Читать книгу Stand-In Rancher Daddy - Renee Ryan - Страница 11
ОглавлениеMolly stood immobile in the doorway, unable to tear her gaze away from CJ as he strode toward the bunkhouse. She liked the way he moved, with that loose-limbed gait of a man comfortable in his own skin. He rode a horse with equal confidence.
As if sensing her eyes on him, he looked over his shoulder. Their gazes connected and, in that instant, time stopped. A silent message passed between them, something her heart understood but her head couldn’t quite grasp. She’d never felt this connected to CJ before.
With a sad, lopsided grin, he gave a tug on his hat, then disappeared inside the bunkhouse. For several long seconds, Molly stayed where she was, drawing in air, willing her racing heartbeat to settle.
She and CJ had a common purpose now, and were facing a shared task that went beyond helping out a friend, or assisting a brother in need. There were two young girls relying on them to work together.
Momentarily overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation, Molly pressed a hand to her throat. She ached from the inside out for the Thorn family, and that included Ned.
She understood what he suffered. She’d experienced her own pain after losing George. Where she’d focused on serving others to help her through her grief, Ned had concentrated solely on himself, to the detriment of his daughters.
Sarah and Anna were too young to understand why their father had taken off without saying goodbye. If Penelope were alive, she’d be devastated by her husband’s selfish behavior.
A ragged sigh worked its way past Molly’s lips. Ned hadn’t even bothered asking CJ if he would raise the girls in his stead. He’d simply assumed.
Well, CJ wouldn’t have to care for them alone. Molly would watch the girls for as long as he needed her. Eventually, he would want a more permanent solution.
Would he take a wife?
Molly’s heart filled with two distinct emotions, first with a spark of hope, then with unspeakable sorrow. As much as she cared about CJ, and thought they would suit, she could never marry him.
A rancher required a large family. Her father had said as much, claiming his life would have been easier if he’d had ten children instead of a measly five.
Molly would love the sort of large family John Carson claimed every rancher needed, but she was incapable of bearing children. CJ deserved a woman who could give him a houseful of sons and daughters.
Taking a bracing breath, Molly stepped back inside the house and shut the door behind her. Deciding to let the girls sleep a bit longer, she entered the kitchen and went quickly to work on their breakfast. She hummed her favorite hymn, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus,” as she plucked three eggs out of the basket.
She’d barely pulled a clean bowl from the cupboard when a small, sleepy voice asked, “Is Pa going to eat breakfast with us?”
The question came from Sarah, the more outspoken of the twins. Even as she set aside the eggs, Molly couldn’t help noticing that the child’s first concern was for her father.
Taking a moment to think, she smiled down at the girls. Her heart gave a hard tug at the sight they made standing shoulder to shoulder in their plain white nightgowns, just inside the kitchen. Their green eyes were droopy from sleep, their baby-fine, dark brown hair pleasantly mussed.
How could Ned leave them in this house all alone, with only a hastily written note of explanation?
“It’ll just be the three of us this morning.” She filled her voice with what she hoped was a carefree inflection.
“What about Unca Corny? Maybe he could eat with us?”
Molly’s breath clogged in her throat. The girls were sweet and adorable, especially when they called CJ “Unca Corny,” their version of Uncle Cornelius. She had no idea if he liked the name, but he never corrected them, at least not in front of Molly.
“Your uncle needed to get an early start, so he’s eating in the bunkhouse with the ranch hands.”
“But...but...” Sarah’s lower lip jutted out. “I like it when Unca Corny comes over to the big house and eats with us.”
“He tells us funny stories.” The more timid of the two, Anna, stood so close to her sister she was nearly on top of her. “He makes me laugh.”
“Me, too.” Sarah grinned. “I like Unca Corny almost as much as I like Pa.”
Molly’s heart gave another hard tug. The girls would have to be told something about Ned. She was trying to decide how much to reveal when Sarah came to stand beside her. “I heard Pa leave when it was still dark outside. He stumbled over a chair and said a naughty word.”
Molly tried not to show any outward reaction to this disturbing piece of information. Inwardly, she sighed. “I’m sure whatever your father said, he didn’t mean it.”
“Oh, he meant it.” Anna drew alongside her sister. Her expression was grave and her eyes were huge in her small face. “Pa said the word before. And he got real mad when Unca Corny told him not to because it’s a bad word.”
Molly gave another inward sigh. Ned wasn’t a terrible man. He was simply drowning in grief and clearly oblivious to the harm his behavior generated in this house.
“Miss Molly?” Sarah moved slightly in front of her sister. “When is Pa coming home?”
“Oh, sweetie.” Eyes stinging, throat tight, Molly dropped to her knees and pulled both girls close. “I don’t know. He didn’t say.”
“You think he’ll be gone long?”
“Possibly.” By their hurt expressions, it was obvious neither child understood their father’s sudden absence. And Molly wasn’t doing a very good job covering for him. She wasn’t even sure she should try.
A huge crack split across her heart and she thought it might break in two. The twins were such sweet children. She loved them with the heart of a mother. How could Ned have left them without even saying goodbye?
In his note, he’d claimed that the girls reminded him too much of Penelope. There had been more in his note, hints at other reasons, but the part about his daughters resembling his wife had stuck out for Molly. It was true that the twins favored their mother, but they had a lot of Ned in them, as well.
“Your father might have left home for a while.” She chose her words carefully, silently praying to the Lord for guidance. “But I know he loves you very much.”
Sarah’s expression turned serious. “We love him, too.”
Anna nodded feverishly.
Sighing, Molly stood, reached for their hands. “Let’s get you some breakfast and then we’ll—”
The door swung open and in stormed an angry range cook, sputtering and mumbling incoherent words under his breath.
“Where’s the note?” Cookie demanded. “I want to see it.”
Releasing the girls’ hands, Molly moved quickly toward the grizzled old man glaring at her from the doorway. With a full head of white hair that stuck out from every angle, and a girth as wide as he was tall, Lawrence Robbins—“Cookie” to everyone who knew him—looked as furious as he sounded.
But he was more bark than bite, and Molly wasn’t intimidated in the least. She was, however, determined to keep him from saying something inappropriate in front of the twins.
“Good morning to you, too, Cookie. The girls and I were just about to sit down to breakfast.” She looked pointedly at the children in an attempt to remind him to monitor his speech.
Moving deeper into the house, he parked two beefy paws on his sizable hips. “Ned’s really done it this time. That good-for-nothing, worthless excuse of a—”
“The children,” Molly growled, placing a hand on his shoulder, “are standing right here.”
As if her words finally registered, Cookie’s cheeks turned a bright red. “Oh, right. I, uh...” He started backing toward the door as fast as his pudgy feet could carry him. “I’ll come back another time.”
“I’d rather you stay a moment.” She could use an ally. For all his blustering and uncensored opinion giving, Cookie was trustworthy, loyal and loved the twins with the devotion of a kindly grandfather. “The note is on the table beside the sofa.”
He picked up the piece of paper and scanned the words in silence. When he looked up again, his expression was even more furious than before. But then he glanced over at the girls and his stern features melted into a look of compassion. “Poor little things.”
Molly’s sentiments exactly.
“I’ll stick close to the house all day. You need anything, anything at all, you just ring the bell and I’ll come running.”
“Thank you, Cookie.”
Eyes luminous with sympathy, he ruffled Sarah’s hair, then Anna’s, then headed for the door. By the time it shut behind him, Molly had the girls seated at the table and the eggs frying in the skillet.
She might not be able to bring either of their parents back, but she could feed Sarah and Anna a satisfying breakfast. For as long as she had the honor, she would care for the twins to the best of her ability and love them with her whole heart.
The rest she would leave up to the Lord.
* * *
CJ returned to the ranch later that afternoon bone-tired from a full day on the range. The cattle, more than five hundred of them, had been successfully moved to the north pasture, where they would fill their bellies with fresh grass. Getting them to their new grazing area had been hot, dirty work.
Ordinarily, he would be pleased with all he and his men had managed to get done in a single day. But Ned’s absence had been felt. CJ was short on manpower, and he could have used his brother’s help moving the herd.
Mouth set in a grim line, CJ pulled the brim of his hat low over his eyes. His three ranch hands dismounted ahead of him and guided their horses into the barn. He followed them at a slower pace, his gaze roaming over his domain.
Most days, he was proud of all he’d accomplished. With the guidance of his neighbor, Edmund McKay, CJ had learned solid ranching skills and had been able to turn his struggling spread into a modest success.
Now, he considered the cost of that single-minded focus. Perhaps if he’d tried harder to understand the extent of Ned’s grief, CJ could have saved his brother.
Too late, a small voice whispered inside his head.
Frowning, CJ led Scout into the barn, removed the horse’s tack, then picked up a brush off the shelf where hoof picks, files and clippers were neatly organized. He began making slow sweeps across the horse’s back.
What could he have done differently with Ned?
CJ had known his brother was tipping back the bottle. Every time he tried to talk to him, Ned would promise there wasn’t anything to worry about. He always stopped at one drink. The fact that Ned’s drinking never interfered with his duties on the ranch had been enough for CJ to believe the claim. Until recently.
Ned’s behavior had become more sporadic in the past two weeks. CJ had been worried enough to confront him. But his brother had refused to admit there was a problem.
Like father like son.
Letting out a hiss of frustration, CJ moved to the other side of the horse and resumed grooming the animal. He’d been hoping, even praying, that something would happen to make Ned realize his drinking was getting out of hand.
Ned must have finally admitted the truth to himself. His solution was to abandon his family. Of all the routes his brother could have taken, CJ had not expected that one.
Was it his fault Ned left? Had he run off his own brother?
Whatever the reason, he’d failed Ned. That was irrefutable. Despite evidence to the contrary, CJ worried that the same weak character in his father—and now his brother—lurked inside him, as well. It was one of the reasons he hadn’t tried very hard to find a wife.
CJ wasn’t convinced he’d make a good husband. He’d recently turned to Edmund McKay with his fears. His friend had asked him a simple question: “You ever tempted to drown your sorrows in a bottle?”
His response had been immediate. He’d never once felt the urge. Still, he was a Thorn. All Thorn men eventually broke. And CJ had never really been tested. When that day came, would he discover the same lack of character?
Anna and Sarah deserved a father who would protect them and keep them safe. What did CJ know about raising little girls?
With more force than necessary, he tossed the brush back on the shelf, then concentrated on picking pebbles and other debris from Scout’s hooves. After he led the horse into his stall and gave him fresh hay, he felt calmer.
But then Cookie met him at the barn door and wasted no time with pleasantries. “I read the note Ned left.”
CJ pulled in a tight breath, pounded a fist against his thigh. “I think he really means to stay gone.”
“This ain’t your fault, CJ.” Cookie placed a hand on his shoulder in a fatherly gesture. “You did all you could.”
“Did I?”
“Your brother made his choice. If he doesn’t want to be here, then I say it’s a good thing he left.”
CJ couldn’t bring himself to agree. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—give up on his brother. Like the prodigal son, Ned could still mend his ways and come home a changed man. For the twins’ sake, CJ prayed that was exactly what occurred. Soon.
Anna and Sarah had already suffered enough. CJ would do everything in his power to provide a good life for the twins. He would give them a safe, happy home. No sacrifice would be too great. He might have failed Ned. He would not fail the girls.
He would rise above the Thorn legacy.
At the bunkhouse, he and Cookie parted ways. CJ washed off the trail dust before entering the main house. Little-girl squeals of delight met his arrival.
“Pa! Pa, you’re home.”
The children rushed to greet their father. When they realized it was CJ standing on the threshold instead of Ned, their footsteps ground to a halt.
Sarah’s face scrunched into a frown. “You’re not Pa.”
The disappointment in her voice was mirrored in her sister’s downcast expression. CJ’s heart took a quick, extra thump. He’d never felt more inadequate in his life. “Your pa won’t be home tonight.”
“Will he be back tomorrow?”
Furious at his brother, CJ forced out a calming breath, placed his hands on his knees, leaned over and gave the girls the truth. “I don’t know.”
Identical lower lips trembled.
He swallowed back another wave of anger at Ned. “I was hoping I could eat supper with you two girls.”
Sarah’s face tightened. Anna angled her head. Then both children gave him a small, tentative smile.
“Would you like me to eat with you?”
They nodded slowly, their little minds clearly working furiously behind their clear, rounded eyes.
They looked so forlorn, so disappointed, CJ’s heart twisted in his chest.
“Are you going to stay with us in the house tonight?” Anna asked.
“That’s the plan.”
Twisting the fabric of her skirt between her fingers, the child drew in a shaky breath. “Okay.”
Without pause, with one single motion, he lowered himself to his knees and opened his arms. “How about a hug for your Unca Corny?”
Anna launched herself at him. He caught her against his chest, hugged her close. She smelled of flowers and everything good in this world, and he thought his heart might burst with love.
Shifting her slightly to his left, he reached for Sarah, who’d been studying him very closely. She hugged him just as fiercely as her sister. Emotion swept through him, convicting him. He would do right by these children. Whatever it takes.
He set them away from him and searched their precious faces for any sign of distress. It was there, of course, shimmering in their wide, sad eyes, but with the resilience of youth, they chattered over one another in an attempt to tell him about their day.
How could Ned have walked away from these sweet girls? It boggled the mind.
“...and then Miss Molly showed us how to make cornhusk dolls.”
“Did she?” He looked up and found Molly watching him with soft, watery eyes. Her expression was almost wistful.
He didn’t understand that look. Yet he knew it had something to do with him. His heart pounded against his ribs. His breath clogged in his throat. His mind reeled.
Her, a whisper in his mind seemed to say. She’s the one for you.
CJ shoved aside the thought with a hard shake of his head. There’d been a time when he thought Molly had a special affection for him. But her interest had waned right before she’d gone off and married a preacher.
“All right, girls, give your uncle a chance to catch his breath.” Molly clapped her hands together. “Supper’s ready.”
She herded the twins toward the table, then paused when CJ didn’t follow. “You are joining us, aren’t you?”
“A home-cooked meal with three beautiful females? Try to keep me away.”
They shared a laugh. It felt good to laugh with Molly.
Despite Ned’s noticeable absence, supper went smoothly. CJ credited the easy atmosphere to Molly’s calming presence.
When the dishes were clean and order was restored to the kitchen, she said her goodbyes to the girls. “I’ll be back in the morning. We’ll spend the day making clothes for your new dolls.”
“Will you read to us before you go?”
She glanced out the window, seemed to consider the question thoughtfully. “For five minutes, but no more.”
That was CJ’s cue. “I’ll saddle your horse and bring her around to the front of the house.”
“Thank you.” She gave him one of her sweetest smiles.
He found himself smiling back.
He was still smiling as he made the trek to the barn. He located his foreman and asked him to make sure Molly got home safely.
“You got it, Boss.”
CJ would have preferred to escort her himself, but he couldn’t leave the twins alone and felt confident sending Duke in his place. By the time he stepped back inside the house, Molly was sitting on the sofa between the girls, reading from a small, worn Bible.
The three made a cozy scene, the very essence of family. A yearning so deep shot through CJ that for a moment he couldn’t seem to catch his breath.
He pulled the door shut behind him, but stayed where he was, watching, hoping, praying for something so far out of reach he couldn’t make the image form in his head.
“Sadie is saddled and waiting for you outside.”
Molly shut the Bible and kissed each girl on the head. The twins immediately protested her departure. After another round of hugs, and more promises to return before first light, Molly joined him at the door.
They walked outside in silence.
As he helped her into the saddle, CJ felt it again, that powerful wish for something...more. It was the same sensation from this morning. Once again, he pushed it away. Ignored it. Denied it. The process proved far less successful this evening.
Clearing his throat, he rolled his shoulders, shifted his stance. He couldn’t seem to find his balance. His mind filled with all the tasks that lay ahead. He would have to move a few things into the main house tonight. Then he’d have to get the girls settled in bed. And—
“Relax, CJ.” Molly leaned over and touched his arm. Everything in him calmed. “You aren’t in this alone. I’ll continue watching the girls for as long as you need me.”
She’d said nearly the same words this morning. He had no reason to doubt her sincerity, but such a promise wasn’t realistic.
Ever since Penelope died, CJ had focused on ranching, while letting Ned find his own way through his grief. In the span of a single day, CJ’s entire life had changed. His priorities had shifted dramatically. He must move into the future with only frank honesty between him and Molly. “One day, whether Ned returns or not, you will leave us.”
She was shaking her head before he finished speaking.
He pressed on. “One day,” he said with emphasis, to make his point clear, “you’ll marry again, and that’ll be—”
“I’ll never marry again.”
CJ pulled back in surprise. He couldn’t remember a time when Molly had looked this fierce, this determined or this sad.
It was the sadness that led him to say, “You’re still in love with your husband.”
Surely that explained her refusal to wed another man. There was tremendous honor in that kind of devotion, CJ decided, even as he felt something unpleasant twist in his gut.
“A part of me will always love George.” Sorrow came and went in her eyes. “But that’s not the reason I won’t ever—”
She cut off her own words, glanced frantically around, then drew in a sharp breath and started again. “It’s getting late. I better head home.”
Her voice was even as she spoke, but the pain in her eyes made CJ regret bringing up her husband. At a loss for words, he reached for the horse’s reins and handed them to her. “Good night, Molly.”
“Good night, CJ.”
Neither made a move to leave. They didn’t smile, didn’t speak. They simply stared into each other’s eyes. And then they stared some more. One moment stretched into two.
At last, Molly lowered her eyelashes and the awkward interaction was over. She gave the mare a gentle kick in the ribs and set out toward her family’s ranch.
Once Duke moved in behind her, CJ closed his eyes and considered all that had happened in the span of a day. He predicted a long, sleepless night ahead, the reason as much because of the woman riding toward the painted horizon as his brother’s shocking departure.
