Читать книгу Can Divorced Christians Remarry? - Robert Sr. Eldredge Sr. - Страница 5

Marriage is an exclusive and intimate union of a man and a woman that is established when they make a covenant to leave their parents and form a new family unit. It is a pure and holy union that is similar to the eternal union of Jesus Christ and his church.

MARRIAGE IS A MONOGAMOUS UNION

Several years ago, I read about a "commune" of young people who wanted to get away from all of the restraints of society. They were looking for freedom from every personal commitment, including the lifetime marriage commitment.

The reporter lived with them for awhile and observed that, in spite of their lack of a formal commitment; they would eventually pair off and restrict their sexual relations to each other. If anyone tried to become involved with "his girl" or "her man," extreme jealously would rise up. The reporter said that it was just as if they were legally married!

The people in the commune were actually confirming the fact that, from the very beginning, God created men and women with an innate desire to join together in an exclusive union. Jesus confirmed this later when he limited marriage to the union of only one man and one woman (Mark 10:8)

MARRIAGE IS ESTABLISHED BY A COVENANT

The key to understanding divorce and remarriage is to recognize that marriage is established and maintained by a covenant

A marriage begins when a man and a woman voluntarily make a covenant to leave their parents and cleave together as husband and wife for the rest of their lives.

In order to strengthen this lifetime commitment, the State of Louisiana became the first State in the Union to pass a law which took effect in 1997 called the "Covenant Marriage Act." Under this new law, couples are given the option to voluntarily agree to premarital and pre-divorce counseling, and to give up their legal rights to a "no-fault" divorce. Then, unless it can be proven in court that there has been adultery, abuse, or abandonment, etc., the law requires a minimum two year waiting period before the couple can ever be granted a legal divorce.

This law draws attention to the fact that marriage is established by a covenant. In Malachi 2:14, God referred to a married woman as "the wife of thy covenant." In Ezekiel 16:8, God referred to his own spiritual marriage covenant with Israel when he said, "Yea, I swore unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, and thou becamest mine."

Once a marriage covenant has been made, the man and the woman become “one" in the sight of both God and man. Just as two people become "one" by their covenant in a business partnership, so do a man and a woman become "one" by their covenant in a marriage partnership.

Genesis 2:23-24 "And Adam said this is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh."

The word “cleave" means to permanently join together, so marriage was intended to be a lifetime commitment. A temporary agreement with a prostitute or someone else will also make a man and a woman "one flesh” but this type of union is strictly forbidden. (See 1 Corinthians 6:13-20)

And since marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, annulments are unbiblical. Once marriage covenants are confirmed by their exchange of vows, they cannot be “annulled" by man.

Galatians 3:15 "Though it be but a man's covenant, yet if it be confirmed, no man disannulleth or addeth to it.”

It is actually the couple's own vows that confirm their lifetime marriage commitment. A priest, minister, or rabbi only witnesses and legally records the event. Marriage vows made before a Justice of the Peace are therefore just as binding in the sight of God.

A typical marriage ceremony normally includes a promise to stay united together for the rest of their earthly lives "whether in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer, for better or for worse, until death do us part." God always keeps his vows, and he expects us to do the same!

Numbers 30:2 "If a man vow a vow unto the Lord, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth."

ANCIENT JEWISH MARRIAGES

From the very beginning (and even unto this day) a Jewish marriage has always had two stages. The first one is called the "kiddushin" and the second one is called the "huppah".

The kiddushin is where the betrothal covenant is made. In ancient times, the betrothal covenant was confirmed either by a written or oral contract, by the exchange of money, or by the couple having sexual relations inside a private chamber. The latter method was abandoned around 500 BC, but it shows that a couple was already considered to be united as "one flesh" after they had made their betrothal covenant.

The huppah is a public wedding ceremony, and it was originally a very festive celebration that would last for seven days. It would normally end with the bride and the groom leaving to have sexual relations inside a private bridal chamber at the home of the groom. (Judges 15:1)

The kiddushin and the huppah could be combined, but they were usually separated by a defined period of time. If a betrothed woman had sexual relations with any other man during this time, then both the man and the woman would be called adulterers and publicly stoned to death!

The fact that they were called adulterers, and that the punishment was the same as for adultery, is further proof that a marriage is established by a covenant alone, and that sexual intercourse is not really necessary in order to "complete” or "consummate" the marriage union.

WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NO MAN SEPARATE

When Jesus was asked if a man could divorce his wife for any reason whatsoever, he repeated what Adam had said about a man and a woman becoming united as "one flesh," and then he added, "What, therefore, God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (Matthew 19:6)

This means that God ordained marriage to be an inseparable union for life, and no human being has the right to separate what God has joined together. However, this does not mean that married couples, who were once joined together as "one flesh," can never be separated. It only means that they SHOULD never be separated!

We often do what we shouldn't do. It is called sin!

And the sin that separates what God had joined together is not the divorce itself, but the breaking of the marriage covenant that had once united them.

Various fourth century writers have taught that the words, "let not man put asunder" meant that marriage was "indissoluble". But marriage cannot be considered indissoluble because Moses and Jesus both allowed the dissolution of a marriage whenever a couple's marriage vows were broken by sexual immorality.

Some other theologians have thought the words "God hath joined together" were a reference to sexual intercourse. This led to the development of the traditional doctrine that a marriage is not fully completed or "consummated" until after the couple has had sexual intercourse.

But how can someone be only half married?

Can a woman be only half pregnant?

And if sexual intercourse were necessary to complete a marriage union, why was a written divorce required to end a betrothal relationship? And why were those who were unfaithful during their betrothal period called adulterers and then stoned to death?

Anyway, this erroneous doctrine is easily refuted by the Lord's next words, "let not man put asunder." Since the couples are never to be separated, this cannot possibly be a reference to sexual intercourse!

Sometimes Christians will think that the words, "God hath joined together" must mean that God has specifically chosen their marriage partners. This is not necessarily true. God has a perfect plan for your life, and he will help you find a compatible mate if you pray for this, but he will never take away your free will to choose.

Marriage on earth is very similar to our spiritual marriage with Jesus. God will draw you towards his Son (John 6:44), but you still must choose whether or not you want to accept him. As with earthly marriages, you must first enter into a marriage covenant with Jesus before he becomes your eternal bridegroom.

Revelation 19:9 "Blessed are they who are called unto the marriage supper of the lamb [Jesus]."

As Christians, we are all looking forward to that glorious day!

MARRIAGE IS A PURE AND HOLY UNION

During the first few centuries of Christianity, the church leaders recognized that marriage was a pure and holy union, but it was discouraged because of their severe persecution by the Roman government and the hope that Jesus would soon return.

When the apostle Paul wrote to the church in Corinth around 56 AD, he said, "The time is short; it remaineth that both they that have wives be as though they had none." (1 Corinthians 7:29)

This was understandable at the time because so many Christians were then being imprisoned, tortured, and even put to death. However, the persecution of Christians ended abruptly in 313 AD when the Roman Empire granted freedom for all religions by issuing the Edict of Milan.

Christianity was then publicly endorsed by the Roman emperor Constantine, so it immediately became "politically correct" to profess Christianity. This eventually led to the corruption of the church leadership by people who joined only for political reasons. Illiteracy was common so the newly formed government approved church hierarchy was composed mostly of those from the wealthy and well educated ruling class.

The leaders continued to discourage marriage, but now for completely different reasons. Apparently, these newly appointed church leaders overreacted to the sexual immorality that was prevalent in the wealthy ruling class, and then went to the other extreme by promoting complete abstinence from all sexual relations, even in marriage!

These fourth century leaders also promoted asceticism (extreme self denial) as a way of gaining God's approval. They encouraged total abstinence from all sexuality and demeaned the institution of marriage itself by saying that it was substantially inferior to a single celibate life. Ambrose and Jerome were probably the most influential writers who supported these extreme beliefs.

Ambrose was a Roman governor before he became Bishop of Milan in 374 AD. He felt guilty because of his privileged birth, so he "immediately distributed his share of the family wealth to the poor and set an example of strict asceticism in the episcopal household." [New Catholic Encyclopedia, Volume I, McGraw-Hill, New York, 1967, page 373]

Although he was never married, he was the first Bishop to write at length about sexual issues in the church. As might be expected, he zealously promoted his own celibate life style as the ideal for both married and unmarried Christians.

Because marriage permitted sexual intercourse, he felt that it was considerably inferior to a single celibate life. And since church leaders were supposed to be examples of purity and holiness, he believed that all clergy should be single and celibate.

He apparently ignored the fact that the apostle Peter was married and, according to Clement of Alexandria, he also had children. In addition, most of the early church leaders were married, and some of them even brought their wives along with them on their missionary journeys. (1 Corinthians 9:5)

Jerome was also unmarried, and he went even further in discouraging marriage. He was convinced that sexual relations were intrinsically evil even within marriage, and therefore should be "tolerated" only for the purpose of conceiving children! He once said that "Marriage is only one degree less sinful than fornication!" [A History of Christianity, by Paul Johnson, Macmillan Publishing Co, New York, 1967, pages 109-110]

Since both Ambrose and Jerome were later canonized as "saints" by the Roman Catholic Church, their beliefs on human sexuality have had a very strong influence upon succeeding generations. This has been especially true for those who were brought up in Catholic parochial schools.

While abstinence is important before marriage, these beliefs have made some married people unable to enjoy normal sexual relations without feeling guilty. If you also feel this way, this can be easily dispelled by asking yourself the following rhetorical questions.

•Since Adam and Eve had not yet sinned when they were told to "be fruitful and multiply,” how were they supposed to obey God if sex was sinful?

•Since God never tempts anyone to sin, why would he tell Adam and Eve to "be fruitful and multiply" if he thought sex was sinful?

In short, sexual relations are pure and holy as long as they are kept within the covenant of a monogamous marriage relationship. It is only the misuse of human sexuality outside of the lifetime marriage commitment that is wrong.

HUMAN SEXUALITY IS GOOD!

Everything that God has made and ordained is good. When God made the earth, the sun, the moon, the stars, animals, birds, and sea life, "God saw that it was good." But he was even more pleased with his creation after he made Adam and Eve, because he then said it was “VERY GOOD!" (Genesis 1:31)

Ecclesiastes 9:9 "Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he [God] hath given thee under the sun.”

The Song of Solomon even uses the enjoyment of sex within marriage as an allegory to our love relationship with God! Even when conception is not possible, there is nothing immoral about the mutual enjoyment of sexual relations. If God had intended sex to be only for procreation, he would have made us so that every sexual act would result in the conception of children!

1 Corinthians 7:3-4 "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife." (New International Version)

The perversion and exploitation of human sexuality by worldly people should not keep Christians from enjoying the meaningful sexual relationships that can only thrive within a loving and a Christ centered marriage relationship.

Hebrews 13:4 "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge."

MARRIAGE IS LIKE GOD'S NATURE

The “oneness" of God was revealed to us in the Jewish Shema, which begins with, "Hear 0 Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord" (Deuteronomy 6:4, Mark 12:29)

The "triune" nature of God as three "persons" was revealed to us when the Holy Spirit of God came upon Jesus, and God the Father acknowledged him as his "own beloved Son." (Matthew 3:16-17)

Since God made us in his own image, I do not find it at all surprising that our family unit is very similar to his own triune nature. Although equal in divine nature, and united in perfect harmony as one God, each person of the Godhead has a separate function and experience.

•The role of God the Father is similar to that of a husband who is the head of a human family unit. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

•The role of God the Holy Spirit is similar to that of a wife who builds and nurtures a human family unit. (John 14:16)

•The role of God the Son is similar to that of the first born son of a human family unit (Colossians 1:15)

And when we meditate upon the beautiful love relationship that God already has within himself, and how harmoniously they function together in their different roles, then we can better understand his perfect plan for earthly husbands, wives, and their children.

MARRIAGE IS PRIMARILY FOR RAISING GODLY CHILDREN

It should be obvious that having children is the primary purpose of sex and marriage, since our physical bodies were specifically designed by God for this purpose.

However, many people marry for other reasons and they really do not want to have any children. Then if children are unintentionally conceived, they will sometimes desert, divorce, or have an abortion, in order to escape from the responsibility of raising children.

The primary purpose of marriage from God's point of view is to have and to raise “godly” children. He united couples as one flesh "that he might seek a godly seed." (Malachi 2:15) From the very beginning, God exhorted Adam and Eve to have lots of children.

Genesis 1:28 "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth."

Other godly men, like Noah (Genesis 9:1) and Jacob (Genesis 35:11), were also told to "be fruitful and multiply". And the Jews who were exiled to Babylon were also exhorted to "beget sons and daughters,” so that their numbers would increase in the land. (Jeremiah 29:6)

God's ultimate plan was, and still is, to fill the earth with a godly race of people who will be redeemed from sin, and who will have intimate fellowship with him throughout eternity!

MARRIAGE PREVENTS IMMORALITY

A secondary purpose of marriage is to prevent sexual immorality by satisfying a person's sexual desires. As the apostle Paul so frankly put it, "if they cannot control themselves, they should marry!"

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (New International Version)

In the ancient Jewish culture, parents prevented immorality by encouraging their children to marry while they were very young. Everyone was expected to marry, so marriages were often arranged before they reached puberty. The minimum age was later set at thirteen for boys and twelve for girls.

Marital relations will normally satisfy each other's sexual desires and help avoid temptation. That is why the apostle Paul advised husbands and wives not to refuse each other's sexual desires, except by mutual consent whenever praying or fasting.

1 Corinthians 7:2-5 "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence, and likewise also, the wife unto her husband."

According to ancient Jewish laws (Exodus 21:10-11), the refusal of conjugal rights was a violation of the marriage covenant and sufficient cause for a divorce. In his early writings, Martin Luther also considered this as a possible cause for a divorce.

MARRIAGE MAKES OUR HUMAN NATURE COMPLETE

The first human being, whom we call Adam, was made in the image of God, so he was neither male nor female. He loved and worshiped his creator, and his natural human nature was perfect because he was made in the image of God!

Then God said, "It is not good that man should be alone" (Genesis2:18) so he put Adam to sleep and made a second human being from a portion of his body. Eve was created female and Adam's body was changed to become male.

Since Eve was "taken out of" Adam's body (Genesis 2:23), this left him no longer complete in expressing the full nature of God. And since Eve was created from only a portion of Adam, she was also incomplete in expressing the full nature of God.

•The natural human nature of a woman has some of the characteristics of God that the man does not have.

•The natural human nature of a man has some of the characteristics that the woman does not have.

Men and women are separate creations who not only need each other for procreation, but also to fully express the nature and character of God on earth. It is therefore morally pure and perfectly natural for a man to desire a wife; and for a woman to desire a husband.

Proverbs 18:22 "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor from the Lord."

SINGLES ARE COMPLETE IN CHRIST

Even if you prefer to remain single and do NOT want to get married, you can still express the full nature and character of God simply by yielding to the spirit of Christ in your heart.

Colossians 2:10 "For in him [Jesus] dwelleth all the fullness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him who is the head of all principality and power. "

When you yield to your new spiritually reborn nature, then it does not matter whether you are a man or a woman, for the spirit of Christ is neither male nor female!

Galatians 3:27-28 "For as many of you as have been baptized [immersed] into Christ, have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond [slave] nor free, there is neither male nor female, for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."

And, according to the apostle Paul, it is even better to remain single and unmarried, if it is your heart's desire to serve the Lord more fully!

1 Corinthian 7:32-33 "He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife."

Jesus also acknowledged that some will not marry because (1) they were born physically incapable of marriage, or (2) they were made physically incapable of marriage by men, or (3) they have, like the apostle Paul, voluntarily chosen to remain single in order to better serve the kingdom of God (Matthew 19:12)

THE CHURCH IS MARRIED TO JESUS

Just as we become "one flesh” when we make an earthly marriage covenant with our spouse, so we become "one spirit" when we make a spiritual marriage covenant with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 6:16-17 '….for two, saith he, shall be one flesh, but he that is joined to the Lord is one spirit."

The apostle Paul calls this a great mystery.

Ephesians 5:22-32 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word; that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife, loves himself. For no man ever hated his own, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church; for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

For this cause, shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church."

MARRIAGE IN ETERNITY

Marriage as we now know it will not exist in eternity. Our ultimate destiny as Christians is to be formally united forever, not with each other, but with our Lord Jesus Christ at the "marriage supper of the Lamb." (Revelation 19:7)

When we die, we will be transformed both physically and spiritually, and sexual relationships and earthly marriage will be no longer.

Luke 20-34-36 "The children of this world marry and are given in marriage; but they who shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage. Neither can they die anymore; for they are equal unto the angels, and they are the children of God, being children of the resurrection."

Because there will be no more death, there will no longer be any need for sexual reproduction. But this does not mean that there will be no distinction between male and female personalities. Jesus died to save our souls (our mind, will, and emotions) so the individual characteristics of each soul, purified from the stain of sin, will still be retained.

If you are concerned about the loss of sexual pleasure in eternity, remember that God has already prepared something for us that is even better!

1 Corinthians 2:9 "But as it is written [Isaiah 64:4], Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither has it entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

MARRIAGE HAS TRIALS TO OVERCOME

Having been married for thirty years, I can certainly confirm that, as long as we live here on earth, we will always have conflicts to resolve and trials to overcome. When my wife and I were first married, I was looking forward to a long and happy relationship, and I really did not expect to have any unusual problems.

Our first major trial occurred less than two years after we were married. Without any warning, my wife had a sudden seizure and a colossal headache! We found out later that she had a "brain aneurysm," and she almost died when a blood vessel burst inside her brain!

The doctors said she was very fortunate to have survived, but that the blood vessel was still leaking and if they did not operate, she would die! Even then, they said that she had only a fifty-fifty chance of surviving the brain operation!

But God was still in control.

It "happened" that Dr. Neil Poppen wanted to demonstrate a new technique to visiting surgeons from several other countries and he needed a patient with exactly my wife's condition!

The other doctors told me at the time that he was considered to be the "best brain surgeon in the entire world." So not only did we have the best, but he also operated upon my wife free of charge!

Although the brain operation did save her life, she still had considerable brain damage from the initial attack. In addition, she had a partial paralysis and weakness on one side of her body. When she spoke or smiled, only one side of her mouth would move. Her memory loss was so bad that, in the beginning she even forgot that we were married!

As you can imagine, the trauma caused her to have deep seated feelings of insecurity. Even up to a year or so later, she was very reluctant to go shopping alone. Since we had moved to a different location, she was afraid that she might forget how to get home!

Again, I believe God intervened!

Even though Dr. Poppen had said that the partial paralysis was permanent and would never go away, all of the symptoms gradually disappeared within about two years. Another doctor told me later that he considered her quick recovery from the partial paralysis and memory loss as "nothing less than miraculous!"

Because of the high risk that another weakened blood vessel might burst during childbirth, one doctor even refused to have her as a patient if we did not practice birth control. However, we prayed about this and we both agreed to trust God and continue to have children.

Well, the rest is history! We had five more children after the brain operation without any complications! Praise the Lord! In addition to raising our six children and the usual family duties, my wife served the Lord as a deaconess in our local church. She also remained active in women’s prison ministry and in helping the poor until her death from cancer a few years ago.

TRIALS ARE OPPORTUNITIES!

As in earthly marriages, some Christians will backslide and "divorce" Jesus whenever they encounter trials. But when trials are overcome or patiently endured, they produce fruit that is "much more precious than gold!" (1 Peter 1:6-9)

Trials are opportunities to prove your love!

Although the Bible is filled with many promises of God for blessing and prospering his people while we are on this earth, our first commitment is to love and serve him regardless of our circumstances.

The apostle Paul suffered much injustice and persecution, and yet he concluded that there was nothing that could ever separate him from the love of God!

Romans 8:35-39 "What shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? .... For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus, our Lord."

If trials cannot separate us from the love of God, then neither should they separate a husband and a wife from the love that they have for each other!

And since the union of Adam and Eve could have lasted until the end of the age (Genesis 3:22), it is easy to see why it was never the perfect will of God to terminate any marriage with a divorce.