Читать книгу The Myrtle Reed Cook Book - Reed Myrtle - Страница 4

Wake, for the Alarm Clock scatters into Flight

The variegated Nightmares of the Night;

Allures the Gas into the Kitchen Range

And pleads for Rolls and Muffins that are Light.

Before the Splendor of the last Dream died

Methought a Voice from out my Doorway cried:

“When all the Breakfast is Prepared for him

Why doth my lord within his Crib abide?”

And, as the cat Purred, she who was Before

Within the Kitchen shouted: “Guard the Door!

Else this new Bridget will have Flown the Coop

And, once Departed, will Return no More!”

All maids in sight the Wise One gladly Hires

And one of them she Presently acquires,

Yet toward the Bureau does not fail to Look

Because all Maids, as well as Men, are liars.

For Mary Ann has gone, with all her Woes,

And Dinah, too, has fled – where, no one knows,

But still a Bridget from the Bureau comes

And many a Tekla of her Reference blows.

Come, fill the Cup, and let the Kettle Sing!

The Cream and Sugar and Hot Water bring!

Methinks this fragrant liquid amber here

Within the Pot, is pretty much the Thing.

Each Morn a thousand Cereals brings, you say?

Yes, but where leaves the Food of Yesterday?

And this same Grocer man that sells us Nerve

Shall take Pa’s Wheat and Mother’s Oats away.

For lo, my small Back Yard is thickly Strown

With Ki-Tee-Munch, Chew-Chew, and Postman’s Own

Where Apple-Nuts and Strength have been Forgot —

Ah, how these Papers by the Winds are Blown!

The tender Waffle hearts are Set upon

Is either Crisp or Soggy, and Anon

Like Maple Syrup made of corn and Cobs

Lasts but a scant Five Minutes, and is Gone.

I often think that never gets so Red

My flower-like Nose as when I’ve just been Fed

And after Breakfast, in the Glass I look,

And never Fail to Wish that I were dead.

And this faint Sallow Place upon my Mien —

How came it There? From that fair Coffee Bean?

Ah, take the Glass away! Make Haste unless

You want to see my Whole Complexion green.

When I was Younger, I did oft Frequent

The Married Bunch, and heard Great Argument

About the Fearful Price of Eggs, and How

To get a Dollar’s Work out of a Cent.

And when I asked them of their Recompense,

What did they Get for Keeping Down Expense —

Oh, many a cup of Coffee, Steaming Hot,

Must drown the Memory of their Insolence!

If I were Married ’t would be my Desire

To get up Every Morn and Build the Fire

For fear my Husband should use Kerosene,

And, without warning, be transported Higher.

Ah, with the Coffee all my Years provide!

Its chemicals may turn me green Inside,

But all my Fears are Scattered to the Winds

When o’er the fragrant Pot I can Preside.

I blame our Mother Eve, who did mistake

Her Job, and flirted Somewhat with the Snake,

For all the Errors of the Flaky Roll,

For all the Terrors of the Buckwheat Cake.

A glass of Creamy Milk just from the Cow,

Or Buttermilk, drawn from the Goat, I trow,

And thou across the Festal Board from Me,

A Six-Room Flat were Paradise enow!

Some for a Patent Bread that will not Crumb,

And nary Bite of Cereal for Some —

Ah, take the Coffee! Let all else go by

Nor heed the Thick White Fur upon the Tongue.

Look to the Human Wrecks about us: lo,

About their Indigestion how they Blow,

And lay the Blame on Coffee, crystal Clear,

Or say the Crisp Hot Muffin is their Foe!

And those who chew and chew upon the Grain,

Have got so used to Chewing, they are Fain

To Dwell upon their Health Food in their Talk

And presently their Neighbors go Insane.