honorable thing that you—”

“No—” He broke in brutally. “You never thought about anyone but Blaire Regan. I suspect Rick is a good deal younger than I am, and doesn’t have a dime to his name. He’s probably panting to get you into bed if he hasn’t already, and is praying I’ll come through with enough child support to set you up.”

“How dare you!”

But those very words crucified her even as she said them because Alik had every right to be in a rage. The damage she’d done to him by breaking their engagement was so much worse than she’d supposed. And now she was forced to perpetuate a lie about a fiancé who didn’t exist. All because she’d wanted Alik to know he had a son. What have I done?

If he fought for custody, his family would get involved. After all his mother had threatened, if she were to find out it was Blaire’s child…

Blaire shuddered, not even wanting to think about that because Alik’s mother would never accept Nicky as a Jarman. The knowledge of his existence would create such enmity between Alik and his family, it would turn into a living horror story.

In the end Alik and Nicky would be the ones who were destroyed. She couldn’t do that to them. She couldn’t let it happen. Right now she needed the wisdom of Solomon to know where to turn, how to stop the precarious situation from escalating.

Feeling physically and emotionally ill, she turned out the light and sank down on top of the other bed to think. But the hopelessness of this nightmare overwhelmed her. Turning her back to Alik, she buried her face in the pillow to stifle her sobs.

After a few minutes, “Once upon a time those tears might have moved me,” came the gravelly male voice out of the darkness. “To have the thing you prized most in life snatched away without warning is a life-changing experience, isn’t it, Blaire? I have to say it’s one you’ve been long overdue.

“Do you know I used to lie awake nights planning different ways I would exact my revenge to make you suffer even one-hundredth of my pain? Little did I know that one day down the road, you would appear in my trailer to supply me with the perfect instrument to inflict that torture back on you.”

Unable to bear the stinging pain any longer, she drew herself upright, smoothing the hair out of her tear-ravaged face.

“Consider your revenge complete, Alik. I’m prepared to grovel because I can’t lose Nicky. He’s my life!”

“You mean Rick isn’t?”

This was one time she had to be totally honest. “Not in the same way.”

“The poor, stupid devil. You’re the kind of woman who needs to wear a warning sign, Love Me At Your Own Peril.”

Every thrust of his rapier tongue ripped apart what little of her heart his family had left intact. Now there was nothing more to shred.

“Name your price,” she said in wooden voice. “Just promise me you won’t bring the courts into it and sue me for full custody of Nicky.” Please don’t do that or your family will find out. “I—I’d rather be dead.”

A long, tension-filled silence ensued. The baby must have fallen asleep in his Alik’s arms. She hadn’t heard a peep out of him.

“That’s an interesting proposition,” he muttered silkily. “Let me think about it. I’ll give you my answer in the morning.” The sound of satisfaction in his tone made her tremble.

While both the baby and Alik slept, she spent the next three hours in a frantic state of torment trying to figure out what his answer would involve. The only possibility that made sense would be if he demanded she live in the same city so they could share custody.

But if he forced her to do that, then her bogus story about a fiancé would be exposed. There was no way on earth she could come up with a fake husband-to-be. It meant she would have to concoct another story about Rick not wanting to leave San Diego, so they’d decided to call off their engagement.

She could hear Alik’s mocking words when she informed him of that particular piece of news.

That makes two down, Blaire. How many more to go before the male of the species learns to look, then run for dear life in the opposite direction.

By the time Nicky started making hungry sounds, she’d come to terms with the fact that she might have to move to Warwick and rent an apartment until Alik’s work took him elsewhere. But whatever she had to do, it was worth it to keep her baby.

As for Alik’s parents, they still wouldn’t have to know anything about his secret child. Thank heaven Long Island was too far away to pose any kind of threat of her being seen in this area of the state.

Out of habit, she got up from the bed and flicked on the light switch to pour Nicky’s formula into a clean bottle. When she turned around Alik was right behind her, their fussy baby propped against his shoulder.

“I want to feed him. Show me what to do.”

He stood too close. She could feel his warmth. The familiar brand of the soap he used in the shower emanated from his bronzed skin, assailing her senses. His shuttered eyes reminded her of the way he used to look at her when his passion had been aroused.

Out of self-preservation she ran for the baby bag. “He needs to have his diaper changed first,” she called over her shoulder. “Lay him down on the quilt and you can do it.”

The next few minutes were instructive as he followed her directions with methodical attention to detail. Dr. Jarman was known as a perfectionist. He would be that way when it came to caring for his son.

Out of the periphery she saw the glow in his eyes, revealing the bursting pride in his little boy who was perfect in every way, shape and form.

When he’d finally managed to slip the baby into a clean shirt and nightgown, she suggested he sit at the head of the bed with Nicky nestled in his left arm.

His daddy had taken a little too long for his liking with all the baby wipes, ointment and powder. Now their son was all worked up and clamored for his food.

Averting her eyes, she placed a clean cloth over Alik’s broad shoulder, careful not to touch him for fear she wouldn’t want to stop. Then she handed him the bottle.

“Go ahead and put it in his mouth. He’ll do the rest. When he’s drunk a third of it, prop him on your shoulder and gently pat his back to get rid of the air bubbles. By the time he has drained the bottle, he’ll be fast asleep again. Give him one more burp and then put him in his crib.

“Be sure to lay him on his back before you cover him with his quilt. The doctor says a lot of infant deaths have been prevented by putting them in that position.”

She stood for a minute to watch. Nicky searched in frustration for the nipple, but couldn’t quite get hold of it.

“Insert it right into his mouth. He’s not a fragile piece of crystal.”

When Alik did her bidding, the baby started devouring his formula. He drank so fast and furiously, he made loud noises that sounded indecent. Alik’s laughter started in his throat and rumbled out to fill the hotel room.

She couldn’t help smiling. “As you’re discovering, he has your healthy appetite.” Before she gave her feelings away, she removed herself to the other bed.

“Do you want me to leave the light on or off?”

“On,” he murmured. “I still have trouble believing he’s real, let alone that he came from one night’s pleasure with you.”

The thickness in his tone sent delicious pains through her body.

“I could look at him all night. He has your eyes and eyebrows. It’s your mouth in miniature. Even I who am biased because I’m his father, can see he’s a living miracle because you’re his mother. For a woman who hates my guts, you’ve given me a priceless treasure.”

She winced at the sudden twist of the knife.

“Because of this noble gesture you’ve made,” he said with glaring sarcasm, “I’m prepared to offer you a deal. There’ll be no bargaining. You will either accept it, or I’ll take Nicky away from you forever.”

Here it comes, Blaire. Her fingernails dug into the quilted bedspread covering the mattress.

“For the next month you’ll live in my trailer with me. Separate beds of course. I need that amount of time to get used to my son’s routine, and for him to get used to me.

“At the end of the thirty days—if you’ve kept your side of the bargain by staying put to help me establish an unbreakable bond with our innocent child—then and only then will I be willing to talk about joint custody. Otherwise we go to court. I promise you it will be a fight you’ll wish you hadn’t started,” he vowed with a fierceness she’d never heard come out of him before.

“That’s it. That’s the bargain. If your fiancé doesn’t like the idea of being separated from you for a month, that’s tough! Compared to nine months deprivation from my unborn child, he damn well has nothing to complain about.”