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Richard Fox. Morrissey’s Perfect Pint
Morrissey’s Perfect Pint
Contents
Introduction
Beer
Beer in history
Our first brew
Morrissey and Foxy’s Blonde Ale
Top tips for a special brew
Beer glossary
‘I’ll have a pint of …’
Some non-alcoholic beer names
Types of beer
Belgian ‘wild’ beers
Wheat beers
Porters and stouts
Celtic beers
American artisan beers
German beers
Fruit beers
Spit or swallow: Morrissey and Foxy’s guide to beer tasting. Why taste beer?
The tasting session
Beer tasting words
Twelve other uses for beer
Beer and your body
Your good health, sir
Pint trivia
Beer words and phrases
The Gods of beer
Earliest beer recipe
Drinking
Drinking your pint
Multi-lingual cheers
The A–Z of bollocksed
‘I can’t come into work today because I have …’
Eight types of drunkard
The Top Shelf
A tour of the Top Shelf spiritual home …
SuperDrunk
The beer drinker’s guide to romance and seduction
Things not to do when drunk
How to drain the lizard when pissed as a newt
How to deal with drunks
The multi-coloured pavement pizza
Ugh and better ugh
Hangover cures
Cures
Worth a try
Complete bollocks or just bizarre
Beer legends and heroes: we are not worthy
Beer legends
Beer heroes
Drinktionary
Drinking games
Celebrity Slosh
Beer Hunter
Beer Race
Depth Charge
Buzz Fuzz
Go Peanut!
James Bond
Matchbox Disaster
Fuzzy Duck
The Pub
Morrissey and Foxy’s almost entirely serious history of the pub
Pub culture
The dos and don’ts of the pub
Meet the regulars
Pub landlords and staff
The landlords
Pub names
A crawl around some fictional pubs
Traditional pub games
Pub jokes
The pub quiz
The joy of talking shit, or why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
Shit-talk opening gambits
Classic pub talk
Beer myths
Beer talk
Good head
The dregs
The drinking week
The Munich Beer Festival Oktoberfest (actually in September – Germans so slapdash!)
Beer and booze quotes
Time, gentlemen, please!
Pub food, or ‘do you want chips with that?’
Foxy’s beer and food
Wheat beers
Trappist and Abbey
Fruit Beers
English Ales
Stout and Porter
Pilsner
Foxy’s Beer recipes
Toad in the hole
Guinness stew
Slow roast lamb shank with beer mustard mash
Beer and onion gravy
Stilton, ale and caramelised onion tarts
Beer butt chicken (yes, seriously)
Chicken tagine
Quick lamb curry
Chunky salmon and pea fish cakes with wheat beer mayo
Quick Welsh rarebit with stout poached egg
Beer battered fish
Mini Scotch eggs
Steak and kidney on toast with beery cream sauce
Chunky chilli
Mozzarella, pesto and roasted red pepper toasties
Asian prawn noodle salad
Sausage and mash burger
Hoegaarden and peach semi-freddo
Mini Beer Chocolate Tarts
Directory
Home-brew suppliers
Good beer stockists
MAIL ORDER SUPPLIERS
LONDON
NORTH
MIDLANDS
EAST
SOUTH EAST
SOUTH WEST
SCOTLAND
NORTHERN IRELAND
WALES
IRELAND
Traditional pub games
Web resources
Beer festivals
Pub quiz. Answers
Index. A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
V
W
X
Y
Z
Acknowledgements
Copyright
About the Publisher
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MORRISSEY MAXIM
There’ll be plenty of time to drink Kaliber when you die.
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M: Like Harrogate on a Saturday night but actually much worse. The 18th century saw the big commercial brewers establish themselves and take most of the business from small, independent brewers who had been the backbone of British beer-making. Science helped with devices like the steam engine and hydrometer which allowed larger quantities to be brewed with greater precision. Also, better roads meant cheaper, mass-produced beer could be transported to places that had previously relied on alewives and alcoholic monks for their bevvy.
F: Ah yes, science. In the 19th century Louis Pasteur dealt the small beer producers a double whammy when he grew yeast in the laboratory, meaning that brewers no longer had to rely on wild, airborne yeasts for fermentation. He also invented ‘pasteurisation’, which meant beer could be easily treated to stay fresh longer. Beer-remained a mainstay of the working man’s diet until well into the 20th century when food became more plentiful. Industrialisation also saw a drop in the demand for physical labour, which meant more machines powered by oil and less men fuelled by beer. The world changed, Neil.
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