Читать книгу A Home In Sunset Bay - Rebecca Pugh - Страница 11
ОглавлениеAlmost three weeks had passed since Rosa’s death. Rosa, who’d been so full of life and joy and excitement, who had been just a mere twenty-three years old, and who had died suddenly, tragically, in her apartment, three doors down from Laurie.
Many an enjoyable evening had been spent in Rosa’s company. Until she’d grown to know Rosa as a friend, Laurie had always wondered how such a young girl could afford to live in the expensive selection of apartments. It turned out that Rosa had taken up a position nannying the two young children of a very wealthy family, working full-time and even being called upon over the weekends. It was clear to see that Rosa was comfortable in her life, and loved what she did for a living, and that the wages, despite Laurie having never asked as she thought it rude, were apparently enough to keep her living in the apartment down the hall.
Laurie had lost count of the nights she’d assumed she’d be spending alone, when Neil had stayed late at work, only to be jolted from her miserable thoughts, while sprawled out on the sofa, by the sound of Rosa knocking at the door. ‘Alone again?’ Rosa would ask with her pretty face tilted to the side sweetly. ‘Why don’t you come round? I have wine. We can order pizza from Mama Jo’s?’ It never took much to persuade Laurie to agree. Within minutes, she’d have her phone and purse at hand, and would be following Rosa down the hall, chatting and laughing as if she herself were still a happy, carefree twenty-something. In reality, she’d just stepped into her thirties, but Rosa always managed to make her feel like she, too, could be excitable and bubbly. Stress would disappear immediately, along with any worries and troubles that Laurie had accumulated throughout the day, as soon as she found herself in Rosa’s company. The young woman had been a splash of violet in an otherwise grey world without even realising it.
So, it had been a severe shock to Laurie’s system when she’d hurried into the lobby of the apartment block and found members of Rosa’s family crowding around, sniffing into tissues and comforting each other. What had been even more disturbing were the numerous policemen and paramedics moving amid the family, taking notes, asking questions, serious expressions telling Laurie that something bad had happened to her friend.
She’d wanted to ask, but the lobby had been absolutely heaving with sorrow and grief, suffocating almost, so much so that she’d felt as if she couldn’t breathe. She’d hurried along and kept her head down, then thrown herself through her apartment door. She’d been notified later on, by one of the officers who’d been called to the scene, that Rosa had been the victim of a hidden heart defect, one that hadn’t been picked up on previously. Neil had been working late, yet again, and so she’d spent the night crying into the kitchen table by herself, grieving for the death of a beautiful young woman who’d had no idea how much she’d brightened Laurie’s life, how much fresh air she’d breathed into it. They’d talked often, or rather Laurie had listened often, of Rosa’s plans for the future. With twinkly eyes, she’d told Laurie of how she would fall in love, marry the man of her dreams, have three children and a big, beautiful home in the countryside. She’d also been full of excitement when she’d pulled Laurie into her apartment one night and shown her the text messages she’d been receiving from a guy she’d met on a night out. ‘He’s so dreamy, Laurie!’ Rosa had enthused with jewel-like, blue eyes. ‘I catch him staring at me and I … Well, I can’t help staring back.’
Laurie smiled sadly at the memory then sagged against the seat. A heavy sigh escaped despite her best efforts to hold it in. She was mentally and physically exhausted, had been since the funeral, and for some odd reason, she couldn’t shake the sensation of feeling out of place.
Afternoon rainfall pattered against the window rhythmically, and through the glass a grey sky glared back at her. She thought about the day she’d had, how she’d left work early, complaining she hadn’t felt well. Brian, her boss, had believed her, as she very rarely took time off. He’d agreed right away, preferring her to get herself sorted and back to work sooner rather than later.
The truth was, she was fine physically, and a GP wouldn’t have been able to pick up on the way she was feeling inside with his doctor apparatus anyway. She needed a psychologist or a therapist perhaps, someone who dealt well with emotions and expertly understood them. Someone she could talk to and who would help her splay her thoughts and feelings out, like photographs across a table, so that she could then reassemble them in a coherent order rather than the jumbled, confusing mess they were in now.
A restlessness had overcome her and it was a feeling that went far beyond anything physical, so much more than a few aches and pains. It was a restlessness that had settled deep within her bones. It was making it increasingly difficult, near impossible as each day dragged by, to be passionate about the life that she was living.
Laurie was questioning everything about herself and her life. Was it worth it any more? Was driving herself into the ground to make everyone else happy worth the tiredness and the stress? She hadn’t minded it before now, going through the motions just for the sake of it. She had an easy life really, one which she knew like the back of her hand. But now? After seeing Rosa be laid to rest in the ground, along with all her hopes and plans and dreams for the future she’d wanted so desperately? Well, life was too short, wasn’t it? It was too short to just settle.
It was surprising nobody had noticed she was faking the passion for her job before now, including herself, considering she’d never actually wanted to become a solicitor. After much pushing and pressuring from her mother, a young Laurie had felt like she’d had no choice in the matter. As soon as she’d reached that point where making choices about her future had come into focus, she’d had absolutely no idea of which direction she wanted to go in, which was when her mother had helpfully stepped in and completely taken over, bombarding her with option after option. She supposed she should have been grateful really, her mother making all of those tough decisions for her, and she had been at the time.
There was nothing about the profession that appealed to her. When Laurie looked back now, she realised what a monumental mistake she’d made in handing over her future to her mother. Nowadays, Laurie caught up with Marnie Chapman only when it was necessary. In the spaces between their conversations, her mother had a grand old time boasting to all of her flower-arranging friends about her eldest daughter, who worked in the city as a bigshot solicitor and who was living the dream.
With a twist to her gut, Laurie conceded that she was living a life she didn’t even want, and with everything that had happened with Rosa, it made her sick to the stomach to think of all of the time, all of the years, which she’d wasted. And this was the root of the problem which she now faced. She wasn’t happy. She supposed she’d always been aware of her unhappiness, but it had taken Rosa’s death to give her that much-needed kick. Over the years, her discomfort had been inching its way to the surface, gradually making its presence known. Perhaps she was just feeling restless because of what had happened to Rosa, paranoid now that she wasn’t making the most of life, in case the same sudden and tragic circumstances were to befall her? Would she be happy with how she’d spent her days? Was this all she had to show for thirty years of life?
She wasn’t sure of how long she’d be able to keep up the impression that she did such a good job of maintaining. Everybody thought she was wonderful, one of the best in the team at Howard & Bowe. Her heart wasn’t in the job, not even slightly, but still, people said she was one of the most passionate in the field. It turned out that she was just a very good liar, nothing more, which was something she wasn’t proud of but something that she supposed she’d been doing for years now. She had a ton of experience in it and was becoming a professional of pretences, but she didn’t want it to be that way. She wanted to be a person who lived and thrived through every single day that she was blessed with. Someone who leapt out of bed in the morning, danced down the street with a spring in their step and a vigour that nothing else matched. All Laurie knew was that she needed something. She just wasn’t sure what that something was. It was the same something that Rosa had always possessed.
When she finally stepped off the bus near Paddington, she navigated her way along the frantic, noisy pavements, sidestepping a couple whose arms were linked but frustratingly refused to unlink to let her pass. She breathed in the damp, evening air, assaulted instantly by the sounds, smells and sights of a very busy afternoon in the city. She hailed a cab before the rain completely soaked her through and reeled off the directions to her shared apartment with Neil in Carlton Road. She watched as fat raindrops pattered against the window, then dribbled down lazily.
She supposed it hadn’t been a complete lie when she’d told Brian that she was feeling under the weather, because she was definitely feeling low. The thing was, she was always under so much pressure and had been since she was young. It weighed down on her shoulders daily as if she were wearing a ridiculously heavy coat, or trying to walk with chains pulling her down, making her slouch and feel weary like a woman fifty years her senior. Rosa had never walked like that. Laurie frowned. She should still be enjoying life, living for the moments that made her smile and laugh. She didn’t feel like she was living life at all. She felt that all she was doing was existing and taking it day by day, struggling to find motivation in anything that she did. What she needed, she realised, was a break. She needed to build up enough courage to hand in her resignation, and then build up some more courage to face her mother with the fallout of doing such a thing. She knew it would end up being as catastrophic as the end of the world but she also knew that she’d been scared of the consequences for too long now. She couldn’t carry on for much longer. Laurie was certain that it would kill her if she continued this way, and what a sad end to her life that would be. She thought of Rosa once more, thought of how everything the young woman had ever wished for had been snatched away so suddenly with her life. It was scary, terrifying even. Rosa’s death was having a profound effect on Laurie; she wasn’t sure why and she wasn’t sure whether she should be thankful for it or not. Thoughts and feelings were emerging that she hadn’t faced for a long time and she wasn’t quite sure what to do with them.
‘Thanks.’ Laurie paid the cab driver once they’d reached her destination and stepped out, quickly covering her head with her leather holdall as she ran through the driving rain that she hadn’t expected from the month of June, her feet splashing in the puddles and soaking her trouser legs. Finally, she found shelter beneath the building where she lived and shook the drops from her holdall. It was an impressive mansion block with a private lobby and plush accommodation. She wouldn’t have been able to afford it on her own but, thankfully, she and Neil had found the apartment and moved in together, agreeing it was the first big step towards their life as a pair, as a couple. She adored it. The rooms were sleek, shiny and modern, with thick luxurious carpets running right the way through and a bathroom so white it was almost blinding. Being with Neil had shown her a more sparkly, expensive way of life and she supposed that in a small way he was the only goodness that she had in her life these days. He was clever and funny, loved to splash the cash around and irresistibly charming.
She wondered how she’d approach the subject of how she was feeling with him. They’d be able to discuss it together like couples often do, figure out a path for her to take and maybe even create a plan of action. She knew that Neil would take care of her while she looked for a new job; he was quite good in that respect, very macho and in control. She’d admitted that she was upset by Rosa’s death to him, but she hadn’t confided just how much it had affected her.
Drenched to her skin, she hurried into the lobby, almost skidded along the polished marble flooring, rushed down the corridor and shoved her key into the door. She frowned when she realised that it was already unlocked, which was odd. Neil worked late most nights so surely he wasn’t home already?
‘Hello?’ she called as she stepped inside the one-bedroom, first-floor apartment and closed the door behind her. ‘Neil?’ She shrugged off her soaking coat, placed her bag down on the floor beside the shoe rack and stepped further inside, kicking off her shoes as she went. Her toes sunk into the thick carpet as she stepped across it. She patted down her sodden hair and shrugged. Perhaps she’d left the door open that morning? It wasn’t surprising given the state that her head was in. If she’d lived anywhere else she would have been scolding herself for being so stupid but, thankfully, the pristine building had CCTV in the corridors and nobody would dare try break into such an expensive-looking establishment anyway. She sighed heavily and dropped her keys onto the glass-topped dining table as she passed it on her way into the kitchen.
Laurie flicked the kettle on and switched on the lights in each room as she made her way through the apartment, hating the gloominess which just so happened to match her mood perfectly. When she arrived outside the bedroom, she was about to push open the already ajar door but caught herself before touching the wood. She frowned and tilted her head down as she tried to make out the noises coming from within, but she already knew. Her stomach rolled and, with a frown, she clutched at her blouse.
‘Oh, Neil. Yes, yes, yes!’
‘You like that?’ A gruff voice asked, breathy and full of desire and, most importantly, disturbingly familiar. Laurie knew that voice so well.
‘Yes! Keep going, don’t stop!’ A groan. A very feminine groan, she noticed.
Trembling, Laurie took a couple of steps away from the door when what sounded like someone slapping an arse, really hard, ricocheted around her. Her hands slammed against her mouth as she covered the gaping hole between her lips. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was happening behind her bedroom door. Whoever was beneath her boyfriend had called him by name so that answered her first question. Laurie tried to figure out what to do. She felt ridiculous for standing there, but she wasn’t ready to storm in and face whatever was happening because that would mean that it was real, and surely it wasn’t real. Was it? Could it be her imagination playing tricks on her after a rubbish day? Could she possibly be that stressed and fuzzy-headed that she was imagining bizarre scenarios that in no way could be real?
Seconds ticked by and the noise of the lovemaking session began to drown and envelop Laurie as she wavered in the corridor, too stunned to move. She thought about all of his declarations of love; expensive gifts, sexy lingerie, designer dresses and shoes. Or perhaps they hadn’t been declarations of love at all? They were only material items in the grand scheme of things. Now, Laurie realised how grand the gestures might have been but how little emotion had been behind them. Neil had never been one to keep things simple and Laurie had always enjoyed the lavish lifestyle they’d shared. Until now. Now, what she wanted more than anything was to storm through the door, catch her boyfriend and his companion in the act and lose her mind completely, let loose the stream of expletives that were circling in her mind. She could feel the anger surging, fiery and hot within her chest.
What the hell was she doing, standing there, suffering silently rather than making her presence known? To hell with this! Without another moment’s hesitation, Laurie smacked her hands against the door, throwing it wide open, and yelled, ‘What the hell is this?!’ at the top of her lungs. She was pleased with the reaction she received but it was quickly replaced with a lurch of disgust. Neil crawled away from his lover as soon as Laurie’s voice connected with him. Eyes wide and shocked that he’d been caught, he tumbled backwards off the bed, completely naked with everything on show. His friend, who’d scrambled frantically to cover herself with the silky duvet, Laurie’s silky duvet, let out a squeak of fright and looked back and forth between Laurie and Neil, trying to put two and two together.
‘Babe, what are you doing home already?’ Neil asked pathetically, breathlessly.
Laurie glared and took a few deep breaths before feeling calm enough to reply. ‘Do not call me babe,’ she whispered, her voice shaking. Her fingers flexed by her side.
Neil’s mouth opened and closed like a goldfish as he tried to summon up some sort of explanation, although it didn’t matter what he said next. Laurie had seen for herself what was going on. Neil looked nervous. ‘You said … You said you’d be gone till …’ He stood and pulled on his boxers, avoiding eye contact with the red-head staring at him pointedly from the bed.
‘Well, I wasn’t. I’m home. Right now,’ Laurie hissed. ‘And I’ve just caught you having sex in our bed with another woman. Neil!? Have you lost your mind?’ Laurie shook her head manically, ran her hands through her hair but winced when her fingers caught in the rain-damp, tangled strands. ‘Right. Get out. Now. Both of you. Seriously, get out! Right now!’ Her voice had risen to a pitch that was beyond anything she’d ever heard before. She felt like a mad woman but she knew that she had good reason to feel that way because this was complete madness. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. It was incredible how much a person could fool you and she felt like the biggest fool of them all.
All she’d wanted to do was get home, have a hot bath and then climb into bed and sleep the remainder of the day away, sleep until she felt better. Was that too much to ask? Was it really? Well, yes, in Neil’s world it had been, because obviously his girlfriend coming home early had been a complete inconvenience to him and his extra-curricular activities.
‘Babe, please …’ Neil stretched his arms towards her, his fingertips inches away from her skin.
‘Don’t you dare touch me!’ Laurie screeched, flinching out of his reach. The last thing she wanted was his slimy fingers on her skin. ‘And you!’ she spat, pointing at the red-head who was picking up items of clothing from off the bedroom floor. ‘You’d better hurry up before I drag you out myself.’ The red-head scurried out of the room with her head ducked low. Neil tugged a T-shirt over his head and glanced her way as he headed for the door. He didn’t try to plead his case again and she was glad of that. She didn’t need or want any excuses from him. She knew exactly what she’d seen.
***
Some hours later, as the clock ticked just past two am, Laurie brought her knees up to her chest. Did anybody know how she truly felt? Surely there had to be someone out there who could see past it all? Or was she completely alone, with no one to turn to now? She could hardly share her feelings with Neil after finding him in bed with another woman. Perhaps a therapist was the best option after all. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen now, wasn’t sure of anything any more. She thought about the old saying, the one about the straw that broke the camel’s back … She exhaled a shaky breath and knew that this was that ‘broken back’ moment for her. Neil. Neil who she’d loved and trusted with everything she’d had. His cheating had been the last straw for her.
She sat there in the silence, staring at nothing in particular. She was upset more than anything, now that she’d had time to think about it. Bloody Neil. Bloody red-head. Bloody life! She’d never felt more out of sorts. Nothing felt solid, concrete or constant. The silence of the apartment was becoming dizzyingly overwhelming, and with the wine that was flowing through her system she felt about ready to topple off the chair.
As she delved further and further into her thoughts, she tried to think about whether there had been any signs that could have hinted towards Neil cheating on her. He was an accountant, he worked long hours, had a lot of meetings with clients etc. Was the red-head a client, Laurie wondered? How long had this ‘thing’ been going on for? Weeks? Months? Years? Did she even care? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure of anything at that moment. After what she’d just found happening in her bedroom, the feeling she’d been battling with since Rosa’s death was stronger and more unavoidable than it had ever been before, and slowly but surely she was beginning to recognise it as the need to get away. As she sat there, the peculiar feeling rushing through her veins and curling around her every nerve-ending, she realised that that was exactly what it was. The need, a desperate urge, to get away from her life and have a break. She needed to take off the pressure that had been weighing down on her since before she could remember. She needed to go somewhere, far away from here, where she could collect herself and put herself back together. Without the help of her mother. Without the opinions of other people. For once, she needed to listen to what her heart was telling her, and for once she felt that it was the right thing to do. She had Rosa to thank for the sudden surge of courage, so she sent a silent prayer of thanks to her friend who’d made her realise just how precious life was.
***
‘Wait a minute, you want to leave?’ Brian stared down at the resignation on his desk which Laurie had placed there moments before. He looked genuinely horrified by it and didn’t seem to know what to do. ‘You’re leaving us? But … why?’
Laurie had practised her speech throughout the early hours of the morning. She’d had no chance of sleeping so she’d written her resignation instead, and decided on what she was going to say to Brian. In the end, she’d decided to keep it simple and to the point. She had wondered if perhaps quitting her job was a bit over the top, but she hadn’t known what else to do. ‘Something’s happened, Brian, and I need some time away from here to sort myself out. There are things I need to figure out for myself. I need time away, time to pull myself back together. I’m sorry but I feel like I have no choice.’ Her eyes slid down to Brian’s cluttered desk. She fiddled with the cuff of her suit jacket and waited to hear what he’d say next.
Brian adjusted his tie and wriggled about in his chair for a moment. His brows furrowed as he skimmed his eyes over the resignation yet again, unable to take it in. ‘What’s happened? Is there anything we can do here to help you at all?’ His expression was one of concern.
‘It’s just …’ She wasn’t sure whether to tell him the whole story or not. ‘You see, it’s Neil. There’s been … another woman I guess. Last night. It’s all very upsetting and I’d rather not go into great detail but …’
Brian’s eyes closed momentarily and his head bowed. ‘Laurie, I’m so sorry.’ He placed the resignation back onto the desk and scrubbed a hand against his chin. ‘How awful. I don’t blame you at all for feeling this way, but do you really feel like quitting is the only option? There are other roads we can go down. Hang on.’ He pulled open one of the drawers and began to rifle through files and stapled-together sheets of paper. ‘Have you thought about taking a sabbatical rather than leaving for good?’ he asked with a raised brow. ‘It gives you the chance to go off for a while and do what you think needs to be done to help yourself, but you have the security of knowing you can return after the agreed amount of time …’ He trailed off and held out a leaflet towards her. ‘Unfortunately, we wouldn’t be able to continue to pay you during this time, but …’
Laurie flicked through the leaflet quickly. The idea of taking a sabbatical hadn’t even crossed her mind until now, but it was comforting to know it was there as an option. ‘How long would I be able to take off?’ she asked.
‘How long do you think you’ll need?’
Laurie thought quickly. ‘Six months?’
Brian nodded slowly, thoughtfully. ‘I think that’s certainly do-able.’ He took a sip of coffee from the mug on his desk, then returned it to the coaster. ‘Given the circumstances, I’d like to offer you this option, Laurie. You’re a fantastic member of our team here at Howard & Bowe, I’d rather have you take the time off and return to us, rather than disappear completely.’
Laurie nodded. She smiled gratefully. ‘Thank you, Brian. I think this is a good idea. I think I have enough saved up to get me by while I’m away. You’re sure six months is okay?’
‘I’m positive. Like I said, though, I’ll be unable to pay you during this six months, but if you’re sure that you can get by it shouldn’t be a problem. Six months from now would see you back here mid-January, in the New Year. Do you need time to consider, or are you happy for me to pass you the forms over now and arrange the meeting with HR?’
‘I’d be happy to have them now.’ Brian rifled through his drawers again, then handed over a wad of paper. ‘Thank you.’ Laurie sat back in the seat and studied them. ‘How soon can I go?’
‘Give me a day or two to get everything sorted HR wise? I’m aware you have a cluster of holidays built up and waiting to be used. If it takes any longer then I’m sure we can use a couple of those to hurry you along.’
Laurie nodded. ‘That sounds great to me.’
‘Do you have somewhere to stay in the meantime?’
The answer to that question was no. She didn’t want to remain in the apartment with Neil still there. It would be strange and upsetting. No, there was no way she could stay there. She’d have to pack up her stuff and find somewhere else until things work-wise were ready, then she’d head off. Away from London, away from Neil, away from work. A hotel, perhaps? Just for two nights? That was do-able.
‘I’ll find somewhere,’ she said in reply to Brian’s question. ‘Don’t worry about me. To be honest Brian, as odd as it sounds, I think this thing with Neil was exactly what I needed. I’ve been feeling out of sorts for a while now. A friend of mine passed away recently, a good friend. And do you know what? Ever since, I’ve been feeling like I’ve just allowed my life to pass by. A break is exactly what I need. Thank you so much.’ She rose from the chair and nodded at Brian who smiled up at her.
‘Not a problem, Laurie.’
***
‘Laurie, come on. This is ridiculous! Where are you going to go? You have nowhere to stay other than here!’
Laurie rolled her eyes as she continued packing up her things, Neil trailing around after her like the pathetic fool he was.
‘That’s where you’re wrong. I’ll find somewhere to go, don’t you worry about that. I refuse to stay here with you for a single day longer. I can’t even look at you, never mind sleep beneath the same roof.’
‘Laurie, please!’ Neil attempted to take her hands but she pulled away and turned her back to him instead. ‘Don’t you think you’re taking this completely out of proportion?’ he continued in a softer voice. He stepped up behind her so that his chest was mere inches from her back.
Laurie stilled at the closeness. ‘Excuse me?’ Her voice was quiet, silently seething as she delivered each word with sharp-as-a-blade precision. ‘Out of proportion?’ she asked incredulously. ‘Is that what you think? That, even though I found you in our bed with another woman, I’m making too much of a scene?’ She shook her head, pinned him with a disgusted narrowing of the eyes. ‘You’re vile, Neil. Absolutely vile.’ She shoved the last item of clothing from her wardrobe into the bag and zipped it up with a fierce finality. ‘Me and you? We were never going to work out anyway, were we? I thought I was happy with you, but beneath all of your charm and faux sincerity, you’re just a pathetic man who has no idea how a relationship works. I guess you just managed to pull the wool over my eyes pretty spectacularly. More fool me. Presents and gifts are nice, Neil, but it doesn’t all boil down to that. There’s trust and commitment and honesty. I couldn’t trust you ever again even if I wanted to, which I don’t by the way. And anyway, you can call your new girlfriend over. She can keep you company, right? Seeing as you have such a fabulous time together.’ Laurie grabbed her things, hoisted a bag onto each shoulder and hurried towards the door, hobbling slightly beneath the weight. Not exactly the determined stride she’d been hoping for but oh well. Just as she was about to step through the doorway, she glanced over her shoulder and fixed a panic-stricken Neil with a cold, hard stare. ‘Rather her than me.’ And with that, she left.
With her things in the boot, Laurie reversed out of the parking bay and edged out of the private car park, glancing left and right to ensure she didn’t cause any accidents. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She probably shouldn’t have even been at the wheel feeling the way she did, but with a few deep breaths, a couple of seconds of closed eyes and a moment of grounding herself in the here and now rather than suddenly panicking about the future, she eased out into the lane and set off. A cheap hotel room for two nights was what she needed, and it didn’t take her long at all to turn into a nearby hotel and switch off the engine. She paid for two nights, breakfast included, then stepped into the elevator with her belongings. The doors slid shut as the first tear rolled down her cheek. Not a tear for Neil nor for their broken relationship, but a tear for herself and the life she’d ended up living. Still, there was no time like the present to make a change. If Rosa’s death had taught her anything, it was that time was of the essence.
