Читать книгу The Pocket Book of Death - Rob DenBleyker - Страница 6
Оглавление‘They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist—’
General John Sedgwick
(his last words before being hit by a Confederate sharpshooter)
No Escaping the Black Death
It’s estimated that the Black Death killed around a third of Europe’s total population during the fourteenth century. That’s around 25 million people – and that’s only in Europe. It also devastated China and parts of Asia before it even reached the European continent.
The Black Death probably earned its name from the tell-tale red spots – which later turned black – that would appear on the skin of the infected. The spots were actually broken blood vessels under the skin which made it look like a black rash.
Thought you were safe from the plague? Think again. Although nowhere near as prevalent as it once was, the plague hasn’t been totally wiped out. Cases can still be found in some parts of the world. Watch out for those rats!
‘OH MY GOD…WOOFY! YOU HAVE IT TOO?!’
How to Tell You Were Probably a Goner …
Shivering
Vomiting
Headache
Intolerance to light
Back pain
Delirium
Giddiness
Swelling in the groin and armpits
CONNECT THE DOTS TO SEE WHAT THE BLACK DEATH WAS REALLY LIKE!
The Bloodiest Battles
It has long been argued that war is one of the most effective population stabilizers. Did you ever wonder how many American service members actually died during the big wars?
The US Department of Veterans Affairs gives us the lowdown.
The American Revolution
Total number killed in battle:
4,435
War of 1812
Total number killed in battle:
2,260
The Civil War
Total number of Union servicemen
killed in battle:
140,414
Total number of Confederate servicemen
killed in battle:
74,524
The Spanish–American War
Total number killed in battle:
385
World War I
Total number killed in battle:
53,402
World War II
Total number killed in battle:
291,557
Korean War
Total number killed in battle:
33,741
Vietnam War
Total number killed in battle:
47,424
Desert Shield/Desert Storm
Total number killed in battle:
147
The Global War on Terror claims more lives every day, so the number is constantly fluctuating. You can look at the website of the US Department of Veterans Affairs for the latest numbers.
A Very Eerie Coincidence?
A Peculiar Look at Presidential Departures
Of all the US presidents, three have actually kicked the bucket on none other than the Fourth of July. To be more specific, three of the first five US presidents died on July 4. Seems far-fetched? The chances of this are actually one in five million.
Thomas Jefferson died on 4 July 1826
John Adams died on the same day – 4 July 1826
James Monroe died on 4 July 1831
And if that’s not freaky enough, Thomas Jefferson died just before 1 pm on that fateful day. Adams died just a few hours later. His last reported words?
‘Jefferson still survives.’
Hmm, guess no one had the heart to break the news.
Most popular state for US presidents to breathe their last? Nope, not Washington DC. The Big Apple has hosted more presidential deaths than any other state.
Being President takes its toll – most survive an average of only 12.9 years after leaving office.
Eleven presidents have lived past 80.
Presidential Last Words
‘Please put out that light, James.’
Teddy Roosevelt
‘I have a terrific headache.’
Franklin Roosevelt
‘I want to go. God take me.’
Dwight D. Eisenhower
The Curse of Tecumseh
William Henry Harrison was the leader of a territorial militia fighting the Native American Indians led by two brothers, Tecumseh and Tenskwatawa. Harrison and his men beat the Indian forces at the battle of Tippecanoe and went on to assault their village. William Henry Harrison was hailed as a hero and consequently won the presidency in 1840 using the slogan ‘Tippecanoe and Tyler too’. Harrison’s streak of luck ended quickly though. He only served as president for a month before he died of pneumonia after catching a cold – the first to fall victim to Tecsumseh’s curse, which states that any president elected in a year ending in a ‘0’ would die while in office.
Think that sounds crazy? Abraham Lincoln was the next to fall victim to the curse. Elected in 1860, he was assassinated during his presidency in 1865. James Garfield (1880), William McKinley (1900), Warren G. Harding (1920), Franklin Roosevelt (for his third term he was elected in 1940) and John F. Kennedy (1960) have all followed Harrison and Lincoln’s precedent of dying while in office. Ronald Reagan, elected in 1980, was next in line for a tragic end and came close in 1981 when he was shot by John Hinckley. But Reagan survived the assassination attempt and became the first president to break Tecumseh’s curse.
Thirteen Reasons NEVER to Become a Roman Emperor
Rome has always been known for its decidedly bloody and hedonistic history. Many of the Roman emperors themselves were consumed by power and a somewhat acute paranoia about their various enemies. Then again, maybe their paranoia wasn’t completely unsubstantiated …
Caligula was killed while enjoying the widely attended games. His own praetorian guard reportedly used swords, daggers and even their teeth to make quick work of the job.
Caracalla was stabbed by one of his troops while he took an unfortunately timed bathroom break.
Carinus was reportedly killed during battle, but not by the enemy army. One of his own soldiers supposedly did the deed after learning Carinus had seduced his wife.
Claudius was rumoured to have been given poisoned mushrooms by his wife.
Commodus escaped the death planned by his sister only to be poisoned by his favourite mistress after she found out he had added her to his execution list. After it seemed the poisoning had failed, she sent a hearty youth to strangle him.
Galba, it is reported, was decapitated by his own soldiers and had his head stuck on a spear and paraded around town.
Maxentius drowned in the Tiber while Constantine’s army pursued him.
Nero tried to stab himself in the throat but couldn’t do it, so he enlisted the help of Epaphrodite, his scribe. Bet that wasn’t in the job description!
Otho stabbed himself after only three months in power.
Valerian died in the captivity of the Persian king, but that’s not the worst part. After being killed, they reportedly flayed his skin, dyed it a pretty colour and hung it in the Persian temple like a tapestry.
Vespasian died during a rather unpleasant attack of diarrhoea.
Vitellius was discovered by the enemy army and was tortured at the aptly named ‘Staircase of Wailing’ before his eventual decapitation. His body was dragged into the Tiber on a hook.
And we can’t forget Caesar, not emperor but Dictator Perpetuus or ‘dictator for life’ as named by his Senate. Yes, the same Senate which contained a group of men (including the infamous Brutus) who stabbed Caesar twenty-three times with knives and daggers. We’re guessing their version of ‘life’ was shorter than his.
CAESAR’S LAST WORDS
‘UM, YOU GUYS MISSED A SPOT.’
Don’t Forget to Pack!
Ancient Essentials for the Afterlife
Romans often put coins in the mouths of the dead. The coins were your fare for crossing the River Styx which blocked entry to the underworld. You also needed some honey cakes to feed Cerberus, the three-headed dog that guarded the entrance to the land of the dead.
When the body of Alexander the Great was moved back from Babylon to Macedonia, it was drenched in honey.
In Ancient Egypt, preserving bodies through mummification was a requirement for the journey to the underworld. The Book of Coming Forth by Day – more commonly known as the Book of the Dead – was often buried with prominent Egyptians. It contained spells and rituals intended to guide the soul to the afterlife including mummification instructions.
If a lifetime of servitude wasn’t enough, several ancient cultures had their slaves killed when a powerful leader died. In Fiji, slaves and wives were often strangled when a male died. In Japan, dozens of slaves would kill themselves when a member of the nobility kicked it. In Africa, slaves, dogs and horses were killed when a king went kaput. And in ancient China, it wasn’t unknown for servants and retainers to be buried alive along with the person of significance. Was it a power thing? Maybe a fear of loneliness? We’ll never know for sure, but you can probably imagine the conversation among servants or wives when a big guy croaked . . .
‘Are you sure he’s dead? Check again.’
‘I’ve checked three times already!’
[silence] ‘Oh crap.’
Today, the Chinese burn prayer money to send to the deceased instead. There must have been a collective sigh of relief the day that tradition started.
Greek Karma Works Its Magic
Draco, the notorious Athenian statesman, is best known for writing out the laws of ancient Greece. It was rumoured the laws were actually written out in blood, and the most typical punishment for breaking the ‘Draconian’ laws was the death penalty. Whether you committed murder or stole an apple, you weren’t going to live long enough to feel remorse.
But don’t worry too much about old Draco. His followers were so overjoyed with his progress that they tossed their hats and cloaks on him at the Theatre of Aegina in a dramatic show of appreciation. In fact, the response was so overwhelming that Draco actually suffocated under the flood of Grecian outerwear. Such a shame.
A Tough Break
In its first incarnation, the hanging method used to execute people was so ineffective that it could take up to twenty minutes for a person to strangle to death by suffocation. As countries moved toward more humane measures of execution, the victims were dropped from a longer distance which would break the neck and dislocate the spinal cord, making for a quicker execution.
‘MAYBE WE SHOULD LOWER IT ABOUT 12 FEET OR SO?’
